Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Monday, April 30, 2007

4/30 - Must... Study...

Monday, April 30, 2007

Ok, I need to study more for my final tomorrow. But, I couldn’t
let you guys go without at least a video or two, now could I??

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

p.s. Today it was son #4’s turn for a family night lesson. He
wanted to talk about the evils of smoking. He also told us how bad
it was to smoke “hair-a-wanna”.

I guess so!


Why Ice Fishing Sucks

The Worst Computer Graphics Ever

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Thursday, April 26, 2007

4/26 - Our next big project!

Thursday, April 26, 2007

It’s been a busy week. Trying to study for finals, helping kids
with home work, yadda yadda... Yesterday I took the older Scouts
Geocaching. I haven’t done it (successfully) for awhile, so I
thought with a bit of help, we’d do a good job. We did! We found 4
caches. I think one boy in particular had a great time, so I think
I’ve hooked another cacher!

Our next big project;
People thought I was crazy when I took my sweet wife, son #2, and
myself, and joined the stake play in The Sound of Music. We
started just months after son #4 had his brain surgery to take out
the tumor, and days before my dad died on Christmas day. Yes,
looking back, I was nut. But, it kept my mind off of things.

Then, a few months after the play, I took a job in Radiology as a
PACS administrator. I didn’t know the first thing about radiology.
(Ok, I still don’t...)

Then, I decided, (Well, my boss really...) that since I didn’t
know the first thing about radiology, that I ought to go back to
school (after 7 years), and learn something. So I did.

So, now I’ve decided that summer time is my family’s time. No
school for me. So, what did I do? I volunteered to go on the Trek
with my sweet wife and son #1.

Trek? What’s the Trek?

In April of 1847, the Mormon Pioneers were forced out of the
Midwest, and walked (with hand carts) over 1000 miles to the Salt
Lake Valley. Mormon culture is heavily immersed with Pioneer
stories of their travels. Many reenact their journey by traveling
part of the pioneer trail in Wyoming, with hand carts, dressed in
period costume, for a week. I believe its 30 miles in 4 days.

With our musical background, my sweet wife and I have been asked
to learn how to play the Irish whistle and to be part of the
nightly entertainment. (We’ll also help with cooking and cleaning
for 300 people) We’re not required to walk with the “Ma’s and Pa’s
and their kids” but, I may for a day or two anyway. So, for the
next 90 days (at least after my final on Tuesday) I’ve got a new
instrument to learn, and a lot more walking to do during my lunch
break! I remember the months preparing for my one week in Joshua
Tree National Forest, hiking with Outward Bound. I could tell you

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

Too Late... More Jokes and Videos tomorrow! (maybe...)


More about The Trek

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Wednesday, April 25, 2007

4/25 - A couple of music videos

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

This guy neither plays the drums or the piano.
But, he's got a pretty wicked video editing style!

And, just a melon collie piano video I ran across.

Monday, April 23, 2007

4/23 - I swear I know that joke!

Monday, April 23, 2007

When new families move into the ward, after a month or so, it’s
tradition for them to speak in sacrament meeting. They’re usually
given a specific topic to speak on, and then they tell a little
bit about themselves too. A good talk (at least by my standards)
will include a joke or two. Since I’ve read a million of them, I
can usually tell how they are going to end. I seem to have a knack
for knowing who sings certain songs of the 70’s 80’s and 90’s too.
I usually show my trivial knowledge by saying, “Who sings this?”
And since I only ask people (read; my sweet wife) who usually
don’t know, or don’t care, I’m always 100% right. (as far as they
know anyway...) When this new young lawyer stood up and told a
joke about an engineer and a lawyer who got in a car wreck and
ended up in hades, I leaned over to my sweet wife and said the
punch line, “Where are ~you~ going to get a lawyer?” She smiled
and thanked me for ruining yet another joke for her. [BTW, who can
tell me what joke goes with that punch line?]

Anyway, the topic on Sunday was relationships. The lawyer spoke
about friendships, family relationships, spousal relationships,
and our relationship with God. He talked about all kinds of
‘ships’. I think he even talked about our ship coming in. Finally
son #4 had had enough. My sweet wife said he leaned over to her
and asked, “Why does he keep saying that swear word?”

Um... yeah. Not really.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

P.s. Did you remember that yesterday was earth day? Did you hear
that Sheryl Crow's suggested that we use one square of toilet
paper “per sitting” (how quaint...) I think this is the only time
I’ve agreed with what Rosie O’Donnell said in response. [I won’t
tell you here what she said, but if you know, or look it up, it
will bring a smirk to your face.]

Reader Comment Section

[About our Recycling/Unrecycling photo.]

Marty, in answer to your 'recycling' question. In Chinese the one
bin is labeled 'can be recycled' and the other is 'cannot be
recycled'. Just a matter of Hong Kong people having better
Chinese than English....I'm sure they would get a few chuckles if
we tried to label things in Chinese (they certainly get more than
a few chuckles from my Chinese. We are still a few more months in
HK before heading for three years to Mongolia.


Best of Leno Headlines (WARNING: PG rated)

tour de france criterium cheval cyclism


Did you hear about the two guys who decided to try duck hunting?
They bought new outfits & equipment, and went out to a place in
the woods where they heard the hunting was really good. But after
several hours of thrashing through the woods, one fellow said, "I
don't know about this. We've been out here all day and haven't
caught a single duck. Do you think we're doing something wrong?"
"I don't know," replied the other. "Maybe we're not throwing the
dog high enough."


"Last week President Bush created the world's largest protected
marine area, dubbed the Northwestern Hawaiian Islands National
Monument. It contains sea life that has inspired some of our most
breathtaking screensavers."
~Jon Stewart


Two men walk into a bar. One sits at one end of the bar and the
other at the opposite end. The bartender asks the first man what
he wants. I'll have a Frizzle...that's a beer with a splash of
tonic, a splash of orange juice, a squeeze of lemon, no lime."
Then the man at the other end of the bar orders. "Make mine a
Frizzle. It’s a beer with just a bit of tonic, a bit of orange
juice, a squeeze of lemon, but no lime." The astonished bartender
makes the drinks. Then he asks the first man what he does for a
living. "I am a theoretical mathematician at the university." Then
he asks the other man what he does. "Theoretical mathematician at
the college." "This is remarkable," says the bartender. "You
both order a drink that I've never heard of. You have the
identical profession and you both walk into my bar on the same day
at the same time. What are the odds on something like that
happening?" Both men look up and answer in unison, "Twelve
trillion, nine hundred, and eighty-seven billion to one."

Thursday, April 19, 2007

4/19 - Random Stuff

Thursday, April 19, 2007


Homer Simpson, "Mmmm... Bacon..."


That Reminds me of a Simpson's episode
Homer's Triple Bypass


I did this as a kid. Not so much the performing for others,
but I was a brilliant arm pit musician!


Does anyone read Chinese? I'm dying to know what 'unrecycling' is!
We had a good friend in Hong Kong up until the last few months.
Maybe he's still around and can help us out on this one...

RECYCLING..... and .....UNRECYCLING cans???


And finally, one last "hilarious" story.

Boys Contaminate W.Va. Town With Mercury;
Mayor: "Boys will be boys,"

11:18 PDT Clendenin, W.Va. (AP) -- A group of boys playing with mercury swiped from a dental office created an environmental headache for one small town after tracking it into their school, homes and church and up the steps of the public library.

(Full Story)

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Wednesday, April 18, 2007

4/18 - Log oh what?

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

The sun, moon, and stars all lined up tonight. No Scouts, Relief
Society meetings, or school. After dinner I asked, “do we have
anything to do tonight?” Everyone said, “No!” It doesn’t happen
that often on a Wednesday night, so we decided to watch a move we
had rented; “Akeelah and the Bee”. It’s about a girl in a poor
neighborhood in LA who goes to the Scripts Spelling Bee.

There were a lot of impressive words in there, but the second to
last spelling word of the movie really got my boys rolling on the
floor. “Logorrhea.” (pronounced Log-Oh-Ree-ah) They thought that
was the funniest thing in the world. “That kid looked like he was
about to have a logorrhea dad!” They laughed and laughed on that

Then again, if you look at the word, it really is kinda funny.
“logo” can mean voice, words, or to know. “rrhea” as in diarrhea,
means... well, we all know what it means. Logorrhea literally
means “excessive flow of words”. So, I guess my boys really did
know what they were laughing at.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

p.s. Ok, that was kind of lame. But, it took up a bit of space.
Here’s another funny; at dinner tonight we had meatloaf with baked
potatoes. When son #4 bit into his potato, he said, “That’s hot!”
I quickly said, “Yo Momma...” paused for just a second, and
thought, ‘sure’ and finished my thought saying, “Yo Momma’s hot!”
and looked over to my sweet wife to wink. Son #4 looked at me as
if to roll his eyes and said, “Yeah, dad. ~that~ was a good one.”

I don’t think my sweet wife liked that comment.


Reader Comment section

Tooth fairy stuff. Six kids and I couldn't even get it right for
the first one. I ended up telling her there was no tooth fairy, it
was me (man did that break her heart…) but what we ended up doing
turned out to be pretty cool and we continued on until there just
weren't any more teeth to lose. We would make it a game to see if
I could sneek / switch the tooth for the money without them
catching me. I never did get caught. Before that, sometimes it
would take the tooth fairy up to a week to get to our house. After
that, at bed time she/they would remind me to try to sneek in.
Turned out to be pretty neat, actually.

Thanks for letting me share. Thanks for sharing your adventures
and being such a good example, going back to college!...

Today’s Videos

Look at that! A YouTuber’s hamsters breaks his speed record and
can not slow down any more!!!

Guy can blow perfect underwater bubble circles – for more than a


Because I couldn't unplug the toilet with a plunger, I had to
dismantle the entire fixture, no small feat for a non-plumber.

Jammed inside the drain was a purple rubber dinosaur, which
belonged to my five-year-old son.

I painstakingly got all the toilet parts together again, the tank
filled, and I flushed it. However, it didn't work much better than
before! As I pondered what to do next, my son walked into the
bathroom. I pointed to the purple dinosaur I had just dislodged
and told him that the toilet still wasn't working. "Did you get
the green one, too?" he asked.


At three minutes and four seconds after 2 AM on the 6th of May
this year, the time and date will be 02:03:04 05/06/07.
~Wanda D.


Helpful Tips to Make Life Simple

* Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply
cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

* Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone
by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and
occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.

* Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned
to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

* No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the
dirt by simply peeling it off.

* Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The
red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet.
(Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish
should be selected).

* If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour
a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage
is almost instantly removed.

* Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The
following morning you can create the effects of hangover by
drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging
your head repeatedly on the wall.

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Tuesday, April 17, 2007

4/17 - Weather Test

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Another test in Biology lab today. I think I did pretty good, but
again, we’ll just have to wait and see. Not much happening today
in the funny boy raising department.

How about the weather? It was almost 70º today, tomorrow it’s
supposed to snow. That’s Utah weather for ya.

Enjoy today’s offerings.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

Reader Comments

[About Imus]
Marty, I'm a little behind on my emails, but I just wanted to let
you know I agree with you 100% about Imus! Like you, I think what
he said was stupid, but no worse then what others on the radio and
tv have said who are allowed to make such comments with impunity.
It was definitely a double standard and it wasn't fair.

[About the Tooth Fairy]
Hate to admit I can top that, but I can top that. For me, it
seems my middle son (of my 3 sons) seems to get it the worst.
The first night we forgot. We reminded him that two other kids at
church had teeth out - they each had had several pulled. Maybe the
tooth fairy got too busy and couldn't make it across town? The
second night, we forgot. Well maybe she couldn't find it, was it
too far under the pillow, lost in the sheets? After the third
night of forgetting, my son came in my room in tears. I went to
his room with him, my wheels were turning - how could I be such a
bad mom? I told him hang on, I've got to talk to dad. Back
in my bedroom I quickly got out my fairy supplies (yes, I have
supplies) I rubbed a little glue on the $2 bill, sprinkled it
lightly with glitter - fairy dust. Then for the big lie. Son, I
think I know what happened. Last night your dad heard something,
he went to see what it was - I THINK HE SCARED AWAY THE TOOTH
FAIRY. Come here quick (over to the front door). Look, what's
that? Of course, I had already dropped the prepared $2 bill on
the floor....
MH - Wyoming

[Fwew. Someone else worse than we are at the Tooth fair game!]

Today’s Video

Hmm... Smart kid.

This Rabbit sure has some testosterone!


"Today Switzerland and France battled to a zero-zero tie in the
World Cup soccer finals. I can't imagine why this sport hasn't
caught on in America."
~Jay Leno


As a realtor, I deal with all types of people. Recently, I showed
a home to a couple who seemed eager to check out the fantastic
view from the living room. But when I dramatically pulled back the
drapes, the disappointed husband asked, "Where is the view? Those
mountains must be blocking it."


1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What
the heck happened?"
22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall
23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.
24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of
jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

~Wanda D.

Monday, April 16, 2007

4/16 - Chicago Loose Tooth Dog

Monday, April 16, 2007

Last night son #4 had his second tooth come out. You have to
remember that each loose tooth that comes out of his head is a
blessing because we’re not sure HOW screwed up his noodle is going
to be because of his radiation treatments. So, a 2nd adult tooth
that comes in is a blessing.

But, even with such a momentous occasion, the tooth fairy forgot
(again...) to leave some money under the pillow. [If you have the
chance again, don’t ever be a 4th child. I don’t think that ever
happened with son #1...]

So, this morning son #4 came up to my sweet wife and said, “Mom,
the tooth fairy left my tooth, but forgot to leave any money.” My
quick thinking wife snuck a couple of bucks and said, “Are you
sure? Let’s go double check.” And they walked back into his room.
“Oh, here it is. You probably just didn’t see it.” He was as happy
as a clam. So when I saw him tonight, my sweet wife said, “Tell
dad what happened this morning.” He told the story and said, “And
I just didn’t see the money dad. Mom helped me find it though, so
it’s ok.”

Now, are we terrible parents or what? First, lying to a 6 year old
about the tooth fairy, then playing off of a legally blind 6 year
old to pull the switcheroo with a couple of bucks, and on top of
that, having the dad confirm the deed by saying, ‘Isn’t that great
son. Your mom is such a good mom.” I know we’re going to have to
pay for these sins some day, some how...

Tonight, we decided to have family night on the road. After
finishing up my dad’s stupid income tax stuff earlier this year
(he didn’t pay income taxes for the 5 years before he died. And
what a mess that was...), we were able to sell one of his
properties. The new owners asked us to clean out my dad’s storage
closet. So, for family night, we met at the old property and
hauled out more of my dad’s stuff. (Who knows where we’re going to
put MORE of his stuff at my house, which is currently bursting at
the seams...) Afterwards the boys said, “Let’s go out to eat dad!”
I told them I wasn’t hungry and could eat at home. But, on the way
home, I got a craving for a good old Chicago Dog.

There is a new place in town called JohnnieBeefs. And, it does a
fair job with the Chicago dog. Not quite the ‘snappy skin’ type
dogs you get in Chicago, but nevertheless, a pretty good
imitation. (My sweet wife loves to tell the story about the time
we were at Gene and Judes in River Grove Illinois west of Chicago.
She wanted some ketchup for the kids’ fries. So, while I waited in
the van, she went back in. She said the place got deathly quiet
while the lady behind the counter scolded her for even ~thinking~
about asking for ketchup. Well, there you go.)

At JonnieBeefs, at least they have ketchup. Anyway, we had a good
healthy (??) dinner on family night, and son #4 even at two full
Chicago dogs!

For tonight’s video offering, I found a tooth pulling video. It’s
of a cute little 6 year old girl. But, they might be coddling her
just a wee bit. I found a second video of the same girl, several
years later, all grown up, getting a surprise birthday gift.
You’ll love today’s videos.

Tooth Pulling Video

Now, here's the same Girl, all grown up...
Ok, not really, but as far as I can see, this video
is real. Not something I'd want all over the internet.
(But then she's not my kid...)

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section

[About Phone numbers on the internet]

Hi Marty, Once Sally's name is on the internet there's not a lot
you can do. You can pay the Phone Co a monthly fee to not publish
it in the first place. But you know the answer; Get a new number
and use Vonage! Be sure to say Marty sent you. [That's what The
Shadow Knows (grin)] I really enjoy your blog, and tho I don't
write often, your family is usually in my prayers.
~Randy in Sacramento.

Marty, I know how to get your phone# separated from your name &
address on the internet. Go to www.whitepages.com, look yourself
up and use the remove option. It worked for me.
~Amber K. in CA

[And about the double standard]
As far as I'm concerned, you're 100% right, Marty!!! But hey... If
Jackson and Sharpton didn't start up all the racial controversy,
they wouldn't get anymore money from the idiots that fund them...
...Why would either of them stick their noses in any of these
cases if not for profit?


Get on with the Jokes already!


Following Directions;

Follow these steps in order:

1. Go to http://maps.google.com

2. Type in (without quotes) “from new york to paris france”

3. Scroll down in the directions list to number 24.

4. Laugh a moment, and then forward this email this to anyone else
who needs a good laugh.

~Stan D.


We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church, and
several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance. At one
point, our minister had the children gather at the altar for a
talk about the importance of the day. He began by asking, "Does
anyone know what the bishop does?" There was silence. Finally, one
little boy answered gravely, "He's the one you can move

~Wanda D.


So as not to be outdone by all the Redneck, Hillbilly, and Texan
jokes, somebody had to come up with this. (Tongue in cheek, of

You know you're from California if:

1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.

2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.

3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a
conversation in English.

4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring,
and is named Flower.

5. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm

7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans
are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and

8. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

9. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.

10. Unlike back home, the guy sitting in Starbucks at 8:30 a.m.
wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George
Clooney really IS George Clooney.

11. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

12. Its barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news
station: "STORM WATCH."

13. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are
all busy with their cell phones or Ipods.

14. Its barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an
hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.

15. Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal
trainers and cosmetic surgeons.

16. The Terminator is your governor.

17. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If
you're here illegally, they want to give you one.

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Sunday, April 15, 2007

4/15 - Bama Slama?

Hmm... Guess I'm not the only one with the 'Double Standard' view
of the Don Imus firing. Oh well, I doubt I'll ever get the presidency,
in '08 anyway.

Obama compares rappers to Imus

FLORENCE, S.C. - Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama (news, bio, voting record) on Friday questioned the way some rappers talk about women in songs, saying the lyrics are similar to the derogatory language used by embattled radio host Don Imus.


Here's another cool animal video.

Smart Dog and the Ball in the Pool

Saturday, April 14, 2007

4/14 - Saturday issue?

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Camping went well. We went to Crystal Hot Springs with the Scouts last night. The water in the hot tubs was a little weird smelling (with no chlorine) but it felt nice.

Anyway, for those of you on the blog site, here are a couple of cool videos.

Why kids need pets

This Octopus turns invisible and visible at will. Just watch.

Enjoy Today’s Videos!

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Friday, April 13, 2007

4/13 - Triskaidekaphobia?

Friday, April 13, 2007

Oh, what the heck. I’ve got the day off and a few minutes, and I
couldn’t let Friday the 13th go by without an issue! So, let’s
jump right in and do it.

Do you have triskaidekaphobia? Let’s hope not.

triskaidekaphobia \tris-ky-dek-uh-FOH-bee-uh\, noun:
A morbid fear of the number 13 or the date Friday the 13th.

Hmm... not me. I just happy there’s a FRIDAY in front of the 13th!

I’ve been looking at some of the logs that are generated by the
web site. People come to the site looking for the weirdest things.
Here’s a list of recent keywords. Or, what people search for and
find my site. It’s kind of interesting.

“craniotomy dissolvable stitches”
[Ok, I can see where you’d land on my site from this search. Son
#4’s brain tumor and all. Not that weird.]

“turtle in the tub joke”
[Wow, I guess I did write about speedy and zippy back in
September of 2004. Amazing what the internet can find ‘eh?]

“dog does heimlich maneuver david letterman Youtube”
[Now this I’d like to see. That dog would be almost as cool as

“it hurts in the sternum when i swallow food”
[Hmm... I’m not sure my site is going to help you here. But, you
never know.]

“humor don't forget to pay your taxes by monday, march 16.....”
[Uh, yeah. But I have until the 17th for my taxes. You see, Monday
April 16th is some obscure federal holiday. I call it “Extra Tax
Day Day”]

“faye turney jokes”
[Who is Fay Turney? Oh, yeah, that 15th Army lady who talked back
to the Iran president. Now her husband has been kidnapped, her dog
mutilated, and her cable tv just got shut off. (Ok, just kidding
on those.)]

sally bytheway
[Ah, a great choir director. I should get back into choral
singing. I just need another week a month.]

So, there you have it. The ramblings of a guy with a day off.

It’s a ‘no joke’ Joke of the day Friday. But, here are a few more

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

Videos of the day

My sweet wife sent me this one. Really cool artists stuff...

When Graphic Artists Get Bored - Amazing display of animal
pictures changed into weird and wonderful things.
And the music is by the "Blue man Group"

And for the guys in the crowd.
What happens if you drive behind a 747?

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4/12 - Double Standard?

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Boy folks, I don’t know what to say. I really don’t want to start
a controversy, and this isn’t really a political blog. But I think
MSNBC and CBS are making the wrong decision. They fired Don Imus.
I’ve never listened to the guy. Ever. I’ve heard what he said, and
he was wrong. Stupidly wrong. Have I ever been stupid? Yes. Have I
ever been wrong? Uh, yeah, just about every day. I’m not whining
about his being fired for what he said on his show, but what I’m a
bit miffed about is the double standard of CBS and MSNBC. Did they
make tons of money on Mr. Imus? Yes. Do they make money on music?
Yes. Do they make money on R&B and Hip Hop music? I think so. Have
you ever looked at the lyrics of the top 10 hip hop songs? They
lyrics and themes are far worse than what Mr. Imus said. It’s a
double standard, and I don’t think it’s fair.

I just don’t get it. Maybe I should stick to writing about stupid
and wrong things my little clan does.

Campout tomorrow!

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!


[Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men. Only The .......
knows.] [Who can tell me what radio program THAT was from?]

It's The Shadow, Lamont Cranston. Only he knows for sure.
~#1 Mom

[At least I know my mom reads me...]


Today’s Video Section

Just a sweet little video about a boy and his pet anaconda


Cool Picture Section

Check out these helmets


A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his
customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I
prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the
other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming
out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son... May I ask you a question?
Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the
dollar, the game's over!"


Some teachers at state universities get to know our students
fairly well. One instructor told his communications class of his
plans to propose marriage. A student spoke up and said that he had
recently asked his girlfriend to marry him as well. "What was her
answer?" the instructor asked. "I don't know," the student
replied. "She hasn't e-mailed me back yet."
~Wanda D.


An older man strode in to his doctors office and said, "Doc, my
druggist said to tell you to change my prescription and to check
the prescription you've been giving to Mrs. Smith." "Oh, he did,
did he?" the doctor shot back. "And since when does a druggist
second guess a doctor's orders?" The old man says, "Since he found
out I've been on birth control pills since December."

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Wednesday, April 11, 2007

4/11 - Monoposponsbility

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

The older boys have a rough time with grades at the beginning of
the quarter. If they don’t get high enough, they can’t play
computer or watch TV. At the beginning of the quarter, one late 15
point assignment can really kill their grades. So, both #1 and #2
are down for a few days. Hopefully, the banishment will be short

Now, on the other hand, it’s great that they get off of the
computer and do ~something~. After homework tonight they got out
the old Monopoly game. (That and Risk are my two favorite games in
the entire world.) When I came upstairs tonight, they were yelling
at each other just like young boys should, and the next second
they were all laughing together. They did me proud.

One thing I’ve always tried to teach my boys is, if they get in
trouble and earn a punishment, admit it if they are wrong, and
take the punishment like a man. No whining. My boys do a pretty
good job at it. But, in today’s world, it’s not easy with all of
the poor roll models around. People are such whiners and don’t
take responsibility for their actions. I say, if you’ve done
something wrong, fess up, take your lumps, and learn from it.
You’ll be twice the person for doing so. The people who say, “It’s
not my fault” (when it is) or “I did it because of this, that, or
the other thing,” or “I had a rough life...” really get my goat. I
had an experience today that just made me shake my head. Some
people are just... corrupt. I’ll have to tell you about it

But now, it’s time to watch the last episode of Chad Vader. It’s a
cliff hanger too...

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

Reader Comments

Hi Marty,
I seldom disagree with you, but don't you think you're being
paranoid about the phone numbers? I went through my address book
and picked out 10 people I know and entered their numbers in
Google and NONE came up with addresses. I did put in my dentist
and it was a hit, but if I have his number I can just call him and
ask for the address. As for children, they are much more likely to
tell a stranger their name than their phone number. Since at least
back to the `30's you could look up names in a thing called a
Phone Book and find an address. With an address you can
look at a thing called a Map and find the house. [In Utah you
seldom need a map with the grid system of numbering] It looks
like computers distort some people's view of reality. Bottom line;
Children should be aware of strangers and information.
Randy in Sacramento

[Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men. Only The .......
knows.] [Who can tell me what radio program THAT was from?
Actually Randy, I tend to agree with you somewhat, but it makes
for good filler don’t it? (grin)]

Marty, I have not been able to figure out how to block my phone #.
I clicked on my # everytime I saw it, to no avail. It's scary to
think that someone could find my house that easily!!
Love your BLOG!
I just started school, too, so I know how hard that can be.

[Sorry, can’t help ya. Randy might know... hehehe]

Cool Pictures from cool places. (Thanks to reader Doug L. for
these gems!)

These pictures are of Ithaa, the unique undersea restaurant that
opened at the Hilton Maldives Resort & Spa Rangali Island in April
2005. Ithaa - a word meaning "pearl" in the local Dhivehi language
- is a tiny restaurant by resort hotel standards (it seats only
12), but it offers diners a "spectacular underwater view of
colorful fish, sharks and other sea life in the surrounding coral
reefs through curved, transparent acrylic walls." Guests begin
their visits with drinks on a deck overhanging the Indian Ocean,
then descend to the restaurant (16 feet underwater) via a spiral
staircase, where they indulge in meals of contemporary Maldivian
fusion cuisine served in four courses. (The cost per person for
dinner ranges from $187 to $220.)


Lots of pictures today, so only one video.
Chad Vader Episode 7 (The last one, for now...)


Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was giving. In
her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce,
and it sat on the counter all day. She was worried about spoilage,
but it was too late to cook up another batch.

She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced her concern.
They advised Becky to just boil the sauce again and it should be

That night, the phone rang during dinner, and one of the guests
volunteered to answer it. Becky's face dropped as the guest called
out, "It's the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the
spaghetti sauce turned out."


You're not a kid anymore when ...

* The only reason you're awake at 4 a.m. is indigestion.

* You are proud of your lawnmower.

* 8 a.m. is your idea of "sleeping in."

* People call you at 8 p.m. and ask: "Did I wake you?"

* Your high school diploma is the color of buttermilk.

* Nobody ever tells you to slow down.

* You've seen Halley's Comet ... twice.

* You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
~Wanda D.


When I was a child, I remember my Mom telling me, "Son, when
you grow up, you can marry any girl you please."

When I became a young man, I learned the sad fact was that I
could not please any of them.

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Tuesday, April 10, 2007

4/10 - Oh Crap!

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Darn, if I shoulda, woulda, coulda, studied a bit more for my test
today, I could have done better. But, everything is pulling my
strings every which way. (Then my #1 mom sends me a letter that I
put in our 3rd joke spot today. Just a wee bit more pressure.
[grin] Although I did invite her to lunch last Friday which she
politely declined...) Anyway, I won’t know what the results of my
Biology test until Thursday and no sense worrying about it now. I
just need a good enough grade so work will pay for the classes.

While I was at school, my sweet wife went to her ISA meeting.
and son #1 was at Scouts. So, #2, #3 and #4 were at Grandmas. I
stopped by to pick them up and they were watching the history
channel. It was “All About Plumbing” or something like that. They
were really interested, especially when they showed the inventor
of the flush toilet, Thomas Crapper. The boys were rolling on
the floor laughing when the lady said, “and people started saying
where going to the crapper, because that’s what the toilet said
on it.” The boys thought that was the funniest thing in the world.
Then they started getting even sillier telling Crapper joke.
Even son #4 got into the act. But, when we started to leave I got
serious and told them, “Ok, enough Thomas Crapper jokes. We’ve
had our fun, but that’s the end. Ok?” They stopped joking but
were still smiling.

I actually have a pretty good bunch of boys. They know when to
have fun, and when to stop. At least most of the time...

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

Headline news;

Remember the female Marine who was captured by Iran for 13 days.
Pretty interesting what she said to Ahmadinejad before she left.
I’d have thought about giving him what-for, but not sure I would

Faye's blast at squirming tyrant
GUTSY Faye Turney turned the tables on Iranian tyrant Mahmoud
Ahmadinejad as he freed her in front of TV cameras — making

Today’s Video Section

Here’s a cool little video that was on Good Morning America. This
guy made a cool video of kitchen sounds. It’s “A song made
entirely with things I found in my kitchen. It starts slow, but
gets going fast! It carries a reference to my previous video
'Pancakes'. As seen on ABC's Good Morning America!”

Beat Soufflé

And, of course, it couldn’t be a whole day without
Chad Vader episode 6!


My sister-in-law Bonnie was very busy one day working in her
house. She had just gotten to the basement after quite a few trips
up and down when she heard the telephone ring upstairs. Tiredly,
she ran back up the stairs only to hear a solicitor on the other
end. "Hello, is this Bonnie D?"


"We are calling people in your area and would like to know if you
would help us by participating in a brief survey."

Without missing a beat, she told them, "I'm very busy right now.
You will have to survey your own briefs."


Google has implemented a new feature which enables you to type a
telephone number into the search bar and hit enter and you will be
given the person's name and address. If you then hit MapQuest, you
will get a map to the person's house. Everyone should be aware of
this! It's a nationwide reverse telephone book.

If a child gives out his/her phone number, someone can now look it
up to find out where he/she lives. The safety issues are obvious,
and alarming.

Note that you can have your phone number removed or blocked. I
tried my number and it came up along with the mapquest and
directions straight to our house. I did fill out the removal form
for myself, and encourage all of you to do the same. Quite scary.

Please look up your own number.

In order to test whether your phone number is mapped, go to:
google (http://www.google.com/) Type your phone number in the
search bar (i.e. 555-555-1212) and hit enter. If you want to BLOCK
Google from divulging your private information, simply click on
your telephone number and then click on the Removal Form. Removal
takes 48-hours.

Check your own number and although this may not apply to you if
you have an unlisted number or cell phone as primary contact, but
you may know someone who needs to know this.

Please share this information with friends and family.


After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another
woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, "I love you, but I know
this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with

The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who
has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my
three children had made it possible to visit her only

That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a

"What's wrong, are you well," she asked?

My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call
or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.

"I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you,"
I responded. "Just the two of us."

She thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I would like
that very much."

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit
nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too,
seemed to be nervous about our date.

She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair
and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last
wedding anniversary.

She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's. "I told
my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were
impressed," she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to
hear about our meeting."

We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice
and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady.

After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only
read large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes
and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on
her lips. "It was I who used to have to read the menu when you
were small," she said.

"Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor," I

During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation, nothing
extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other's
life. We talked so much that we missed the movie.

As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go out with you
again, but only if you let me invite you." I agreed.

"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very
nice. Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered.

A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It
happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything
for her.

Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a
restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined.

An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure
that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates –
one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what
that night meant for me. I love you, son."

At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: "I
LOVE YOU" and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve.
Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give them the
time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till
"some other time".

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Monday, April 09, 2007

4/9 - Anyone...? Anyone...?

Monday, April 09, 2007

I made the ultimate sacrifice tonight. After a dinner of burgers
on the grill (son #2 cooked ‘em!) and lots of goodies, we had a
quick family home evening lesson. Last week, just before Easter,
son #3 and #4 went to a Primary activity and made a family home
evening chart. It has stars on it with everyone’s names that you
can move to different responsibilities. I was conducting and had
the lesson tonight. Others were assigned for the opening song,
opening prayer, etc. etc. Tonight we talked about the Holy Ghost,
and how it helps you know right from wrong. After the lesson, son
#1 had the activity part. They wanted to watch a movie so my sweet
wife ran to the video store and got ‘Ferris Bueller's Day Off’ All
4 of my boys were rolling on the floor laughing and as my sweet
wife said, “taking notes”. Oh, wonderful. Anyway, I made the
ultimate sacrifice and tried to study for my test when the rest of
the family was watching the flick. I did get some good studying
in. But, we’ll know for sure in a couple of days.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

p.s. My sweet wife said she hadn’t read her emails since
Wednesday, and asked how many Chad Vader videos there were. (7)
She said she thought they were, “cute”, and as she left she said,
“that poor chad...” Oh, I guess.

p.p.s. Hey, have you ever done a 5K race before? How about for a
great cause? We’re all about brain tumor research here, so if
you’re on the east coast, (and even if you’re not...) check out
this year’s Race for Hope at www.curebraintumors.org

Interesting News Section

102-Year-Old Woman Gets Hole In One

Video of the Day section

Chad Vader: Episode 5


That was a bad idea


Tiring of the inconvenience of the drive from airport to country
cottage, a man equipped his small plane with pontoons so he could
land on the lake directly in front of his cottage. On his next
trip, he made his approach down the airport runway as usual.
Alarmed, his wife cried out, "Are you crazy? You can't land this
plane here without wheels!" The startled husband abruptly yanked
the nose up, narrowly averting certain disaster. Continuing, he
landed the plane on the lake without mishap. As he sat there,
visibly shaken he said to his wife, "I don't know what got into
me. That's the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life!" And
with that, he opened the door and stepped out, falling into the
~Wanda D.

"It's been reported today that Democrats in California are trying
to find a candidate to run against Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Unfortunately, the only candidate who's as qualified as
Schwarzenegger is Vin Diesel"
~Conan O'Brien


On a visit to Boston, I noticed a parking meter with a paper sack
over it upon which was written: "Broken." A skeptical parking
officer removed the bag, inserted a quarter in the meter and
turned the dial. It worked perfectly. As the officer began to
write a parking ticket, the car's owner rushed out of a nearby
building. "What are you doing?" he yelled after a quick glance at
the meter. "There's plenty of time left!"

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Saturday, April 07, 2007

4/7 - How many activities can you pack into one day?

Saturday, April 07, 2007
[Our 450th post!]

It was a busy Saturday. We went to an Easter Egg Hunt, Home Depot
Kids workshop
, trap shooting, and Geocaching. (I’ll get to that
studying soon, I promise...) I’ve posted a couple of pics online of
the boys today.

Also, some have asked where Chad Vader episode 4 is. It’s now
posted. Enjoy!

And, speaking of shooting and clay pigeons, I’m also posted “clay
pigeons are for wimps” video online.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

p.s. Oops, almost forgot. Happy Easter tomorrow!


Son #1 shooting - Look at the ear plugs. I'm such a good dad...

Sons #2 and 3 at the kids workshop.
Notice how they never argue about anything...

Son #4 at Kids work shop


Chad Vader Episode 4

Clay Pigeons are for Wimps

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Friday, April 06, 2007

4/6 - Today's Treat

Today's Issue Brought to you in part by;

Cool Photo Section

Spectacular Hubble Image Of Barred Spiral
Galaxy NGC 1672

Videos of the day section

Do you leave your cell phone's blue tooth on? Think again!

Chad Vader Episode 3 (Rated PG today)

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Thursday, April 05, 2007

4/5 - Hmm... What to do, what to do?

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Ok, I stayed up late last night so I could enter my taxes on-line.
I don’t know why I wait so long, and I ask myself that every year.
I could see if I had to pay, I’d wait until the last second, but
when I get a refund... Oh, well, at least it’s not the 17th today.

The boys have this weekend off, so it should be fun. I’ll have to
think of something fun to do with them. Maybe we’ll go trap
shooting. Or, maybe I’ll break the bank and go skiing again. Or,
maybe I’ll do yard work and study for my Biology test on Tuesday.
Decision decisions...

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

p.s. Check out part II of Chad Vader on the web site!

p.p.s. We had several more entries after I groveled for emails
yesterday. Here are the answers to our puzzle pictures from
Tuesday night. 1) Light Beer 2) Dandy Lions 3) Assaulted Peanut

Interesting News Section

Disney opens Fairy Tale Weddings to gay couples


Videos of the Day Section

You know I love these "Will it blend?" videos. Today's is a classic.
How about Glow Sticks!

Will it blend


Chad Vader (Episode 2)


The state trooper pulled Mr. Schwarz over and, after inspecting
his license and registration, informed the motorist that he was
going to have to spend the night in jail. "What's the charge? Mr.
Schwarz demanded. "None," replied the officer. "It's all part of
the service."


I feel it is my duty to warn everyone of a major problem, one that
endangers lives, damages property and causes untold misery, a
growing menace that can be summed up in three words: men doing
laundry. At first glance, MDL may not seem like a big problem,
especially to members of the female species, who generally prefer
MDL to WDL. But the evidence is overwhelming. MDL has resulted in
millions of discolored clothes, billions of missing socks, and
countless broken relationships. Wife: "Did you remember to
separate the clothes before washing them?" Husband: "Yes, of
course I did. I put the whites at the bottom and the colors on
top." Wife: "You idiot, you were supposed to wash them separately.
You obviously don't know what separation means, but trust me,
you're about to find out!"


The female points system...

In the world of romance, one single rule applies. Make the woman
happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something
she dislikes, and points are subtracted. You don't get any points
for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is
played. Here is a guide to the point system:

You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But
return with Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-20)

You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a
college buddy (-2)
Named Tina (-10)
Who is a dancer (-20)

You take her out to dinner (+2)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is
painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)

You take her to a movie (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes (+3)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and
baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you lose points no matter
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)

When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying
what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000)
~Wanda D.


Wednesday, April 04, 2007

4/4 - I won, but at the wrong game

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Ahh... finally a night that I don’t have something to do! School,
Family night, Camping, Scouts, and date nights keep me busy. But
the Scouts went last night, and it’s not date or school night, so
I’m free! Before I left work today, I told my co-worker, “quiz me
tomorrow. Ask me if I finally sent my taxes in.”

So, I had a good dinner with the kids while my sweet wife went off
to Relief Society. I came down to do taxes and son #3 begged me to
play Brood Wars with him. I’m a sucker for Brood Wars. Now, not
only to I have to confess not doing my taxes, I also get to feel
guilty for not studying for a biology test that’s coming up on
Tuesday. *sigh* I guess I can’t win the right games. But, playing
with son #3 is something, right? (plus, I smoked him!)

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

p.s. I uploaded 3 of the best pics of son #4 skiing yesterday.
Goof’n around, skiing with the instructor, and doing the Superman

p.p.s. Ok, there are a ton of cool videos out there. I’m going to
start to put some extra ones in once in awhile. Check out Chad
Vader. A series of videos I found. Then there’s a dinner in the
sky. Would you pay a fortune to sit up there and eat? Plus, what
whould happen if you have to go to the bathroom?

p.p.p.s. I only got one submission for the puzzle pics, so I’ll
give you one more day...

Son #3 Pics

Goof'n at the lodge


Skiing backwards taking a picture.

Funny Picture section
If military spending gets cut, this is what we’ll end up with

~Krystal B.

Video Section

Chad Vader (Episode 1)


Dinner in the Sky


Every Friday after work, a mathematician goes down to the Ice
Cream Parlor, sits in the second-to-last seat, turns to the last
seat, which is empty, and asks a girl, who isn't there, if he can
buy her an ice cream cone. The owner, who is used to the weird,
local university types, always shrugs but keeps quiet. But when
Valentine's Day arrives, and the mathematician makes a
particularly heart wrenching plea into empty space, curiosity gets
the better of him, and he says, "I apologize for my stupid
questions, but surely you know there is NEVER a woman sitting in
that last stool, man. Why do you persist in asking out empty
space?" The mathematician replies, "Well, according to quantum
physics, empty space is never truly empty. Virtual particles come
into existence and vanish all the time. You never know when the
proper wave function will collapse and a girl might suddenly
appear there." The owner raises his eyebrows. "Really?
Interesting. But couldn't you just ask one of the girls who comes
here every Friday if you could buy HER a cone? Never know... she
might say yes." The mathematician laughs. "Yeah, right. How likely
is THAT to happen?"
~Wanda D.


"I wish I were telepathic. Not just to read people's minds, which
would be cool, but to cut down on my cellular phone bill."
~Paul Wiley


Once upon a time in their marriage, my Dad did something really
stupid. My Mom chewed him out for it. He apologized, they made up.
However, from time to time, my mom mentions what he had done.
"Honey," my Dad finally said one day, "why do you keep bringing
that up? I thought your policy was 'forgive and forget.'"

"It is," she said. "I just don't want you to forget that I've
forgiven and forgotten."

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Tuesday, April 03, 2007

4/3 - Slip Sliding away

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Son #4 and I had a great time skiing today. It’s spring, and the
snow skiing season is winding down, so the snow was pretty wet and
slushy (comparatively speaking. It was still pretty good for
skiing). I had my short rental skis (easier to control but slower)
and a bit more confidence than 2 weeks ago. I got some good
(wonderful cell phone) pictures of son #4 skiing while I skied in
front of him, backwards(!). Skiing must be like riding a bike,
because I didn’t forget a thing. (Of course, I was on the bunny
hill all day, but still...) I’ll have to get the pics off of my
phone and uploaded them, maybe tomorrow.

Son #4 wanted to impress me by not hanging on to a pole with his
instructor. He did it all day! We even raced on 4 different runs.
(Ok, he ‘beat’ me on 3 of the runs, but my competitive nature
wouldn’t let him win all 4!) When I told him to lean forward so
he’d go faster, his instructor told him to put his hands out in
front of him like superman. Now, close your eyes and imagine a
little kid, book’n down the ski slopes, leaning forward, hands in
front of him, singing the superman theme song, with a “impaired
vision” orange vest on. No wonder half of the slope looked at him
and smiled. He was having a wonderful time!

On the other hand, there was this ‘new’ skier. You can kind of
tell who they are. He had on all of the fancy clothes, skiing out
of control, and almost running into everyone. (Hey, wait; everyone
was wearing fancy clothes, it was Park City after all!) He almost
ran into son #4 but just clipped the back of his skis. At the end
of the day, he was laying at the bottom of the hill, ski patrol
all around him, with his leg in a huge splint. I turned to son
#4’s instructor and said, “Oh, I remember him.” She smiled and
said, “Yeah, me too...”

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

p.s. Today’s video is a prank in the park I wish I would have come
up with. I’d have love to do it!

p.p.s. In Today’s Puzzle Picture section, I’ve posted some
pictures sent in by my old buddy Doug L. Look at them and tell me
what they are supposed to be. If I get enough response, I’ve got a
few more I’ll post!

Reader Comment Section

Marty, I think you may be studying a bit too much. You typed,
Thank you all for your PATIENTS.
Best joke of the day.
~Amber in CA.

[Thanks Amber. I think that one works both ways...]

Today’s Video Section

I wish I would have thought of this!

Today’s Puzzle Picture Section

What do these represent? Send your answers in today!

A New York boy was being led through the swamps of Louisiana by
his cousin. "Is it true that an alligator won't attack you if you
carry a flashlight?" The cousin smirked and replied, "Depends on
how fast ya carry it!"
~Wanda D.


An oldie...

When I worked for the security department of a large retail store,
my duties included responding to fire and burglar alarms. A side
door of the building was wired with a security alarm, because it
was not supposed to be used by customers. Nevertheless they found
the convenience of the exit tempting. Even a sign with large red
letters, warning "Alarm will sound if opened," failed to deter
people from using it. One day, after attending to a number of
shrieking alarms, I placed a small handmade sign on the door that
totally eliminated the problem: "Wet paint."
~#1 Mom



1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.
I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the
middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not
going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an
accident ."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who
don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE .
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get
stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS .
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you
~#1 Mom

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Monday, April 02, 2007

4/2 - Singing Beard and Disco RV

Monday, April 02, 2007

We had a great conference weekend. On Friday son #2 and I went
downtown to sing at a Young Men’s open house. It was a training
session for young men leaders in the Church. We had a men and boys
choir of about 50 voices, all dressed in Class A Scout uniforms or
suits and ties. We sounded pretty good too. Oh yeah, and they
asked us to shave any facial hair. So, I did. After several years,
you can see a bald faced pic of me that son #3 snapped this

After we sang and had lunch, we raced home, got packed up, and
went camping with Grandma and Grandpa and one of the Kearns
cousins. Grandma and Grandpa bought an older RV unit to ‘try out’
this summer to see if they like the RV life. You can kind of tell
how old it is by the Disco lighting in one of the pictures on the
web. We were all excited to try it out, but 9 of us didn’t fit
very well in the 25 foot (or was that 20 foot) RV. So, my sweet
wife and I got to sleep in our 10 man tent. (Along with an
electric heater of course!)

We listened to conference, played games, and son #3 and I had a
long walk around Palisades lake. We took the GPS and walked about
2 miles up and down the mountain, saw several deer, and took some
great pictures of the views. (see them on the web –
http://martysjotd.blogspot.com )

Tonight, since sons #1 and #2 made it through the last quarter
with some (barely) passing grades, we decided to go to Chuck-a-
Rama and out to see ‘Night at the museum’ at the dollar theater to
celebrate. (The dollar theater is only 50¢ on Family night!).
Dinner (as with most any buffet) was really good, and the boys
really liked the movie. I thought it was just so-so, but they
talked about their favorite parts all the way home. So, another
successful family home evening.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

p.s. Have you ever heard about the Grand Canyon Walkway? It looks
like it’s now open. You can walk out on a skywalk, 4000 feet above
the canyon floor. Something I’d like to do someday. Anyway, check
out today’s video about it.

p.p.s. Skiing with son #4 tomorrow!

Kearns Cousin and the Disco RV

Son #4 and #3 in front of a garbage can.
Yes, always a good thing to have in a picture of your kids...

Son #4 and I goofing around in the tent

More Goofing

And more goofing

Son #3 at the 'tree playground'

Son #3 and a duck

A deer son #3 and I saw

Reader Comment Section

[On Duplicate emails on Thursday morning]

Believe me....there were more sites than yours from Yahoo groups
doing mass mailings! So it wasn't just you!

Marty, Thursday I received eight copies of your 'JOTD' and then
later I was at a luncheon and a friend mentioned he had received
several copies of some mails. After investigating he found it was
caused by a glitch in the yahoo program. He told me yahoo had
since fixed it. I don't think you did anything wrong. Keep on
keepin' on,
~Bob B.

[Yep, I got a few more emails about the dupe message from
YahooGroups on Thursday. Hopefully it will stay fixed for awhile.
Thanks everyone, for your patients. Marty]

Video of the Day

Grand Canyon Skywalk

Picture of the day

China appears to be the first country to install outdoor public
urinals that are actually intended for daytime usage. Would you,
or wouldn’t you?


A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police helicopter
in the sky. An officer pulled him over and began to issue a
traffic ticket. "It seems everyone is out to get me lately. How
did you know I was speeding?" the frustrated driver asked. The
police officer pointed somberly toward the sky. "You mean," asked
the motorist, "that I'm not just being paranoid? Even *He* is
trying to get me?"


"On this day in 1844 the Young Men's Christian Association, the
YMCA, was founded. It was founded by a small group of friends: a
construction worker, an Indian chief, a cop, a soldier, a
cowboy...they all met at a disco."
~Jay Leno


John was furious when his steak arrived too rare. "Waiter," he
shouted, "Didn't you hear me say, 'well done'?" "Oh, thank you,
sir," replied the waiter. "I hardly ever get a compliment."


From 4-8 year olds

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4
to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were
broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and
paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all
the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
Rebecca- age 8
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving
cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5
"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your
French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy - age 6
"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4
"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a
sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7
"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop
opening presents and listen."
Bobby - age 7
"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a
friend who you hate,"
Nikka - age 6
"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it
Noelle - age 7
"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are
still friends even after they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6
"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I
looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and
smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."
Cindy - age 8
"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else
kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - age 6
"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine-age 5
"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says
he is handsomer than Robert Redford ."
Chris - age 7
"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him
alone all day"
Mary Ann - age 4
"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old
clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4
"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little
stars come out of you."
Karen - age 7
"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if
you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
Jessica - age 8
~#1 Mom

Me, with no beard and plenty of chin...

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