Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

3/29 - Burning Hiccups

Thursday, March 29, 2007

I had the hiccups tonight. Now everyone has their own way of
curing the hiccups and I’m no different. Through the years I have
settled on a cure that works 90% of the time for me. Tonight I
wanted to show off, so I kept the hiccups going until I came to
dinner. After the prayer I said, “You boys wanna see how to cure
hiccups?” They all said, “sure”. So I took a glass of water,
leaned forward, and drank from the far side of the glass. It
worked. So, at least I impressed the little ones...

Now, I’m not the only one with hiccups. Yesterday it seems that
YahooGroups had the hiccups. Some of you received 8 copies of my
Joke of the Day. Now, I really like you to read my lame jokes, but
that went a little overboard. So, I guess I have to apologize for
the mass emailing.

Son #3 is a Pyro. Way back in the day, when he was almost 2 1/2,
on Halloween day, he burned our waterbed. He was playing with
matches and lit the pillow on fire, and yes folks, a waterbed can
burn. Anyway, from that day forward, he’s loved fire. So tonight I
stopped at the store to get some weekend supplies. I put a small
bag of Kingsford charcoal in the shopping cart (the only real
charcoal to buy!) and then thought for a second. I grabbed a
bigger bag and switched. When I got home I told son #3 that I had
bought something for him, and showed him the bag. He frowned as if
to say, “big deal” Then I told him he could light them on fire and
use them for Dutch oven cooking or in a Weber grill. His eyes lit
up and he said, “Ok, thanks!”

Hmm... am I feeding an addition?

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

p.s. If you only view one video this week, this is the one. This
thing has been viewed 12 million times; and it’s hilarious. I
promise it will make you smile, or your money back!

Crazy Picture Section

Can you see anything wrong with this picture?


Make the baby laugh


A woman is worried about an older woman, a widow, who lives in the
apartment next door. She hasn't heard anything from her for a few
days. So she tells her son, "I want you to go next door and see
how ol' Mrs. Pierpoint is." A few minutes later, the boy returns.
"Well, is she all right?" the mother asks. "She's fine, but she's
annoyed with you," he says. "At me? Whatever for?" "Well," says
her son, "Mrs. Pierpoint told me it's none of your business how
old she is."


The strict and unsmiling manager noticed that the suggestion box
was missing from the wall beside the time clock. He began to ask
around to see who knew what had become of it. "You!" he yelled at
one of his employees. "Where's the suggestion box?" "I don't
personally know, Sir," the employee responded. "But the office
gossip is that it's under your desk, wired, and ticking."
~Wanda D.


"Some excitement at the White House yesterday. The Secret Service
caught a man trying to climb over the White House fence. When they
caught the man, the Secret Service said, 'Not so fast. You have
two and a half more years, Mr. President.'"
~Conan O'Brien

"How annoying is this? Senator Hillary Clinton calling for a
return of the 55 mile an hour speed limit. When people in L.A.
heard about this, they said, 'What? Cars can go that fast?'"
~Jay Leno

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Wednesday, March 28, 2007

3/28 - Quiet Scouts?

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Ok, 90% of the time I drive alone. Mostly to work or school. So, I
don’t often get to drive with a bunch of people, except when the
family is going somewhere, or sometimes on Scout nights. Tonight
was a Scout night. We went downtown to see some national historic
buildings for the Citizen in the Nation Merit Badge.

There were only 2 leaders tonight and 10 boys. Can you imagine how
loud 5 12 and 13 year old boys can be in a car? I was dreading the
loud drive downtown, but I remembered a gift that Santa brought
my boys last Christmas. A portable DVD player. When son #2 and I
got ready to go, I grabbed it and brought it along.

I think a portable DVD player is the best investment that Santa
ever made! I had the SPL in the front seat, and we had a half way
serious conversation. In the rear view mirror there were 8 eyes
glued to Time Bandits on the back of my seat. It was wonderful!

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

Reader Comments

The blonde video is hilarious! I laughed my face off! Have a
great day!
~Lani L.

News and Headlines section

Mysterious hexagon spotted above Saturn


Illegal immigrants allowed at least five strikes
Border-crossings guidelines revealed amid probe into U.S. attorney firings


Marines ban big, garish tattoos


Today’s Video
Eddie Griffin crashes a 1.5 million dollar Ferrari Enzo


Kid Wisdom

When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't

Never tell your mom her diet's not working.

Stay away from prunes.

Don't pull your dad's finger when he tells you to.

Never leave your three-year-old brother in the same room as
your school assignment.

If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.

Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick.

Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.

When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when
she's on the phone.
~Debi S


Okay, you've heard of Murphy's famous Law: Everything that can go
wrong will go wrong. Well, there are many other related Laws. Here
are some:

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin
to itch.
--Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair

Identical parts aren't. --Beach's Law

Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible
--Anthony's Law of the Workshop

Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
--Tussman's Law

If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
--Lowery's Law

The solution to a problem changes the problem.
--Peer's Law

There is no mechanical problem so difficult that it cannot be
solved by brute strength and ignorance.
--William's Law

Handy Guide to Modern Science:
1. If it's green or it wiggles, it's Biology.
2. If it stinks, it's Chemistry.
3. If it doesn't work, it's Physics.

Machines should work. People should think.
--IBM's Pollyanna Principle:

The most ineffective workers will be systematically moved to the
place where they can do the least damage - management.
--The Dilbert Principle

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
--Ehrlich's Law

It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you
are in a hurry.
--Ralph's Observation

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat
tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
--Cannon's Comment



Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?

Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things.

Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price?

Clerk: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have 60 different
prices up to $200 a gallon.

Customer: What's the difference in the paint?

Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.

Customer: Well, then I'd like some of that $12 paint.

Clerk: When do you intend to use the paint?

Customer: I want to paint tomorrow. It's my day off.

Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.

Customer: When would I have to paint to get the $12 paint?

Clerk: You would have to start very late at night in about 3
weeks. But you will have to agree to start painting before Friday
of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.

Customer: You've got to be kidding!

Clerk: I'll check and see if we have any paint available.

Customer: You have shelves FULL of paint! I can see it!

Clerk: But it doesn't mean that we have paint available. We sell
only a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by

the way, the price per gallon just went to $16. We don't have any
more $12 paint.

Customer: The price went up as we were talking?

Clerk: Yes, sir. We change the prices and rules hundreds of times
a day, and since you haven't actually walked out of the store with
your paint yet, we just decided to change. I suggest you purchase
your paint as soon as possible. How many gallons do you want?

Customer: Well, maybe five gallons. Make that six, so I'll have

Clerk: Oh no, sir, you can't do that. If you buy paint and don't
use it, there are penalties and possible confiscation of the paint
you already have.

Customer: WHAT?

Clerk: We can sell enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall
and north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the
bedroom, you will lose your remaining gallons of paint.

Customer: What does it matter whether I use all the paint? I
already paid you for it!

Clerk: We make plans based upon the idea that all our paint is
used, every drop. If you don't, it causes us all sorts of

Customer: This is crazy!! I suppose something terrible happens if
I don't keep painting until after Saturday night!

Clerk: Oh yes! Every gallon you bought automatically becomes the
$200 paint.

Customer: But what are all these, "Paint on sale from $10 a quart"

Clerk: Well that's for our budget paint. It only comes in
half-gallons. One $5 half-gallon will do half a room. The second
half-gallon to complete the room is $20. None of the cans have
labels, some are empty and there are no refunds, even on the empty

Customer: The heck with this! I'll buy what I need somewhere else!

Clerk: I don't think so, sir. You may be able to buy paint for
your bathroom and bedrooms, and your kitchen and dining room from
someone else, but you won't be able to paint your connecting hall
and stairway from anyone but us. And I should point out, sir, that
if you paint in only one direction, it will be $300 a gallon.

Customer: I thought your most expensive paint was $200!

Clerk: That's if you paint around the room to the point at which
you started. A hallway is different.

Customer: And if I buy $200 paint for the hall, but only paint in
one direction, you'll confiscate the remaining paint.

Clerk: No, we'll charge you an extra use fee plus the difference
on your next gallon of paint. But I believe you're getting it now,

Customer: You're insane!

Clerk: Thanks for painting with United.
~Uncle Butter

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Tuesday, March 27, 2007

3/27 - Skiing, Kid Jokes, and Rocky on speed!

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

*sigh* It was a school night tonight. Not much time to type out a
long story, but I did go around and ask everyone if they had any
good Joke of the Day stories. No one did, but son #4 said he skied
most of the time today without holding on to the instructor’s
pole. He also said he wants me to go again with him next Tuesday.
Hmm... There’s supposed to be 3 feet of new snow in the mountains
tonight. I guess if I have to go skiing, I guess I could...

Son #4 also said, “I have some jokes for you dad!”

Here they are...

Why did Tigger put his head into a toilet?
Because he was looking for Pooh!
[Keep in mind gang, these are 6 year old boy jokes]

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he wanted to get to the other side.

Why did the chicken cross the playground?
Because he wanted to get to the other slide.

What did one wall say to the other wall?
I’ll meet you at the corner.

How many vampires does it take to change a light bulb?
Zero! (Because vampires like the dark!)

My sweet wife just chimed in. “How many teenagers does it take to
change a light bulb? Only one! They just hold the light bulb up
and the whole world revolves around them!”

She said, “I keep telling that joke to son #1, he doesn’t like it

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

p.s. Did I ever tell you that life was like a roll of toilet
paper? The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes. With a
wife, kids, Church, Scouts, work, school, and JOTD (yeah, probably
in that order) I’m feeling a little squished with time. Which
brings me to today’s video. Have you ever wanted to watch all of
the Rocky movies at once? Now is your chance! This little gem will
show you Rocky I through Rocky VI in just 5 seconds!


Cartoon Section

Headline News Section

Mothers eating beef could threaten sons' fertility

Dog Performs Heimlich Maneuver on Owner
Does anyone think this is really true?

Today's Video Section

Rocky I – VI in just 5 seconds.


Did you know?

On April 1, 1998, the fast-food giant took out an ad in USA Today
announcing a left-handed Whopper, with condiments placed so
southpaws' toppings wouldn't drip out the right side of the
sandwich. Thousands of folks actually ordered the fake burger.


My friend Allison adopted a stray cat and took him to the vet to
be neutered.

"I'm about 90 percent certain he's been fixed," the vet said.

"How can I be 100 percent sure?" Allison asked.

"Watch to see if he does any 'male' things."

"He already lies on the couch all day," she said. "If he starts
hogging the remote, I'll bring him in."


They say our mothers really know how to push our buttons –
because they installed them.
~Robin Williams


When a nun collapsed in the sales representative's office at our
time-share resort, the rep ran to the front-desk manager. "Two
nuns walked into the sales office, and one of them fainted!" she
yelled breathlessly. Unfazed, the manager just looked at her.
"Well," said the rep, "aren't you going to do anything?" He
replied, "I'm waiting for the punch line."

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Monday, March 26, 2007

3/25 - Comcastic Kite!

Monday, March 26, 2007

Ok, so I take back about 28% of all the bad things I ever said and
thought about Cable TV Companies. [First, a disclaimer; I worked
for TCI cable TV for 12 years before it was bought out by AT&T and
before they were bought out by Comcast. I was the installation
supervisor and had a crew of about 20 installers. When AT&T came
into the picture, they laid off about 30% of my staff, plus me.
That was exactly 6 weeks after I bought the house we live in now.
That was when my sweet wife was 8 months pregnant with son #3.
Remind me someday and I’ll tell you a cool story about a really
pregnant inconsolable wife, with a brand new house, and no job. I
took the biggest leap of faith by I had ever... Well, I digress.
As they say, that’s a whole ‘nother story...] Anyway, so on the
way home from school the other night I heard some guys rag’n on
the cable company about their poor service, so I thought they
could use a break.

As I drove down our street tonight, I saw son #3 across the street
trying to get his kite out of a tree. (My sister #2 gave each of
the boys a kite at our combined family birthday party on
Saturday). It was a windy day, and son #3 got his stuck kite
pretty high in a tree. He’d been there about 45 minutes trying to
get it down. When I got out of the car he asked if he could use
the ladder. But the kite was in the really small end branches of
the tree so I told him there was nothing to lean it up against. He
was pretty bummed. I looked down the street and there was a
Comcast guy in a bucket truck next Justin’s dad’s house.

Back in the day when I used to string lines from the pole to the
house, a lot of times there were trees in the way. We used to have
‘tree sticks’ to fish the cable through. So, I told son #3 to go
and ask the cable guy if he had anything to help us. He said, “No,
I’m too shy, you do it.” So, after a bit of teasing son #3, I went
over and said, “Do you have any tree sticks, or...” I said hoping,
“something like a... bucket... that could help us out?” I pointed
to the kite and without a pause he said, “Sure, I can get that out
for you.” He backed his truck into the neighbor’s driveway, jumped
into his bucket and got it down in about 30 seconds.

While he was up there, I took some pictures with my camera phone.
(BTW, my camera phone has really dinky poor quality pictures...
but I guess you get what you pay for.) I’ve made them a bit bigger
and better and posted them on the web. So, at least for tonight,
Comcast Rocks!

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Today’s News and Entertainment

Study: Poor receive $8.21 in government spending
vs. rich's .41 cents...

Today’s video

Beauty is nothing without brains


"Someone was arrested earlier this week for throwing a bag over
the White House fence and climbing over it. Turned out it was just
Hillary Clinton with carpet samples."
~Jay Leno

"Did you hear about this? Homeland Security is cutting funding to
New York City ... and raising funding for Nebraska. Well, at least
the corn will sleep better."
~David Letterman


A lawyer was getting fitted for a suit at his tailor's office. As
he was standing there, he decided to have some fun with the man.
"I guess our jobs are pretty similar," said the lawyer.

The tailor remained silent, so the lawyer continued, "What I mean
is that we're both in the same business - making suits. And both
of our suits end up in a court of law."

The tailor said nothing, but continued measuring, so the lawyer
added, "Of course, I went to college and then law school for seven
years to learn how to make my suits."

"Yes," said the tailor, "but when I make a suit, it only costs you
two hundred dollars.”


My wife and I take turns walking our five-year-old daughter to the
bus stop for school every morning. Today was my turn, and as me
and all the other moms in the neighborhood waited one of them
asked me to say hello to my wife.

"I will," I said. "it'll make her feel better. She has

"Oh, poor girl," they all said in unison.

One of them crooked her eyebrow at me and said, "I hope you're
helping her with the kids, the cooking and cleaning."

"I can't," I said pointing to the band aid on my index finger.

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Sunday, March 25, 2007

3/25 - Pet Food Recall Expanded

Tainted pet food producer expands recall

Sunday, March 25, 2007

"The Canadian company that sold tainted pet food blamed for at
least 14 pet deaths expanded its product recall Saturday, saying
it worried consumers could still find the products on store
shelves. Toronto-based Menu Foods said some of its pet foods,
possibly tainted with a toxin used as rat poison, were still being

Yikes! Tainted pet food is still being sold after a recall?
Although Buddy rarely gets the 'wet' food from his cheap owners,
it appears that others still may be buying rat poisoned pet food.
Click Here for recall info.

Enjoy Today’s News!

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Saturday, March 24, 2007

3/24 - New Thing - Today's Video

We're going to try a new edition every once in awhile here at Marty's
Joke of the day. I'll call it the video of the day section. Here's an
interesting one I found today.


Speed Painting with Ketchup and French Fries
[Amazing what you can do with a huge order of fries, 10 packets of
ketchup, and a bunch of talent. It's got kind of annoying music,
but worth watching...]

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Wednesday, March 21, 2007

3/21 - Free Lunch & Skiing Pictures!

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Not much time to talk tonight. It’s late and I gotta format some
pictures. Yup, my legs are pretty sore from skiing yesterday with
a blind 6 year old. Who’da thunk it? We had a great time (see all
of the pictures on the web site...) They said that son #4 and I
probably made the Utah School for the Blind kindergarten class
record for amount of runs in a 2 hour period. We did 7 or 8 runs
without stopping more than 5 minutes at a time. Son #4 said he had
a great time, and promptly fell asleep on my lap in the bus on the
way home. (I now know that it was excess lactate acid, produced by
my cells, and lack of sufficient oxygen to carry away the waste
that makes my leg muscles sore. Stupid Biology class...)

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

p.s. Come to a Big Party! I’m inviting YOU to come have lunch with
ME, and my SWEET wife!! I put my business card in at Sizzler, and
I won a lunch for me, and 15 of my friends. It’s scheduled for
Friday, April 6th at 12:30 PM. Each of you will get up to $12 for
lunch. So come see the guy behind the keyboard. Ok, here’s the
caveat; actually it’s a financial guy who said he would talk to
us, as a group, about investing retirement funds with American
Express Financial. He promised he would only talk to us after we
ordered our lunch, and before the food arrived. And he’d be gone
before we started eating. (No more than 10-15 minutes) SO, come
have lunch on me! (Well, sort of anyway). Please RSVP to me ASAP
so I can reserve your spot. (Of course, you have to provide your
own transportation...

Reader Comments;

Compliments game:
~Connie H.

[Did you two copy papers? Uh huh...]

>HEART ATTACK IN WOMEN and how it feels......
Thank You SO Much for this info...sent it to all my friends!
~Linda S.
[My pleasure...]

Enter to win a 58" HDTV from Xerox

It was son #4's birthday!

McDonalds Rocks! They gave son #4 a FREE breakfast, and an ice
cream with M&M's... Yum!

The 4 Amigos!

Enter to win a 58" HDTV from Xerox

Ready To Ski!

Son #4 and Johnnie

On the Lift

Coming down the hill

Enter to win a 58" HDTV from Xerox

Long Coat + Long Boots = Short Legs!
You can tell I am NOT a slave to fashion!


A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory, and once all
the mess has been cleared up, an inquiry begins. One of the few
survivors is pulled up to make a statement. "Okay Simpson," says
the investigator, "you were near the scene - what happened ?"
"Well, it's like this. Old Charley was in the mixing room, and I
saw him take a cigarette out of his pocket and light up." "He was
smoking in the mixing room?" the investigator said in stunned
horror, "How long had he been with the company?" "About 20 years,
sir" "20 years in the company, then he goes and strikes a match in
the mixing room, I'd have thought that would have been the ~last~
thing he would of done!" "It was, sir."


The Best Living Will I've Seen

I, [INSERT NAME HERE], being of sound mind and body, do not wish
to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no
circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead
politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives
depended on it, or lawyers / doctors interested in simply running
up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to
ask for at least one of the following:

Glass of wine
Cold Beer
Chicken fried steak
cream gravy
Mexican food
French fries
ice cream
cup of tea

It should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a
determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person
and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and
call it a day.
~#1 Mom


Some of you may know that our 14 year old dog, Abbey, died last
month (8/23). The day after she died, my 4 year old daughter
Meredith was crying and talking about how much she missed Abbey.
She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when Abbey got
to heaven, God would recognize her.

She dictated and I wrote:

Dear God,
Will you please take special care of our dog, Abbey? She died
yesterday and is heaven. We miss her very much. We are happy that
you let us have her as our dog even though she got sick. I hope
that you will play with her. She likes to play with balls and swim
before she got sick. I am sending some pictures of her so that
when you see her in heaven you will know she is our special dog.
But I really do miss her.
Meredith Claire

P.S.: Mommy wrote the words after Mer told them to her.

We put that in an envelope with 2 pictures of Abbey, and addressed
it to God/Heaven. We put our return address on it. Then Mer stuck
some stamps on the front (because, as she said, it may take lots
of stamps to get a letter all the way to heaven) and that
afternoon I let her drop it into the letter box at the post

For a few days, she would ask if God had gotten the letter yet. I
told her that I thought He had. Yesterday, for Labor Day, we took
the kids to Austin to a natural history museum. When we got back,
there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch.
Curious, I went to look at it. It had a gold star card on the
front and said "To: Mer" in an unfamiliar hand.

Meredith took it in and opened it. Inside was a book by Mr.
Rogers, When a Pet Dies. Taped to the inside front cover was the
letter we had written to God, in its opened envelope (which was
marked 'Return to Sender: Insufficient address'). On the opposite
page, one of the pictures of Abbey was taped under the words "For
Meredith." We turned to the back cover, and there was the other
picture of Abbey, and this handwritten note on pink paper:

Dear Mer,
I know that you will be happy to know that Abbey arrived safely
and soundly in Heaven! Having the pictures you sent to me was such
a big help. I recognized Abbey right away.

You know, Meredith, she isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here
with me — just like she stays in your heart — young and running
and playing. Abbey loved being your dog, you know. Since we don't
need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets! — so I can't
keep your beautiful letter. I am sending it to you with the
pictures so that you will have this book to keep and remember

One of my angels is taking care of this for me. I hope the little
book helps.

Thank you for the beautiful letter. Thank your mother for sending
it. What a wonderful mother you have! I picked her especially for

I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very
much. By the way, I am in heaven and wherever there is love.

God and the special angel who wrote this after God told her the
words. As a parent and a pet lover, this is one of the kindest
things that I've ever experienced. I have no way to know who sent
it, but there is some very kind soul working in the dead letter
office. Just wanted to share this act of compassion :) dear friend
— hope you enjoy it as much as I did
~Sonya S.

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Monday, March 19, 2007

3/19 - Dinosaurs and School and Voodoo Dolls Oh My!

Monday, March 19, 2007

“Grandpa, do you have a copy of Jurassic Park?” Son #1 turned and
asked his Grandpa at Fazolis tonight. “The book or the DVD?”
Grandpa replied. “The book.” Son #1 said. “Nope, I don’t have
either.” Grandpa said with a smile. Grandpa has a deadpan sense of
humor that we’ve all grown up with... we’re used to it, and it’s
even rubbed off on us. But we still smile just to make him think
we’re amused. (grin)

Anyway, because I’m starting back to school tomorrow night; [BTW,
on a side note, I had one of my readers sit down next to me in
Sunday school yesterday. As the instructor was teaching from
Matthew 13 about Parables, my reader leaned over and she whispered
“By the way, I hate that you’re going back to school.” A little
taken aback I said, “Why?” She said, “Because you don’t write as
often!” Ok, yeah, I guess I see your point...]

Anyway, as I was saying, I’m starting back to school on Tuesday
after spring break. Son #4’s birthday just happens to be schedule
that same day. So, for his birthday dinner he decided he wanted to
have us all go out to Fazolis tonight so dad could come with. At
Fazolis they had a family night special where you could get a free
kids meal with every adult entrée. Son #1 said, “Dad, I’ll get a
kids meal, since it’s free and I’m not that hungry.” Now there’s a
change. (The not being hungry part, not the being nice part...) We
all had plenty of food, and I again got to feed the whole crew for
less than $19. Always a good deal.

On the way home, Son #1 said, “Um, I have to have a lot of the
book Jurassic Park read by tomorrow.” Oops... nothing like waiting
until the very last moment to say something. So, when we got home,
my sweet wife grabbed a Barnes and Noble card that we have, and
dashed off to the store with son #1. As they were leaving, son #4
ran out of the door yelling, “I want to go too!” I got a call on
my cell phone 30 seconds later; “I’ve got 1 and 4” “Thanks” I
said. ~click~ Its a little code we use. We’ve been writing and
reading the Joke of the day so long, that it’s often easier to
call our boys by their numbers, rather than their names. (For some
reason numbers aren’t as easy to mix up...) Often in the mall or
somewhere I’ll hear, “Incoming, #3!” Although other’s look at us
strange, I know exactly what that means. ‘Son #3 is running to
you, and you’re now responsible for him. Do you have him?’ “OK!”
is the reply.

At B&N sons #1 and #4 are perusing the aisles. They easily find
Jurassic Park. Of course, you can get a used copy on eBay for $2,
but you’re going to pay through the nose for a new one at B&N. $8!
Son #4 wanted some action too. He saw a voodoo book & doll combo.
“Mom, what’s a voodoo doll?” My sweet wife replied, “It’s a doll
that you pretend is someone else, and you beat it up.” “Mom, I
want a voodoo doll. Paahleease...” he begged. “Nope.” Than, all
through the store he was saying, “Please mom, I want a voodoo
doll!!” She was getting a little embarrassed, but held her ground.
(My sweet wife rocks!) She told me later that there’s no way that
she was going to spend $8 for a little stuffed toy, and a dumb
voodoo doll at that! But, I think it hurried her out of the store
a little quicker!

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

p.s. Skiing with son #4 tomorrow!

p.p.s. Oh yeah, the “Compliment Game”
Here’s a couple of words that were sent back...


Thanks gang!


Enter to win a 58" HDTV from Xerox

Readers - This is a quick link, not an endless information gathering site.
I've tired it. Name, Address, email. That's it. Official Xerox site.
Try it! - Marty


I'm only sending this to my brilliant friends. Passing requires
only 4 correct answers....a measly 40%.

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get catgut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific is named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

All done? Check your answers at the bottom.


Years ago I came across a poem entitled "The Man in the Glass" by
Dale Wimbrow. I looked it up on the Internet and discovered a
website maintained by his children: http://www.theguyintheglass.com
It contains the original version written in 1934 and published in
The American Magazine as "The Guy in the Glass." Here is that
Version containing timeless truths about integrity.

When you get what you want in your struggle for self,
And the world makes you King for a day,
Then go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that guy has to say.

For it isn't your Father or Mother or Wife
Who judgment upon you must pass.
The feller whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the guy staring back from the glass.

He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,
For he's with you clear up to the end,
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the guy in the glass is your friend.

You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum
And think you're a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you've cheated the guy in the glass.

Judging from the devoted words of his children, Mr. Wimbrow never
cheated the guy in his glass.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
© 2007 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with permission.
Michael Josephson, one of the nation's leading ethicists, is the
founder of the Josephson Institute of Ethics and the premier youth
character education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit http://www.charactercounts.org

Source: Weekend Encounter, by Dick Innes, Copyright (c) ACTS
International, 2004, http://www.actsweb.org/subscribe.php
~Ruby C.


HEART ATTACK IN WOMEN and how it feels......

I've meant to send this to my women friends to warn them that it's
true that women rarely have the same dramatic symptoms that men
have when experiencing a heart attack...you know, the sudden
stabbing pain in the chest, the cold sweat, grabbing the chest &
dropping to the floor that we see in the movies.

Having had a completely unexpected heart attack about 10:30 p.m.
with NO prior exertion, NO prior emotional trauma that one would
suspect might have brought it on, it was this past April 2006,
about 1-1/2 hours after I'd spent a pleasant 2 hrs. rehearsing
with the Note-a-Belles.

I was sitting all snuggly & warm on a cold evening, with my
purring cat in my lap, reading an interesting story my friend had
sent me, and actually thinking, "A-A-h, this is the life, all
cozy and warm in my soft, cushy Lazy Boy with my feet propped up."
A moment later, I felt that awful sensation of indigestion, when
you've been in a hurry and grabbed a bite of sandwich and washed
it down with a dash of water, and that hurried bite seems to feel
like you've swallowed a golf ball going down the esophagus in slow
motion and it is most uncomfortable. You realize you shouldn't
have gulped it down so fast and needed to chew it more thoroughly
and this time drink a glass of water to hasten its progress down
to the stomach, which doesn't do much good, as your esophagus and
throat muscles are in spasm and it hurts to swallow.

This was my initial sensation---the only trouble was that I hadn't
taken a bite of anything since about 5:00 p.m. After that had
seemed to subside, the next sensation was like little squeezing
motions that seemed to be racing up my SPINE (hind-sight, it was
probably my aorta spasming), gaining speed as they continued
racing up and under my sternum (breast bone, where one presses
rhythmically when administering CPR). This fascinating process
continued on into my throat and branched out into both jaws.

AHA!! NOW I stopped puzzling about what was happening. We all have
read and/or heard about pain in the jaws being one of the signals
of a heart attack happening, haven't we?

I said aloud to myself and the cat, "Dear God, I think I'm having
a heart attack!" I lowered the footrest, dumping the cat from my
lap, started to take a step and fell on the floor instead. I
thought to myself, "If this is a heart attack, I shouldn't be
walking into the next room where the phone is or anywhere
else....... but, on the other hand, if I don't, nobody will know
that I need help. And if I wait any longer, I may not be able to
get up in a moment."

I pulled myself up with the arms of the chair, walked slowly into
the next room and dialed the paramedics. I guess when one reaches
them, your address automatically flashes on a screen, as the
operator verified my address immediately and asked my symptoms.

I told her I thought I was having a heart attack due to the
pressure building under the sternum and radiating into my jaws. I
didn't feel hysterical or afraid, just stating the facts, ma'am.
She said she was sending the paramedics over immediately, asked if
the front door was near to me, and if so, to unbolt the door and
then lie down on the floor where they could see me when they came
in. No, I didn't take an aspirin, as I'm allergic to it, but I did
take a 100 mg magnesium oxide capsule...which bottle I keep
handily in reach on the kitchen counter...which is a small detour
on my way to the front door...with about a 3/4 glass of water to
get it dissolving ASAP into my bloodstream.

Magnesium relaxes blood vessels as it dissolves to get them
expanded to let blood get through the constriction of the vessels.
I then laid down on the floor as instructed and lost
consciousness, as I don't remember the medics coming in...their
examination...lifting me onto a gurney or getting me into their
ambulance...or hearing the call they made to St. Jude ER on the
way. But I did briefly awaken when we arrived and saw that the
cardiologist was already there in his surgical blues and cap,
helping the medics pull my stretcher out of the ambulance.

He was bending over me asking questions (probably something like
"Have you taken any medications?") but I couldn't make my mind
interpret what he was saying, or form an answer, and nodded off
again.. not waking up until the cardiologist and partner had
already threaded the teeny angiogram balloon up my femoral artery
into the aorta and into my heart where they installed two side-by-
side stents to hold open my right coronary artery and now was
being taken into the CCU, and looking up at the three anxious
faces of Karen, Mark, and Wendy. Since I'd been a patient at St.
Jude in 2002 for my TIA treatment, they had my emergency info in
their system and had called my kids. I spent two days in CCU and
two in general ward, then was discharged.

I know it sounds like all my thinking and actions at home must
have taken at least 20-30 minutes before calling the paramedics,
but actually it took perhaps 4-5 minutes before the call, and both
the fire station and St. Jude are only minutes away from my home,
and my Cardiologist was already to go to the OR in his scrubs and
get going on restarting my heart (which had stopped somewhere
between my arrival and the procedure) and installing the stents.

Why have I written all of this to you with so much detail?

Because I want all of you who are so important in my life to know
what I learned firsthand, as a Certified Medical Back-Office
Assistant in Internal Medicine Clinics, and as one who has lived
through a heart attack due to:

1. Being aware that something very different was happening in my
body - not the usual men's symptoms, but inexplicable things
happening (until my sternum and jaws got into the act ). It is
said that many more women than men die of their first (and last!)
heart attack because they didn't know they were having one, and
commonly mistake it as indigestion, take some Maalox or other
anti-"heartburn" preparation...and go to bed...hoping they'll feel
better in the morning when they wake up....which doesn't happen.

My female friends, your symptoms might not be exactly like mine,
so I advise you to call the paramedics if ANYTHING is unpleasantly
happening that you've not felt before. It is better to have a
"false alarm" visitation than to risk your life guessing what it
might be!

2. Note that I said "Call the Paramedics," Ladies. TIME IS OF THE
ESSENCE! Do NOT try to drive yourself to the ER. You're a hazard
to others on the road, and so is your panicked husband/friend who
will be speeding and looking anxiously at what's happening with
you instead of the road, and so are your kids or friends a hazard
as well. As sure as I sit here, they will get the attention of a
cop who will pull you over for speeding--more wasted time. Do NOT
call your doctor--he doesn't know where you live and if it's at
night you won't reach him anyway, and if it's daytime, his
assistants (or answering service) will tell you to call the

He doesn't carry the equipment in his car that you need to be
saved! The Paramedics do--principally OXYGEN that you need
ASAP. Your Dr. will be notified later.

3. Don't assume it couldn't be a heart attack because you have a
normal cholesterol count -- I did, and do, too. Research has
discovered that an elevated cholesterol reading is rarely the
cause of a heart attack (unless it's unbelievably high, and/or
accompanied by high blood pressure). heart attacks are usually
caused by long-term stress and inflammation in the body, which
dumps all sorts of deadly hormones into your system to sludge
things up in there (and, of course, family genetics can be a
factor. I qualify for the latter, and the years 2005 and 2006 have
been the most stressful of my life since Jack died in 1981.)

A serious note about heart attacks: Women should know that not
every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting.
Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line, or even pressure there
and under the sternum, or "indigestion" symptoms, especially if
you haven't eaten in several hours. You may never have the first
chest pain during the course of a heart attack, but heaviness
/pressure under the sternum is common.

Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms, but not
necessarily in women. 60% of people who have heart attacks while
they are asleep do not wake up.

Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful
and be aware. The more we know, the better chance we can survive.

A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this email sends it to
ten people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life.

**Please be a true friend, and send this article to all the
friends you care about.**
~#1 Mom


Answers to today quiz


1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get catgut?
Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific is named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
Orange , of course.

~Daria B.

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Thursday, March 15, 2007

3/15 - Earth, Moon, Stars, and Son.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Tonight I was feeling like I had been sitting all day long.
“Anyone wanna go for a walk with me?” Son #4 said sure. Everyone
else was busy. It was about 8:45, almost time for his bed, but we
went anyway. We walked about 4 blocks hand in hand. We talked
about the sun, moon, and the stars. He said something about the
sun coming up, and I said, “Actually, the earth spins, and moves
around the sun.” That was a foreign concept to him. He stopped,
stood looking at a wood fence and said, “No, look dad. The fence
isn’t moving.” So, we talked about basket balls, flash lights, and
a golf ball (as the moon). He still didn’t get it, so when we got
home I got the globe and a flashlight out. Son #2 helped. When we
were done explaining it to him, he said, “Cool! Let’s do it

So we did.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

p.s. Here’s a cool site. At least if you’re older than me...
Do you remember these?
~Wanda D.

p.p.s. Keep reading down to our first joke spot. It’s the
compliment game. Read on...


Reader Comments

Marty, don't know if you remember your subscriber in HK. Had hoped
to visit you when I came back for conference this year, but won't
have that opportunity. Jill and I have been asked to serve for
three years as the mission president in Mongolia beginning July 1.
You will soon be able to add Mongolia to the list of countries
where you have subscribers. So glad to hear that things are going
well with your son's health issues.
~Allen A

[Wow! Mongolia. What a cool place to be...]


The Compliment Game...

The Game is on! Describe me in one word.... just one single word.
Send it to me and to me only. Then send this message to all your
friends and see how many strange & interesting things they say
about you. This is really fun.

Here's how:
1. Hit the reply key and send me my one word.
2. Then return to this message and forward it to your friends
(including me) and see what people say about you!

The Game's On!!!!!

[Change the subject line to “The Compliment Game...” I’ll give you
some results next week.]


One evening, two girlfriends and I went to a nightclub, only to
find the place packed with young people. At 40, we felt old, but
before we could make a dignified exit, a tall, handsome man
approached us.

"Perhaps we were being a little hasty in leaving," I thought.

Then with a big smile, the man extended his hand to one of my
friends and said, "Hello. Remember me? You were my third grade


So, it's your first kiss and several questions might come to mind:

Is it the right time?

Is anyone watching?

Does your partner even want to?

Is your breath fresh?

And the big question... Should you use some tongue?

Then you lean in and just go for it!!!

~#1 Mom

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Wednesday, March 14, 2007

3/14 - Here's to another good year!

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

5 is a good number, but I think 6 is even better. Son #4 has a 6th
birthday on Tuesday. We all had trials in his 5th year, but this
year will be even better! As a matter of fact, he’s been skiing
with the school for the blind every Tuesday. So I’m going to take
work off next Tuesday and go with him. I think we’ll have a great
time. (Even if we only get to go on the bunny hill...)

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

p.s. Here’s a couple of web sites for you;

Take the St. Patty’s day quiz here

And for this site, Stare at the center of this for 20 - 30
seconds. Watch the peripheral patterns change, while looking at
the middle. After looking at it look at the back of your hand.
(Don't worry nothing is going to jump out at you or anything like
that. I just shows you what your eyes can do.) Definitely weird.

Reader Comments

We were interviewed on our local San Diego country music station
in February as part of St. Jude's annual Country Cares telethon.
They also raised around half a million dollars. As for your
reaction to the CPR demonstration, I think it's something related
to post traumatic stress and I think all of us parents of kids
with life-threatening illnesses have it to one degree or another.
In a few month's time you lost your father and you came closer
than anyone ever should to losing your son. The 11th anniversary
of my niece's death from a brain tumor came and went last month,
and even after more than ten years, something will trigger
memories of the events surrounding that tragedy with such force it
takes my breath away. And as for your CPR skills, if you get your
father back to consciousness before the ambulance arrived, you
must have done everything right. Your father would be proud.


Cowboy Poetry

By Brad Curtis
Jake, the rancher, went one day to fix a distant fence.
The wind was cold and gusty and the clouds rolled gray and dense.

As he pounded the last staples in and gathered tools to go,
the temperature had fallen, the wind and snow began to blow.

When he finally reached his pickup, he felt a heavy heart.
from the sound of that ignition, he knew it wouldn't start.

So Jake did what most of us would do if we had been there.
he humbly bowed his balding head and sent a loft a prayer.

As he turned the key for the last time, he softly cursed his luck.
They found him three days later, frozen stiff in that old truck.

Now Jake had been around in life and done his share of roaming.
But when he saw Heaven, he was shocked - It looked just like

Of all the saints in Heaven, His favorite was St. Peter.
(Now, this line ain't needed But it helps with rhyme and meter)

So they set and talked a minute or two, or maybe it was three.
Nobody was keeping' score - In Heaven time is free.

"I've always heard," Jake said to Pete, "That God will answer
But one time I asked for help, Well, he just plain wasn't there."

"Does God answer prayers of some, And ignore the prayers of
That don't seem exactly square - I know all men are brothers."

"Or does he randomly reply, Without good rhyme or reason?
Maybe, it's the time of day, The weather or the season."

"Now I ain't trying to act smart, It's just the way I feel.
And I was wondering', could you tell me - What the heck's the

Peter listened very patiently And when Jake was done, There were
smiles of recognition, And he said, "So, you're the one!"

"That day your truck, it wouldn't start, And you sent your prayer
a flying,
You gave us all a real bad time, With hundreds of us trying."

"A thousand angels rushed, To check the status of your file,
But you know, Jake, we hadn't heard From you in quite a long

"And though all prayers are answered, And God ain't got no quota,
He didn't recognize your voice, And started a truck in Minnesota."

~Krystal B.


A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a
meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to
let them know that he would not be leaving with them.

Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his
desk: "I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave."

At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped at his desk and found this note:
"Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. You drove, you


Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and
thinking, "Surely I can't look that old!" Well, you are gonna love
this one. I was sitting in the waiting room for my first
appointment with a new dentist when I noticed his diploma hanging
on the wall. It bore his full name and I suddenly remembered a
tall, handsome dark-haired boy with the same name. He had been in
my high school class some 40-odd years before and I wondered if he
could be the same guy I had a secret crush on way back then?? When
I got into the treatment room I quickly discarded any such
thought. This balding gray-haired man with the deeply lined face
was much too old to have been my secret crush... or was he???
After he examined my teeth I asked if he had attended Morgan Park
High School. "Yes, I did. I'm a Mustang!" He said, gleaming with
pride. "When did you graduate?" I asked. "1959. Why do you ask?"
He answered. "Well, you were in my class!" I exclaimed. Then that
ugly, old wrinkled jerk asked, "What did you teach?

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Friday, March 09, 2007

3/9 - Help... Looking for a movie this weekend?

Friday, March 09, 2007

Hi All, just a quick, extra Friday email.
Not much going on with us. I got a C on my Biology test. I was
bummed, but the instructor says that most of this other classes
have said that was the hardest test of the course. We’ll see when
final grades come out.

On my day off today, I did my taxes. I hate taxes. Mostly because
I didn’t keep good records and should have. But with the records I
did keep, we did pretty well.

One last thing, I got this email today from my Ependymoma Brain
Tumor group. Looks like I’m going to go to a movie tonight! Hope
you can to...

From: TCHFMom@aol.com
Date: Fri, 9 Mar 2007 16:46:14 -0500
Subject: Tanner Seebaum Foundation & "The Ultimate Gift"
To: ependyparents@braintrust.org

Please read the email below sent from our certified financial
planner, Bill Eggert. Bill has given The Tanner Seebaum Foundation
a wonderful gift, however, we need your help to succeed. Please
read this email, enjoy the movie, forward this email to everyone
you know and help find a cure for pediatric Ependymoma brain
tumors. Please let me know if you have any questions. My contact
info is at the bottom of this email.

Dear Friends, Family, Associates and Valued Clients:
Please pardon this interruption in your day.
As many of you know, over the last two years I have been involved
with a group of Financial Advisors, Philanthropists, Consultants
and Film Makers working on a unique project. Our task was to bring
the best-selling book “The Ultimate Gift” to life on the big
I am happy to announce the culmination of our work with the motion
picture debut of “The Ultimate Gift”. Distributed by 20th Century
Fox, “The Ultimate Gift” premieres in 800 theaters across the
United States, today, March 9, 2007. This is a limited release.
How long it stays in theaters depends on how many people see the
film this weekend. So if you need something to do this weekend, I
would appreciate you going to see the film.

"The Ultimate Gift" is a great story (based on the James Stovall
book of the same name) that delivers a wonderful message and is
suitable for family viewing. It stars James Garner, Brian Dennehy,
Drew Fuller, Bill Cobbs, Lee Meriwether, Ali Hillis and Academy
Award nominee Abigail Breslin - the little girl in "Little Miss
Sunshine". Take some tissues - I have seen it twice and have shed
a tear or two both times! Get all the information about the movie
at www.theultimategift.com
You can find theaters near you that are showing the film by going
to www.foxfilmfund.com. If you enter your zip code, the site will
show you theaters in your area showing the film. If you then click
on a theater, you will be directed to either Fandango.com or
MovieTickets.com where you can buy tickets online (you are not
required to buy tickets online - they will be available at the
If you buy tickets online, there will be a place to enter a code –
a box labeled as "Organization Code" or "Organization/Church Code"
(do not use "Promotional Code"). If you enter the code 500758 –
$1/ticket of your purchase will go to support a designated
charity. In this case, it is The Tanner Seebaum Foundation, a
small Denver-based foundation that helps to fund research and find
cures for children's brain cancer and brain tumors. Ticket price
is still the same - you get see a movie and help a good cause by
purchasing online and using code 500758. You can read about this
foundation at www.tannersfoundation.org.
As for me, I had a chance to be an extra in the film, but
unfortunately the timing of the shoot did not fit in my schedule.
But if you sit through all of the credits you will see my name
will scroll by.
Thanks for reading all this and for seeing the movie. Thanks in
advance for buying tickets online and supporting this movie and
this cause.
Please enjoy the movie.
Disclosure: I am not an employee or Board member of The Tanner
Seebaum Foundation – just a friend of the family. And yes, I own a
very minor fractional share of the movie. Trust me - it will take
all of you seeing the movie many times before I will ever see a
dime out of this.
Thank you.
All the Best,
Bill Eggert, CFP®

Warmest Regards,
Stephanie J. Seebaum, Vice President
The Tanner Seebaum Foundation
6900 E. Belleview Ave, Ste 211
Greenwood Village, CO 80111
V: 303.771.HOPE
C: 303.909.7715
F: 303.771.6789
Stephanie, mom to Tanner, 10. DX 4th Ventricle Posterior Fossa
Ependymoma 07/07/98. GTR 07/09/98. VP Shunt 7/98. 3 rounds chemo.
Relapsed 02/13/2001. GTR 02/19/2001. 2 rounds Temodar. 33 rounds
conformal radiation. Relapsed 05/17/04. GTR 06/07/04. 3 rounds
Radiosurgery. Daily growth hormone shots. Big brother to Ellie, 7.
Children's Hospital Ambassador, Denver. www.tannersfoundation.org;

Enjoy Today’s Issue!

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Wednesday, March 07, 2007

3/7 - Highs and Lows - Unexpected CPR Feelings

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

It was an interesting day to say the least. My sweet wife and I,
and son #4 met up at PCMC to do our radio interview. They were
running a bit behind, but, we go on about 5 minutes to 11:00AM. I
don’t remember what I said to our interviewer Maria Shilaos, but
of course I fumbled over every word. (I did a lot better in the
. My sweet wife rocked, and so did son #4! I kept saying
‘great this, great that...’ and sounded dumb, but we had fun
anyway. Son #4 got a brown moose doll that was really cute. I told
him he should name it Maria Moose, so he could remember who
interviewed us, but she looked at me and raised an eyebrow but
didn’t say anything. (oops...) Then, when he got home, he named it
chocolate moose, but didn’t like that. Then, by himself, he named
it Marty Moose. Oh well, I wasn’t home to raise an eyebrow about
that one. They raised about a half a million dollars the last I
checked. Probably enough for all of son #4’s surgeries and doctors
visits. Amazing isn’t it. I put some pictures of us at the
radiothon on the website.

Maria (our interviewer) Marty (hiding) My sweet wife and son #4

Pulling the cover off of the microphone

Hamming it up!

I want to be a radio host

More of the same

But the day ended a little weird. For Scouts we went to the local
pool and had 11 boys work on their swimming merit badge. (9 of
them got it, including son #2!). But, one of the things they had
to do was CPR on a resusci-annie type doll. That brought back a
HUGE amount of feelings that I couldn’t contain and found my self
quietly weeping about my father. 30 years ago I went through the
exact same training as a Boy Scout, and I have been certified a
couple of times since then. But tonight I watched with very keen
interest, running through my mind every little detail to make sure
I did everything that I was supposed to do. When my dad died back
on Christmas day 2005, I had to do CPR on him. I remember every
minute detail. Trying to wake him up, checking his breathing,
checking for a pulse. A few breaths, check again. Still no pulse.
I remember the ribs cracking, just like the instructor said they
would. I remember waiting for what seemed like 3 weeks for the
ambulance to arrive. Everyone and everything says I did everything
exactly right, but there will always be that thing stuck in my
head saying, “maybe if...” I did get dad back to consciousness
before the ambulance arrived, and Dad and I even talked a little
on the way to the ER. But, he didn’t make it through the night

Anyway, enough of that. It’s just weird how just a normal day,
doing normal things, can really bring back some really strong

Ha. Now I gotta find some jokes for ya’ll. What a weird day.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

Reader Comments;

Hey, I heard the three of you on the radio today. You all sounded
good, especially son #4. There are some cute pictures on KSL.com
of your visit, including one where you are in the background,
looking pretty bored. I thought it was funny. The radio people
really seemed to like son #4. They kept talking about him for
quite a while after your interview was over... mentioned him a
number of times. Talk to you later.
~Justin H.

Although they were late getting you guys on, you sounded great!!!
~Uncle Butter



10) The National Cathedral could be renamed the National

9) NASA could commission a satellite to 'hie to Kolob'

8) The Secret Service could be renamed the Sacred Service

7) All official government prayers could include the phrase 'that
we all can get home safely'

6) Napoleon Dynamite could get someone other than Pedro elected

5) The President could not only explain things in Layman's terms,
but also Lemuel's terms

4) The President could issue pardons in exchange for 100% home

3) Not only could he pronounce 'Nuclear' but also 'Mahonri
Moriancumer' and 'Maher Shalal Hash Baz'.

2) At his inauguration he would swear on the Bible 'as far as it
is translated correctly'

1) Finally a first family large enough to fill up the White House

~Debi S.


Rambling Thoughts:

Some folks are so eager to find fault, you'd think there's a

I only use deodorant under one arm, so I know what I would have
smelled like.

Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.

I wish my mouth had a backspace key.

Many great discoveries are made by not following instructions.

The older I get, the better I was.

A pessimist is someone who complains about the noise when
opportunity knocks.

What a tangled web parents weave, thinking children are naive.

Some rights are worth dying for. The right of way is not one of

They call it a tax return . . as if the money you pay was going to
make a round trip.

There is nothing wrong with having nothing to say ... unless you
insist on saying it.
~Ruby C.


I dialed a wrong number and got the following recording: "I am not
available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am
making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the
beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes."

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Tuesday, March 06, 2007

3/6 - So he won't smell

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Ahh... I just got done with my 2nd Biology test tonight. Only 2
more to go. And I’m thinking tonight I need to get some sleep.
Wakening up at 3AM, wide awake thinking about a college Biology
test is not the best thing to do...

I called my sweet wife on the way home from school and she said
she was busying giving son #4 “a bath for tomorrow.” I said,
“What’s tomorrow?” She said, “The Radiothon, remember?”

Ok, so he has to take a bath to be on the radio... hmm...

Yeah, I guess I almost forgot. After I announced that we would be
on the radio three weeks ago, the shootings at Trolley Square
happened and the radio station decided to postpone the radiothon
until later. They started it today, and it will go on through
tomorrow. We’ll be on the radio tomorrow at 10:40 AM Mountain
time, so be sure and listen to us. You can tune in live at 1160 AM
102.7 FM, or listen on the net here. If anyone can record it for
us, that would be cool. Be sure to get out your check books and
credit cards when you listen!

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!


"At the end of last night's 'American Idol,' Ryan Seacrest
announced that more than 63 million votes were cast, which is more
than any president in U.S. history has ever received. In a related
story, this morning Hillary Clinton bought a karaoke machine."
~Conan O'Brien

[She’ll be singing a song with a southern drawl!]


Bank robbers had tied and gagged the bank cashier after learning
the combination to the safe and had herded the other employees
into a separate room under guard. After they rifled the safe and
were about to leave, the cashier made desperate pleading noises
through the gag. Moved by curiosity, one of the burglars loosed
the gag. "Please," whispered the cashier, "take the books, too.
I'm $7,500 short."


(taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds)

Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of
her own. They like other people's.

A grandfather is a man & a grandmother is a lady!

Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we
come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run.
It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like
pretty leaves and caterpillars.

They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers and
also why we shouldn't step on "cracks."

They don't say, "Hurry up."

Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.

They wear glasses and funny underwear.

They can take their teeth and gums out.

Grandparents don't have to be smart

They have to answer questions like "why isn't God married?" and
"How come dogs chase cats?".

When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask
for the same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you
don't have television because they are the only grown ups who like
to spend time with us.

They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say
prayers with us every time and kiss us even when we've acted bad.



It's funny when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame
their dog"
~#1 Mom

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Friday, March 02, 2007

3/2 - Parental Payday!

Friday, March 02, 2007

It’s late, and it’s Friday, but I thought I’d do a quick issue
anyway. Monday we had a family night lesson. I didn’t have a
lesson prepared, so I picked up a lesson manual that was lying on
the table and asked the 3 oldest boys for a number between 1 and
10. They came up with something like a 1 and 2 and a 4. So I put
them together, turned to page 124, read the title of the lesson
and said, “Ok, tonight’s lesson is going to be on integrity.” So,
as we talked about what integrity was, I glanced forward in the
manual and got some teaching points. We had a good discussion and
the lesson actually went really well.

That was Monday. Now forward to Wednesday. We got some renters in
our place, so I had the boys write me a bill for the cleaning work
they did. We told them we couldn’t pay them until we got renters
in, so I think they worked a little harder and faster. On
Wednesday we got together and I wrote checks out for the boys.

Today we all piled into the van and went to the bank today so they
could cash their checks. During the week we had talked about the
new Presidential dollar coin that was issued last week. And the
boys were excited to get some with their money. At the bank we
were also trying to open an account, get into our safe deposit
box, and chase son #4 around all at the same time; so things were
a little crazy. Anyway, when we got back into the van, son #2
said, “Yeah, the teller gave me the wrong amount when I cashed my
check.” He said that his checked ended in $7.50 and he asked for 7
Presidential dollars and two quarters along with bills. But teller
had given him 10 dollars and two quarters. So he went back, by
himself, while everyone else was busy running around, and told the
teller she gave him too many coins. She looked puzzled and asked
to see the money she had given him. She then apologized and told
him thank you. When I asked son #2 about it he said, “What. Was I
going to keep the $3? That wouldn’t be right.” Cool. Cha-Ching.
A parental payday!

So, I it was a good thing that the “boys” picked out a lesson on
integrity on last Monday!

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

Naw, maybe not. It’s late. I’ll get you some more jokes next week.

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Thursday, March 01, 2007

3/1 - Bikes, Family, and Peter and the Wolf

Thursday, March 01, 2007

I work 4x10’s so I have Friday’s off. Since the boys have tomorrow
off too, I decided to take the family on a trip somewhere where
it’s warm. Then last Sunday, son #1 told me that his Scout group
was going to Moab this weekend to ride bikes. So, I put our plans
off for another week. Then, tonight, he said that they canceled
the over-nighter because one of the leaders was sick and the other
leader had a bad ankle. I thought, well, maybe we still can do
something things with the family so, when I got home from school
tonight, we all sat down and made some plans for tomorrow and
Saturday. Then, about 9:30 tonight, one of the Scouts called and
said, “Oh, I guess we are going after all.” So now son #1 has to
make a decision, and he was having a tough time with it. I
thought, cool, he actually still wants to do something with the
family. Then he said, “If I can spend the night with my cousin
tomorrow night, I’ll stay home.”

Well, the thought was cool while it lasted.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

p.s. Hey, I was poking around Youtube again, and found something
kinda cool. When I was a kid, there was a Peter and the Wolf LP
record (that’s a huge black CD for you young’ens out there) that
my mom had that I listened to a lot. I came across this little
video clip. Kind fun.

Here's a link to the whole story

Reader Comments;

Marty, you said: so my sweet wife and I ~RAN~ to school the second
I got home from work. Only in Utah could you do that!!! The rest
of us would have to drive a car
[Oh, no, actually, I think they run in other states to. But, I
could be mistaken. Besides, running is good for you! (grin)]

Yes, 9 are too many! We had rentals when we were somewhat younger
and someone advised us to rent by referrals only… However, I will
add, that's not always the answer as well. Nine people, unless
it's a big house are too many to rent to, and even then I don't
think we would have rented to 9 people. There's no way with that
many in one house that things are not going to be destroyed!
Marty, if you have to repair at such cost, then you've lost income
which is very valuable to you, especially since you have a family
to care for!! Might I add, and such a wonderful family at that!!!
I enjoy your jokes and the thoughts, etc. that you include about
you, your sweet wife and 4 boys. Enjoy them while they're young –
they grow up so quickly..
~Cathy M.


A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the
morning. The wife (undoubtedly blond), picked up the phone,
listened a moment and said "How should I know, that's 200 miles
from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The
wife said, " I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast
is clear."
~Marvin L.


A quiet evening of guard duty at Camp Pendleton, California,
turned hairy when my son and his buddy saw a pair of luminous eyes
staring back at them. The animal slunk toward them ... a cougar.
Retreating slowly, my son radioed the base. "We're being followed
by a cougar," he said softly. "What do we do?" A voice responded,
"Get the license plate number, and we'll send over some MPs."


The proud father brought home a backyard swing set for his
children and immediately started to assemble it with all the
neighborhood children anxiously waiting to play on it. After
several hours of reading the directions, attempting to fit bolt A
into slot B, etc., he finally gave up and called upon an old
handyman working in a neighboring yard. The old-timer came over,
threw the directions away, and in a short while had the set
completely assembled. It's beyond me," said the father, "how you
got it together without even reading instructions." "To tell the
truth," replied the old-timer, "I can't read, and when you can't
read, you've got to think."

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