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Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

7/24 - A few short stories

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Tuesday, July 24, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yes, we’re still around and Its Christmas! (even though it’s
Pioneer day in Utah.)

Ok, it’s not really Christmas, but this month seems like a
December. Not because it’s cold. (We’ve had record days above 100º
this month) But, because this month is so darn busy!

Here are some updates, and some stories I can remember;

My Father’s estate; The antique auctioneer guy came and hauled all
of the antiques out of dad’s house. The auction is August 12th in
Ogden Utah, if anyone is interested.

We got my sweet wife’s little brother married off in Manti Utah.
It was on 07-07-07. I don’t think that Manti Temple has ever been
busier. They had something like 36 weddings there that day. On the
Friday before the wedding, we came down early and went fishing. I
caught 3 fish, but grandpa said I only caught 2 (and tied with
him). Probably because I let son #4 reel in one of my catches. But
I know I still out fished him! – At the reception when the groom
threw his new wife’s garter to the single males there, son #1
caught it. Now he just needs a girlfriend and a driver license!

Let’s see, what else? We’re getting a simple bath room remodel
done. But, our handy dude has gone missing for 3 days, and we’ve
got two huge holes in our basement floor, all the way to the dirt.
Looks like this is going to be a long job. [Huge update on this in
my next issue...]

A Funny; Son #4 said to my sweet wife today, “Mom this eye,”
(pointing to his “good” eye) “is for seeing. And this eye,”
(pointing to his totally blind eye) “is just for decoration.”

One last thing I can remember; Last night we took the Scout troop
up past Alta ski resort (at about 9200 feet) and had a quick camp
out. There were 6 Scouts sleeping in a large tent. There was a lot
of wile life around. We saw a full sized male moose wandering
through our camp, and heard several coyotes the next morning. But
that night, at 10:00 pm, I went over and told the boys to be
quiet. At 10:30 I did the same thing. Still no luck. At 11:00 I
had had enough. I quietly went over to the tent, started
‘sniffing’ and snorting. I moved the gravel around with my foot to
make them think something was out there. Then I scratched their
tent and made more noise. They kept on chatting. But, one boy
finally said, “What’s that? Be quiet! What was that?” After about
15 seconds they were all listening to me. Finally one boy stood
up, started to undue the window, and I growled really loud,
scaring all 6 of the boys, pretty good. They screamed and yelled,
and I finally said, “Now get to bed and be quiet this time!”



But, unfortunately, it was one of those, “Boy, that was a dumb
thing I did” moments. Those 6 boys were so scared, that they
stayed up most of the night scared to death of what was out there.
I even got a call from son #2 at 4:00 AM saying, “There’s a Moose
or an Elk sniffing outside my tent and I don’t know what to do!”
Yeah, right. At 4 AM while it’s pouring rain. Mr. Moose is bedded
down somewhere. Anyway, it was one of those nights.

I’ll tell you more about our Pioneer Trek adventure and “what’s
the worst thing that could happen to your house when you’re out
for a week” in my next issue.

Marty

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Monday, May 28, 2007

5/28 - Memorial Day Fun!

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Monday, May 28, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy Memorial Day! I thought I’d do a quick post this morning.
Our weekend has been pretty eventful so far. We all went to
Thoroughly Modern Millie on Friday. At first son #4 didn’t want to
go. The only thing he’s ever heard about Hale Centre Theater
(where the play was) was the accident where a stage hand got
caught in the moving stage. Before we went, son #4 kept asking if
anyone else was going to get hurt when the stage moved. When we
got there, he acted like he didn’t want to be there at all. But
about 5 minutes into the show when the stage moved for the first
time, his eyes got big and he said, “That was cool mom!” He loved
the show and stood on his chair and clapped at the end. All 4 boys
loved the play and kept asking when we were going again. Hmm...
‘Culture’ is cool, unfortunately it takes $$ to take 6 of us out.

Anyway, our next foray for the weekend was Pirates of the
Caribbean III - At Worlds End. It was a movie and prizes event
were a company also invited Make-a-Wish families. (Son #4 refused
to go because he got scared at the first Pirates movie, so we took
a cousin). Anyway, I won a hat and gave it to son #4 when we got
home. The movie wasn’t that impressive. The action scenes were
cool, the music was great, and Keith Richards from The Rolling
Stones, fit the roll of Jack’s father pretty close. One glaring
problem with the movie was the story line. It was SO hard to keep
track of who’s doing what to whom and why. It was like channel
surfing. I kept asking myself, “Why did they just do that?” and “I
don’t understand why so and so is now fighting so and so when they
were just making a deal 10 minutes ago.” Another problem
throughout this series
is the dialogue is still hard to follow.
It’s hard enough to catch what they’re saying in real life, but
combine heavy accents with an octopus makeup and no lips, and
things go downhill from there.

Bottom line, I give it a 2 out of 4 boys rating. I’d wait for it
to come to your local dollar theater...

At Church on Sunday son #4 kept asking to get home quickly. He had
a treat ahead of him. Last week I put my dad’s MG on craigslist
and on a couple of other places on the internet. I got tons of
calls, and a lot of people looking at it. A guy who lives just a
couple miles south of us came and bought it on Friday, but son #4
was not too happy with me for selling it. We took a few last
pictures of him in it. (Here he’s protecting the MG with a squirt
gun from the evil MG buyer.)



Anyway, son #4 started to cry when the guy came to pick it up. It
was pretty heart wrenching. But, the guy was really cool and said,
“Son #4, tell you what. How about I bring by another cool car on
Sunday and take you for a drive?” Son #4 with a frown on his face,
a big lower lip, and still looking at the ground, nodded yes. Ever
since the guy drove the MG away, son #4 kept asking when the guy
with the cool car would come back and give him a ride.

So, Sunday afternoon rolled around and son #4 was really excited.
He kept asking me to call the guy and ask when he would be here. I
didn’t want to appear too anxious, but I finally caved in. A
couple hours later he drove up in this really sweet 1954 Corvette
convertible. Son #4 said, “Wow!” He got a good 15 minute ride, but
I knew what was coming next. The poor guy had to haul all 4 boys
around the neighborhood too. But he was a good sport and said it
wasn’t a problem. And, it turns out, he and my boys may be
related.

His parents were from Star Valley Wyoming, and part of the Olsen
family. (As in Merlin Olsen of the NFL, and Little House on the
Prairie fame.) My sweet mother-in-law’s aunt was an Olsen from
Star Valley. Well, it’s a little convoluted, but that’s what I get
when I know my genealogy.





Speaking of convoluted, have you ever heard of “The Six Degrees of
Kevin Bacon
”? It was a popular 90’s game where you try to link
actors or actresses with Kevin Bacon. It is said that everyone in
Hollywood is within 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon. Here’s an example;
Take a not very well known actress in Soap Operas name Ellen
Wheeler. (ok, she’s at least not well known to me...)

Ellen Wheeler was in Without Evidence (1995) with W. Earl Brown
W. Earl Brown was in Sugar & Spice (2001) with Rachel Blanchard
Rachel Blanchard was in Where the Truth Lies (2005) with Kevin Bacon

So Ellen would be 3 degrees from Kevin bacon. Then I got to
thinking. And yes, I am now famous. I am only 4 degrees from Kevin
Bacon! Here’s how.

Marty is related to son #4 by birth.
Son #4 is Merlin Olsen’s 1st cousin, twice removed. (true)
Merlin Olsen was in Mitchell (1975) with Joe Don Baker
Joe Don Baker was in Criminal Law (1988) with Kevin Bacon

I just have too much time on my hands... But, I couldn’t go
camping this weekend, could I?? Ok, enough dumb stuff, I gotta get
ready for the baseball game today!

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-

Finally! Episode 8 of Chad Vader.
You can see the Chad Vader Series starting with this issue...



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A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of
the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination
room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older
doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was and she told her
story. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where
the young doctor was writing on his clipboard. "What's the matter
with you?" the older doctor demanded "Mrs. Reid is 62 years old,
has four grown children and seven grandchildren. And you told her
she was pregnant?" The younger doctor continued writing and
without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

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Before I could visit my daughter at her naval base in Japan, I was
told I needed to supply her with some important information to
give to security. The list included the following: passport
number, height, weight, year of birth and anticipated hair color
at time of arrival.

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On his way home from work recently, my husband came upon a 'Road
Closed' sign. Undeterred, he maneuvered his truck around it and
continued on. But he didn't get very far. The pavement ended,
giving way to another, larger sign: "What Part of 'Road Closed'
Didn't You Understand?"

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Monday, May 07, 2007

5/7 - Test - Talk - and Jazz

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Monday, May 07, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, my biology test went only fairly good. I pulled a passing
grade, enough to get paid by my company (I hope!). But, I need to
get into studying a bit more come this fall. I think 7 years
without going to school has softened me up!

The boys are doing well. #1 and #2 went to EFY with me on
Saturday. Both speakers were very funny and motivational. The
first talked about how being tall growing up was hard. Her best
comeback to someone in the airport saying, “Gee, you’re tall. I’ll
bet you play basketball” was, “Gee, you’re short. You must play
miniature golf.”

We also got to hear from a local semi-celebrity, John Bytheway. I
mentioned him here. He was really good speaker too, and I think
the boys and I came away trying to be better people, yet again...

Anyway, half time is about over in the Jazz game. Gotta run!

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-
Deadly Handsome Men


Children See Children Do


What to wear when your wife asks you to do something


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"It appears we have appointed our worst generals to command
forces, and our most gifted and brilliant to edit newspapers! In
fact, I discovered by reading newspapers that these
editor/geniuses plainly saw all my strategic defects from the
start, yet failed to inform me until it was too late. Accordingly,
I'm readily willing to yield my command to these obviously
superior intellects, and I'll, in turn, do my best for the Cause
by writing editorials - after the fact."
~Robert E. Lee, 1863

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One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that
goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two
"wolves" inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy,
sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment,
inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is
Good . It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness,
benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his
grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

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*Rules for Writers*

1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually)
unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Don't use no double negatives.
12. Proffer carefully to see if you any words out.
~Debi S

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Thursday, April 26, 2007

4/26 - Our next big project!

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Thursday, April 26, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been a busy week. Trying to study for finals, helping kids
with home work, yadda yadda... Yesterday I took the older Scouts
Geocaching. I haven’t done it (successfully) for awhile, so I
thought with a bit of help, we’d do a good job. We did! We found 4
caches. I think one boy in particular had a great time, so I think
I’ve hooked another cacher!

Our next big project;
People thought I was crazy when I took my sweet wife, son #2, and
myself, and joined the stake play in The Sound of Music. We
started just months after son #4 had his brain surgery to take out
the tumor, and days before my dad died on Christmas day. Yes,
looking back, I was nut. But, it kept my mind off of things.

Then, a few months after the play, I took a job in Radiology as a
PACS administrator. I didn’t know the first thing about radiology.
(Ok, I still don’t...)

Then, I decided, (Well, my boss really...) that since I didn’t
know the first thing about radiology, that I ought to go back to
school (after 7 years), and learn something. So I did.

So, now I’ve decided that summer time is my family’s time. No
school for me. So, what did I do? I volunteered to go on the Trek
with my sweet wife and son #1.



Trek? What’s the Trek?

In April of 1847, the Mormon Pioneers were forced out of the
Midwest, and walked (with hand carts) over 1000 miles to the Salt
Lake Valley. Mormon culture is heavily immersed with Pioneer
stories of their travels. Many reenact their journey by traveling
part of the pioneer trail in Wyoming, with hand carts, dressed in
period costume, for a week. I believe its 30 miles in 4 days.

With our musical background, my sweet wife and I have been asked
to learn how to play the Irish whistle and to be part of the
nightly entertainment. (We’ll also help with cooking and cleaning
for 300 people) We’re not required to walk with the “Ma’s and Pa’s
and their kids” but, I may for a day or two anyway. So, for the
next 90 days (at least after my final on Tuesday) I’ve got a new
instrument to learn, and a lot more walking to do during my lunch
break! I remember the months preparing for my one week in Joshua
Tree National Forest, hiking with Outward Bound. I could tell you
stories...

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

Too Late... More Jokes and Videos tomorrow! (maybe...)

=-=-=-

More about The Trek

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Wednesday, April 11, 2007

4/11 - Monoposponsbility

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Wednesday, April 11, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The older boys have a rough time with grades at the beginning of
the quarter. If they don’t get high enough, they can’t play
computer or watch TV. At the beginning of the quarter, one late 15
point assignment can really kill their grades. So, both #1 and #2
are down for a few days. Hopefully, the banishment will be short
lived.

Now, on the other hand, it’s great that they get off of the
computer and do ~something~. After homework tonight they got out
the old Monopoly game. (That and Risk are my two favorite games in
the entire world.) When I came upstairs tonight, they were yelling
at each other just like young boys should, and the next second
they were all laughing together. They did me proud.

One thing I’ve always tried to teach my boys is, if they get in
trouble and earn a punishment, admit it if they are wrong, and
take the punishment like a man. No whining. My boys do a pretty
good job at it. But, in today’s world, it’s not easy with all of
the poor roll models around. People are such whiners and don’t
take responsibility for their actions. I say, if you’ve done
something wrong, fess up, take your lumps, and learn from it.
You’ll be twice the person for doing so. The people who say, “It’s
not my fault” (when it is) or “I did it because of this, that, or
the other thing,” or “I had a rough life...” really get my goat. I
had an experience today that just made me shake my head. Some
people are just... corrupt. I’ll have to tell you about it
someday.

But now, it’s time to watch the last episode of Chad Vader. It’s a
cliff hanger too...

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-
Reader Comments

Hi Marty,
I seldom disagree with you, but don't you think you're being
paranoid about the phone numbers? I went through my address book
and picked out 10 people I know and entered their numbers in
Google and NONE came up with addresses. I did put in my dentist
and it was a hit, but if I have his number I can just call him and
ask for the address. As for children, they are much more likely to
tell a stranger their name than their phone number. Since at least
back to the `30's you could look up names in a thing called a
Phone Book and find an address. With an address you can
look at a thing called a Map and find the house. [In Utah you
seldom need a map with the grid system of numbering] It looks
like computers distort some people's view of reality. Bottom line;
Children should be aware of strangers and information.
Randy in Sacramento

[Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men. Only The .......
knows.] [Who can tell me what radio program THAT was from?
Actually Randy, I tend to agree with you somewhat, but it makes
for good filler don’t it? (grin)]

Marty, I have not been able to figure out how to block my phone #.
I clicked on my # everytime I saw it, to no avail. It's scary to
think that someone could find my house that easily!!
Love your BLOG!
I just started school, too, so I know how hard that can be.
Sally

[Sorry, can’t help ya. Randy might know... hehehe]

=-=-=-
Cool Pictures from cool places. (Thanks to reader Doug L. for
these gems!)

These pictures are of Ithaa, the unique undersea restaurant that
opened at the Hilton Maldives Resort & Spa Rangali Island in April
2005. Ithaa - a word meaning "pearl" in the local Dhivehi language
- is a tiny restaurant by resort hotel standards (it seats only
12), but it offers diners a "spectacular underwater view of
colorful fish, sharks and other sea life in the surrounding coral
reefs through curved, transparent acrylic walls." Guests begin
their visits with drinks on a deck overhanging the Indian Ocean,
then descend to the restaurant (16 feet underwater) via a spiral
staircase, where they indulge in meals of contemporary Maldivian
fusion cuisine served in four courses. (The cost per person for
dinner ranges from $187 to $220.)















=-=-=-

Lots of pictures today, so only one video.
Chad Vader Episode 7 (The last one, for now...)



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Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was giving. In
her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce,
and it sat on the counter all day. She was worried about spoilage,
but it was too late to cook up another batch.

She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced her concern.
They advised Becky to just boil the sauce again and it should be
fine.

That night, the phone rang during dinner, and one of the guests
volunteered to answer it. Becky's face dropped as the guest called
out, "It's the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the
spaghetti sauce turned out."

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You're not a kid anymore when ...

* The only reason you're awake at 4 a.m. is indigestion.

* You are proud of your lawnmower.

* 8 a.m. is your idea of "sleeping in."

* People call you at 8 p.m. and ask: "Did I wake you?"

* Your high school diploma is the color of buttermilk.

* Nobody ever tells you to slow down.

* You've seen Halley's Comet ... twice.

* You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
~Wanda D.

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When I was a child, I remember my Mom telling me, "Son, when
you grow up, you can marry any girl you please."

When I became a young man, I learned the sad fact was that I
could not please any of them.

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Saturday, April 07, 2007

4/7 - How many activities can you pack into one day?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Saturday, April 07, 2007
[Our 450th post!]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a busy Saturday. We went to an Easter Egg Hunt, Home Depot
Kids workshop
, trap shooting, and Geocaching. (I’ll get to that
studying soon, I promise...) I’ve posted a couple of pics online of
the boys today.

Also, some have asked where Chad Vader episode 4 is. It’s now
posted. Enjoy!

And, speaking of shooting and clay pigeons, I’m also posted “clay
pigeons are for wimps” video online.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

p.s. Oops, almost forgot. Happy Easter tomorrow!

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Son #1 shooting - Look at the ear plugs. I'm such a good dad...


Sons #2 and 3 at the kids workshop.
Notice how they never argue about anything...


Son #4 at Kids work shop

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Chad Vader Episode 4


Clay Pigeons are for Wimps

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Tuesday, March 27, 2007

3/27 - Skiing, Kid Jokes, and Rocky on speed!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*sigh* It was a school night tonight. Not much time to type out a
long story, but I did go around and ask everyone if they had any
good Joke of the Day stories. No one did, but son #4 said he skied
most of the time today without holding on to the instructor’s
pole. He also said he wants me to go again with him next Tuesday.
Hmm... There’s supposed to be 3 feet of new snow in the mountains
tonight. I guess if I have to go skiing, I guess I could...

Son #4 also said, “I have some jokes for you dad!”

Here they are...

Why did Tigger put his head into a toilet?
Because he was looking for Pooh!
[Keep in mind gang, these are 6 year old boy jokes]

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he wanted to get to the other side.

Why did the chicken cross the playground?
Because he wanted to get to the other slide.

What did one wall say to the other wall?
I’ll meet you at the corner.

How many vampires does it take to change a light bulb?
Zero! (Because vampires like the dark!)

My sweet wife just chimed in. “How many teenagers does it take to
change a light bulb? Only one! They just hold the light bulb up
and the whole world revolves around them!”

She said, “I keep telling that joke to son #1, he doesn’t like it
much.”

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

p.s. Did I ever tell you that life was like a roll of toilet
paper? The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes. With a
wife, kids, Church, Scouts, work, school, and JOTD (yeah, probably
in that order) I’m feeling a little squished with time. Which
brings me to today’s video. Have you ever wanted to watch all of
the Rocky movies at once? Now is your chance! This little gem will
show you Rocky I through Rocky VI in just 5 seconds!

Enjoy

=-=-=-
Cartoon Section



=-=-=-
Headline News Section

Mothers eating beef could threaten sons' fertility

Dog Performs Heimlich Maneuver on Owner
Does anyone think this is really true?

=-=-=-
Today's Video Section


Rocky I – VI in just 5 seconds.

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Did you know?

On April 1, 1998, the fast-food giant took out an ad in USA Today
announcing a left-handed Whopper, with condiments placed so
southpaws' toppings wouldn't drip out the right side of the
sandwich. Thousands of folks actually ordered the fake burger.

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My friend Allison adopted a stray cat and took him to the vet to
be neutered.

"I'm about 90 percent certain he's been fixed," the vet said.

"How can I be 100 percent sure?" Allison asked.

"Watch to see if he does any 'male' things."

"He already lies on the couch all day," she said. "If he starts
hogging the remote, I'll bring him in."

=-=-=-

They say our mothers really know how to push our buttons –
because they installed them.
~Robin Williams

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When a nun collapsed in the sales representative's office at our
time-share resort, the rep ran to the front-desk manager. "Two
nuns walked into the sales office, and one of them fainted!" she
yelled breathlessly. Unfazed, the manager just looked at her.
"Well," said the rep, "aren't you going to do anything?" He
replied, "I'm waiting for the punch line."

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Monday, March 19, 2007

3/19 - Dinosaurs and School and Voodoo Dolls Oh My!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, March 19, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Grandpa, do you have a copy of Jurassic Park?” Son #1 turned and
asked his Grandpa at Fazolis tonight. “The book or the DVD?”
Grandpa replied. “The book.” Son #1 said. “Nope, I don’t have
either.” Grandpa said with a smile. Grandpa has a deadpan sense of
humor that we’ve all grown up with... we’re used to it, and it’s
even rubbed off on us. But we still smile just to make him think
we’re amused. (grin)



Anyway, because I’m starting back to school tomorrow night; [BTW,
on a side note, I had one of my readers sit down next to me in
Sunday school yesterday. As the instructor was teaching from
Matthew 13 about Parables, my reader leaned over and she whispered
“By the way, I hate that you’re going back to school.” A little
taken aback I said, “Why?” She said, “Because you don’t write as
often!” Ok, yeah, I guess I see your point...]



Anyway, as I was saying, I’m starting back to school on Tuesday
after spring break. Son #4’s birthday just happens to be schedule
that same day. So, for his birthday dinner he decided he wanted to
have us all go out to Fazolis tonight so dad could come with. At
Fazolis they had a family night special where you could get a free
kids meal with every adult entrée. Son #1 said, “Dad, I’ll get a
kids meal, since it’s free and I’m not that hungry.” Now there’s a
change. (The not being hungry part, not the being nice part...) We
all had plenty of food, and I again got to feed the whole crew for
less than $19. Always a good deal.

On the way home, Son #1 said, “Um, I have to have a lot of the
book Jurassic Park read by tomorrow.” Oops... nothing like waiting
until the very last moment to say something. So, when we got home,
my sweet wife grabbed a Barnes and Noble card that we have, and
dashed off to the store with son #1. As they were leaving, son #4
ran out of the door yelling, “I want to go too!” I got a call on
my cell phone 30 seconds later; “I’ve got 1 and 4” “Thanks” I
said. ~click~ Its a little code we use. We’ve been writing and
reading the Joke of the day so long, that it’s often easier to
call our boys by their numbers, rather than their names. (For some
reason numbers aren’t as easy to mix up...) Often in the mall or
somewhere I’ll hear, “Incoming, #3!” Although other’s look at us
strange, I know exactly what that means. ‘Son #3 is running to
you, and you’re now responsible for him. Do you have him?’ “OK!”
is the reply.



At B&N sons #1 and #4 are perusing the aisles. They easily find
Jurassic Park. Of course, you can get a used copy on eBay for $2,
but you’re going to pay through the nose for a new one at B&N. $8!
Son #4 wanted some action too. He saw a voodoo book & doll combo.
“Mom, what’s a voodoo doll?” My sweet wife replied, “It’s a doll
that you pretend is someone else, and you beat it up.” “Mom, I
want a voodoo doll. Paahleease...” he begged. “Nope.” Than, all
through the store he was saying, “Please mom, I want a voodoo
doll!!” She was getting a little embarrassed, but held her ground.
(My sweet wife rocks!) She told me later that there’s no way that
she was going to spend $8 for a little stuffed toy, and a dumb
voodoo doll at that! But, I think it hurried her out of the store
a little quicker!

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

p.s. Skiing with son #4 tomorrow!

p.p.s. Oh yeah, the “Compliment Game”
Here’s a couple of words that were sent back...

Friend
Strange
Courageous
Phenomenal
Caring

Thanks gang!

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Enter to win a 58" HDTV from Xerox


Readers - This is a quick link, not an endless information gathering site.
I've tired it. Name, Address, email. That's it. Official Xerox site.
Try it! - Marty

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I'm only sending this to my brilliant friends. Passing requires
only 4 correct answers....a measly 40%.

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get catgut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific is named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

All done? Check your answers at the bottom.

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Years ago I came across a poem entitled "The Man in the Glass" by
Dale Wimbrow. I looked it up on the Internet and discovered a
website maintained by his children: http://www.theguyintheglass.com
It contains the original version written in 1934 and published in
The American Magazine as "The Guy in the Glass." Here is that
Version containing timeless truths about integrity.

When you get what you want in your struggle for self,
And the world makes you King for a day,
Then go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that guy has to say.

For it isn't your Father or Mother or Wife
Who judgment upon you must pass.
The feller whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the guy staring back from the glass.

He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,
For he's with you clear up to the end,
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the guy in the glass is your friend.

You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum
And think you're a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you've cheated the guy in the glass.

Judging from the devoted words of his children, Mr. Wimbrow never
cheated the guy in his glass.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
© 2007 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with permission.
Michael Josephson, one of the nation's leading ethicists, is the
founder of the Josephson Institute of Ethics and the premier youth
character education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit http://www.charactercounts.org

Source: Weekend Encounter, by Dick Innes, Copyright (c) ACTS
International, 2004, http://www.actsweb.org/subscribe.php
~Ruby C.

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HEART ATTACK IN WOMEN and how it feels......

I've meant to send this to my women friends to warn them that it's
true that women rarely have the same dramatic symptoms that men
have when experiencing a heart attack...you know, the sudden
stabbing pain in the chest, the cold sweat, grabbing the chest &
dropping to the floor that we see in the movies.

Having had a completely unexpected heart attack about 10:30 p.m.
with NO prior exertion, NO prior emotional trauma that one would
suspect might have brought it on, it was this past April 2006,
about 1-1/2 hours after I'd spent a pleasant 2 hrs. rehearsing
with the Note-a-Belles.

I was sitting all snuggly & warm on a cold evening, with my
purring cat in my lap, reading an interesting story my friend had
sent me, and actually thinking, "A-A-h, this is the life, all
cozy and warm in my soft, cushy Lazy Boy with my feet propped up."
A moment later, I felt that awful sensation of indigestion, when
you've been in a hurry and grabbed a bite of sandwich and washed
it down with a dash of water, and that hurried bite seems to feel
like you've swallowed a golf ball going down the esophagus in slow
motion and it is most uncomfortable. You realize you shouldn't
have gulped it down so fast and needed to chew it more thoroughly
and this time drink a glass of water to hasten its progress down
to the stomach, which doesn't do much good, as your esophagus and
throat muscles are in spasm and it hurts to swallow.

This was my initial sensation---the only trouble was that I hadn't
taken a bite of anything since about 5:00 p.m. After that had
seemed to subside, the next sensation was like little squeezing
motions that seemed to be racing up my SPINE (hind-sight, it was
probably my aorta spasming), gaining speed as they continued
racing up and under my sternum (breast bone, where one presses
rhythmically when administering CPR). This fascinating process
continued on into my throat and branched out into both jaws.

AHA!! NOW I stopped puzzling about what was happening. We all have
read and/or heard about pain in the jaws being one of the signals
of a heart attack happening, haven't we?

I said aloud to myself and the cat, "Dear God, I think I'm having
a heart attack!" I lowered the footrest, dumping the cat from my
lap, started to take a step and fell on the floor instead. I
thought to myself, "If this is a heart attack, I shouldn't be
walking into the next room where the phone is or anywhere
else....... but, on the other hand, if I don't, nobody will know
that I need help. And if I wait any longer, I may not be able to
get up in a moment."

I pulled myself up with the arms of the chair, walked slowly into
the next room and dialed the paramedics. I guess when one reaches
them, your address automatically flashes on a screen, as the
operator verified my address immediately and asked my symptoms.

I told her I thought I was having a heart attack due to the
pressure building under the sternum and radiating into my jaws. I
didn't feel hysterical or afraid, just stating the facts, ma'am.
She said she was sending the paramedics over immediately, asked if
the front door was near to me, and if so, to unbolt the door and
then lie down on the floor where they could see me when they came
in. No, I didn't take an aspirin, as I'm allergic to it, but I did
take a 100 mg magnesium oxide capsule...which bottle I keep
handily in reach on the kitchen counter...which is a small detour
on my way to the front door...with about a 3/4 glass of water to
get it dissolving ASAP into my bloodstream.

Magnesium relaxes blood vessels as it dissolves to get them
expanded to let blood get through the constriction of the vessels.
I then laid down on the floor as instructed and lost
consciousness, as I don't remember the medics coming in...their
examination...lifting me onto a gurney or getting me into their
ambulance...or hearing the call they made to St. Jude ER on the
way. But I did briefly awaken when we arrived and saw that the
cardiologist was already there in his surgical blues and cap,
helping the medics pull my stretcher out of the ambulance.

He was bending over me asking questions (probably something like
"Have you taken any medications?") but I couldn't make my mind
interpret what he was saying, or form an answer, and nodded off
again.. not waking up until the cardiologist and partner had
already threaded the teeny angiogram balloon up my femoral artery
into the aorta and into my heart where they installed two side-by-
side stents to hold open my right coronary artery and now was
being taken into the CCU, and looking up at the three anxious
faces of Karen, Mark, and Wendy. Since I'd been a patient at St.
Jude in 2002 for my TIA treatment, they had my emergency info in
their system and had called my kids. I spent two days in CCU and
two in general ward, then was discharged.

I know it sounds like all my thinking and actions at home must
have taken at least 20-30 minutes before calling the paramedics,
but actually it took perhaps 4-5 minutes before the call, and both
the fire station and St. Jude are only minutes away from my home,
and my Cardiologist was already to go to the OR in his scrubs and
get going on restarting my heart (which had stopped somewhere
between my arrival and the procedure) and installing the stents.

Why have I written all of this to you with so much detail?

Because I want all of you who are so important in my life to know
what I learned firsthand, as a Certified Medical Back-Office
Assistant in Internal Medicine Clinics, and as one who has lived
through a heart attack due to:

1. Being aware that something very different was happening in my
body - not the usual men's symptoms, but inexplicable things
happening (until my sternum and jaws got into the act ). It is
said that many more women than men die of their first (and last!)
heart attack because they didn't know they were having one, and
commonly mistake it as indigestion, take some Maalox or other
anti-"heartburn" preparation...and go to bed...hoping they'll feel
better in the morning when they wake up....which doesn't happen.

My female friends, your symptoms might not be exactly like mine,
so I advise you to call the paramedics if ANYTHING is unpleasantly
happening that you've not felt before. It is better to have a
"false alarm" visitation than to risk your life guessing what it
might be!

2. Note that I said "Call the Paramedics," Ladies. TIME IS OF THE
ESSENCE! Do NOT try to drive yourself to the ER. You're a hazard
to others on the road, and so is your panicked husband/friend who
will be speeding and looking anxiously at what's happening with
you instead of the road, and so are your kids or friends a hazard
as well. As sure as I sit here, they will get the attention of a
cop who will pull you over for speeding--more wasted time. Do NOT
call your doctor--he doesn't know where you live and if it's at
night you won't reach him anyway, and if it's daytime, his
assistants (or answering service) will tell you to call the
Paramedics.

He doesn't carry the equipment in his car that you need to be
saved! The Paramedics do--principally OXYGEN that you need
ASAP. Your Dr. will be notified later.

3. Don't assume it couldn't be a heart attack because you have a
normal cholesterol count -- I did, and do, too. Research has
discovered that an elevated cholesterol reading is rarely the
cause of a heart attack (unless it's unbelievably high, and/or
accompanied by high blood pressure). heart attacks are usually
caused by long-term stress and inflammation in the body, which
dumps all sorts of deadly hormones into your system to sludge
things up in there (and, of course, family genetics can be a
factor. I qualify for the latter, and the years 2005 and 2006 have
been the most stressful of my life since Jack died in 1981.)

A serious note about heart attacks: Women should know that not
every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting.
Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line, or even pressure there
and under the sternum, or "indigestion" symptoms, especially if
you haven't eaten in several hours. You may never have the first
chest pain during the course of a heart attack, but heaviness
/pressure under the sternum is common.

Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms, but not
necessarily in women. 60% of people who have heart attacks while
they are asleep do not wake up.

Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful
and be aware. The more we know, the better chance we can survive.

A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this email sends it to
ten people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life.

**Please be a true friend, and send this article to all the
friends you care about.**
~#1 Mom

=-=-=-

Answers to today quiz

ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats?
Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get catgut?
Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
November

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific is named after what animal?
Dogs

7) What was King George VI's first name?
Albert

8) What color is a purple finch?
Crimson

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
Orange , of course.

~Daria B.

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Wednesday, March 07, 2007

3/7 - Highs and Lows - Unexpected CPR Feelings

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was an interesting day to say the least. My sweet wife and I,
and son #4 met up at PCMC to do our radio interview. They were
running a bit behind, but, we go on about 5 minutes to 11:00AM. I
don’t remember what I said to our interviewer Maria Shilaos, but
of course I fumbled over every word. (I did a lot better in the
play
. My sweet wife rocked, and so did son #4! I kept saying
‘great this, great that...’ and sounded dumb, but we had fun
anyway. Son #4 got a brown moose doll that was really cute. I told
him he should name it Maria Moose, so he could remember who
interviewed us, but she looked at me and raised an eyebrow but
didn’t say anything. (oops...) Then, when he got home, he named it
chocolate moose, but didn’t like that. Then, by himself, he named
it Marty Moose. Oh well, I wasn’t home to raise an eyebrow about
that one. They raised about a half a million dollars the last I
checked. Probably enough for all of son #4’s surgeries and doctors
visits. Amazing isn’t it. I put some pictures of us at the
radiothon on the website.


Maria (our interviewer) Marty (hiding) My sweet wife and son #4


Pulling the cover off of the microphone


Hamming it up!


I want to be a radio host


More of the same

But the day ended a little weird. For Scouts we went to the local
pool and had 11 boys work on their swimming merit badge. (9 of
them got it, including son #2!). But, one of the things they had
to do was CPR on a resusci-annie type doll. That brought back a
HUGE amount of feelings that I couldn’t contain and found my self
quietly weeping about my father. 30 years ago I went through the
exact same training as a Boy Scout, and I have been certified a
couple of times since then. But tonight I watched with very keen
interest, running through my mind every little detail to make sure
I did everything that I was supposed to do. When my dad died back
on Christmas day 2005, I had to do CPR on him. I remember every
minute detail. Trying to wake him up, checking his breathing,
checking for a pulse. A few breaths, check again. Still no pulse.
I remember the ribs cracking, just like the instructor said they
would. I remember waiting for what seemed like 3 weeks for the
ambulance to arrive. Everyone and everything says I did everything
exactly right, but there will always be that thing stuck in my
head saying, “maybe if...” I did get dad back to consciousness
before the ambulance arrived, and Dad and I even talked a little
on the way to the ER. But, he didn’t make it through the night
there.

Anyway, enough of that. It’s just weird how just a normal day,
doing normal things, can really bring back some really strong
feelings.

Ha. Now I gotta find some jokes for ya’ll. What a weird day.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-
Reader Comments;

Hey, I heard the three of you on the radio today. You all sounded
good, especially son #4. There are some cute pictures on KSL.com
of your visit, including one where you are in the background,
looking pretty bored. I thought it was funny. The radio people
really seemed to like son #4. They kept talking about him for
quite a while after your interview was over... mentioned him a
number of times. Talk to you later.
~Justin H.

Although they were late getting you guys on, you sounded great!!!
~Uncle Butter

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TOP TEN REASONS TO VOTE FOR MITT ROMNEY:

10) The National Cathedral could be renamed the National
Tabernacle

9) NASA could commission a satellite to 'hie to Kolob'

8) The Secret Service could be renamed the Sacred Service

7) All official government prayers could include the phrase 'that
we all can get home safely'

6) Napoleon Dynamite could get someone other than Pedro elected

5) The President could not only explain things in Layman's terms,
but also Lemuel's terms

4) The President could issue pardons in exchange for 100% home
teaching.

3) Not only could he pronounce 'Nuclear' but also 'Mahonri
Moriancumer' and 'Maher Shalal Hash Baz'.

2) At his inauguration he would swear on the Bible 'as far as it
is translated correctly'

1) Finally a first family large enough to fill up the White House

~Debi S.

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Rambling Thoughts:

Some folks are so eager to find fault, you'd think there's a
reward.

I only use deodorant under one arm, so I know what I would have
smelled like.

Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.

I wish my mouth had a backspace key.

Many great discoveries are made by not following instructions.

The older I get, the better I was.

A pessimist is someone who complains about the noise when
opportunity knocks.

What a tangled web parents weave, thinking children are naive.

Some rights are worth dying for. The right of way is not one of
them.

They call it a tax return . . as if the money you pay was going to
make a round trip.

There is nothing wrong with having nothing to say ... unless you
insist on saying it.
~Ruby C.

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I dialed a wrong number and got the following recording: "I am not
available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am
making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the
beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes."

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Thursday, March 01, 2007

3/1 - Bikes, Family, and Peter and the Wolf

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thursday, March 01, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I work 4x10’s so I have Friday’s off. Since the boys have tomorrow
off too, I decided to take the family on a trip somewhere where
it’s warm. Then last Sunday, son #1 told me that his Scout group
was going to Moab this weekend to ride bikes. So, I put our plans
off for another week. Then, tonight, he said that they canceled
the over-nighter because one of the leaders was sick and the other
leader had a bad ankle. I thought, well, maybe we still can do
something things with the family so, when I got home from school
tonight, we all sat down and made some plans for tomorrow and
Saturday. Then, about 9:30 tonight, one of the Scouts called and
said, “Oh, I guess we are going after all.” So now son #1 has to
make a decision, and he was having a tough time with it. I
thought, cool, he actually still wants to do something with the
family. Then he said, “If I can spend the night with my cousin
tomorrow night, I’ll stay home.”

Well, the thought was cool while it lasted.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

p.s. Hey, I was poking around Youtube again, and found something
kinda cool. When I was a kid, there was a Peter and the Wolf LP
record (that’s a huge black CD for you young’ens out there) that
my mom had that I listened to a lot. I came across this little
video clip. Kind fun.



Here's a link to the whole story

=-=-=-
Reader Comments;

Marty, you said: so my sweet wife and I ~RAN~ to school the second
I got home from work. Only in Utah could you do that!!! The rest
of us would have to drive a car
~debi
[Oh, no, actually, I think they run in other states to. But, I
could be mistaken. Besides, running is good for you! (grin)]


Yes, 9 are too many! We had rentals when we were somewhat younger
and someone advised us to rent by referrals only… However, I will
add, that's not always the answer as well. Nine people, unless
it's a big house are too many to rent to, and even then I don't
think we would have rented to 9 people. There's no way with that
many in one house that things are not going to be destroyed!
Marty, if you have to repair at such cost, then you've lost income
which is very valuable to you, especially since you have a family
to care for!! Might I add, and such a wonderful family at that!!!
I enjoy your jokes and the thoughts, etc. that you include about
you, your sweet wife and 4 boys. Enjoy them while they're young –
they grow up so quickly..
~Cathy M.



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A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the
morning. The wife (undoubtedly blond), picked up the phone,
listened a moment and said "How should I know, that's 200 miles
from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The
wife said, " I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast
is clear."
~Marvin L.

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A quiet evening of guard duty at Camp Pendleton, California,
turned hairy when my son and his buddy saw a pair of luminous eyes
staring back at them. The animal slunk toward them ... a cougar.
Retreating slowly, my son radioed the base. "We're being followed
by a cougar," he said softly. "What do we do?" A voice responded,
"Get the license plate number, and we'll send over some MPs."

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The proud father brought home a backyard swing set for his
children and immediately started to assemble it with all the
neighborhood children anxiously waiting to play on it. After
several hours of reading the directions, attempting to fit bolt A
into slot B, etc., he finally gave up and called upon an old
handyman working in a neighboring yard. The old-timer came over,
threw the directions away, and in a short while had the set
completely assembled. It's beyond me," said the father, "how you
got it together without even reading instructions." "To tell the
truth," replied the old-timer, "I can't read, and when you can't
read, you've got to think."

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Wednesday, February 28, 2007

2/28 - Parent Teacher Ref

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tonight was Parent Teacher conference. I got home late from work,
and I wanted to go play racquet ball with son #1 and his Scouts
tonight, so my sweet wife and I ran to school the second I got
home from work. Both son #1 and #2 got so/so reports. One teacher
said that my son was very smart, but... um... and I said, “lazy?”
she smiled and said, well, yes. I said, Hmm... the apple doesn’t
fall far from the tree. I think I’ve got that syndrome too.

Anyway, when we got home, my sweet wife and I sat each of them
down after dinner and talked to them about their school work. I
think we kind of balance each other out; she being the mom in the
stands type, yelling, “You can do it, go, go!” and me more of the
referee on the court blowing the whistle every time there’s a
foul. It’s not that easy, but I think dad needs to get in the
stands a little more often and do some cheering.

But, a week or so ago son #1 did finally get his grades up enough
that he was allowed to play on his computer. I know the exact date
and time too; with my Vonage phone service, I can go online and
see every call that was made from my house. The second son #1 was
ungrounded, he loaded up a video game and called his cousin. And
in the next 7 days he called him 55 times. For 200+ minutes. He
used up 40% of my monthly minutes in a week. I didn’t give him a
really hard time, because it’s been so long since he got to use
his computer.

Anyway, son #1 and I had a good time playing racquet ball tonight,
but I’ll be sore tomorrow.

Enjoy today’s Jokes
(I really like the first one today)

Marty

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There's no doubt history is in the making with the 2008
presidential race. We may have either the first Black president,
the first Woman president, or the first Mormon president. Why not
kill three birds with one stone - elect Gladys Knight president
and call it a day."





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I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was
resisting a rest.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir
Cumference.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened
criminal.

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number
on it.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on
shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

The optometrist fell into his lens grinder and made a spectacle of
himself. [That's a story that lens itself.]

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your
Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in
Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the
end.

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd
dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done
~Ruby C.

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"I love those signs along the highway that say, 'Litter Removal
Next 2 Miles.' That's when I start chucking my trash out the
window."
~Scott Wood

"The sure way to tell if a man is a bachelor is to check his
silverware. If it's chewed up from going through the garbage
disposal a few times, he's for real."
~Nick Arnette

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