Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

3/30 - Castle Break Time

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Dija miss me? I didn’t think so.

With everything so booked up with Scouts, play practice, trips to
Randolph for cleaning and packing, and son #4’s upcoming MRI,
there isn’t much time for just my sweet wife and me. She never
says so, but I think she envies my Saturday outings with the boys.
So, as a stress reliever we decided to take one night off.

We got grandma and grandpa to watch the 4 boys over night, (THANK
YOU GUYS!) and we decided to go to the Castle Creek Inn.
It’s a pretty cool bed and breakfast inn not too far from home. It’s
a small castle with 10 theme rooms. We spent a night in the base of
one of the towers. Last night we had a nice dinner and got to spend
some really quiet time together. It’s amazing how quiet it gets
without 4 little boys running around.

Anyway when we told son #1 where we were going he said, “Why are
you doing that? It’s just like a hotel room.” Yeah, give it a few
years youngster...

Anyway, I took the day off from work and we spent the day together
doing just... stuff. We looked for entry way lights, stopped at
the bank, the post office, bought some shoes, you know, all the
boring stuff. But, it was nice to spend some time along, plus, for
me it was a welcome break from work.

So, if you can plan a mid-week break with your spouse away from
the kids, do it. It’s worth it!

For those of you who get this as email...
Enjoy today’s Jokes!

p.s. I think I told you last week that Son #4’s MRI was on Monday.
I goofed. I think it’s ~my~ noodle that’s messed up, not his. His
MRI is actually Tuesday at 8AM, not Monday. That’ll give all of us
an extra day to pray for a clean scan!

Reader Comment Section:

I will be keeping son #4 and your family in prayer that the test
results are good. God bless you!

Marty -- I took German in school, (many moons ago) and our teacher
always told us to get the 'fish bone' sound. I guess another way
to put it would be a 'rolling' sound in the throat.. Can't expain
it, but I sure remember she corrected our pronounciation no matter
where she met us, even during off school hrs.!! She even corrected
our English and I'm so glad b/c at my age (and it's old) I still
have a good handle on using proper words/ distinction, etc. etc.
Have a great day and good luck on the German sound!! :-)

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

3/28 - Radioactive Movie

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Today is the 27th anniversary of the 3 mile island nuclear
. It is the worst nuclear accident in US History.

The accident didn’t kill anyone, and only released a small amount
of off-site radioactivity, but it brought about sweeping changes
in nuclear energy regulatory oversight.

And speaking of radiation; that reminds me of son #4. He has
his 2nd post-op MRI next Monday. My sweet wife and I have the Pre-
MRI Jitters. I don’t think there’s any way we can get used to
this. We had a clean scan and a 5th birthday with him since the
end of his treatments in December. So that’s got to mean good
results on Monday... Right?

Last night for family night we went to see the Lion, the Witch and
the wardrobe
. We all thought it was really great, except for son #4
who fell asleep in my sweet wife’s lap about an hour in… After the movie,
when we were walking to the car, son #1 said something about, “Wow,
that was really a cool religious movie!” I said, “Huh?” He said,
“Yeah dad, remember; the lion died for someone else’s sins. He came
back to life and fought against Evil.” Then he said, “C.S. Lewis’ books
are even in the religious section at the library.” I said, “Oh,
yeah, that makes sense...”

I guess my mind is on MRIs...

For those of you who get this as email...
Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

[> Now, I just need to find an internet site that will teach me]
[> how to do a thick German accent. Any ideas?]

A thick German accent requires a lot of phlegm. Eat some candy
and drink sone OJ. Good luck.
~Justin H.

A German accent? That's EASY! Watch a couple of hours of "Hogan's
Heroes"! You could do Schultz, the dumb German, Klink, the wimp
German, or Hoffsteder, the stereotypical mindless, ruthless,
Gestapo movie German.
Jeff G. Pittsburgh

Rent German movies or WW2 movies
Kobus B.

[Thanks all!]

Monday, March 27, 2006

3/27 - Shooting for Scouts

Monday, March 27, 2006

On Saturday we had our annual Scouting for Food drive. I always
get a little nervous before the Scout show up. I never know how
many to expect. We only had 3 from the troop show up, but with my
sweet wife, son #3 and a couple of other leaders, it went pretty
quick. The night before the food drive, I told son #3 that we
could go shooting when we were done, but it turned out to be too
windy. Son #3 was pretty disappointed, but we’ll get him next
weekend. So then I stayed home and painted our new front door. I
even stayed pretty clean and didn’t get too much on the porch!

After that, we had to go to play practice. Since I’ve been to
almost every practice, and when I don’t have lines I just kind of
hang around and watch the rest of the cast do their parts, the
director keeps adding extra lines to my part. I was doing pretty
well until I got up to do one of my scenes and I was totally lost.
“Um, where ~are~ we?” I said. Funny, after that the directory
didn’t have any extra lines for me. We’re supposed to have all of
our lines memorized by Thursday. I think I’ll need you guys to
wish me luck!

Now, I just need to find an internet site that will teach me how
to do a thick German accent. Any ideas?

For those of you who get this as email...
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Reader Comment Section:

None today.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

3/23 - A Taxing post

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Aren’t taxes fun? We just submitted ours, and we should get a
refund back in a couple of weeks. There’s always a two pronged
debate going on in my head at tax time. The first is, “if you get
a rebate, dummy, why didn’t you file way back in January?” I
never could answer that one. Laziness I guess. The other side of
the debate is, if you get such a large refund, why do you let the
government use your money all year? You could be getting that
money back during the year. I guess some people (me?) like a
forced savings program.

But what really gets me, is during the year when people say, “Oh,
I don’t want to work overtime. Because when I get that paycheck,
it always throws me in a higher tax bracket and the government
ends up taking more of my money.” If they saw the big picture, and
realize that taxes are calculated at the end of the year taking
total income, minus all the deductions you can find, multiplied by
a tax rate, minus what you paid in taxes. That extra 50 bucks you
get on overtime isn’t going to affect your overall taxes that

But, I’m a computer guy, not a tax man. If I were, I would
probably just tell everyone to claim zero dependants on their W4
forms, and wait until April 15th to file and get a fat refund.

For those of you who get this as email...
Enjoy today’s Jokes!

p.s. Sorry, not one of my better posts, but, it’ll have to do.

Reader Comment Section:

>Yup, they still have rifle shooting and shot gun shooting merit
>badges. Something to look into!

This kinda brings back memories back in '59 or '60 when me & ole
John were shootin flaming arrows straight up and into the Little
Wichita River, down @ Blakes Farm on a 2 nighter and one of the
flaming arrows set the Scoutmaster Ed Homcomps tent on fire. Ah!
such memories
Norman O.
Former Troop 136 - Wichita Falls, Texas - Life & Order of The
Arrow Brotherhood

[I had a Scoutmaster with the same last name as yours. Your email
brought back a lot of good memories...]

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

3/22 - Reality Wives

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Today at son #1’s school, it was “Reality Town”. This is a one day
program where they take the students’ classes, interests, and most
importantly, their GPA, and give them a ‘life’. They take on a
career, salary, and family responsibilities. They have to write
checks to pay the bills for housing, food, transportation, and
entertainment. They have a bank where they deposit their checks,
or they can get a loan. It’s kind of like the game of life without
the stupid spinner.

Son #1 got a fairly good paying job with his GPA at $50K/Yr. He
had some sort of computer job. He said he gave his ‘wife’ their
only car, and he took the bus because it was cheaper. (That might
get old fast...) He said he was doing really well but then said,
“I got board and decided to take another wife... uh hum, I mean
another job.”

Watch it youngster...

Although it is funny being from Utah, and the stereotypical ideas
people have about Utah and polygamy. When my sweet wife and I
travel (rarely) to far away places, I’ve even introduced her
saying, “This is my ~first~ wife.” It’s funny to see people’s
reactions. (And yes... for those wondering, she is my only

For those of you who get this as email...
Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

>Marty, It is so neat that you take the time in your busy life to
>put on pictures and stories on your website. Keep up the good
>work. Love Mom G... ~#1 Mother-in-law...

To Mom G...
Would this be because he doesn't have time to send family
pictures? I know this feeling all too well..even the grandbaby
that lives close by..but then, my camera's not broke..but I just
forget to take pics, since I'm busy on the floor playing with
him..haha Keep up the great work Marty...we luv ya and your
~Debi S.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

3/21 - Random thoughts

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

I was really excited to go skiing up at Park City with Son #4 and
his class today. But, Murphy’s Law kicked in, and he came down
with some nasty gomboo. High fever, sore throat, cough, runny
nose, and the runs. Son #1 went to the instacare on Saturday with
the same stuff, and they said it was probably a virus. Now son #3
and #4 have it. I’m sure the rest of us aren’t far behind.

But, since I had the day scheduled off anyway, I thought I’d spend
the time doing my own taxes. Then, at noon I had a mediocre lunch
at the elementary school with sons #2 and #3. The company was
great, but the food wasn’t. It wasn’t what I remembered when I was
in elementary school. Of course, the lunch lady and I were good
friends back then...

Not much else happened today. Although the youth of our church
went downtown to a homeless shelter tonight. We had a game night
with the kids who were there. It was a pretty good experience for
most everyone. And an eye opener for some of our kids.

And, last but not least; my sweet wife is in a contest with other
artists on ebay, trying to sell art collector cards with this
week’s them, “Its not easy being green” She’s trying to get as
many bidders as she can to win. You can check out her at here.

For those of you who get this as email...
Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

Marty: Since you have inherited your Fathers gun collection and
are a hunter, and Scouter, please be advised that there is (was?)
a Merit Badge for both Black Powder and Rifle and Shot Gun in Boy
Scouts... ...No matter what, working on the Merit Badges will
teach “Gun Safety”. Worth a try.
John C.
(Former BSA Troop226,
Golden Empire Council
Sacramento, CA)

[Yup, they still have rifle shooting and shot gun shooting merit
badges. Something to look into!]

Marty, It is so neat that you take the time in your busy life to
put on pictures and stories on your website. Keep up the good
Love Mom G...
~#1 Mother-in-law...
[Thanks Mom!]

Monday, March 20, 2006

3/20 - Mule Shot

Monday, March 20, 2006

My dad was a hunter. Not just any hunter, but a BIG game hunter.
Not the elephant or whale big hunter, (although Moose and Elk were
among his prey) but hunting was a huge part of his life. It was
second only to raising and training his Brittany spaniel bird
dogs. (That’s how we got buddy, our 14 month old dog.) A few days
after he died at my house on Christmas, we made the trek up to his
found a real mess. Among his mess, we found guns, lots of guns;
shotguns, rifles, and pistols. Some of them were old, some not so
old. Some of them are extremely valuable, some not worth a tank of
gas. And, since I’m the only sibling in Utah and pretty much the
only one with an interest in guns, I voted myself dad’s armory.
With his weapons stock, he had ammunition. Oh boy, did he have
ammunition. He had shells and cartridges in every conceivable
place you could think of. After days of cleaning, we had more than
a 100 boxes of shotgun shells (25/box) and a lot of rifle

Then I came to the stark realization that 4 boys, a few dozen
guns, and 2500 rounds of ammunition might be cause for a wee bit
of concern. Although I had enough trigger locks for the guns I
already owned, putting them all of the guns just wasn’t a long
term solution. So my sweet wife and I put the guns in our bedroom
and locked the door morning noon and night. Then, with everything
else going on in my life, I went shopping for a gun safe. I had to
be a good sized one so all of the guns and ammo would fit. A few
weeks ago I found a very nice used one at a gun shop. It took 6
men to pull it off, but it’s now in my basement. It’s a tight
squeeze, but it fits all of the guns and ammo. Now I can sleep

So, a few Saturdays ago I grabbed son #3, the pee wee .22 rifle
for him, and some shot guns for me, and we headed off to the
range. We had another great Saturday. That is until I pulled out
the 12 gauge shotgun. I must confess; I didn’t know there was such
a difference in 12 gauge shot gun shells until that morning. I put
in 2 heavy 4 shot goose (or was that moose) shells and shot at a
clay pigeon. I dusted the pigeon; and my shoulder with it. It was
like a mule kick. “OUCH!” I yelled. Son #3 giggled. “No, really;
that hurt a LOT!” I thought maybe I held the gun wrong, or did
something wrong. So I moved it over and held a little tighter this
time. “PULL!” I said. I completely missed the clay pigeon, and got
slammed hard with another mule kick. The next morning as I was
getting ready for church and showed my sweet wife the 2 large
bruises on my shoulder. Needless to say, I put it away and didn’t
shoot the 12 gauge again.

But, last Saturday I thought, ‘after falling off the horse’ I’d
better get back on. So Friday night I got everything ready. Pee
wee rifle for the little ones, .410 and 20 gauge for the boys, and
the 12 gauge for me. I got the clay pigeon thrower ready, the
pigeons, the ammo, the rifle targets, everything. When we arrived
at the range and started setting up, I realized I forgot one
important thing; the spring to the clay pigeon thrower. You can’t
throw pigeons very well without that spring. But, since we were 45
minutes away from home, we tried. We threw an entire box of
pigeons by hand. (no little plastic thrower either. We threw them
just like a baseball.) We had another great Saturday, but now my
arm is sore for throwing all of those stupid clay pigeons.

And yes, this time I brought 12 gauge 8 shot for dove, quail, and
squirrel. I didn’t kick at all. Son #2 said it was his favorite
gun for the day.

For those of you who get this as email...
Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

Dear Marty, I have made many omelets in a bag. They are great!
They cook perfectly without burning, there is no dirty skillet or
mixing bowl, and I use paper plates when we have a large group, so
there is very little clean up. Some variations we use are:
chopped onions, chopped green bell peppers, chopped chili peppers,
chopped pre-cooked sausage, chopped ham, shredded cheese, and
tater tots. Salsa and ketchup are reserved for toppings.
~Lester M. ò¿ó

Thursday, March 16, 2006

3/16 - Play Green

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Happy St. Paddy’s day! Don’t forget to wear your green tomorrow!

It’s been a long day. I got home just in time to wolf down some
dinner, then it was off to a 3 hour play practice. Since I only
have a few lines, I thought I’d bring the trusty camera and snap a
bunch of pictures. (A few of them are at the blog site.)

I have one scene with Frau Schmidt. And, since I’m really bad with
names, after the scene, I leaned over to my sweet wife and said, “What’s
Frau Schmidt’s name?” She looked at me and said with a slow and deliberate
voice, “F-R-A-U S-C-H-M-I-D-T”.

Thanks, that’s not quite what I meant.

For those of you who get this as email...
Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

[and about those eggs in a bag...]

I've done this many times before, and it works really well - the
omelets come out perfect. But you need to be really sure that the
ziplocks can survive the boiling water - the first bags I tried it
with totally disintegrated!
Jason A.

Marty.. this went around here last year at Church and several of
my friends tried it..they had a blast..said it definately
works..JUST make SURE the bag is sealed.. it makes a wonderful
mess in the boiling water if you don't!!! Would be wonderful on a
camping trip and you can put their names on them if someone
doesn't want the same things in their Omelet..
Debi S.

Marty... I have not tried the Omelets in a Bag, but I know folks
who have and they say it works great.
Linda B.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

3/15 - Pi and Salad

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

[Oh, it’s the Ides of March. We were going to have Caesar Salad
today, but didn’t have time. We did have a pie yesterday. Why a pie?
Because it was 3.14 (pi) that’s why!]

The other day I was feverishly typing away on my computer, and
noticed that it was almost time for play practice. I asked son #2 to
run a message up to my sweet wife and to tell her that if we were
going to make play practice on time, that we’d better have dinner
fairly quickly. When he arrived with the message he said, “Dad said
if we’re going to make play practice on time, dinner needs to
hurry.” She said, “Go back and tell your dad that dinner is almost
ready, and we’ll be eating in 15 minutes.” He replied, “I’m not
going to tell him, I’m not a messenger.”

Oh, just when you want to be I guess.

For those of you who get this as email...
Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

Love the sking photos! He looks SO cute! So it's not ok to say
'blind' eh? I work with all ages that have various challenges in
their lives and we are not meant to say 'handicapped'at all! A
handicap is seen as something less that desirable - almost
derogatory, so we have to say 'challenged' as in 'visually
challenged' mmmm.... does that mean you can be 'verticly
challenged' if you are short? or 'folicly challenged if bald'? wow
this is limitless! :-)

I've really missed your JOTD. Good luck with your dad's estate.
Thanks for returning and for the brief explanation--you were
greatly missed. I'm glad that Son #4 is enjoying his ski lessons.
He is adorable.
--Justin's Mother-in-Law

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

3/14 - Scuba Girls

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Tonight we took the Scouts for our bi-annual scuba experience. It’s where you pay $15, go to the dive shop, get some instruction, and play under the water until it’s time to go. We had a great time! It was kinda funny; we all got weight belts to hold us down. (I got a few extra on my belt) When son #2 let all of the air out of his BCD, he was still floating. Without missing a beat, the instructor took off the weights from his belt, and stuck a couple more weights in son #2’s pockets. He sank with the rest of us and didn’t even notice.

Last Sunday was fast Sunday. I haven’t done interviews for awhile, so I thought it was a good time to start again. I interview each of the boys, alone, and ask them what’s up with their lives, how things are going, and just talk. When it was son #1’s turn, I asked him about girlfriends. “Dad, you know I’m not supposed to have a girl friend until I’m 16.” I said, “Ok, tell me who is a good friend, who’s a girl.” He replied, “There are a couple of them.” “Ok,” I said, ”name 3 friends who are girls.” Fully expecting him to pause for a second or two. Without a beat he said, “Adrian, Alicia, and Angel.” I said, “Ok, that’s not bad. Hey, that’s funny. Did you notice that all 3 of those girls’ names start with the letter A?”

He grinned at me and said, “I know dad. I was just listing them alphabetically.”


For those of you who get this as email...
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Reader Comment Section:

Dear Marty, Welcome back -- we all missed you! We hope some of the stress eases up soon. Be sure you and your sweet wife take care of YOURSELVES because stress can effect you in many, many ways... I am so glad that [son #4] is lovin' his ski lessons. What a terrific hat!! He is such a doll and we hope he enjoys life to the fullest!
Love, Betty H.

Marty, Been there; done that with the estates of both my Mom and
my Uncle (surrogate father). It is not fun. I will keep you in
prayers during this stressful time. Best wishes,

Yeah I am pleased that you feel that you can write again. I didn't
realize how much I had missed it until it was not there. Thanks,
~#1 Mother in law

Monday, March 13, 2006

3/13 - Back on the ski slopes again...

Monday, March 13, 2006

Ok, as you might have noticed, I took a week off. Things are starting to get extremely stressful dealing with my dad’s estate. Like 6 years worth of back taxes, property maintenance, a filthy home that’s two-hours drive away, and family in different states that are also stressed. I won’t bore you with all of the details, but suffice it to say, it’s not been a pretty week.

On the other hand, I have lots of stories to tell. That is if I can remember them. Not only did son #4 go skiing last week, but he’s going skiing a total of 4 or 5 more times! They go to Park City and have a one-on-one instructor teach these little kids can ski.

When they were picking out skis, son #4 was talking to the ski tech. She asked him a question and he said, “Oh, I’m blind” The tech looked at him with wide eyes and said, “Oh no sweetheart, you’re not blind. You’re visually handicapped.” Then she said very slow, “Can you say that? V-i-s-u-a-l-l-y H-a-n-d-i-c-a-p-p-e-d.” My sweet wife laughed at her and said, “Please, he’s only 4.” She said she thought about telling her what to do with her politically correct mumbo jumbo, but decided to hold her tongue.

When he got his equipment, he picked up his two little skis and tried to use them as a gun. (See picture on the blogsite. (Along with some other pictures.) He kept pointing the skis at my sweet wife and said, “Bang!” She said he looked so cute in his hat that a reader from South Africa sent him!

When they got on the slopes, Son #4 loved it! The class was only on there for about 90 minutes, but he went up and down the lift 4 times, while the rest of the class only made it down once or twice. At the end he finally said, “My legs need a rest!” Anyway, he had a great time.

I think I’ll take a day off of work and go up with him next week.

For those of you who get this as email...
Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

To Justin, Sister, and Entire Family of Greg Gourley; As an
American, and Viet Nam veteran, I salute Staff Sgt. Gregson Glenn
Gourley and his service to defend our nation. Please express my
sympathy and gratitude to his family. May our merciful Lord
comfort them in their grief and provide for every need.
James D. A.

Reading these articles makes my heart ache. I'd like to offer my
condolences to Justin and his family, particularly his sister and
the children. This is, and will be, so hard on them all. May God
bless and watch over them.


It is one thing when Justin disappeared but now Mary is among the
missing!!! Where is Marty????
~Wanda D.

I hope all is well with you and your family. I'm missing your
stories and jokes. Hope you come back soon! :o)

I just sent an email from your blog. I have been missing your
emails and I went to checked at yahoogroups and nothing has been
sent since last Thursday. Then I went to the blog to see if
something was there if there was a problem with yahoogroups like
some time ago. But, nothing new there either. How are you and your
family? I hope you are all well. Please let us know. I am a bit
worried and I would think that others are also.
Kathy G.

Dear Marty,
I am extremely concerned that something really bad has happened.
Please let us know how we can pray for you & your family.
Sincerely, ~Anne R.

[Thank you to the 4 of you who wrote in asking about me]

Thursday, March 02, 2006

3/2 - Cat in the hospital

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Today was Dr. Seuss day at son #4’s school. When my sweet wife
told him and then said, “I have the perfect outfit for you!” He
seemed excited. She got out his Cat in the Hat sweatshirt and
pants, but when she started to dress him, he refused. He explained
that if it was Dr. Seuss day, he was going to wear his Doctors
outfit. So that’s what he wore today.

For those of you who get this as email...
Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section: