Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

4/5 - Hmm... What to do, what to do?

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Ok, I stayed up late last night so I could enter my taxes on-line.
I don’t know why I wait so long, and I ask myself that every year.
I could see if I had to pay, I’d wait until the last second, but
when I get a refund... Oh, well, at least it’s not the 17th today.

The boys have this weekend off, so it should be fun. I’ll have to
think of something fun to do with them. Maybe we’ll go trap
shooting. Or, maybe I’ll break the bank and go skiing again. Or,
maybe I’ll do yard work and study for my Biology test on Tuesday.
Decision decisions...

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

p.s. Check out part II of Chad Vader on the web site!

p.p.s. We had several more entries after I groveled for emails
yesterday. Here are the answers to our puzzle pictures from
Tuesday night. 1) Light Beer 2) Dandy Lions 3) Assaulted Peanut

Interesting News Section

Disney opens Fairy Tale Weddings to gay couples


Videos of the Day Section

You know I love these "Will it blend?" videos. Today's is a classic.
How about Glow Sticks!

Will it blend


Chad Vader (Episode 2)


The state trooper pulled Mr. Schwarz over and, after inspecting
his license and registration, informed the motorist that he was
going to have to spend the night in jail. "What's the charge? Mr.
Schwarz demanded. "None," replied the officer. "It's all part of
the service."


I feel it is my duty to warn everyone of a major problem, one that
endangers lives, damages property and causes untold misery, a
growing menace that can be summed up in three words: men doing
laundry. At first glance, MDL may not seem like a big problem,
especially to members of the female species, who generally prefer
MDL to WDL. But the evidence is overwhelming. MDL has resulted in
millions of discolored clothes, billions of missing socks, and
countless broken relationships. Wife: "Did you remember to
separate the clothes before washing them?" Husband: "Yes, of
course I did. I put the whites at the bottom and the colors on
top." Wife: "You idiot, you were supposed to wash them separately.
You obviously don't know what separation means, but trust me,
you're about to find out!"


The female points system...

In the world of romance, one single rule applies. Make the woman
happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something
she dislikes, and points are subtracted. You don't get any points
for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is
played. Here is a guide to the point system:

You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But
return with Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-20)

You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a
college buddy (-2)
Named Tina (-10)
Who is a dancer (-20)

You take her out to dinner (+2)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is
painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)

You take her to a movie (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes (+3)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and
baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you lose points no matter
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)

When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying
what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000)
~Wanda D.



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