Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Until we meet again!

Marty's Joke of the Day

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Thursday, July 21, 2005

Just a quick little blurb today. Son #2 is going to his first week
of camp this week. Since our troop is really small, he’s the only
first year camper in our troop. Consiquently, he’s the only one in
our Troop attending this camp. It’s a 3 day, day camp with one
over night. They work on Tenderfoot, 2nd class, and 1st class
requirements. Since son #2 has only been in the troop for a couple
of months, we haven’t really gotten into the patrol yells yet.
Since he had no idea what his patrol yell was when they called on
him, he yelled out, “Yeah, ME!”

Enjoy today's Jokes

p.s. More summer camp on the first part of next week. I might see
you on Thursday. Maybe Justin will poke his head here next week!

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Oh the humanity!

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

I had a lady at work tell me that her home computer was acting
really funny. “It’s was really slow too” she said. I told her to
bring it in and I’d look at it over my lunch hour. I’m never seen a
computer this bad before. It was a fairly new computer and had the
normal programs on it, but it was painfully dog slow, and wouldn’t
do half the stuff you told it to. She said her virus scanner hadn’t
been working for awhile either.

I tried to run a free virus program off of the net, but one of the
viruses she had kept shutting it down. I persisted, and about 30
minutes later I got the software to run. I called her on the phone
when it was half way done and said, “Hey, I want to show you
something. You have 89 viruses on your system.” She didn’t believe
me. By the time she got down to see her computer, it had over 100
of them. Then, and the very end, it hit a big pocket of them. She
ended up having 591 viruses on her system! I’ve never seen a system
with so many viruses before. I gave her a hard time, and think I
embarrassed her.

Speaking of embarrassment, we had some friends over tonight (who
shall remain numberless...) I said to the dad, “Hey, which of your
little ones told my son #4 that he could pee in our pool?” He said,
“What?!” I said, “Yeah, son #4 came home today and told me that he
learned he could pee in your pool.” He called over his son. “Son,
you don’t go pee in our swimming pool, do you?” His 5 year old son
looked surprised and said, “No dad, just in the little wading

Oh boy...

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

> A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks.
> He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports car so she
> could zip through traffic around town.

Didn't read Friday's issue, did you?

[THAT’S where I heard that joke before. Man, you do some good stuff
on Fridays!]

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

You're a What??

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Ok, camping wasn’t as ‘outdoorsy’ as I made it sound yesterday.
It’s sort of a resort and camp ground all in one. They have a
swimming pool, tennis courts, and a nice playground. So, we had
plenty of time to go swimming Saturday. Son #4 is getting pretty
good in our pool, but was still a little afraid at the ‘big’ pool.
He didn’t want to go down the water slide either. (Even though he
went down it last year.)

Son #4 did say one thing to my sweet wife that caught her off
guard. While she was zooming him around the pool, she stopped at
one point. He looked at the other people, then looked at her
standing chest deep in the pool and said, “Mom, why are you wearing
a swimming suit like that?” She said, “Because I’m a girl, that’s
why.” His eyes got really big and he said with a surprised look,

We need to get out with other people more often.

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

Loved the joke about the fiancée not being from Idaho. I am from
Idaho and getting married in Washington, DC to a man from Virginia.
I want to make my Western roots be known at my reception but
haven't considered potato flakes or cowpies thrown out after my
wedding!! Thanks for the laughs!
~Katrina A.

Monday, July 18, 2005


Monday, July 18, 2005

We looked at the calendar last week, and with Scout camps and
vacations, last weekend was the only weekend that we had free. We
decided to go camping. My in-laws (who are in Illinois for 6
months) have a piece of property down in Fairview Utah. This is
really close to the 3 small towns that I support computers at, for
the big health conglomerate I work for. As we firmed up our plans,
there was one hitch. I had told son #2 that Harry Potter was being
released on Friday night, and that I thought we could go to a party
somewhere. I had hoped he had forgotten, but he hadn’t. So, about
10PM we left camp and headed to the Super Wal-Mart in Ephraim Utah.
(College town population of 4000) We were 4th in line at Wal-Mart,
and sat in the produce section for almost 2 hours (With all of the
fruit flies). They weren’t much into giving out stuff, but son #2
asked one of the associates in front of us if he could have one of
her Harry Potter buttons. She said, “sure” and gave it to him.
There were almost 200 people in line by the time midnight rolled
around. I asked son #2 if he’d sell our place in line for ten
bucks. “Heck no dad!” At the stroke of midnight we raced to get his
book and then to the car. As we left, each and every car had their
dome lights on, with a passenger reading the book.

While the rest of the family slept Friday night, we got back to
camp and into bed by 1AM. With little ones camping, they were
excited and woke us up pretty early. After camping, we got home
around 4PM Saturday. Then Son #1 and I had a “Day of Celebration”
with 45,000 kids at the University of Utah football stadium.

( http://www.sltrib.com/search/ci_2866022 &
http://deseretnews.com/dn/view/0,1249,600149284,00.html ) We had a
great time, and did some really cool stadium games) That was over
at about 11PM. As you can imagine, 45,000 people all heading home
at one time, created a traffic jam. It took us almost 2 hours to
get home. But the 3 13-year-old boys in my car sure had a great
time ‘flirting’ with hundreds of other young women stuck in the
same traffic jam. I had my hand on the window button, and if they
got even remotely crass or foul, I’d lock the windows and roll
theirs up for a couple of minutes. I only had to do that once or
twice. They were actually quite gentlemanly, albeit really goofy
around midnight.

Sunday night I went to bed early to catch up on sleep.

How was your weekend?

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Do it again, Daddy! Do it again!

Thursday, July 14, 2005

It was another hot one today. With the pool water nice and warm, my
sweet wife even decided to hop in tonight. Son #1 and #2 were
apparently up quite late last night at their cousin’s house. “How
late did you guys stay up last night?” “I don’t know dad, there
wasn’t even a clock down there.” Yeah, right. Anyway, son #2 acted
pretty tired and cranky, and after dinner, son #1 even fell asleep.
So the 3 youngest boys and their parents played in the pool

Son #4 is starting to get his swimming lets (fins?). He’ll say,
“Watch this!” and go under the water for 3 or 4 seconds. He started
putting his hands on the top of my head trying to ‘dunk’ me. And
even ‘succeeded’ a few times. I tripped him up one time, and he
ended up under water and came up giggling. So I tripped him up a
few times more to see how far he wanted me to go. We were having a
good time, but my sweet wife was there picking him up half the
time. One time I ‘dunked’ him really good and he went way under. My
sweet wife went for him and I said, “Wait... don’t get him... wait
just a sec.” He came up screaming a banshee yell and said, “That
was a good one dad! Do it again!”

My sweet wife said, “So much for my motherly instincts...”

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Hot Momma!

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Today was the HDOTY today. (Hottest day of the year). We got up to
102º today! It’s not that bad when the humidity is only something
like 7%, but still it was warm today. Things just kind of slow down
when you’re in the heat.

Son #1 and #2 got to go over to their cousin’s house today and are
sleeping there tonight. So, my sweet wife thought it would be a
good idea to run the two other boys to the park and let them play.
She was really surprised when no one was at the park. Then they got
out of the van and went to play. She said the kids only lasted 10
or 15 minutes before they wanted to go back home.

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

In today’s 3rd spot is a consumer alert, or action item. Take a look
and see what you think.

Reader Comment Section:

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Ya'll come back now, hear!

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

I was heading down to one of my facilities about 2 hours away to
fix a printer. Just as I finished up, I got a call about another
facility that’s about an hour further away. So I quickly jotted off
an email to my sweet wife telling her I wouldn’t be home as soon as
I thought I would. Later in the afternoon I called her and said,
“Did you ready my email this morning?” She said, “No, what did it
say?” I said, “I’m not coming home...” then I was distracted
driving or something. I could tell she was smiling as she said,

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

I think it's every mommy's worst nightmare - kids cutting their
hair! I have two comments on little girls cutting hair. We were at
grandmas - my oldest daughter was about 4 & her cousin, about 3.
They were playing and found some scissors. He asked her (very
nicely) if she would cut his hair & she obliged. Needless-to-say,
my sister was NOT impressed - spanked both kids. My daughter
thought she was doing a good thing because her cousin asked her to
do this but it didn't go over so well. My sister-in-law is a
hairdresser and works out of her home. She & my brother have 2
girls. Their oldest daughter had longer hair with beautiful natural
curls. When mommy wasn't looking one evening & while daddy was at
work, Deandra cut her curls off. Mommy was very upset & sent her to
her room for the night. The next morning, she peeked out of her
bedroom door to ask mommy if she could come out yet. It wasn't
until she was getting the girls ready for church that morning that
she realized the youngests' hair had been cut as well. It was not a
good time for mommy. She fixed the girls hair before church. They
live in another province but I hear the hair has grown in, some.
Paulette D.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Just a second, I'm looking in the mirror

Monday, July 11, 2005

Last Sunday was the first Sunday of the month, and interview time for the boys. When it was son #3’s turn, we talked for awhile. We were lying on my bed and just talking, and out of the blue I asked him if he had a girl friend. To my surprise he said, “Yup!” “Oh,” I said, “What’s her name?” He told me. Then I jokingly said, “Have you guys been smooching?” It was like I told a good joke. Through his laughs he said, “Yeah, right dad.” Then I asked a little more seriously, “have you held hands?”. He got this serious look in his eyes and said, “Yuck dad! She’s a girl!”

A few days before that, he was working with my sweet wife, trying to figure out who to invite to his birthday/swimming party. He had all of the boys pegged easily, but was having trouble with the girls. “Mom,” he said, “I’d like to invite Kaitlyn, but if I do then I can’t invite Magen.” “Why not?” My sweet wife answered. “Because they’ll fight over me.”

Vain vain vain...

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

Marty, you asked if one should have health issues resolved in a
facility that one worked in.....HECK NO, .not if it's that small,
cause my luck, they would sell tickets and popcorn and have stadium
seating...for the main attraction!!!! hahha
debi s.

PS..about you not putting the "s" on the blog site......twas easy
to find..all one had to do was scroll to the top of your ezine, and
it also had the addy there..that is what I did..and no problems
debi s.

>We've had to shave son #2's hair 3 different times for that! Can
>you imagine having a little girl cut her hair?

This "little girl" did just that at age 3! My mom and dad nearly
had a fit.
Carol W

[So, have you ever shaved your head as an adult? Now that would be

Thursday, July 07, 2005

You do WHAT with that??

Thursday, July 07, 2005

First, I wanted to point out my ‘oops’ from yesterday’s issue. I
forgot to put an ‘s’ in the URL for the picture in yesterday’s 3rd
joke. You can still see it at http://www.martysjotd.blogspot.com

Now that that’s out of the way; Son #1, #2, and #3 had their 6
month dental checkup and teeth cleaning today. It’s really nice,
because my #1 mom is their dental hygienist and they don’t mind at
all going to see grandma. Also, when I changed jobs several months
ago, within the huge health conglomerate, my new office just
happened to be less than a 1/2 block away from my #1 mom’s office.

Sons #3 and #4 had swimming lessons this morning during the first
part of their dental appointment so I ended up taking sons #1 and
#2 to work with me for the morning. At one point I had to swap a
mother board out on a computer in the surgery department. The boys
tagged along and watched their dad’s skillful hands swap out a
motherboard. (Oh, boy, big deal...)

When we were done, I said, “Would you guys like a quick tour of the
surgery room?” They said, “Sure!” So one of the nurses took us in,
showed us the room and what they do. This nurse has a kind of dark
sense of humor that’s actually quite funny at times. Anyway, in
this department, they do mostly cosmetic surgery. Face lifts, tummy
tucks, and (ahum) other augmentation type stuff. Son #2 turned
bright red when she said the ‘b’ work so matter of factly.

Then, she grinned at me and said, “Oh, and I have to show them the
proct room.” If you remember, several months ago I took a medical
terminology class and the kids had fun with some of the words, so
almost in unison the boys said, “Oh, we know what proct means!”
[Oh, just a little louder boys, I don’t think the managers down the
hall heard you...] Anyway, she showed us the proct table, where you
knelt down, and how the table raised in the air. The nurse asked me
to demonstrate, and I said, “No way!” [A side note: If you worked
in a large clinic, would you get your health work done there? We
had our eyes done there, but anything else... I’m not so sure
about... all those people knowing your health problems. What do you
think?] Anyway, while the table was up in the air, and tilted over,
she brought out the huge straight thing and said, this is a proct-
o-scope (or something like that). She said what they do with it,
and looked through it like a telescope and said, “Then the doctor
can see things through it.” Son #2 looked at me, gave me a “yuck”
look and said, “Ok dad, let’s go”

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

I only looked [at the picture on your blog] because I KNEW my
nephew would not publish anything which was REALLY offensive....
Uncle Butter

[Yeah, but wasn’t that a gross picture?]

Hi Marty,
I get your mail only about once every week and a half or so. Hope
this will change now. [There’s always www.martysjotd.blogspot.com
or http://groups.yahoo.com/group/martysjotd/]

P.S. I know what those pool gathering are like. When our kids were
younger we were the coolest and most popular parents in the
neighborhood. We really were the smartest too because we always
knew where are kids were (and everyone elses) and what they were up
to. Now that they are all adults they remember it as the best of
Have a great summer.
Pat D.

[Coolest parents? I laugh at your humor... Ha!]

Not Found.......www.martyjotd.blogspot.com!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Yeah, Sorry I forgot my ‘s’ try www.martysjotd.blogspot.com]

Marty, just read the blog, and had to reply about your son using
his dad's scissors. Our just turned 5 year old finally turned his
scissors on himself over the weekend, because he "didn't like the
way his hair was laying". So, 3 chunks later.... mom came into the
room. The worse, dad was in the same room, just not paying
attention. So, today, he went from having hair not quite 1" long,
all over, to getting it clipped to a little boys summer buzz to
even out his handiwork. Oh, and he just told me he likes the way it
feels now.:)
Jen B., in Ohio

[We’ve had to shave son #2’s hair 3 different times for that! Can
you imagine having a little girl cut her hair? In that regard, boys
are much easier to raise. AS far as Dad not paying attention, sure
he was. The little rascals are just sneaky]

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Chest Hair Jumper

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

It’s one of those days I can’t think of a thing to write. I asked
my sweet wife if anything funny happened, and she couldn’t think of
anything. Then I asked the boys, and they couldn’t come up with
anything either. So I went upstairs to lie on my bed when son #2
came running up and said, “I know what was funny today dad!”
“What?” I said. “Your face!” Oh, wonderful.

My sweet wife grinned and said, “Well, it’s not much but son #3
came downstairs while I was doing laundry and asked, ‘Mom, how does
dad cut his nose hairs?’”. She said to son #3, “Have you been
playing with dad’s beard trimming set?” He replied, “How did you
know?” Then he said, “Look mom, I’m getting hair on my chest.”

Sure, you are...

Hopefully something funny will happen tomorrow.

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

p.s. Some long jokes today. But, make sure you read all the way
trough the 3rd joke before going to the blog site to see the
picture. I’m not sure it’s appropriate for younger children...

Reader Comment Section:

Nope, nada, zip, zilch.


I had to think of people that would actually enjoy this twisted,
perverted type of email. Strangely enough, your name came to mind.
Feel free to pass it on to other similarly twisted acquaintances
of yours.

A friend of mine who is a former Police officer sent this to me. It
is not for the faint of heart. If you have a weak stomach, then
don't look at the attachment, .... it is a picture of the demise of
a suicide jumper. Taken shortly after he landed, it shows him with his insides now
on the outside. You will see the look of horror on the faces of the bystanders.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

*Yawn* Can you flip the channel for me ma?

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

I hope you all and enjoyable 4th of July! We sure did. The cousins
came over, and with 7 boys, all 13 and under, the swimming pool
certainly got a workout! We had a bunch of fireworks to set off on
Monday night, so the older folks decided to start a little early.
(Is it only 7 o’clock? let’s start them anyway.) So, we stretched
them out for quite awhile. After it got dark, and a little loud,
son #4 said he was getting tired of fireworks and wanted to go lay
down. My sweet wife put him in our bed and turned on the TV. She
kept flipping channels and he’d say, “Nope, not that one. No,
something else.” He finally told her to stop on a channel that was
showing fireworks.

Go figure.

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

Nope, nada, nothing...