Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Well... Duh!

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

It’s been a few days since I posted an issue. With family flying in
from all over, and trying to do the holiday thing, it got kind of
busy. But, we’ll sneak in an issue today.

Christmas was wonderful. It’s hard not to buy that one last ‘oh
what the heck’ present just after you get a good sized raise at
work. So, of course, we went over our budget just a ...wee... bit
this year. But, son #3 really made me feel bad. On Friday morning,
Christmas eve, I was off of work and everyone was excited about
Christmas. We had planned on wrapping last minute gifts for
neighbors and friends, and making cookies for some of the boys’
friends. Son #3 woke up, just like any other morning, only this
morning when he got dressed he got his nice pants, nice church
shirt and while I was doing some computer work, came down with one
of my black ties. “Dad, can you put this on me?” Not thinking much
about it, I turned around and tied his tie. I thought it was a
little weird on a Friday he wanted to dress up, but I was busy so I
tied it and patted him on the butt and thought ‘now go away and
leave me alone’. He went upstairs on got on his little suit coat.
My sweet wife caught a glimpse of him and said, “oh, my, you’re all
dressed up this morning. What for?”

He put his hands on his hips and said a little indignantly, “Well,
yeah mom..... The Savior’s birth???”


We all felt a little small after hearing that.

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Cold and Crafty

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Tonight before we delivered pixie stuff, I said to my sweet wife,
“You need to come along this time. You’ve stayed home the last
times we’ve gone.” So she came along. We drove up to the house, and
as the boys and my sweet wife put the gifts on the porch, I waited
in the van with son #4. (He was in his PJs and was cold).

After they rang the doorbell, they came running back to the van.
They jumped in and my sweet wife yelled, “Hurry up! I think they
were just behind the door waiting for us tonight!” The boys all
jumped in and I said, “Are you sure they were home? None of the
lights were on.” “No,” she said laughing, “But I wanted to trick
you guys so I could get back in the warm van.”

And... tonight we almost got to our door quick enough to catch our
pixie. But, the closest we got was seeing tail lights of a Blazer
or a mini van racing down the street. We might not be able to catch
them this year, but we’ll keep trying!

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

...There's never a dull story that you tell about your family, so
keep it up.. Your e-mails are so enjoyable. Thanks kindly, for
things that are so up-lifting and not the terrible, ugly reports of
every day happenings..
~Catherine M.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Baked palm

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

“Honey, what funny happened today?”

“I don’t remember. Let me find my palm pilot and see what I wrote

Time passes

“Have you seen my palm pilot?”

“Nope, sorry”

More time passes

“Here it is. It was in son #4’s toy microwave oven.”

“Oo0h kay... I won’t ask... So, what does it say that’s funny?”

“When we were at that 3D movie yesterday, son #4 looked at the seat
number and said, ‘look mom, it’s number four!’ and I said, ‘no
honey, that’s number forty, not four.’ Then he said, ‘oh, you’re
old, you sit here’”


Enjoy today’s Jokes!

p.s. sorry, I keep forgetting a story a day until Christmas.
Here’s the link for day 9, (I think that’s were we left off) then just click the links at the bottom until you get to the end. No cheating and going ahead!


Reader Comment Section:

Hubby and I have just returned from Disneyland / CA Adventure.
After 50+ years, it was our first time there. The rides were fun,
the food was great, but our favorite thing of all were the 3-D
movies ! They go IMAX one better - when you're moving around, your
chair shakes a little. When the dog sneezes, you get sprayed in the
face with water. And when the bugs all leave the theater, you feel
them crawling under your chair. It's hilarious !

[I remember that one. I think they’ve had that same “Honey I blew
up the kids” 3D move for years. Of course, I remember Michael
Jackson in Captain EO a hundred years ago!]

Monday, December 20, 2004

Snowball fight at the movie theater

Monday, December 20, 2004

On the last day of school before Christmas break, son #3 brought home four coupons for an IMAX 3D “Santa vs. the Snowman” movie. I asked him how he got them. He said that he got one from his teacher, and he found 3 more on the ground. Good enough for me.

So, tonight for family night, we went to the local planetarium to watch the movie. Pretty lame-o movie, but the kids liked it. Even son #4 liked it; Sort of. Before the movie, they handed out glasses to wear. Not the old green/red 3D movies, but the polarized ones that are halfway decent. But, every time they threw a snow ball, or something came out at your from the movie, son #4 would rip off his glasses and say, “Here mom”

My sweet wife would hang on to them for a few moments, and ask if he wanted them back on. After several promptings, he put them on again. Until something else came all the way out at you.

Too bad they didn’t have ‘real’ 3D when I was a kid!

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Hiding in the bushes

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Tonight we started our annual ‘pixie’ week. That’s where we’re assigned a family in the neighborhood, and we anonymously leave gifts and goodies for them. We got some good stuff, drove several blocks to their house, and left it on the family’s doorstep. The boys knocked on the door and took off running to the car as I waited for them.

They had such a good time that they wanted to do it for our elderly neighbors across the street from our house. They found 4 candy canes, put them on the doorstep, knocked on the door and hid behind some bushes. The neighbor lady came out, looked around, picked up the candy canes, and yelled out, “Thank you!” Meanwhile, as four giggly little boys were watching from behind the bushes, son #4 yelled out, “WE HIDING!” As son #2 tried to put his hand over son #4’s mouth, the neighbor lady smiled and yelled out, “Thanks (son #4)” and closed the door.

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

# 1 Mom sure comes up with the good ones from time to time. As for
tech support help! I have a sticker stuck to my monitor case. My
Tech Support put it on, the last time my system was at his house .
Intel inside, Idiot outside! Brothers are so nice. Give my best to
The Dear Wife and Sons!
~Don W.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Broken Heart

Monday, December 06, 2004

The other day son #4 was being kind of cross, while riding in his
car seat in our van. When my wife stopped at a light, he whined,
“Mom, you broke my heart!” She said, “What did I do?” He replied,
“I don’t want to take a nap, and you’re driving around trying to
make me go to sleep!”

Smart kid...

Here’s some catch up on our Christmas Stories.

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

Last year I got smart and copied all the Christmas stories and put
them in a file called "Xmas Stories." They were really special. I
say "Better late than never," for you to start them again
Marge S

Monday, December 13, 2004

Christmas Stories

Monday, December 13, 2004

Tonight we had a multi-family family night get together. On a
Monday night before Christmas, we get together with the
grandparents and the in-laws. It gets to be quiet a crowd. Tonight
there was 7 grandsons (0 granddaughters) running around making
noise, I mean gingerbread houses, and candy for our annual
Christmas eve caroling that we do.

Son #3 was playing with 6-month old cousin #7 (I think I got that
right). He was setting him up, and watching him fall down. Aunt #4
said, “Now you’d better be careful and watch him close, sometimes
he forgets how to sit up.”

Son #3 played with him for a while longer, then after cousin #7 sat
up for a minute or so, he ran to Aunt #4 and said, “Look! He
memorized how to sit up!”

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Now, I’m a bit ashamed of you folks. Yes, you know who you are; the
one’s who’ve been with us for years and years... You forgot to
remind me to tell you about the 25 Stories of Christmas I’ve got
online. Several years ago, one of our Scouts had an Eagle project
to have 25 different families read stories to the folks in the
mental hospital, one a night until Christmas. Afterwards, he gave
us all the stories. I typed them up and put them on the web. Then,
I (usually) give you the links. Only, it’s the 13th, and I forgot.
(And so did you...) Oh, well. We’ll play catch up and do several a
day. Here are the links to the first 4 stories. Enjoy!


Reader Comment Section:

Thank You! I did not know this about Bounce! I spend a lot of time outdoors, year round. Eny tips I get that might help I use!
~Don W.

Marty, know what ya mean about trying to keep a straight face, they
sure don't make it easy, do they??? w/son #4's temper you'd better
watch him like a hawk cause he has the potential to do GREAT
things.......we just want to make sure it's for the greater good.
~linda W.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Food n Pagers

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Now that I’m at my new job, it’s an eye opener to see the
differences in my eating habits. First, I think in the last 5 days,
I’ve been to two luncheon meetings, two holiday Christmas party
lunches, and one out-of-town greasy spoon lunch. My sweet wife is
starting to run out of Tupperware for the leftovers I never take to
work. But, tomorrow is different. No lunches scheduled. And, we had
a good dinner tonight so I’m actually looking forward to one of my
leftover lunches.

It’s also funny to see the different type of people that go to
meetings I now go to. During one of the meetings late last week,
there were about 120 tech guys talking to each other, mostly about
how a Chinese company just bought IBM’s PC business, and how just 2
months ago my company opted to drop Dell, and go with IBM. Now
they’re not sure what to do.

But the funniest thing was about 30 minutes into the presentation,
about 70% of the people got paged on their pagers. All within about
3 minutes of each other. I never did find out what was going on,
but most of them just slapped their pagers back on their belts and
went on watching the meeting. I wonder what would happen if the
paging system went down...

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Church Bullies

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Happy Pear Harbor day!

Last Sunday we were in church, and it always seems that we’re
telling the kids, “shhh!!” The boys are actually pretty good, but
sometimes son #4 is still a bit loud. He was trying to get son #1’s
attention. He wanted son #1 to watch him do something, but we kept
shushing him, and son #1 looked like he didn’t care if he saw what
son #4 was doing or not. All of a sudden, son #4 grabbed son #1 by
the tie, pulled him down so he was nose to nose with him, and in a
husky, but firm whisper said, “You watch me!”

So how are you supposed to discipline a kid when you’re laughing?

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

Dear Marty,
I’m writing to commend you for raising your boys right. You
penalize yourself for using the less choice words. In an issue
earlier this summer, you went back and paid for a slurpee that was
missed. In various other ways, you’ve shown that you are going out
of your way to teach your children character (and your sweet wife
undoubtedly helps). I hate to say it, but that’s becoming less
common these days, and it is certainly an uphill battle. If you
have days when you feel discouraged, please remember that the JOTD
readers notice and applaud your efforts.
Marianne R.
P.S. Good luck with the new job!

Monday, December 06, 2004

Lunch anyone?

Monday, December 06, 2004

Well, I started my new job at the same company today. It was pretty
interesting. Pretty much the same type of stuff I was going back at
the big credit card company before they laid 1200 people off. So I
think I should be able to fit in there nicely. But it was a little
strange to see the kids wake up and get ready for school. I used to
leave at 6 AM, but now I leave about 7:20 and I have to share the
bathroom and kitchen table with them. I guess it's not all bad.

The other day, my sweet wife said when just she and son #4 were
home, that she started to make lunch. There was some chicken left
over and she said, "Do you want some chicken for lunch?" He said,
"No" She said, "What do you want then?" He replied, "I want a
peanut butter sandwich"

So she made both the chicken and the peanut butter sandwich. When
they sat down to eat, son #4 said, "I have a dee-uh [idea]. Let's
share your chicken." She said, "Then can I have some of your

He said, "No"

Enjoy today's Jokes!

p.s. It seems that YahooGroups was put on a Spam list sometime last
week. They were on it for at least 48 hours. This Spam list shut
down all YahooGroups mail to servers that subscribe to the Spam
list, so if you missed any issues last week, check them out at
http://www.yahoogroups.com/group/martysjotd or at

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Old Friends

Thursday, December 02, 2004

We had a church Christmas party last night up the canyon in large
building. It was a potluck, and Santa even came. It was Wednesday,
and our choir concert is Saturday, so I had to leave before Santa
got there. But my sweet wife said when the little kids were doing
their Christmas play, Santa came to the side glass door. I guess he
was supposed to open the door and say “HO HO HO! Merry Christmas”,
only the door was locked. He started pounding on the door, and
someone finally let him in. When son #4 saw him walk in the door,
he threw up his arms and said, “SANTA! IT’S ME!!! And ran over to
him and hugged his leg and wouldn’t let go.”

Good thing he didn’t connect like he did to me the other day.

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

[...and now I can start using some of the Christmas jokes I've been

tell me that Grandmother still gets run over by a reindeer!
~Jill M.

[Sure Jill, just check out our last joke today. Music and

4 kids and no swearing? I don't believe it for a second!

[There certainly won’t be now, with that darn (yes, I said darn) $5
penalty hanging over my head!]