Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

11/30 - Smooth Talker

Thursday, November 30, 2006

It’s amazing the things that little ones pick up. When our ship
pulled in to Ensanada Mexico, we got off and started shopping at
the street vendors. (I don’t think I’ve ever bought so much
chicklett gum from little kids in my life!) I had looked at
several polished wood turtles and decided I wanted to buy one. I
had priced them at several places, and knew they started about
$20. ($10 after bargaining with the locals...) Son #3 made a deal
on a hand made hammock for $10, and I wanted one of the turtles
the same shop owner had for sale. After several deal attempts,
refusing, walking away, and then being called back, we finally got
the hammock and turtle pair for $17. I felt like I was a pretty
good deal maker.

As we walked back to the ship we were stopped by a very old
gentleman who had a horse and carriage. He asked us (in Spanish)
if we wanted to ride. I asked how much, and he spoke so quickly
(or I was listening too slowly) that I didn’t understand what he
said. I kept saying, “no entiendo” (I don’t understand). He
finally said, “diez y cinco” and held up 10 fingers, then 5
fingers. I said, “Oh, ok. Fifteen dollars, right?” He smiled a
quick toothy grin and nodded ‘yes’. Son #4 yelled, “No! Ocho!”

Everyone laughed. Unfortunately we didn’t have time to take a
carriage ride or I would have loved to use son #4 as my

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

P.S. Son #4 has another surgery on Monday morning.
We’re asking if you would keep us in your prayers and
even fast for son #4 and his doctors this Sunday. Thanks!


My friend, an ex-Marine Aviator wanted to show off his new twin-
engine plane. I was riding along as he put it through its paces.
Suddenly, we were caught in a violent thunderstorm, with lightning
crashing all around us. Next, we lost the radio and most of the
instruments. As we were being tossed around in the sky, George
said, "Uh-oh!" Fearing the worst, I asked, "What's wrong now?"
George replied, "I got the hiccups. Do something to scare me."


The attorney for whom I work as a legal secretary was handling the
disposition of a will. Because of the size of the estate involved,
we spent several days on paper work with the widow. Afterward, my
boss wearily remarked that settlement of the estate had entailed
an unusual amount of effort. "Yes, it did," said the widow,
sighing. "You know, sometimes I just wish that John hadn't died."


The press was interviewing a sensational new baseball shortstop.
The trouble was, the guy spoke so quietly no one could here him.
One of them finally asked the coach, "What's the matter with him?"
"Nothing at all," replied the coach. "That's just the way the
rookie mumbles."


Little Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After
a while he emerged and informed his mother that he had thought it
over and then said a prayer. "Fine", said the pleased mother. "If
you ask God to help you not misbehave, He will help you." "Oh, I
didn't ask Him to help me not misbehave," said Little Johnny. "I
asked Him to help you put up with me."

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

11/29 - Road Trip!

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Well, if you couldn’t tell, we took a really long road trip. Sorry
I didn’t tell you before we left, but I really couldn’t say, “See
you guys, we’re going on a 2 week long trip.” So, I kept it kind
of low key.

The GPS I bought just days (a day?) before we left, worked
perfectly. We even found a Geocache in California. Oh yeah, that’s
where we went; California. We stayed at my sister-in-law #4’s
house for Thanksgiving. They were such great hosts, and we had an
awesome time! Although it did get kind of loud with 7 kids in the

On the way down we stayed in Vegas and had tickets to the New York
New York arcade. We played video games and laser tag most of the
day. For dinner we decided on a cheep buffet deep inside casino
territory. Two days before we left for our trip, son #4 finally
got his white cane from the school for the blind. So, can you
imagine 2 adults walking through a casino, pulling along 4 boys,
heading to the buffet, and the youngest kid with a white blind
cane? It was like a powerful eyeball magnet jerking people’s heads
around to stare. People were tapping each other on the shoulder
whispering, “Hey, look at that kid!” It felt pretty weird to be
stared at so much, but by the end of the trip I didn’t even

In California we spent time at Lego Land, Six Flags Magic
Mountain, and a place called Mountasia. (The go-karts were really
fun!). We had an awesome Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday, and the
next day my #1 mom treated all of her kids and their family to a 3
day cruise to Ensanada Mexico. Boy, it was really cool.

I’ll have to tell you more about it tomorrow. It’s late, and I’ve
got to be to work early.

So, no jokes tonight, just some pictures on the website.

Tweety Bird's bird cage ride at 6 flags. Son #4 and his new friend
were bouncing up and down the whole ride. When it was done, son #4's
friend puked ALL over. (missing #4) but it kept coming even after
he left the ride and was on the path. Yum...

Camera Wars - Son #3 and Dad

Mariachi band in Ensanada Mexico

#2 and #3 getting ready for Captain's night on the cruise

The whole gang before dinner

Son #3's first experience with lobster. (He didn't like it)

#1, "I'm too sexy for my fries."

#4 Goofing around on casual dinner night

It rained the day we left. So sad...

Enjoy today’s Pictures!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

11/21 Profoundly charming

Monday, November 20, 2006

Another fantastic weekend. I’ll have to tell you all about
it in the next week or so… Last week we had son #4 go
through all day cognitive testing again. He did the same
thing just as he started radiation therapy last year, so we
have some comparisons to look at.

They said that everything looked fairly normal, but there
were some concerns. Besides his vision loss, he gets
mentally tired of tasks after a short time. They said this
was very normal for kids post radiation treatment. But, the
good news was that that he scored a little higher than
normal before he ‘got tired’. They said that compared to
ADHD kids, it’s kind of the same thing, except; ADHD kids’
brains don’t wait to get ‘tired or board’ of a mental task
they’re just always ‘tired’, and that they have to be
peeled off of the ceiling any time they’re trying to learn.
Not so with son #4.

She knew that son #4 had a strong, happy personality, and
that he could charm any teacher into liking him a lot. The
exact phrase they Doctor used was that he was “Profoundly
Socially Adept”. She said he literally was a charmer. And
that his personality could become even more so to
compensate for other deficiencies. She said that could
cause problems where he would get board with learning, and
just smile as the class instruction went on. She said a
teacher would think everything would be fine when it’s not.

So, it’s something we have to keep an eye on.

Anyway, more later this week. We’re having a great time,
wish you were here.


Reader Comment Section;

You're right, when you draw the 6 in the air, the right
foot changes directions. BUT, if you look at your foot and
concentrate on it staying the same direction while you
write the 6 in the air, you CAN do it. I tried several
times just to make sure I wasn't mistaken. Now,
everyone can feel even dumber trying it again (and again
and again and again)
~Leiann - www.caringbridge.org/in/james

[Can I just dote on my sweet wife today?]

Certainly! She deserves it! Congratulations on having
such a wonderful marriage. "He who finds a wife finds
what is good and receives favor from the LORD. " Proverbs


Three blondes were applying for the last available position
on the Highway patrol. The detective conducting the
interview looked at the three of them and said, "So you'd
like to be cops?"

The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file
drawer and pulled out a file folder. He opened it up,
pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you
have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice
things such as distinguishing features in a suspect."

He stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde, and
withdrew it after about two seconds. "Now," he said, "Did
you notice any distinguishing features about the man?"

The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one

The detective grabbed the photo, shook his head and said,

"Of course he has only one eye in this picture. It's a
profile of his face. You're dismissed!" The first blonde
hung her head and walked out.

The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the
photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said,
"What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding
about this man?"

"Yes," said the second blonde. "He only has one ear."

The detective put his head in his hand and exclaimed,
"Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a
profile of the man's face. Of course you can only see one
ear. You're excused, too!" The second blonde sheepishly
walked out of the office.

The detective turned his attention to the third and last
blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but
let's try this again." He held the photo in front of her
for a few seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right.
Did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about
this man?"

The blonde said, "I did! This man wears contact lenses."

The detective frowned, took another look at the picture,
and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He
looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said,
"You're absolutely right. His bio says he wears contacts.
How in the world could you tell that by looking at this

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Duh! With only one
eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."


Before I could enroll in my company's medical insurance
plan, I needed to fill out a questionnaire. As expected,
the form was very thorough, leaving nothing to chance. One
question asked, "Do you think you may need to go to the
emergency room within the next three months?"


This will warm your heart just when you have lost faith in
human kindness. The letter was sent to the principal's
office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the
elderly. An old lady received a new radio at the lunch as a
door prize and was writing to say thank you. This story is
a credit to all humankind. Forward to anyone you know who
might need a lift today.

Dear Safety Harbor Middle School:

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent
senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the
Safety Harbor Assisted Home for the Aged. All of my family
has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know
that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your
kindness t o an old forgotten lady. My roommate is 95
and has always had her own radio, but before I received
one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she
was napping. The other day her radio fell off the
nightstand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and
she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine,
and I told her to kiss my butt. Thank you for that


Wednesday, November 15, 2006

11/15 - Doting time!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Can I just dote on my sweet wife today? Here’s the scoop. I’ve had
my eye on this new GPS unit for months. Then I got to thinking, if
we were to take a long rode trip, and we were leaving soon, I’d
need to get that GPS soon. (yes, I’m an A number one
procrastinator) So, I found one for a great deal on eBay Saturday,
and had it shipped overnight.

My sweet wife knew that I had been talking about getting this GPS
all weekend. It was scheduled to be delivered on Tuesday. I told
her to put a note on the door so that if she left the house, the
Post Office could leave the GPS on the door step. Well, the
postman apparently didn’t go to the door; he left a notice in the
mailbox saying they would deliver it the next day. When my sweet
wife got home, without even asking, she took the notice and went
straight to the post office. After standing in line for 45
minutes, she got the package and brought it home. “Guess what
Honey; I’ve got your GPS!” I would have told me to go stand in
line myself. My sweetie is just one awesome lady.

Here are a few other tidbits. Every morning, (and I love to brag
about this to anyone who will listen) no matter if its 7:30 or
5:30, she gets up with me and helps me get going for work. She
makes sure I have clean clothes in the closet and drawers. She
helps me find my stuff that I always lose (keys, glasses... ) Then
she makes sure I have a lunch to take with me to work. Then on top
of all that, she cooks me a hot breakfast each morning. Most
of the time it’s scrambled eggs and toast. (Yes, my doc says all
of those eggs are fine for me. I’ve asked...) Anyway, one day I
said something insensitive like, “Gee, scrambled eggs again?” So
she asked what else I wanted, and I said I’d like to try soft
boiled eggs once in awhile. (They aren’t the easiest thing to make
in high altitude, especially just the way I like ‘em,) But, she
makes them great each and every time.

And, here’s how the homework works. I’ll come home, check the
computer for homework scores, call the boys in one and a time, and
let them know what side their bread is buttered on, and I’ll make
no bones about. I tell them what I expect and to shape up. (Or
tell them that they’re doing good) If they have homework that
needs to be done, but she’s the one that ends up helping them.

There are countless errands to the bank, post office, and store
that she runs all of the time. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say
it again. I have a lot easier job then she does! So, I know, I’m one lucky boy!

Kudos Sweetie...

Enjoy today’s Jokes!


How smart is Your Right Foot ? ?

Just try this. It is from an orthopedic surgeon............

This will boggle your mind and you will keep trying over and over
again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't. It's
preprogrammed in your brain!

1. WITHOUT anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY...)
and while sitting where you are at your desk in front of your
computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with you
right hand.

Your foot will change direction.

I told you so!!!

And there's nothing you can do about it!

You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done,
you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so !!!
~#1 Mom


A DJ was introducing a record. "This next one," he said, "is for
Charlotte Burke, who is a hundred and eleven. Hey, Charlotte,
congratulations on a ripe old age!" There was a short pause and
then the DJ said in a somewhat more subdued voice, "I'm sorry, I
got it wrong. This next one is for Charlotte Burke, who is ill."
~Wanda D.

How to install a security system;

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-
16 work Boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer
cans, a Copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads: Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke
and Slim, I went to the gun shop for more Ammunition. Back in an
hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman
this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took
part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood.

PS - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.
~Wanda D.

Monday, November 13, 2006

11/13 - High Caliber Entertainment

Monday, November 13, 2006

I started working 4 x 10’s this week, which necessitates me
getting into work a couple of hours earlier. Today I rode the
train and found an interesting fact. The caliber of people who
ride the train between 6:00 & 6:30 in the morning is a lot
different than those who ride between 7:30 & 8:00. Since this
train goes directly to the University, there are a lot of
younger folks who ride the 7:30 train. There’s colorful hair,
spiked jewelry through the lips and face, and all manner of
dress. But on the 6:00 train, there are more professional
looking folks. There are people who work at the University and
Children’s hospital, people in suits and ties or medical scrubs.
These folks know each other too; when people get on at different
stops, there is always a, “Hi, how was your weekend?” type

Today I sat next to 3 ladies. I pretended to be really sleepy
and close my eyes. Ok, I wasn’t pretending... They all talked
about their weekend. One lady held a get together and the others
talked about church on Sunday. The first lady also talked about
her Saturday trip to get her nails done. When she got there,
they asked her if she wanted her toes done too. She said she
couldn’t decide, but that they had convinced her to get them
done. She told the other two that they did a really great job.
The other lady asked her what designs they did. She tried to
tell them, but ended up looking at me and said, “Excuse my foot”
and took her shoe and sock off. The other 2 ogled her new fancy
toe nails.

Ok, maybe the caliber of people isn’t that different...

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

p.s. Don’t tell my sweet wife they take off their cloths on this
train, I might have to walk to work!


I had worked late, and my Labrador was so overjoyed to see me
arrive home that he jumped up just as I leaned down. Our heads
collided, and I sported an impressive shiner for several
weeks. I had to repeat frequently to co-workers and friends how
I came by it, and one day on the elevator, a secretary whom I
hadn't seen for some time looked at my black eye and exclaimed,
"My goodness, what happened to you?" "The dog did it," I wearily
replied. A man standing next to us looked over at me and
said knowingly, "Ahh, you must own a boxer."


"I guess you know, President Bush met with the President of
China at the White House. The President of China gave President
Bush a traditional Chinese gift, a pirated bootleg copy of
"Mission Impossible 3" two weeks before it comes out."
--Jay Leno


Rummaging through her attic one day, my friend Kathryn found an
old shotgun. Unsure how to dispose of it, she called her
parents. "Take it to the police station," her mother suggested.
My friend was about to hang up when her mom added.... "And,
‘Kathryn?" "Yes, mom?" "Call them first and let them know you're

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

11/8 - Smoothie Surfing

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

So, I was surfing tonight, and decided to try Youtube. A lot of
political junk (which I’m tired of, see last night’s issue) but I
did find a little gem. Apparently there’s this place called
Blendtec in Utah that makes high end blenders. There is a series
of videos called “Will it blend?” It has a goofy looking lab guy
blending all sorts of stuff. He blends Ice, Golf balls, Rake
handles, McDonalds value meal, marbles, CoChicken, and one of my
favorites; a Coke Can Smoothie. Go to Youtube and search for “will
it blend”. Or, go to our web site to see this one. (You’ll need to
be in a weird mood to view this!)

After laughing pretty hard at the videos, I searched the web to
see how much they were. Hmm... $399. I didn't laugh much after

Enjoy today’s Jokes!


1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's
your count that votes.
6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
7. If you don't pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed.
8. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-
flat miner.
10. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully
12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in
Linoleum Blownapart.
13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
14. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
16. A calendar's days are numbered.
17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.
18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
21. A short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium
at large.
22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in
the end.
23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd
26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
28. Acupuncture: a jab well done
~Doug L.


I bought a great new toilet seat recently. On the label was a
suggestion on how to clean it. Although nice to have the option, I
doubt I'll take advantage of it. My toilet seat, it seems, is
"Dishwasher Safe."

When I'm an old lady, I'll live with each kid,
And bring so much happiness ... just as they did.
I want to pay back all the joy they've provided.
Returning each deed! Oh, they'll be so excited!
When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.
I'll write on the walls with reds, whites and blues,
and I'll bounce on the furniture wearing my shoes.
I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out.
I'll stuff all the toilets and oh, how they'll shout!
When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.
When they're on the phone and just out of reach,
I'll get into things like sugar and bleach.
Oh, they'll snap their fingers and then shake their head,
When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.
When they cook dinner and call me to eat,
I'll not eat my green beans or salad or meat,
I'll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table,
And when they get angry... I'll run . if I'm able!
When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.
I'll sit close to the TV, through channels I'll click,
I'll cross both eyes just to see if they stick.
I'll take off my socks and throw one away,
And play in the mud 'til the end of the day!
When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.
And later in bed, I'll lay back and sigh,
I'll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes.
My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping,
And say with a groan, "She's so sweet when she's sleeping!"
~Wanda D.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

11/7 - It's finally over

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Election day is here. All of the polling places are closed. And
the best thing about the end of today? No more political ads! Yes!
I actually voted for someone in the (shudder) other party. We had
two neighbors (both good friends) had competing signs in their
yards. I liked the one candidate, and my sweet wife liked the
other. Guess our votes canceled out those guys...

We took our 12th trip to Randolph last Saturday. I spent 6 hours
cleaning my dad’s bedroom. It actually looks presentable now. The
rest of the house is coming along fairly good too. But, there’s
still a lot of ‘stuff’ that needs to be dealt with before we can
sell the place. More work.

Tonight my sweet wife made meatloaf. It wasn’t bad, but when son
#3 came down to tell me dinner was ready, he said, “Mom burned
herself. And she swore.” I went upstairs and asked what happened
and she said she grabbed the thermometer after it sat in the oven
for 5 minutes, “But I didn’t swear! I caught myself before I
finished. Promise!”

So tonight’s dinner conversation revolved around son #3 saying,
“She said ‘Ouch! D-word it’” and she saying she stopped short of
actually saying the D-word. Oh well, it’s been a good 6 months
since we had anything but fart noise payments into the pizza jar.
And I think I was the last $5 contributor for colorful language.
This time I may just slip a fiver in to settle their argument.

Enjoy today’s Jokes!


One day a mother took her 6-year-old son with her to visit a
friend at work. Everyone there knew her, and she was offered a cup
of coffee. That day, as one of the employees went to make more
coffee, her son followed her and asked, "What are you doing?" "I'm
making your mom's favorite drink," she answered. Imagine the
woman's shock when she heard her son say, "Wow! You know how to
make beer?"


One of my college friends asked a group of us for advice on
organizing his final report for the year. "Why don't you use Roman
numerals to head the different sections?" another friend
suggested. "I thought of that," he replied. "But my keyboard
doesn't have Roman numerals on it."
~Wanda D.

There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she
decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local
park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this
note: "I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown
bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. Signed,
The Blonde." She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket
and told him to go straight home. The next morning, she returned
to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak
tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag was the following
note.... "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde
would do this to another!"
~Wanda D.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

11/2 - Folding Rings and Proteins

Thursday, November 02, 2006

I asked my sweet wife what I should write about tonight, and she
told me a little story. So, I asked her if she would write it
while I put #3 to bed, and did a load of laundry. She accepted.

Son #4 had my little jewelry box with some heirloom
rings inside. I told him to put it back. He said,
“But mom, I need a ring”. I asked him why he ‘needed’
a ring, and he informed me that he had decided he
was going to marry a little girl in his kindergarten
class. I sat down and told him that if he wanted to
get married he couldn’t use one of my rings. I told him
that he needed to get a job and buy a nice expensive
ring to show the girl he wants to marry that he can
provide for her. And that he also needs to provide a
place to live with her, and not with mom and dad. His
little shoulders slumped and he moaned, ”Get a job?!
I’ll never be able to get married”

Be patient little one, be patient...

I was listening to the Kim Komando radio show the other day.
She talked about some software that I had heard about, but
had never looked into until last weekend. The best way to
explain what it does is to tell you that; if you ever looked at
what your CPU does, you’d find that 90-95% of the time, the CPU
just sits idle [Try it. After you do a ctrl-alt-del, click the
Process tab. Click where it says CPU to sort. Click it again
for a reverse sort. Look at the System Idle Process. It will be at
99% most of the time.]

Anyway, Stanford University has found a way to have you donate
your idle CPU processing power in a ‘distributed computing
project’. They’re making the world’s largest supercomputer and
studying the folding and unfolding of proteins. “When proteins do
not fold correctly (i.e. "misfold"), there can be serious
consequences, including many well known diseases, such as
Alzheimer's, Mad Cow (BSE), CJD, ALS, Huntington's, Parkinson's
disease, and many Cancers and cancer-related syndromes.”

The cancer part caught my eye, so I decided to try their software.
It runs in the background at low priority, and uses the CPU power
that you’re not. I haven’t seen any performance issues, and I’ve
tested it out for several days. Son #1 and I are trying to see who
can get the highest score.

If you’d like to give it a try, click here and read more
about it. If you download the software, join our team.
We’ve named it “Son #4's Tumor Buster Team”. We’re team
number 52688. See if you can help us out!

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

p.s. I also found a pretty cool cancer commercial on youtube last
week. You can see it on the web site.


The summer after college graduation, I was living at home fishing
in the daytime, spending nights with my friends -- generally just
hanging out. One afternoon my grandfather, who never went to
college, stopped by. Concerned about how I was spending my time,
he asked about my future plans. I told him I was in no hurry to
tie myself down to a career. "Well," he replied, "you'd better
start thinking about it. You'll be thirty before you know it."
"But I'm closer to twenty than to thirty," I protested. "I won't
be thirty for eight more years." "I see," he said, smiling. "And
when will you be twenty again?"


Nancy's nephew was 4 when she was pregnant with her first kid. She
allowed him to place his hand on her belly and feel the baby kick.
His little face scrunched and said, "How does the baby get out of
there?" She wanted to keep it simple so she said, "The doctor will
help." His eyes widened in amazement as he exclaimed, "You've got
a doctor in there, too?"
One year at Thanksgiving - my mom went to my sister's house for
the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is - my mom
decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed
something from the store. When my sister left - my mom took the
turkey out of the oven - removed the stuffing. Stuffed a Cornish
hen and inserted it into the turkey - and restuffed the turkey.
She than placed the bird(s) back in the oven. When it was time
for dinner - my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and
proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit
something - she reached in and pulled out the little bird. With a
look of total shock on her face - my mother exclaimed.... Patricia -
you've cooked a pregnant bird. At the reality of this
horrifying news - my sister started to cry. It took the family two
hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs ...YEP............