Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

12/24 - Merry Christmas Video

Merry Christmas from Marty's Joke of the day!

Saturday, December 22, 2007

12/22 - Update and Delivery mess

Saturday, , , December 22, 2007

Arrgg... Technology can sometimes be frustrating!

Thursday during the day, I scored big. Really big. I'll have to tell you about it after Tuesday, least prying little eyes read my blog!

Then, Thursday night I wanted to post on the blog what the doctors had said at the brain tumor clinic.

Here's what I wrote then;

It's as I expected. My sweet wife went to Brain Tumor clinic with son #4. She said they were the first to arrive, and the last to leave. She said the oncologist spoke with the radiologist for quite some time before he came in and spoke to my wife. He said pretty much the same thing that the radiologist told use on Tuesday; that the large white area on the tumor bed was unusual, that it could turn into something bad, but that it could also be nothing. Wonderful. Wait Watch and Worry. (WWW). We asked him when the next MRI should be. (I was on the phone listening while he spoke to my sweet wife.) He said wait 3 months, not 2, not 4. I guess that's not bad, but not good, and it's better than hearing, “we need to go into surgery right now...”

So, that's what I started to write on Thursday. After that I was feeling a little rambunctious. I had heard something on the radio that I wanted to spout about, I had lined up 3 or 4 videos to post for you guys, I had several links to political sights, and was just starting to get things uploaded to the blog site.

That night we had one of the cousins over for a sleep over, everyone was playing on the computers, playing video games, watching the big screen, whooping it up having a good time in the other room, and I also had my space heater on. We also were having one of the biggest snow storms of the year. (at least 2 feet at our house).

Then all of a sudden I heard a “POP”...

And nothing...


Power out...

In our back yard, the neighbors had lights. Lights were on across the street. Neighbors to one side and the other were also on. I checked out fuses inside, and nothing was tripped. I called the power company, and she suggested checking the main breaker. I had no idea there was a main breaker, but that's what it was. Too much power, and then something (my heater?) caused a power spike.

So, I lost my entire blog post. Oh well...

But, here's what else gripes me...

Remember I told you I scored big on Thursday? I paid for (before noon), for overnight shipping on a certain item. My little puny brain would think, hmm... pay for overnight shipping on Thursday, get your package on Friday.

Not so fast. ToysRUs used the ol, “shipping starts when your item leaves the warehouse.”

Wonderful. Strike one.

But, it does leave the warehouse on Friday at 1PM. Cool, overnight shipping, that means I'll get it Saturday.

But check this out

The package left their warehouse in Columbus Ohio at 1pm Friday, it arrived in Memphis Friday night at 11pm, it leaves Memphis for Salt Lake at 3:45am Saturday. Then it arrives in Salt Lake sort facility Saturday morning at 6:45am, and gets put on the delivery truck at 8:24am. So far so good. It rides around the truck most of the day, and at 1:10pm gets taken back to the FedEx warehouse. The reason? “Package not due for delivery”. Argg... strike two!

Apparently “standard overnight” isn't the same thing as “standard overnight with Saturday delivery.” D'oh. So there my prized package sits, in the FedEx warehouse for 2 more days because ToysRUs didn't pay for Saturday delivery.

Yes, I called. They said they'd try to credit me the shipping costs. But it has to go through their red tape bureaucracy first.

So, FedEx and ToysRUs didn't meet my expectations so far. Let's hope things go better on Monday.

Enjoy the Jokes

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

12/18 - Ya win some, ya lose some

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Remember the Chili's nights I told you to go to, where Chili's
donated all of their profits for that night to St. Judes
Children's Hospital? Well, St. Judes took all of that money an
built a building...

“When construction began on the Chili's Care Center in 2004, the
building was a vision on paper. It took hundreds of people to
create that vision and turn it into reality for the patients,
researchers, faculty and staff of St. Jude Children's Research
Hospital. November 2007 welcomes the Chili's Care Center to the
St. Jude campus.”
[Full Story]

Anyway, you guys are going to have to keep going to Chili's. At
least for us. We got some good news and some bad news with #4's
MRI today. The 2 spots that they found in October were still the
same size. They didn't move and didn't grow. I still think they
are cauterized vessels from the original surgery or something.
However, they did see a much larger area on his tumor bed that
'lit up' when they scanned it. The Radiologist said it was
probably scar tissue, but that it was unusual to light up because
scar tissue is supposed to fade away over time. He said there was
no dense material or anything in the lit up area, but he said that
we should watch it because the area had changed from the last

So, it's the WWW for us. (Wait Watch and Worry)

I work with 2 Radiologists who read hundreds of studies each day.
And, most of the doctors who receive the reports pretty much tell
the patients exactly what's in the report. So, when we have Brain
Tumor Clinic tomorrow, maybe I'll just have my sweet wife call me
when the oncologist gets there to see if there's anything new.

I think I've come to realize that this is going to be a life long
battle. Until either he goes, or we go. (Hopefully the latter...)

Brain Tumors suck.

Enjoy Today's Jokes.


p.s. Do you know how hard it is to find “Brain Tumor Jokes”? Well,
I did my best...


A lawyer finds out he has a brain tumor, and its inoperable – in
fact, its so large, they have to do a brain transplant. His doctor
gives him a choice of available brains – there is a jar of rocket
scientist brains for $10 an ounce, a jar of regular scientist
brains for $15 an ounce, and a jar of lawyer brains for the
princely sum of $800 an ounce. The outraged lawyer says, "This is
a rip-off - how come the lawyer brains are so expensive?" The
doctor replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an
ounce of brains?"


Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.

Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps for joy)

Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?

Mr.Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?

Doctor: Then why you are so happy?

Mr.Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!


This Marine, all messed up from Iraq, went to the hospital to get
checked. They found a huge brain tumor. Because of his brain
tumor, all he could say was the words to the Marines hymn. So when
the doctor asked his name, he replied, "From the halls of

The doctor decided to remove the tumor and part of his brain,
thinking that would cure it. When the doctor did this, the Marine
still said "From the halls of montezuma..."

The doctor figured he did not remove enough of the brain. So after
removing some more, the marine still only said those words.

The doctor, now getting frustrated, decided to take the rest of
the brain out. Now the Marine, with no brain, stood up and started
singing, "Be all that you can be..."

Saturday, December 08, 2007

12/8 - Who says FedEx isn't smart?

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Ok, just a quick note today. It's Christmas time, and sometimes we have things shipped to our house. Well, check out this little photo that my sweet wife snapped with her camera phone yesterday.

It's a picture of a package, 'hidden' under our doormat!

Who says FedEx guys aren't smart! He was either trying to a) hide if from a robber, or b) make sure we noticed it when we got home. Smart Feller's 'eh?

Life is good.
Enjoy the picture


p.s. My sweet wife and I got up on this snowy Saturday really early, to go wait in line for a Glenn Beck book signing at our local book store. We got a few extra books and put them on eBay. (We're also donating 10% of the final price to the Pediatric Brain Tumor Foundation.) Check out the listings, these auctions start at just 1¢!

Friday, December 07, 2007

12/7 - Math, Mercy, and Justice

Hey Look, it's my 500th post! Yipee!
Did you know I'll be starting my 8th
year of this silliness in March!??

Friday, December 07, 2007

This is a long way around making an itty bitty little point way at the end, so bear with me on this post. Now, I love math. Well, I guess I don’t actually ‘love’ math, but it seems that I have a brain that feels comfortable when dealing with math.

The ‘=’ sign is very powerful in math. And I understand how it works. For example, 3x2=6. That’s pretty simple. So here’s a few more examples;

The Pythagorean Theorem has always stuck in my head. You remember a²+b²=c²

Simply put, if the angle where a and b intersect is a right angle, (a 90° angle) then the Pythagorean Theorem works wonderfully.

Say the distance for side ‘a’ is 3 inches and the distance for side ‘b’ is 4 inches, then by doing the math (3²+4²=c² and 9+16=c² and 25=c² and 5=c) you see that side c must equal 5 inches. In my noodle, at least, this is a no brainer.

Another great equality is Newton’s third law; For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. I'd like to extrapolate Newton's law one more step; For every sin committed, there must be an equal and opposite payment made, to pay for that sin. That seems reasonable and fair to me.

Now, let's see how justice and mercy fit in to this theorem. Let’s say a man robs another man. The first man is caught and is found guilty. The second man cries, “I must have justice! I must have my money back.” But the first man’s family cries to the judge, “Show Mercy! This man is poor and we are starving.”

Perfect justice demands that the robber get exactly what he deserves. No more, no less. It can be difficult to decide what the robber deserves as punishment, but with perfect justice, as with the equal sign, the punishment is matched exactly with the crime.

But, in an equitable society mercy should also be shown. But, if mercy is granted to the robber, then justice can’t be served. (the second man is robbed of money, and therefore justice) So how can we show mercy, without justice being denied?

If there were a mediator, say a third man in our example, who would show mercy and pay the robbers debt, and then require some sort of payment from the robber, then both justice and mercy can be served.

So if every sin requires an equal payment, (literally) to be made for that sin, how can we literally pay for each sin we commit? We can't. But, there is a Great Mediator, Jesus Christ, who has already paid for all of our sins. He only requires of us repentance, a broken heart, and a contrite spirit. (Although I am extremely grateful for the atonement where Christ paid for our sins, I can’t begin to comprehend how he did this...)

So, now you've had your math lesson and Sunday school lesson, so I'll top it off with a political lesson. This all brings me to a point I wanted to make that I mentioned at the beginning of my post. I found this article on the news wires yesterday;


WASHINGTON (Reuters) - President George W. Bush will unveil a plan on Thursday aimed at slowing a wave of home loan foreclosures that has threatened to knock the U.S. economy into recession and rattled investors worldwide. The plan hammered out by the U.S. Treasury Department in talks with mortgage industry leaders would bring relief to many of the 2 million homeowners who took out adjustable rate loans with payments due to move sharply higher in the next year or so by offering some of them a five-year mortgage-rate freeze.

If we try to put an equal sign in to this news story, it isn't equal or fair. On the one side of the equal sign, Bush is trying to show mercy by freezing adjustable rates for 5 years. This will save homeowners money while they try to get themselves into a different mortgage or sell their homes for what they can. It could also save the economy from sliding further. I'd say that's some pretty hefty stuff on the one side.

But, no one is looking at what's on the other side of the equation. Who is going to pay for this? Banks, investment companies, and investors will all lose money. A lot of money. Including individual investors and retirees who have IRA accounts with these companies. Some may argue, “They are big business, they should be knocked down a peg or two.” Or, “They made a bad investment choice, too bad so sad”. I don't agree. If this plan is put in place, it is yet another example of government trying to redisturbe wealth, or tax the rich, or dirty on the those who have... In my humble opinion, Bush is showing too much mercy, and forgetting justice.

When in any society, mercy is given too much and too often, [a robber is shown mercy and the victim receives no justice], that society becomes inefficient, corrupt, citizens become angry and tired of injustices, and the society is ripe for revolution.

So that's just my 2¢ worth...

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

Now, how about a little fun?


Bryan Berg, the acknowledged inventor of cardstacking on the grand scale, embarked on a month-long project with The Texas State Fair in Dallas, TX to create a new Guinness World Record for the World's Tallest House of Playing Cards. A self-taught artist, Berg uses no tape, glue, or other tricks in his work. With 1,800 decks of freestanding playing cards, some scaffolding, and a hole in the ceiling, he worked for five weeks to complete the 25 foot, 9.5 inch tower- limited only by the height of the building he was working in and time. Even the artist was surprised at how strong his huge construction turned out to be, when a leaf blower shorted out during the knockdown and he was forced to take a "Godzilla" approach and destroy the tower by hand. This is the third time Berg has been commissioned to break his own world record, the first of which he set in 1992 at the age of 17. Check out the links below to see press coverage of this and other recent works.

Here's the world's record video.

And here's another video

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

12/5 - Who's realted to who how?

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Ever wonder who's who in your family? Here's a quick little chart that will help you understand your 1st cousins form your 2nd cousins once removed.

On the top row, find the relationship of one person to the common ancestor. Locate the other person along the left hand column, according to his relationship to the same common ancestor. The relationship is where the row and column intersect.

GC = Grandchild
GGC = Great Grandchild
N = Niece/Nephew
GN = Grand Niece/Nephew
#C = Number of Cousin
#R = Number of times removed

And, here's a bunch of pictures from our recent trip.

Son #4 getting ready for the traditional(??) Thanksgiving Morning Hike

On the cold cold Chicago Winter weather hike.

A couple of pictures from dinner at SanFrantello's

2 pictures of my 1st Cousins, once removed. (My first cousin's kids)

My Boys

My Sweet wife and Sue, the famous dinosaur bones

My Sweet wife and Son #4 at the Idea Factory at the CMSI.

My 1st Cousin Once removed and my 1st Cousin's wife

My 1st Cousin and his wife

My Great Grandfather's Grandkids. (My uncle and mom)

Self and Oldest offsprint (Me and #1)

Life is good...

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!


Dick Cheney Jokes About His Distant 'Cousin Barack' Obama
Saturday, October 27, 2007

WASHINGTON — Vice President Dick Cheney said Friday he hasn't reached out to "Cousin Barack" Obama since reports that the two share a distant relative.

In an interview for CNBC's "Kudlow & Company," Cheney was asked whether he and Obama, a Democratic presidential candidate, have discussed their ancestral link.

"Cousin Barack?" Cheney said. "No, we haven't — haven't had the opportunity to talk about it."

Lynne Cheney, the vice president's wife, told MSNBC last week she uncovered the long-ago ties between the two while researching her ancestry for her latest book, "Blue Skies, No Fences."

The vice president said he was unsure about bringing it up with the Illinois senator.

"Well, I didn't know whether that would help him or hurt him, so I thought I'd probably stay away from him," he said.

Obama is a descendent of Mareen Duvall, said Ginny Justice, a spokeswoman for Lynne Cheney. The French Huguenot's son married the granddaughter of a Richard Cheney, who arrived in Maryland in the late 1650's from England.

The vice president's full name is Richard B. Cheney.


You know you're in red neck country when a man introduces his wife and his cousin, and there's only one woman standing there.


You might be a Redneck if you consider dating second cousins 'playing the field'

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

12/4 - I think I ate too much...

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Eating in Chicago – Ok, remember how I told you I lost 25
pounds? Well, I've lost a negative 5 more pounds. (gulp) So,
here's a run down of my excuses.

The night we touched down in Chicago, the boys wanted to go to
Portillo's restaurant. It's a Chicago Dog, Italian sausage fast
food type place. After getting our luggage, the rental car, and
headed out, it was 8:10 PM before we found our first
Portillo's. (We drove right to it with the help of the GPS). Of
course, they closed at 8:00 PM. We begged and told them we just
flew in from Salt Lake just to eat a Chicago Dog. Their
response was, “See you tomorrow.” The kids were pretty
disappointed, as the last time they remember getting
Portillo's, is when I had it flown out from Chicago for my
wife's birthday several years ago.

So, that first night on the way to our cousins' home, we wanted
something truly Chicago. White Castle seemed to be a good
second choice. (Since they were open 24/7, including
Thanksgiving eve) They have the tiny burgers with big buns. I
have never been impressed with them, but the kids seemed to
like 'em. We split 3 combo meals, and upgraded to sweet potato
fries. A little weird, but with sweet, drippy, cinnamon sauce,
they weren't that bad.

The next day was Thanksgiving. After participating in the
traditional Thanksgiving day hike, (What, you don't have family
traditions?) we went to the museum of science and industry (on
a free entrance day). We took a cousin, had a wonderful time,
and ate the traditional $8 side salad at the museum cafeteria.
Then we ate a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner put on by my Aunt.
During the next two days we managed to grab Chicago dogs at Gene and Judes and Portillo's. Both different from each other, but both really good.

One night I took the whole family out to a place in Geneva
called SanFrantello's Pizza. A bit pricey, but it was good and we had a great time.

The kids and my mom flew home on Sunday. At RSNA the vendors
really want to impress everyone, and wine and dine them. So,
Sunday night we went to the Shedd Aquarium with hundreds of
other people. They had a huge buffet with huge shrimp, salads,
hors d'oeuvres, and great deserts. There was even a little
chocolate one that I took a bite off. “Honey, does this taste a
little spicy to you?” I asked as I handed it to her. She took a
bite and we looked at each other, and at the same time said,

Oops... We didn't try any more of those goodies.

The next night we ate at Hugo's Frog Bar and Fish House. I
think that was the best meal I had all week. I got the W.R.'s
Chicago Cut Prime Steak. Wow, it was good. (And paid for to

On Tuesday night, we ate at an Italian place called Maggiano's Little Italy. It was really good too. It's a family style restaurant, and we had salmon, chicken, pasta, and calamari(!). They had an open bar, and someone suggested I try a Roy Rogers. It was a little sweet, but I didn't have to get the umbrella like a Shirley Temple. Since most of us were from Utah, I think only 1 of their customers actually ordered a 'real' drink that night.

On Wednesday, we went to the Tavern on Rush. It was another hoytee toytee fancy steak house. This time there were only 15 of us, and they let us order directly from the menu. (as opposed to having only 2 or 3 choices). So I ordered a filet mignon. Medium Rare thank you. But, when they brought out 14 other entries, they forgot mine. After 10 or 15 more minutes, they brought this huge piece of meat, slightly over done on the outside, and red and cool on the inside. Rare, not medium rare. So, I cut off the outsides and sent back the rest to the kitchen. It came back, slightly burned out the outside again, but medium rare on the inside. Much better, but everyone else was done, so I didn't finish. I wasn't quite sure how to act when someone else was paying for a fancy dinner, and then my meal gets messed up. But, everyone knew my dinner was late and not cooked right, so I think the guy who paid and the waiter had some words about it... Anyway, the food was ok, but the service wasn't that good.

Then, Thursday night, my Aunt and Uncle invited us out to their house for a (quiet) dinner. We had really good Salmon, and the best company all week!

So, Friday before we flew home was the only time my sweet wife and I got to pick somewhere to go alone. We picked Giordano's pizza. Mostly because it was only a block and a half away from our hotel, and right on the way to Ben and the parking lot. Earlier in the week we managed to fit in Pizzaria Uno's for lunch. And, comparing the two, I think I'd have to say Giordano's was better. (But we ate at Pizzaria Due's several years ago, [Uno's second restaurant] and I think that beat them both). But, as my boys would say, “it's all good.” When we ate at Giordano's on Friday night, we only ate 1/2 of the small pizza. We saved the 2nd half for lunch on the plane Saturday. (A night in the rental car kept is nicely frozen) I tired to take the pizza through security, and they yelled, “All food must be x-ray'd!” So, we had cold, zapped, pizza on the plane. (Not bad considering American Airlines was selling a full sized Snickers bar for $3!)

Anyway, that's my excuse for doing rotten on my diet for the past 2 weeks. What's yours?

Life is good...

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!


Here's an interesting article I ran across today...

Boy Scouts ignore 'pay-up-or-move' ultimatum
Philadelphia threatening $199,999 rent increase or eviction



Our family was dazzled by the sights and the bustling crowds during a visit to Manhattan. "This is the city that never sleeps," I told my eleven-year-old daughter.

"That's probably because there's a Starbucks on every corner," she observed.


One little punctuation mark would have made a world of difference in the gigantic sign I saw posted outside a local family restaurant: "Kids Under 12 Eat Free Live Clown Every Wednesday."

Monday, December 03, 2007

12/3 - Home again home again jigity jig

Monday, December 03, 2007

What a long vacation! We took the boys to Chicago for Thanksgiving and my sweet wife and I stayed for an extra week for the RSNA conference. (Radiologic Society of North America). It's a huge conference with upwards of 70,000 people attending. Doctors and participants take continuation classes, vendors vend, and take everyone out to expensive restaurants.

Here's a few notes on our Chicago trip. More later;

Eating breakfast – the day after my four boys flew back home to Salt Lake (Sunday) my sweet wife and I went out to breakfast at McDonald's. We each ordered a breakfast burrito, and I ordered a large orange juice for us to split. She went up to get napkins, forks, and a straw for us, but came back with enough plastic wear and straws for all six people! But, by the end of the week, she was getting only two straws.

Baker's shoe store – my sweet wife and I went to Baker's shoe store. They had hundreds and hundreds of shoes for sale, and lots of loud rock music playing. But the one thing that seemed odd in the store was the hat , their were no man shoes available for sale!

Chicago weather – The weather in Chicago was about the same temperature, as it was the Salt Lake last week, (about 30°F). But there is the reason that they call Chicago the Windy city. The wind was constantly blowing and the wind chill factor was usually between zero and five below. Next time I'll bring a warmer coat!

Chicago Board of trade – just around the corner from our hotel was the Chicago Board of trade. We toured their one afternoon, but after September 11, 2001, all they had for us to see was a small museum with pictures and fax about how CBOT worked. Not as exciting as I had hoped it would be.

Shopping on Michigan Avenue – it was kind of cool to see all of the lights and decorations on Michigan Avenue, but the prices were more expensive than they were online. My sweet wife found a Dick Blick Art supply store that she said she could, “stay and shop for hours”, but decided it was cheaper to shop at their store online instead. After one afternoon shopping on on Michigan Avenue, we found we 'shopped' a lot, but only bought a comic book and some stuff at Walgreens.

Chicago transportation - One mistake I made while on my first visit to RSNA this year, was to get a rental car. When we pulled up to the hotel there was a parking rate sign posted; Parking for less than two hours cost $12, 2-6 hours was $24, and parking overnight was $44. I asked the parking attendants if there was any cheaper parking in the area, and he said ”sorry you're in the big city now”. I ended up asking the concierge's desk where I could park for less, they told me that six blocks away was a parking lot at the Union Station parking lot for only $20 a day. (Oh boy, now that's cheap!) So every day at 6:30 p.m. We walked in the 0° wind chill to pay $20 to a parking attendant named Ben. We got to know him really well though, and even brought him a yo-yo from the conference, for his six year old little girl. He said she loved it.

In Chicago everyone uses public transportation; trains, taxicabs, or buses. And hundreds and hundreds (and Hundreds!) of people walk the sidewalks each day. When waiting to cross the street, one thing you have to learn is to not hang your toes over the curb, if you do you're libel to get them squashed by cab. My sweet wife and I also learned quickly that signal indicators and traffic lights are just a guideline for signaling. The “honk of a horn” is much more meaningful than in any other signal device available.

Eating in Chicago –
More on that in my next issue. You'll not want to miss it!

Life is good...

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section;

Love the pictures! Thank you for sharing them with us. Your family is very good looking! I'm glad you have been able to find people recently, and like that the scout master is still in scouting with the same troop. Our Cub Pack leader took the job because he was the parent with 4 boys, I hope his dedication is like your leader.
Jen B, Ohio


At Disneyland, forever
Last Friday, the "Pirates of the Caribbean" ride at Disneyland was shut down after someone was seen dumping a powder into the water -- employees say it was human ashes. It is a misdemeanor in California to scatter ashes on private property without permission. But as more people opt for cremation instead of expensive burials, the state's Cemetery and Funeral Bureau is fielding more ash-scattering complaints from golf courses and other venues. "If these were rogue funeral directors out there tossing remains out of rides, we would take a very dim view," said bureau spokesman Kevin Flanagan. "But how are you going to enforce something like that?"


Unfortunately, getting a new passport required a new photo. As I handed my ten-year-old passport and the new picture to the clerk, I sighed. "I like the original better," I told her.

"Trust me," she said. "Ten years from now, you'll like this one."


My pregnant daughter and her husband were checking out a new birth facility that was more like a spa. The birthing room had a hot tub, soft music and candlelight. "What do you think?" she said

He looked around. "Isn't this how we got here in the first place?"