Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

11/20 - Here Turkey Turkey... Here Turkey Turkey...

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Hey hey, it's almost Turkey Day! But, I'm a bit nervous.

Check out this weather forecast for tomorrow.

Windy. Periods of rain and snow in the evening will become snow
showers late. Low 33F. Winds N at 20 to 30 mph. Chance of
precipitation 80%. A slushy accumulation of 1 to 3 inches.

Not too bad, unless that's on the busiest air travel day of the
year, and you're flying into one of the busiest airports in the US
with 4 boys and their sweet mother. But, that's a bad attitude
isn't it? I'll bet the turkey, family and friends will be worth

The other day son #1 came home with a pre-mid term assignment
sheet. It had listed all of the test grades, missed assignments,
and classroom behavior. When son #1 handed it to my sweet wife she
said, “Oh, so you've missed this assignment, didn't do very well
on that test, etc...” Son #1 rolled his eyes and said, “Mom, give
me a break! This is a hard class. The teacher said to who ever got
a B- or better in her class, that she would send home a sheet
showing how good they did.” “Oh... oops...” she said sheepishly.
(Not that I'm putting down my sweet wife, I ~know~ I would have
drilled son #1 more more vigorously.)

And so it goes with our attitudes. Thursday is Thanksgiving and I
think there is too much negativity in the world. We all need to
look at the glass half full. So, I'm excited to fly in inclement
weather. That means there's good family, friends, and food waiting
at the other end!

In church Sunday, son #1 talked in front of our congregation about
being grateful for everything we have. He did a great job, and I'm
grateful to him that he's grown up to be such a fine young man.

There's a quote on our refrigerator that I often read (probably
from one of my sweet wife's Relief Society functions), that's
attributed to Mother Teresa, about not worrying about the bad, and
keep doing the good.

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and
some genuine enemies.
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.
Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.
Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.
Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.
Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.
~Mother Teresa

So, be happy, be grateful, and say thank you!

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

Now, here's a funny video. Human tetris!

And, check out this homemade speed bump!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

11/13 - Two for two

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

I'm bat'n 1000 in the last 3 days. I'm still going through a bunch of boxes of my dad's. These boxes have a lot of old letters, pictures, certificates, etc. One of the things I found was a newspaper that my 13 year old aunt, and my 6 year old father published at the hotel the family was running. In one of the articles they told about a new cousin that had been born. (in 1941). This cousin died about 10 years ago, but I decided to see if I could contact his widow. I checked out www.zabasearch.com and found her right away. I called her up and said, “Is this so and so...”
“I'm looking for the so-and-so who was married to such-and-such who died about 10 years ago.”
“I am her.”
“Well, I'm your husband's first cousin once removed...”
And so started the conversation, and I picked up another cousin in California. Hit one.

Then, tonight, I was going through more papers and found my some old Eagle Scout congratulation letters for me. I thought I'd try and look up my old Scout Master and tell him thanks. (I wrote a letter to him and sent it 3 years ago, but I had the wrong address.) Anyway, I looked on Zabasearch again, and he was the first guy I found. I called him up and said, “Did you used to be a Scout Master about 25 years ago...” And away our conversation went. Hit 2. It turns out that he was the Scout Master for that troop for 35 years. He said he stepped back into a lesser role about 10 or 15 years ago, but still works with that same troop. Some guys are just amazing like that. It's good to have great roll models growing up.

Anyway, last Saturday we got our pictures take. Here are a few that I thought were pretty good.


Enjoy Today’s Jokes!




Wednesday, November 07, 2007

11/7 - Today, life is good...

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Monday we went to our favorite movie house and saw 'Underdog'. I
was expecting a really cheesy movie, but things turned out better
than expected.

At dinner I asked the kids which movie they wanted to see; Passage
to Zerahemla or Underdog. I knew Passage would be a little violent
(but people at work assured me it was ok for a 6 year old...) Son
#4 also has always had a thing about unknown stuff. He doesn't
like to hike. He doesn't like to go to unknown places, or movies
he hasn't seen before. I'm sure it has to do with his sight and
falling, and watching Pirates of the Caribbean before he was old

Anyway, at dinner, son #4 refused to go to either movie. “What if
I don't like it?” he'd say. Or, “What if it's scary?” So I guided
the boys into convincing him to go to Underdog. This killed two
birds with one stone. It got him to (reluctantly) go to a movie
for family night, and gave the older boys a stake in one movie
over the other, rather than argue about which one to see.

So, I really liked Underdog. It was believable, (ok not really,
but sort of...) and the story line was good. Although the only
drawback to the whole movie was that the short Simon Bar-sinister
was a rotten actor. But, other than that it was great. I'd rate it
a 3.5 out of 4 boys rating). During the whole movie everyone was
laughing out loud (including son #4). After the movie we asked him
how he like it. He knew the teasing would be forthcoming, so he
scowled and said, “There were some parts I didn't like.” When we
asked him which ones, he couldn't think of any and finally said he
was glad he went.

Now, I used to pop popcorn and sneak it in to the theaters, but a
few years ago one of my readers suggested that that was teaching
my boys the wrong thing about 'stealing'... I protested, but
finally relented. I haven't sneaked popcorn in for over a year I
think. Even though the ticket prices are 50¢ each, the popcorn and
2 pops for the 6 of us is almost $15. Wow. I guess I'll lighten my
wallet and loosen my belt. (Yeah, I know, but I have no self
control when it comes to movie popcorn.)

So, today, life is good.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

p.s. I posted a 20% off coupon for VF Factory Outlet stores. (web)
They encourage you to pass it to friends and family. Have fun!

Here's a funny Halloween prank video

Here's another I thought was funny...


She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates
and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their
beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft
background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of
caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and
deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the
hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband
returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few
days. Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam
cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were
brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move
out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the
expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked!!!

People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they
could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out and eventually even the local Realtors refused to
return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to
purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.

He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely
and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be
willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting
the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed
on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth,
but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed
and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they
watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new

And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the the curtain

I love a happy ending, don't you?
~#1 Mom


Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered
to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?' 'Because white
is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her
life.' The child thought about this for a moment, then said,
'So why is the groom wearing black?'
~Wanda D.


Concerned about fitness in my middle 40s, I enrolled in an
aerobics class. To my dismay I walked into a room filled with much
younger women and decided to combat my nervousness with humor.

"I'm here to do my postnatal exercises,"

The instructor gave me an appraising look. "How old is your baby?"

"Twenty-six," I replied.

~Wanda D.

Monday, November 05, 2007

11/5 - That sounds smart enough...

Monday, November 05, 2007

We had a great Halloween night. I got to stay home with the dog,
and hand out candy, while the rest of the crew headed out for
treats. I had a total of 3 groups of kids. About 12 in all. Almost
not worth staying home. But, it was fun, none the less.

Son #4 was a pirate. He wore a patch over his blind eye, and
didn't seem to have any problems at all. (go figure). When
everyone got home, my sweet wife said that son #4 said, “Mom, will
you carry my candy?” She replied, “What for?” He said, “So I can
stick people with my sword.” And she said, “But you don't have a
sword with you.” and he said, “But mom, if I carry all that candy,
people won't even imagine that I have a sword.”

Hmm... I guess that makes sense.

A couple of weeks ago son #4 came home and said, “Guess what mom?
I ran a mile and came in second.” She brushed him off and said,
“That's nice honey...”

We had a parent teacher conference for him last week, and we were
going over his accomplishments and setting some goals. I asked how
long it would be before we could think about mainstreaming him
into a regular class. The teacher said she would look into getting
him into some class time with the 'regular' students at his
elementary school. Then she said, “We already have lunch, recess,
and PE with the regular kids.”

“Oh, how is that going?” I asked.

The elementary school is right next to a high school that has a
quarter mile track on it. The teacher said, “The kids went with
the other class and ran around the track 4 times. Son #4 came in
2nd place out of both classes.”

Um, oh, maybe we should start to believe our kid once in awhile.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section;

Am impressed with the weight loss!!! Also with the hair growth on
son #4. My hair came back in very thin with lots of scalp seen
through the front growth.
Wanda D.


My co-worker was being let go due to a nasty habit she had
of not always showing up for work. As an officer in our
union, I was preparing to argue on her behalf when she took
matters into her own hands and insisted, "But I was really
sick this time!"


Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife
Was really angry so she told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a Gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6

The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his
wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough There was a
box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused by the
small size, his wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway
and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a
brand new bathroom scale.

Rick has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him.
~Jan D.


My brother was recently launched into the "real world" and shocked
by the expenses that came with it, he was complaining about the
high cost of auto insurance. "If you got married," teased my dad,
"the premium would be lower." He smiled. "That would be like
buying an airline just to get free peanuts."


Scientists Decode the First Low-Frequency Radio Waves From an
Alien Civilization Ever to Reach Earth...

Simply send 6 x 10 to the 50 atoms of Hydrogen to the Star System
at the top of the list, cross off that star system, then put your
Star System at the bottom of the list and send it to 100 other
Star Systems. Within one-tenth of a Galactic Rotation you will
receive enough hydrogen to power your civilization until entropy
reaches maximum! IT REALLY WORKS!