Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

2/1 - Still kick'n

Thursday, February 01, 2007
Hi, just a quick note letting you know I haven’t dropped off the
face of the earth, and no, we haven’t taken a 4 week vacation
somewhere. (Although with the crud in the air these last few
weeks, it would have been nice.) It seems that school is taking a
lot of time. Biology isn’t what it was a hundred years ago when I
was in 10th grade. But, it seems (a little bit) more interesting

I’m not used to coming home from work (some nights anyway),
wolfing down dinner in 10 minutes, then running off to school for
half the night. Then, when I get back home, it’s a bit nicer to
talk with my sweet wife and yell at the boys... ahum, wrestle with
the boys, than it is to sit down at the computer and write
stories. But, I thought I’d let you know I was still around.

Son #3 and #4 got their teeth cleaned today. Son #4 is a talkative
kid so it took them a lot longer to clean his teeth because the
hygienist had to stop ever 10 seconds to let him talk. Then when
it was son #3’s turn to get in chair, son #4 said he wanted the
tools so he could do the job. They didn’t let him.

And, my sweet wife found out today why son #4 was so surprised
that he actually got money from the tooth fairy after losing his
first tooth a week or so ago. He told my sweet wife today that
because his brothers tease him so much, that he rarely believes
what they say. And when they said he’d get money from a tooth
fairy... that was just a bit much for him to believe. But, he was
happy when she did come!

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comments

Marty, I think the Group has officially given your Sweet Wife a
first place ribbon for her painting.
~Amber K. Lake Isabella, CA

[She’s ALWAYS been first place with me!]


1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a
cup of boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage
will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by
getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. You can avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet
seat just by using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and
bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your
veins. Remember to use an egg timer.

5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then
you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you
will forget all about the toothache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life
really are: In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct
Tape. If it doesn't move but should, use the WD-40. If it should
not move and does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

~Courtney D.


When I dropped my son off at college, we found that he was
assigned to the fourth floor of a dormitory. As I trudged through
the parking lot to retrieve yet another load to carry up the four
flights of stairs, two young women caught my attention from a dorm
window. "Hey, Mom!" one called down. "Yo, Mom!" I was too tired
to respond, so I just ignored them until I heard the second girl
ask the first, "How do you know that woman is somebody's mom?" The
first girl replied, "Who else would do that?"


A man came into a gun shop and asked to see a shotgun. The clerk,
seeing that the customer was well-dressed and probably had a well-
padded pocketbook, showed him a Belgian handcrafted mother of
pearl inlay weapon and demonstrated its fine points. A bargain at
$12,000. The customer says, "No, not quite what I need." Then the
clerk brings out an English model and shows off its fine points. A
steal at only $7,500. The customer says, "No, I don't need
anything that fancy." The clerk, disappointed, shows the customer
a Winchester 'over and under' mass production model. Only $299.95.
The customer says, "That will do nicely. After all, it's an
informal wedding."

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