Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

4/3 - Slip Sliding away

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Son #4 and I had a great time skiing today. It’s spring, and the
snow skiing season is winding down, so the snow was pretty wet and
slushy (comparatively speaking. It was still pretty good for
skiing). I had my short rental skis (easier to control but slower)
and a bit more confidence than 2 weeks ago. I got some good
(wonderful cell phone) pictures of son #4 skiing while I skied in
front of him, backwards(!). Skiing must be like riding a bike,
because I didn’t forget a thing. (Of course, I was on the bunny
hill all day, but still...) I’ll have to get the pics off of my
phone and uploaded them, maybe tomorrow.

Son #4 wanted to impress me by not hanging on to a pole with his
instructor. He did it all day! We even raced on 4 different runs.
(Ok, he ‘beat’ me on 3 of the runs, but my competitive nature
wouldn’t let him win all 4!) When I told him to lean forward so
he’d go faster, his instructor told him to put his hands out in
front of him like superman. Now, close your eyes and imagine a
little kid, book’n down the ski slopes, leaning forward, hands in
front of him, singing the superman theme song, with a “impaired
vision” orange vest on. No wonder half of the slope looked at him
and smiled. He was having a wonderful time!

On the other hand, there was this ‘new’ skier. You can kind of
tell who they are. He had on all of the fancy clothes, skiing out
of control, and almost running into everyone. (Hey, wait; everyone
was wearing fancy clothes, it was Park City after all!) He almost
ran into son #4 but just clipped the back of his skis. At the end
of the day, he was laying at the bottom of the hill, ski patrol
all around him, with his leg in a huge splint. I turned to son
#4’s instructor and said, “Oh, I remember him.” She smiled and
said, “Yeah, me too...”

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

p.s. Today’s video is a prank in the park I wish I would have come
up with. I’d have love to do it!

p.p.s. In Today’s Puzzle Picture section, I’ve posted some
pictures sent in by my old buddy Doug L. Look at them and tell me
what they are supposed to be. If I get enough response, I’ve got a
few more I’ll post!

Reader Comment Section

Marty, I think you may be studying a bit too much. You typed,
Thank you all for your PATIENTS.
Best joke of the day.
~Amber in CA.

[Thanks Amber. I think that one works both ways...]

Today’s Video Section

I wish I would have thought of this!

Today’s Puzzle Picture Section

What do these represent? Send your answers in today!

A New York boy was being led through the swamps of Louisiana by
his cousin. "Is it true that an alligator won't attack you if you
carry a flashlight?" The cousin smirked and replied, "Depends on
how fast ya carry it!"
~Wanda D.


An oldie...

When I worked for the security department of a large retail store,
my duties included responding to fire and burglar alarms. A side
door of the building was wired with a security alarm, because it
was not supposed to be used by customers. Nevertheless they found
the convenience of the exit tempting. Even a sign with large red
letters, warning "Alarm will sound if opened," failed to deter
people from using it. One day, after attending to a number of
shrieking alarms, I placed a small handmade sign on the door that
totally eliminated the problem: "Wet paint."
~#1 Mom



1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.
I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the
middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not
going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an
accident ."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who
don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE .
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get
stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS .
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you
~#1 Mom

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  • At 8:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Assualted Peanut
    Picture of the peanut


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