6/11 - Kiki, Krap, and PMS

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, June 11, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been a busy week! Sons #3 and #4 went to week long Camp
Hobe. (Fun summer camp for kids with cancer and their siblings.)
Last year son #4 just went to day camp, but this year we decided to
let him go to week long camp. It was quite an experience to see how
my sweet wife and son #4 spent time apart. I could tell they both
missed each other a lot, but neither of them would admit it.

Last year for his birthday, son #3 got a parakeet that we named
Sky. She’s a really pretty bird that’s light blue and white. Well,
son #3 has been saving up money and wanted a larger cage and
another bird. There’s this place on the internet called FreeCycle,
where people offer ‘stuff’ that they don’t want. (Books, Bikes,
moving boxes, anything you can think of) and other people ‘ask’
for things that they need. The idea is to keep junk that other
people want, out of our landfills.

Well, since son #3 has done pretty well with his birds, I thought
it might be a good idea to give FreeCycle a try. So I asked if
anyone had a larger cage that they didn’t want. Bingo! A guy in
Tooele (about an hour away) had 2 birds and a cage. His wife was
allergic to the birds so he needed to get rid of them. It also
happened to be about 5 miles from where the boys went to Camp
Hobe. So, on the way to pick up the boys last Friday, we picked up
a couple of birds and a cage to go with. All 3 birds are doing
well.

Pom-Pom is a male that is light blue and white, like Sky. Kiki is
a green and yellow parakeet, who the former owner didn’t think
would last too long. He’s got tumor bumps showing on his body and
beak. (Is that something you tell your 6 year old with a history
of a brain tumor, that his brother’s new bird is going to die of a
tumor. We’ll just deal with that one later. So far so good...)

Anyway, Kiki loves to get out of the cage, fly around for a
second, and land on your shoulder. He’s pretty good about going
back in the cage when you put your finger out for him too. Since
my sweet wife and I are on a crash course to learn the penny
whistle for the trek, we’re always practicing. The other day my
sweet wife was sitting in the living room playing. Kiki got out
and flew to her shoulder. She thought it was pretty cool, so she
finished her practicing, and then put her finger up so the bird
would hop on and go back into the cage. We haven’t figured out the
reason why, but all of a sudden, Kiki crapped all over her
shoulder. I’m not sure if it was a comment on the fact that she
stopped playing, he didn’t like the why she played, or that he
just didn’t want to go into the cage. But, I don’t think I’ll
practice with a bird on my shoulder!

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

p.s. I hate the time after I realize that son #4 has another MRI
coming up, and before it’s over. It’s the crazy jittery time where
you just start to wonder, what if... So, a week from Tuesday
(the 19th) son #4 will have another MRI. A friend on the Pediatric
Brain Tumor email list calls it PMS. (Pre-MRI Syndrome). Ahh...
I’ve got it again...

Also, I was going through some x-ray exam notes the other day, and
came across some guys brain scan that mentioned his ependyma. It
caught my eye because son #4 had an ependymoma. I looked it up,
and it’s the lining over the brain under the skull. Then I got to
thinking, one of my kids was born “In Caul”, or being what they
call a “Caulbearer.” These are supposed to be some pretty special
kids. (some say 1 in 80,000 births) And, wouldn’t you know it,
it’s son #4. I knew there was something special about that boy.

=-=-=-


How embarrasssing


How embarrasssing


I hate construction!

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you
could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a
half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the
teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have
six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half
dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my
head and ordered six McNuggets

=-=-=-

I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and
the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I
picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash
register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get
mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up
the "divider", looking it all over for the bar code so she could
scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how
much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think
I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things
and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.
~#1 Mom

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wal-Mart in
a buggy. Each time she put something in the basket she would say,
"And here's something for you, Diploma." or "This will make a cute
little outfit for you, Diploma." and so on. Eventually a
bewildered shopper who'd heard all this finally asked, "Why do you
keep calling your grandchild Diploma?" The grandmother replied, "I
sent my daughter to Virginia Tech and this is what she came home
with!"

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

Jim was a just out of boot camp, and was on his first ship. About
two hours out of port, he began to get a bit ill from the motion
of the ship. He approached an ensign, also just out of training
and on his first cruise. He saluted and said, "Excuse me sir, I am
feeling seasick, and I wondered if I may have permission to go
downstairs to the dispensary." The ensign returned his salute and
replied, "Sailor, you are in the Navy now. You don't go downstairs, you go below! There is no dispensary on this ship,
there is sickbay. Not only that, that is not the floor, it is a
deck, that is not the ceiling, it is the overhead, that is not a
pillar, it is a stanchion, that is not a water fountain, it is a
scuttlebutt. If I ever hear you using civilian words instead of
Naval jargon, I till throw you out of that little round window
over there."

5/28 - Memorial Day Fun!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, May 28, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy Memorial Day! I thought I’d do a quick post this morning.
Our weekend has been pretty eventful so far. We all went to
Thoroughly Modern Millie on Friday. At first son #4 didn’t want to
go. The only thing he’s ever heard about Hale Centre Theater
(where the play was) was the accident where a stage hand got
caught in the moving stage. Before we went, son #4 kept asking if
anyone else was going to get hurt when the stage moved. When we
got there, he acted like he didn’t want to be there at all. But
about 5 minutes into the show when the stage moved for the first
time, his eyes got big and he said, “That was cool mom!” He loved
the show and stood on his chair and clapped at the end. All 4 boys
loved the play and kept asking when we were going again. Hmm...
‘Culture’ is cool, unfortunately it takes $$ to take 6 of us out.

Anyway, our next foray for the weekend was Pirates of the
Caribbean III - At Worlds End. It was a movie and prizes event
were a company also invited Make-a-Wish families. (Son #4 refused
to go because he got scared at the first Pirates movie, so we took
a cousin). Anyway, I won a hat and gave it to son #4 when we got
home. The movie wasn’t that impressive. The action scenes were
cool, the music was great, and Keith Richards from The Rolling
Stones, fit the roll of Jack’s father pretty close. One glaring
problem with the movie was the story line. It was SO hard to keep
track of who’s doing what to whom and why. It was like channel
surfing. I kept asking myself, “Why did they just do that?” and “I
don’t understand why so and so is now fighting so and so when they
were just making a deal 10 minutes ago.” Another problem
throughout this series is the dialogue is still hard to follow.
It’s hard enough to catch what they’re saying in real life, but
combine heavy accents with an octopus makeup and no lips, and
things go downhill from there.

Bottom line, I give it a 2 out of 4 boys rating. I’d wait for it
to come to your local dollar theater...

At Church on Sunday son #4 kept asking to get home quickly. He had
a treat ahead of him. Last week I put my dad’s MG on craigslist
and on a couple of other places on the internet. I got tons of
calls, and a lot of people looking at it. A guy who lives just a
couple miles south of us came and bought it on Friday, but son #4
was not too happy with me for selling it. We took a few last
pictures of him in it. (Here he’s protecting the MG with a squirt
gun from the evil MG buyer.)



Anyway, son #4 started to cry when the guy came to pick it up. It
was pretty heart wrenching. But, the guy was really cool and said,
“Son #4, tell you what. How about I bring by another cool car on
Sunday and take you for a drive?” Son #4 with a frown on his face,
a big lower lip, and still looking at the ground, nodded yes. Ever
since the guy drove the MG away, son #4 kept asking when the guy
with the cool car would come back and give him a ride.

So, Sunday afternoon rolled around and son #4 was really excited.
He kept asking me to call the guy and ask when he would be here. I
didn’t want to appear too anxious, but I finally caved in. A
couple hours later he drove up in this really sweet 1954 Corvette
convertible. Son #4 said, “Wow!” He got a good 15 minute ride, but
I knew what was coming next. The poor guy had to haul all 4 boys
around the neighborhood too. But he was a good sport and said it
wasn’t a problem. And, it turns out, he and my boys may be
related.

His parents were from Star Valley Wyoming, and part of the Olsen
family. (As in Merlin Olsen of the NFL, and Little House on the
Prairie fame.) My sweet mother-in-law’s aunt was an Olsen from
Star Valley. Well, it’s a little convoluted, but that’s what I get
when I know my genealogy.





Speaking of convoluted, have you ever heard of “The Six Degrees of
Kevin Bacon”? It was a popular 90’s game where you try to link
actors or actresses with Kevin Bacon. It is said that everyone in
Hollywood is within 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon. Here’s an example;
Take a not very well known actress in Soap Operas name Ellen
Wheeler. (ok, she’s at least not well known to me...)

Ellen Wheeler was in Without Evidence (1995) with W. Earl Brown
W. Earl Brown was in Sugar & Spice (2001) with Rachel Blanchard
Rachel Blanchard was in Where the Truth Lies (2005) with Kevin Bacon

So Ellen would be 3 degrees from Kevin bacon. Then I got to
thinking. And yes, I am now famous. I am only 4 degrees from Kevin
Bacon! Here’s how.

Marty is related to son #4 by birth.
Son #4 is Merlin Olsen’s 1st cousin, twice removed. (true)
Merlin Olsen was in Mitchell (1975) with Joe Don Baker
Joe Don Baker was in Criminal Law (1988) with Kevin Bacon

I just have too much time on my hands... But, I couldn’t go
camping this weekend, could I?? Ok, enough dumb stuff, I gotta get
ready for the baseball game today!

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-

Finally! Episode 8 of Chad Vader.
You can see the Chad Vader Series starting with this issue...



<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of
the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination
room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older
doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was and she told her
story. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where
the young doctor was writing on his clipboard. "What's the matter
with you?" the older doctor demanded "Mrs. Reid is 62 years old,
has four grown children and seven grandchildren. And you told her
she was pregnant?" The younger doctor continued writing and
without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

Before I could visit my daughter at her naval base in Japan, I was
told I needed to supply her with some important information to
give to security. The list included the following: passport
number, height, weight, year of birth and anticipated hair color
at time of arrival.

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

On his way home from work recently, my husband came upon a 'Road
Closed' sign. Undeterred, he maneuvered his truck around it and
continued on. But he didn't get very far. The pavement ended,
giving way to another, larger sign: "What Part of 'Road Closed'
Didn't You Understand?"

5/21 - Messy Chocolate Sauce

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, May 21, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last week we went over to our neighbor’s home to practice the
penny whistle for the trek. This neighbor is one of the sweetest,
hardest working, and organized women I know. After our practice
she asked if we wanted any home made chocolate sauce on ice cream.
(Well duh...) it was the best I’d ever had, so I asked her for the
recipe. (See the P.P.S. below). Then I made some on Friday night
for the boys. Saturday my sweet wife and I were out, and our
neighbor said that he stopped son #4 on the street that day. “How
come your shirt is so dirty, what did you have for lunch?” Son #4
replied, “I think burritos and cottage cheese.” The neighbor
replied, “Well, what’s all over your shirt?” Son #4 looked down at
his shirt and suddenly remembered, “Oh, that was my after
breakfast dessert, chocolate sauce!”



Then tonight for family night, we went to a concert of son #3’s
and then out to dinner. During dinner son #4 needed to use the
facilities. He asked me what the peanut shaped things in the
urinal were, and I said they were things that made the bathroom
smell fresher. When he was done and started to wash his hands, he
got really wild with the water and soaked himself and his shirt.
He ran back to the table before I could get him dried off any
more.

“What happened to him?” my sweet wife said.

“He got a little wild with the...” and then I was cut off...

“Mom! There are these cool things in the bathroom that when you
pee all over them, they smell good!”

My sweet wife looked at a soaking wet boy and then at me for an
explanation.

I just smiled.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

p.s. Here are the answers to last weeks quiz.

In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it
at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will
be the same word.

p.p.s.

Chocolate sauce recipe

2 cubes butter (1 cup) – [Ok, I didn’t say it was low cal, did I?]
3 cups sugar
½ cup cocoa
1 12-oz. can of evaporated milk
1-2 teaspoons vanilla

Melt first four ingredients together in a heavy pan. (It will
about double in size when boiling so get a bigger pot then you
need. Ask me about my clean up...) Stir with a wire whip. Boil a
total of one minutes only, stirring constantly. Remove from heat.
Add vanilla. (Sauce will thicken after being cooled.) Store any
leftovers in refrigerator. Makes 1 quart.


=-=-=-
Here is something to do with your chocolate sauce besides eat
it...


Amazing Juggling Finale by Chris Bliss


<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

In most of the United States there is a policy of checking on any
stalled vehicle on the highway when temperatures drop to single
digits or below. About 3 AM on very cold morning, Montana State
Trooper, Allan Nixon #658, responded to a call there was a car off
the shoulder of the road outside Great Falls, Montana. He located
the car, stuck in deep snow and with the engine still running.
Pulling in behind the car with his emergency lights on, the
trooper walked to the driver's door to find an older man passed
out behind the wheel with a nearly empty vodka bottle on the seat
beside him. The driver came awake when the trooper tapped on the
window. Seeing the rotating lights in his rearview mirror, and the
state trooper standing next to his car, the man panicked. He
jerked the gear-shift into "drive" and hit the gas. The car's
speedometer was showing 20-30-40 and then 50 MPH, but it was still
stuck in the snow, wheels spinning. Trooper Nixon, having a sense
of humor, began running in place next to the speeding (but
stationary) car. The driver was totally freaked, thinking the
trooper was actually keeping up with him. This goes on for about
30 seconds, then the trooper yelled, "PULL OVER!" The man nodded,
turning his wheel and stopped the engine. Needless to day the man
from North Dakota was arrested and is probably still shaking his
head over the state trooper from Montana who could run 50 miles
per hour. Who says troopers don't have a sense of humor?

~Jan D.

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is
a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the
same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the
same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a
helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the
helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must
you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? Get
off the children's "Merry-Go-Round", you're drunk.

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

My husband and I found a charming bed-and-breakfast nestled in the
White Mountains of New Hampshire. Though enchanted, I nonetheless
had some questions about the accommodations. "Does the room have
its own bath?" I asked. Nodding, the proprietor answered, "If no
one else comes, it does."

5/14 - Carrot Flavored Chap Stick

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, May 14, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, so you take a little time of to study for finals, and the next
day you make another excuse and it starts to become a habit. Then
the Jazz games come up and it’s easy to use them as an excuse too.
Well, I’ll try to be better at posting this week.

On Mother’s day morning, son #4 jumped out of bed, checked to make
sure my sweet wife was still bed, and ran to the kitchen. He came
back with a large carrot on a plate and a glass of water. My sweet
wife said, “Oh, thank you so much son #4. That was very
thoughtful. But why a carrot for breakfast?” He replied, “So you
won’t have to clean the dishes mom.”

Hmm... very thoughtful boy.

We were watching the Jazz pummel the Warriors last night, and son
#3 came running up and blurted out to everyone watching the game,
“Son #4 just said the ‘F’ word! Son #4 just said the ‘F’ word!” I
said, did you? He replied, “I didn’t know it was a bad word.”

Not knowing that he had ever heard of it, I asked him to whisper
it into my ear. He did. (While everyone in the room looked on in
silence). I asked him to say it again. He did. I whispered back,
“Did that word end with a ‘D’ like doggie?” He said, “Yes, but I
didn’t know it was a bad word.” I told him it was close, but
wasn’t the real ‘F’ word. (Son #3 seemed disappointed and walked
out of the room.) I told son #4 that he had better be careful what
he said, and that he should watch his mouth.

Then, with all the candor of a 6 year old, and with a huge lower
lip protruding off of his face, he said in a sad voice, “But I
don’t know ~how` to watch my mouth.”

We all laughed at that!

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-

Here’s an interesting article I came across. It seems a lady wanted to turn her dead father into a diamond. Sometimes lawsuits are worth filing.

Woman loses battle to turn dead dad into diamond

=-=-=-
Here’s a couple of drawing videos

Will Draw for food


drawing savant



<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

An actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator.

The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224 3254
Washington DC 20510

Dear Senator Harkin:
As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue
Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted
the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the
process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from US Citizen
to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by
the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this
bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in
the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a
citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the
last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am
anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay
taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two
years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any
way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield
an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy
taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local
emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have
stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant
figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my
daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law
school applications, as well as "instate" tuition rates for many
colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the
burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome
car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I
still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become
illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary
forms, I would be most appreciative.

Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,
Donald Ruppert
Burlington, IA

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER


1. Sag, you're It.

2. Hide and go pee

3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.

4. Kick the bucket

5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.

6. Musical recliners.

7. Simon says something incoherent.

8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy



<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

Subject: DO YOU THINK ENGLISH IS EASY?

Can you read these correctly the first time?

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time
to present the present ..

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row

13. They were too close to the door to close it.

14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

=-=-=-

To all the Mothers out there HAPPY MOTHERS DAY, this one is for you!

We had this great 10 year old cat named Jack . Jack was a great
cat and the kids would carry him around and sit on him and nothing
ever bothered him. He used to hang out and nap all day long on
this mat in our bathroom. Well we have 3 kids and at the time of
this story they were 4 years old, 3 years old and 1 year old. The
middle one is Eli. Eli really loves chap stick. LOVES it. He kept
asking to use my chap stick and then losing it. So finally one day
I showed him where in the bathroom I keep my chap stick and how he
could use it whenever he wanted to but he needed to put it right
back in the drawer when he was done. Last year on Mother's Day, we
were having the typical rush around and try to get ready for
Church with everyone crying and carrying on. My two boys are
fighting over the toy in the cereal box. I am trying to nurse my
little one at the same time I am putting on my make-up. Everything
is a mess and everyone has long forgotten that this is a wonderful
day to honor me and the amazing job that is motherhood.

We finally have the older one and the baby loaded in the car and I
am looking for Eli. I have searched everywhere and I finally round
the corner to go into the bathroom. And there was Eli. He was
applying my chap stick very carefully to Jack's . . . rear end.
Eli looked right into my eyes and said "chapped." Now if you have
a cat, you know that he is right--their little butts do look
pretty chapped. And, frankly, Jack didn't seem to mind.

And the only question to really ask at that point was whether it
was the FIRST time Eli had done that to the cat's behind or the
hundredth.

And THAT is my favorite Mother's Day moment ever because it
reminds us that no matter how hard we try to civilize these
glorious little creatures, there will always be that day when you
realize they've been using your chap stick on the cat's butt.

4/10 - Oh Crap!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Darn, if I shoulda, woulda, coulda, studied a bit more for my test
today, I could have done better. But, everything is pulling my
strings every which way. (Then my #1 mom sends me a letter that I
put in our 3rd joke spot today. Just a wee bit more pressure.
[grin] Although I did invite her to lunch last Friday which she
politely declined...) Anyway, I won’t know what the results of my
Biology test until Thursday and no sense worrying about it now. I
just need a good enough grade so work will pay for the classes.

While I was at school, my sweet wife went to her ISA meeting.
and son #1 was at Scouts. So, #2, #3 and #4 were at Grandmas. I
stopped by to pick them up and they were watching the history
channel. It was “All About Plumbing” or something like that. They
were really interested, especially when they showed the inventor
of the flush toilet, Thomas Crapper. The boys were rolling on
the floor laughing when the lady said, “and people started saying
where going to the crapper, because that’s what the toilet said
on it.” The boys thought that was the funniest thing in the world.
Then they started getting even sillier telling Crapper joke.
Even son #4 got into the act. But, when we started to leave I got
serious and told them, “Ok, enough Thomas Crapper jokes. We’ve
had our fun, but that’s the end. Ok?” They stopped joking but
were still smiling.

I actually have a pretty good bunch of boys. They know when to
have fun, and when to stop. At least most of the time...

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-
Headline news;

Remember the female Marine who was captured by Iran for 13 days.
Pretty interesting what she said to Ahmadinejad before she left.
I’d have thought about giving him what-for, but not sure I would
have...

Faye's blast at squirming tyrant
GUTSY Faye Turney turned the tables on Iranian tyrant Mahmoud
Ahmadinejad as he freed her in front of TV cameras — making
him SQUIRM.

=-=-=-
Today’s Video Section

Here’s a cool little video that was on Good Morning America. This
guy made a cool video of kitchen sounds. It’s “A song made
entirely with things I found in my kitchen. It starts slow, but
gets going fast! It carries a reference to my previous video
'Pancakes'. As seen on ABC's Good Morning America!”

Beat Soufflé


And, of course, it couldn’t be a whole day without
Chad Vader episode 6!


<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

My sister-in-law Bonnie was very busy one day working in her
house. She had just gotten to the basement after quite a few trips
up and down when she heard the telephone ring upstairs. Tiredly,
she ran back up the stairs only to hear a solicitor on the other
end. "Hello, is this Bonnie D?"

"Yes."

"We are calling people in your area and would like to know if you
would help us by participating in a brief survey."

Without missing a beat, she told them, "I'm very busy right now.
You will have to survey your own briefs."


<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>


Google has implemented a new feature which enables you to type a
telephone number into the search bar and hit enter and you will be
given the person's name and address. If you then hit MapQuest, you
will get a map to the person's house. Everyone should be aware of
this! It's a nationwide reverse telephone book.

If a child gives out his/her phone number, someone can now look it
up to find out where he/she lives. The safety issues are obvious,
and alarming.

Note that you can have your phone number removed or blocked. I
tried my number and it came up along with the mapquest and
directions straight to our house. I did fill out the removal form
for myself, and encourage all of you to do the same. Quite scary.

Please look up your own number.

In order to test whether your phone number is mapped, go to:
google (http://www.google.com/) Type your phone number in the
search bar (i.e. 555-555-1212) and hit enter. If you want to BLOCK
Google from divulging your private information, simply click on
your telephone number and then click on the Removal Form. Removal
takes 48-hours.

Check your own number and although this may not apply to you if
you have an unlisted number or cell phone as primary contact, but
you may know someone who needs to know this.

Please share this information with friends and family.


<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another
woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, "I love you, but I know
this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with
you."

The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who
has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my
three children had made it possible to visit her only
occasionally.

That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a
movie.

"What's wrong, are you well," she asked?

My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call
or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.

"I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you,"
I responded. "Just the two of us."

She thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I would like
that very much."

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit
nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too,
seemed to be nervous about our date.

She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair
and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last
wedding anniversary.

She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's. "I told
my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were
impressed," she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to
hear about our meeting."

We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice
and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady.

After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only
read large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes
and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on
her lips. "It was I who used to have to read the menu when you
were small," she said.

"Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor," I
responded.

During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation, nothing
extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other's
life. We talked so much that we missed the movie.

As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go out with you
again, but only if you let me invite you." I agreed.

"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very
nice. Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered.

A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It
happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything
for her.

Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a
restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined.


An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure
that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates –
one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what
that night meant for me. I love you, son."

At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: "I
LOVE YOU" and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve.
Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give them the
time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till
"some other time".

4/7 - How many activities can you pack into one day?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Saturday, April 07, 2007
[Our 450th post!]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a busy Saturday. We went to an Easter Egg Hunt, Home Depot
Kids workshop, trap shooting, and Geocaching. (I’ll get to that
studying soon, I promise...) I’ve posted a couple of pics online of
the boys today.

Also, some have asked where Chad Vader episode 4 is. It’s now
posted. Enjoy!

And, speaking of shooting and clay pigeons, I’m also posted “clay
pigeons are for wimps” video online.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

p.s. Oops, almost forgot. Happy Easter tomorrow!

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>


Son #1 shooting - Look at the ear plugs. I'm such a good dad...


Sons #2 and 3 at the kids workshop.
Notice how they never argue about anything...


Son #4 at Kids work shop

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

Chad Vader Episode 4


Clay Pigeons are for Wimps

3/29 - Burning Hiccups

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thursday, March 29, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had the hiccups tonight. Now everyone has their own way of
curing the hiccups and I’m no different. Through the years I have
settled on a cure that works 90% of the time for me. Tonight I
wanted to show off, so I kept the hiccups going until I came to
dinner. After the prayer I said, “You boys wanna see how to cure
hiccups?” They all said, “sure”. So I took a glass of water,
leaned forward, and drank from the far side of the glass. It
worked. So, at least I impressed the little ones...

Now, I’m not the only one with hiccups. Yesterday it seems that
YahooGroups had the hiccups. Some of you received 8 copies of my
Joke of the Day. Now, I really like you to read my lame jokes, but
that went a little overboard. So, I guess I have to apologize for
the mass emailing.

Son #3 is a Pyro. Way back in the day, when he was almost 2 1/2,
on Halloween day, he burned our waterbed. He was playing with
matches and lit the pillow on fire, and yes folks, a waterbed can
burn. Anyway, from that day forward, he’s loved fire. So tonight I
stopped at the store to get some weekend supplies. I put a small
bag of Kingsford charcoal in the shopping cart (the only real
charcoal to buy!) and then thought for a second. I grabbed a
bigger bag and switched. When I got home I told son #3 that I had
bought something for him, and showed him the bag. He frowned as if
to say, “big deal” Then I told him he could light them on fire and
use them for Dutch oven cooking or in a Weber grill. His eyes lit
up and he said, “Ok, thanks!”

Hmm... am I feeding an addition?

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty

p.s. If you only view one video this week, this is the one. This
thing has been viewed 12 million times; and it’s hilarious. I
promise it will make you smile, or your money back!

=-=-=-
Crazy Picture Section

Can you see anything wrong with this picture?



=-=--=

Make the baby laugh


<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

A woman is worried about an older woman, a widow, who lives in the
apartment next door. She hasn't heard anything from her for a few
days. So she tells her son, "I want you to go next door and see
how ol' Mrs. Pierpoint is." A few minutes later, the boy returns.
"Well, is she all right?" the mother asks. "She's fine, but she's
annoyed with you," he says. "At me? Whatever for?" "Well," says
her son, "Mrs. Pierpoint told me it's none of your business how
old she is."

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

The strict and unsmiling manager noticed that the suggestion box
was missing from the wall beside the time clock. He began to ask
around to see who knew what had become of it. "You!" he yelled at
one of his employees. "Where's the suggestion box?" "I don't
personally know, Sir," the employee responded. "But the office
gossip is that it's under your desk, wired, and ticking."
~Wanda D.

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

"Some excitement at the White House yesterday. The Secret Service
caught a man trying to climb over the White House fence. When they
caught the man, the Secret Service said, 'Not so fast. You have
two and a half more years, Mr. President.'"
~Conan O'Brien

"How annoying is this? Senator Hillary Clinton calling for a
return of the 55 mile an hour speed limit. When people in L.A.
heard about this, they said, 'What? Cars can go that fast?'"
~Jay Leno

3/25 - Comcastic Kite!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, March 26, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, so I take back about 28% of all the bad things I ever said and
thought about Cable TV Companies. [First, a disclaimer; I worked
for TCI cable TV for 12 years before it was bought out by AT&T and
before they were bought out by Comcast. I was the installation
supervisor and had a crew of about 20 installers. When AT&T came
into the picture, they laid off about 30% of my staff, plus me.
That was exactly 6 weeks after I bought the house we live in now.
That was when my sweet wife was 8 months pregnant with son #3.
Remind me someday and I’ll tell you a cool story about a really
pregnant inconsolable wife, with a brand new house, and no job. I
took the biggest leap of faith by I had ever... Well, I digress.
As they say, that’s a whole ‘nother story...] Anyway, so on the
way home from school the other night I heard some guys rag’n on
the cable company about their poor service, so I thought they
could use a break.

As I drove down our street tonight, I saw son #3 across the street
trying to get his kite out of a tree. (My sister #2 gave each of
the boys a kite at our combined family birthday party on
Saturday). It was a windy day, and son #3 got his stuck kite
pretty high in a tree. He’d been there about 45 minutes trying to
get it down. When I got out of the car he asked if he could use
the ladder. But the kite was in the really small end branches of
the tree so I told him there was nothing to lean it up against. He
was pretty bummed. I looked down the street and there was a
Comcast guy in a bucket truck next Justin’s dad’s house.

Back in the day when I used to string lines from the pole to the
house, a lot of times there were trees in the way. We used to have
‘tree sticks’ to fish the cable through. So, I told son #3 to go
and ask the cable guy if he had anything to help us. He said, “No,
I’m too shy, you do it.” So, after a bit of teasing son #3, I went
over and said, “Do you have any tree sticks, or...” I said hoping,
“something like a... bucket... that could help us out?” I pointed
to the kite and without a pause he said, “Sure, I can get that out
for you.” He backed his truck into the neighbor’s driveway, jumped
into his bucket and got it down in about 30 seconds.

While he was up there, I took some pictures with my camera phone.
(BTW, my camera phone has really dinky poor quality pictures...
but I guess you get what you pay for.) I’ve made them a bit bigger
and better and posted them on the web. So, at least for tonight,
Comcast Rocks!







Enjoy Today’s Jokes!
Marty
=-=-=-
Today’s News and Entertainment

Study: Poor receive $8.21 in government spending
vs. rich's .41 cents...

Today’s video

Beauty is nothing without brains


<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

"Someone was arrested earlier this week for throwing a bag over
the White House fence and climbing over it. Turned out it was just
Hillary Clinton with carpet samples."
~Jay Leno

"Did you hear about this? Homeland Security is cutting funding to
New York City ... and raising funding for Nebraska. Well, at least
the corn will sleep better."
~David Letterman

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

A lawyer was getting fitted for a suit at his tailor's office. As
he was standing there, he decided to have some fun with the man.
"I guess our jobs are pretty similar," said the lawyer.

The tailor remained silent, so the lawyer continued, "What I mean
is that we're both in the same business - making suits. And both
of our suits end up in a court of law."

The tailor said nothing, but continued measuring, so the lawyer
added, "Of course, I went to college and then law school for seven
years to learn how to make my suits."

"Yes," said the tailor, "but when I make a suit, it only costs you
two hundred dollars.”

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

My wife and I take turns walking our five-year-old daughter to the
bus stop for school every morning. Today was my turn, and as me
and all the other moms in the neighborhood waited one of them
asked me to say hello to my wife.

"I will," I said. "it'll make her feel better. She has
pneumonia..."

"Oh, poor girl," they all said in unison.

One of them crooked her eyebrow at me and said, "I hope you're
helping her with the kids, the cooking and cleaning."

"I can't," I said pointing to the band aid on my index finger.
"Hangnail."

2/8 - Valentines Already?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thursday, February 08, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Son #3 is my ‘jumpy’ boy who loves holidays. Tonight he asked for
help with his valentine day box. I remember when I was little,
that I took a shoe box. His boxes aren’t “due” until the 13th or
14th, but he wanted to get working on his now. He’s got 3 large
boxes taped together, and says he making a rocket ship out of
them. Hmm... I hope he doesn’t think he’ll get more valentines
stuff if his box is bigger.

I guess I was a little too worried about the test. It was really
hard, and as I sat down for class tonight, I readied myself for a
score of 50 or 60. I surprised even myself when I got an 83. Not
too bad for an old dude! The average was 72. We have 6 people in
our study group, and 4 out of the 5 who were there tonight, got
above average. One guy got 100%. I think I’ll sit next to him
during the next test... (grin)

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-

You forgot to mention that yesterday was also the day I was coming
home after 2 weeks in Dallas. Maybe that's why I didn't answer
your e-mail. If you want childhood stories, you must know that one
of my favorite ones was when you were about 1 l/2 or 2 and your
sister was two years older. She loaded your diaper with rocks from
the street. You were still smiling. You smiled a lot when you were
a baby.
~#1 Mom

[Ha! I’m such a happy guy aren’t I? Rocks in my diapers, indeed!]


Marty,
"......put me into a drawer."Thanks, Marty. That one really tickled my funny bone. I'm still
chuckling - an hour later.
~Ruth N.

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>
I came out of a convenience store the other day and some seedy
looking guy walks up to me and holds up a little sign: "DEAF &
MUTE... Can you spare $10?" Wow! What happened to a dollar or 2?
So I reached into my pocket for my wallet, opened it, took out a
folded piece of paper and handed it to him. It said: "I CAN'T
READ" and I walked away.


<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

Put in charge of organizing my friend's baby shower, I decided to
send out invitations via email. To let my husband know that he had
baby-sitting duty that day, I entered his name on the "copy to"
line. Within minutes of sending the messages, I received an email
back from my husband. He wrote, "Imagine my disappointment when I
realized that your invitation wasn't sent only to me." He was
referring to the "Subject" line of my message, which read, "Lunch
and a shower."

_________________________________________________________
¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯

JURY DUTY SCAM This has been verified on Snopes.com (link listed below) and by
the FBI (their link is also included below). Please pass this on
to everyone in your email address book. It is spreading fast so be
prepared should you get this call. Most of us take those summonses
for jury duty seriously, but enough people skip out on their civic
duty, that a new and ominous kind of scam has surfaced. Fall for
it and your identity could be stolen, reports CBS.

In this con, someone calls pretending to be a court official who
threateningly says a warrant has been issued for your arrest
because you didn't show up for jury duty. The caller claims to be
a jury coordinator. If you protest that you never received a
summons for jury duty, the scammer asks you for your Social
Security number and date of birth so he or she can verify the
information and cancel the arrest warrant Give out any of this
information and bingo! Your identity just got stolen.

The scam has been reported so far in 11 states, including
Oklahoma, Illinois, Colorado, Iowa, and Nebraska . This (scam) is
particularly insidious because they use intimidation over the
phone to try to bully people into giving Information by pretending
they're with the court system. The FBI and the federal court
system have issued nationwide alerts on their web sites, warning
consumers about the fraud.Check it out here: http://www.snopes.com/crime/fraud/juryduty.asp
FBI website link: http://www.fbi.gov/pressrel/pressrel05/092805.htm
~Tom S.

1/12 - What goes in must come out

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Friday, January 12, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A special Friday morning edition;

Last night I got home from school, and it was getting late. My
sweet wife was at a meeting, so I told the kid that they should
get ready for bed. I told each one, “Don’t forget to brush your
teeth.” When it was son #4’s turn, he was so tired he wanted me to
brush them for him. “I’ll open my mouth and you brush dad...”

Son #4 has his first loose tooth. Now a loose tooth on this one is
a milestone. Because of his radiation treatments after the tumor,
they told us that it’s possible that some of his adult teeth won’t
come in. But, just like everything else, we just have to wait and
see.

Anyway, I told him about the tooth fairy. “If you pull your tooth
out put it under your pillow, you’ll get some money.” His eyes got
real big and he said, “How much?” [Son #3 yelled from his bed, “I
get a buck and a half!” Oh, thanks...] I told him the tooth fairy
usually starts off small and gives 50¢ per tooth. Then he asked,
“What does the tooth fair do with all of those teeth?” I thought
for a moment, digging back in my subconscious thinking ‘what does
she do with them?’ Then I remembered something I had heard...
“She builds a big white castle with them.” He seemed to think that
was ok. We brushed for awhile, and then he said, “Dad, how much is
50¢?” I said, “Hmm... let’s see. If you save your money, and pull
out a second tooth, you can get a dollar store toy.” He kind of
frowned. Then I said, “Or, 50¢ will let you fart twice at the
dinner table and put money in the pizza jar.” His face brightened
up and smiled. “Really?” He thought that was the best idea in the
world. He started to wiggle his tooth as he walked to his bedroom.

No, my sweet wife wasn’t there to hear me, or I would have gotten
in trouble.

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty

p.s. I had a friend send me a funny video this week. It’s a new
fangled way to get out of debt. I really think this one will work!



_________________________________________________________
¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯

"Arnold Schwarzenegger is blaming man for global warming. And
today Al Gore agreed with him. That's so typical. Two cyborgs
blaming the humans."
~Jay Leno

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

A woman, her husband, and their four rambunctious young sons were
in their car waiting at a traffic. The woman glanced over at the
car next them, noticing a blissfully happy mother with her baby
daughter. Looking at her husband she said, "As soon as I lose my
weight from the last baby, I want to try for a daughter."
The husband reached up to the dash, grabbed an open box of snacks,
and said, "Here, have another cookie."

[Ok, I changed it from 3 to 4 boys. It just sounded more...
natural.]

_________________________________________________________
¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯

"Mr. Clark, I'm afraid I have bad news," the doctor told his
anxious Patient. "You only have six months to live." The man sat
in stunned silence for the next several minutes. Regaining his
Composure, he apologetically told his physician that he had no
medical Insurance. "I can't possibly pay you in that time."
"Okay," the doctor said, "let's make it nine months."