Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Monday, April 23, 2007

4/23 - I swear I know that joke!

Monday, April 23, 2007

When new families move into the ward, after a month or so, it’s
tradition for them to speak in sacrament meeting. They’re usually
given a specific topic to speak on, and then they tell a little
bit about themselves too. A good talk (at least by my standards)
will include a joke or two. Since I’ve read a million of them, I
can usually tell how they are going to end. I seem to have a knack
for knowing who sings certain songs of the 70’s 80’s and 90’s too.
I usually show my trivial knowledge by saying, “Who sings this?”
And since I only ask people (read; my sweet wife) who usually
don’t know, or don’t care, I’m always 100% right. (as far as they
know anyway...) When this new young lawyer stood up and told a
joke about an engineer and a lawyer who got in a car wreck and
ended up in hades, I leaned over to my sweet wife and said the
punch line, “Where are ~you~ going to get a lawyer?” She smiled
and thanked me for ruining yet another joke for her. [BTW, who can
tell me what joke goes with that punch line?]

Anyway, the topic on Sunday was relationships. The lawyer spoke
about friendships, family relationships, spousal relationships,
and our relationship with God. He talked about all kinds of
‘ships’. I think he even talked about our ship coming in. Finally
son #4 had had enough. My sweet wife said he leaned over to her
and asked, “Why does he keep saying that swear word?”

Um... yeah. Not really.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

P.s. Did you remember that yesterday was earth day? Did you hear
that Sheryl Crow's suggested that we use one square of toilet
paper “per sitting” (how quaint...) I think this is the only time
I’ve agreed with what Rosie O’Donnell said in response. [I won’t
tell you here what she said, but if you know, or look it up, it
will bring a smirk to your face.]

Reader Comment Section

[About our Recycling/Unrecycling photo.]

Marty, in answer to your 'recycling' question. In Chinese the one
bin is labeled 'can be recycled' and the other is 'cannot be
recycled'. Just a matter of Hong Kong people having better
Chinese than English....I'm sure they would get a few chuckles if
we tried to label things in Chinese (they certainly get more than
a few chuckles from my Chinese. We are still a few more months in
HK before heading for three years to Mongolia.


Best of Leno Headlines (WARNING: PG rated)

tour de france criterium cheval cyclism


Did you hear about the two guys who decided to try duck hunting?
They bought new outfits & equipment, and went out to a place in
the woods where they heard the hunting was really good. But after
several hours of thrashing through the woods, one fellow said, "I
don't know about this. We've been out here all day and haven't
caught a single duck. Do you think we're doing something wrong?"
"I don't know," replied the other. "Maybe we're not throwing the
dog high enough."


"Last week President Bush created the world's largest protected
marine area, dubbed the Northwestern Hawaiian Islands National
Monument. It contains sea life that has inspired some of our most
breathtaking screensavers."
~Jon Stewart


Two men walk into a bar. One sits at one end of the bar and the
other at the opposite end. The bartender asks the first man what
he wants. I'll have a Frizzle...that's a beer with a splash of
tonic, a splash of orange juice, a squeeze of lemon, no lime."
Then the man at the other end of the bar orders. "Make mine a
Frizzle. It’s a beer with just a bit of tonic, a bit of orange
juice, a squeeze of lemon, but no lime." The astonished bartender
makes the drinks. Then he asks the first man what he does for a
living. "I am a theoretical mathematician at the university." Then
he asks the other man what he does. "Theoretical mathematician at
the college." "This is remarkable," says the bartender. "You
both order a drink that I've never heard of. You have the
identical profession and you both walk into my bar on the same day
at the same time. What are the odds on something like that
happening?" Both men look up and answer in unison, "Twelve
trillion, nine hundred, and eighty-seven billion to one."


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