Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Happy Day! Feel better?

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Today the boys and I decided to treat mom to a special dinner and
goodies. We told her to go out to the pool and swim with sons #3
and 4, while sons #1 and 2 helped me make dinner. We decided on
chicken caesar salad. Son #1 tried his hand at BBQ’ing the chicken,
son #2 cut the watermelon and cooked the corn on the cob, while I
did the salad and croutons. But it didn’t turn out very well. Son
#2 broke a bowl, and later dropped sticky watermelon all over the
floor. Son #1 had 18 different questions about the grill, so I
finally went out to help him for a second. Meanwhile I burnt the
croutons. But, of course, my sweet wife said it was the best meal
she had all week. After dinner I asked sons #1 and 2 if they felt
good after working and serving someone else for a chance. They said
it was hard work but they felt really good after the work was done.
Then I said, “Yeah, mom does this every day for us. How do you
think that makes her feel?” Son #2 blurted out, without missing a
beat, “I’ll bet she has great conscience!”

Hmm... not quite the lesson I was trying to teach.

Anyway, have a safe 4th of July. (And you folks from other countries
have a great 4th of July too!)

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

Hey Marty,
I've sure gotten a kick out of the photo's you put up on your blog
site. My favorite one is the "Car Ride". I used to use a different
version of the Car Ride--when my daughter was about 6 months old
she was having a hard time going to sleep, so we'd take her for a
ride around the neighborhood. She'd be fast asleep in about 2
~J.G. in California

[Wow, how do you keep a sleeping 6 month old strapped to the hood
of your car?]

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Wild Rides

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

>So I get punished by not having a jotd for Tuesday? Or did
>everyone not get one?
>#1 Mom

Funny you should ask mom. Just as I was getting ready to do a JOTD
issue, we got a phone call. A property we have interest in, located
on a busy street, had a brand new 4X4 truck plow through our fence
and land in the yard. No one was hurt, but it looked pretty funny;
Skid marks for 175 feet on the street, then no tracks for 10 feet
(airborne) then a big truck in the yard. The officer said he was
driving under the influence of being a 16 year old. He and his
other 16 year old buddies were fine, but shaken. When the dad
pulled up, he said, “Don’t get our insurance involved. We’ll pay
for it.” Yeah, we’ll see how well that works out...

Anyway, that’s my excuse for no JOTD yesterday. Not a bad excuse if
I do say so myself. Now back to what you really read this column

I told you last week we set the pool. The first day I really
surprised myself; not for being a studly man, but for acting like a
wimp. That tap water is REALLY cold! In years past I’d jump in a
cold pool and think nothing of it. I must be getting too old.
Anyway, the pool water (and me) warmed up quite a bit by Saturday
afternoon and the 3 older boys and I we had a blast.

Son #4 is still apprehensive about our pool though. He can stand on
his toes and keep his head above water, but he won’t let go of me.
But, it was a different story at swimming lessons today. He got mad
at the teacher because she told him to sit on the steps and stop
showing everyone he could stand on the bottom and keep his head
above water. He acquiesced and sat on the steps and pouted.

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

Marty, I understand how difficult your life must have been as a
child. I too have an older sister....
~Uncle Butter

[Finally, someone who understands who had an older sister! Wait...
that would have been my #1 mom... hey you!]


"Much has been said about "tough love" for misbehaving children.
Most of America's populace thinks it very improper to spank
children, so my spouse and I have tried other methods to control
our kids when they have one of "those moments". One that we found
very effective is for me just to take the child for a car ride and
talk. They usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our little
car ride together. I've included the photo below of one of my
sessions, with our son, in case you would like to use the
technique." Its very effective!

Monday, June 27, 2005

And, with a flip of a coin...

Monday, June 27, 2005

Friday when I got home I said, “I’m starved, what’s for dinner?” My
sweet wife gave me a blank stare, and one of the kids walked up and
took my attention. A few minutes later I asked the same thing,
“What’s for dinner?” Again, a blank stare. I thought, ‘uh oh. What
did I do now?’ Then she sheepishly said, “I thought it was date
night?” Oh, yeah. That’s what I forgot.

We got the set up for dinner and got in the car. “Where do you want
to go?” I asked. She said, “Oh, I don’t care.” I was so hungry and
didn’t want to play the sit-in-the-driveway-and-figure-out-where-
to-go game so I said, “Pick a number between 15 and 20”. “19” she
said. I took out a coin and told her to write down LEFT or RIGHT,
for each different flip of the coin. We pulled out of the driveway
and turned right. Then left, left, right, and so on. Once we got to
a stop light, I told her only to tell me when to turn at another
stop light.

And so it was. We picked a restaurant I haven’t been to for years
and years. It was something different, and we had fun...

Enjoy today’s Jokes!


Reader Comment Section:

Imagine my embarrassment when you (yawn) stayed up late Monday to
do jotd, and gave me the credit. Then I didn't even look for 5
days. There is an explanation, though. I did look for jotd on
Monday, but because it was late I went to bed before it came...
...But here I am, bright and early (?) Friday, catching up. Love,
Mom #1.

[From Reader Don on Tue: How does #1 Mom come up with all the
really good ones?]

P.S. My ability to come up with the best started when I began
having kids (yes, it began with your older sister, Marty) and has
stuck with me since then. Some people are just LUCKY!!
Mom #1

[So, you’re saying that Sister #1 is a good joke?? Oh, shame on you

I will second the part about little brothers being annoying - I had
~Your Sister #1

[I was never annoying? Was I?? (he said sheepishly), And did you
hear what mom just said about you??]

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Pool time!

Thursday, June 23, 2005

We finally got the ground somewhat level, and took the pool out and
started filling it. The pool we had two years ago was a 12 foot
wide, 3 foot deep pool. It’s amazing that a 15 foot, 3½ foot pool
has almost twice the water! I’m guessing the kids really wanted to
get it filled, because son #4 was standing knee deep in the pool
while it was filling, in the middle of a rain storm, spraying son
#2 with the hose and cold water, while they and son #3 were all

I’ll have to take a dip this weekend and let you know how it is!

Have a great weekend, and
Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

Hi Marty,
As a mom of grown-up boys and having followed the missing boy scout
case from the beginning; I can rejoice that the mom and dad have
their boy safe and sound again.....but from everything that I've
been hearing, this boy could have been found much sooner had he not
been so afraid of somebody stealing him. Where do you draw the line
from being afraid of strangers to accepting help from a good
Samaritan? It's sad that our society has come to this.
~Paula M.

[Good question Paula... Anyone have an answer?]

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

I Scared you to death...

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Ok, not much to write about today. When I got home from work today,
the minivan was gone, and no one was at home. I walked around
looking to see if anyone was home, but I couldn’t find anyone. I
called my sweet wife on her cell phone and said, “where are you?”

She said, “I’m just pulling into the driveway.”

I asked, “Where were you at?”

She said, “At the dollar store. Son #2 broke his glasses again so I
got an eyeglass repair kit.”

I said, “Ok” and hung up.

Then I ran to the front door and waited. Son #1 walked through the
door and I growled at him and scared him good. Then I grabbed him
into the house and shut the door, then I looked at him and said,
“Shh...” I did the same thing to son #2 and #3 as they walked in
about 15 seconds from each other. I shut the door again and figured
I didn’t want to scare son #4, because it would probably damage his
brain and he’s turn out to be a serial killer or something. So I
waited for my sweet wife to walk in. The 3 quiet boys and I could
see though the glass that son #4 was ringing the door bell, but I
didn’t answer it. When my sweet wife came in, just ahead of son #4,
I got her good too! Son #4 walked in after her with a big pout on
his face. My sweet wife said, “What’s wrong?” He said, “I wanted
Daddy to scare me too...”

I guess being a serial killer is genetic, not environmental...

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

WOW! I was at you blog site and saw the family picture. I clicked
"view full size" and you guys still looked kinda' small. Good job
on losing all that weight!
Uncle Butter

[It’s the lighting...]

>human rights symbol
Surely you jest!!!
Kay L.

[No, Jesting would denote that this was a humorous joke site. We
all know that’s not true. And, don’t call me Shirley. (big grin!)]

How do the boys sign up for the "Black 'Power' Rifle Shooting"
~LaMonte H.

[You are the only one who caught that. Not even my mom said
Anything! (But if I ask, she’ll say, ‘Oh, I was just trying to be
nice’) But, you pose an interesting question...]

I have a comment to make about the lost Boy scout. Having an
eleven-year old brother, I know from experience, even though it may
not be true with this particular person, but I say that getting
lost was not all the leader's fault. The kid had something to do
with it, I'm pretty sure.
~13-year-old sis of an annoying 11-year-old brother Megan L.

[All 11-year old brothers are like that... I had one. As a matter
of fact, he’s still a little annoying! (grin)]

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Can I go now dad?

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

They found him! I’m sure you’ve seen it on CNN or MSNBC, but they
found the 11-year-old Boy Scout in the mountains. Here is a couple
of things that didn’t make it all the way to the national news. He
was at the Varsity Big Event. It used to be called the Mountain Man
Rendezvous back when I used to go to them as a Boy Scout Varsity
Coach (14-16 year olds Scouts). This is a camp was for that aged
boy. This 11-year old was a friend of another boy and his father
who helped organize the event, so he got invited as a guest, not in
a troop.

The Big Event camps are the best camps I’ve been to. They have black power rifle shooting, Indian tee-pees (Lodges) beads to trade, furs, tomahawk throwing, and all the mountain man stuff. I really like those camps. Families are welcome to come too. I even have a photo of 18 month old son #1 and me, in my mountain man get-up way back when...

Anyway, my favorite bit in today’s news was;

“The sheriff said that after eating some food and drinking some
water, the boy asked to play a video game on the cell phone of one
of the volunteers who had been searching for him.”

I thought that sounded just like my boys. I’ve been really worried
about taking the Scouts up to camp this year (Same camp area) and
thought a lot about son #2, who is the same age as the Hawkins boy
they found. So, when I got home I called son #2 upstairs to talk to
him. He was busy playing games, and was using his time on the time
scout monitor. [www.time-scout.com]. I sat him down, told him that
they found the boy, and that he was son #2’s age. I gave him a few
pointers if he ever got lost, and told him how much I’d miss him. I
put my arm around him, hugged him and said, “I love you...” He
said, “Yeah, thanks dad. Can I go play now?”

The little snot. So much for a tender father-son moment. (grin)

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

Dear Marty
How does #1 Mom come up with all the really good ones! And Yes
missing Mondays should be a reason to have her call you on it. Take
care, and don't forget to have your ice cream today!

...I love your e-zine. Sometimes it reminds me not to kill my kids
because their "silly" stunts may be "normal" when compared to your
boys. Keep up the good work.
~Dave C.

[But I thought my kids ~were~ normal!]


After 5 months of heated debate, the Commission of Human Rights of the United Nations approved the new International Symbol of Marriage.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Boy it's late...

Monday, June 20, 2005

Ok, I wasn’t going to do an issue tonight, but I kept hearing my #1
mom in my ear saying, “But I miss the JOTD, especially if you miss
Monday when I haven’t read your notes for 3 days!”...

Ok, ok, Mom. BECAUSE I had such a great Father’s day dinner at your
house yesterday, I’ll do a quick issue. So, here goes.

For family night tonight, we headed to a local amphitheater to see
‘South Pacific’. Since it was family night, they charged $25 for
the whole family. Such a deal. Anyway, I son #4 has never seen a
play, and I don’t think son #3 has. The boys’ Aunt’s brother was
Billis in the play. He stole the show. He was a much better actor,
by far, then any one else in the production. Anyway, I don’t think
the little ones have seen a play before, because son #3 made a
comment on the way home; “Mom, did they really kiss?” and before
that, during intermission, son #4 and I walked around behind the
stage where his Aunt’s brother was. Son #4 pointed at him and said,
“I saw you in the movie!”

Sorry so short, time for bed!

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

Hey Marty, could you come over next door and help me climb out of
this big hole in my yard - - don't know where it came from, it just
showed up recently.
~LaMonte, Your Neighbor

[that’s where the dirt to fill our hole came from!]

Hey Marty,
Since you're involved in Scouting, I was wondering if you know the
scout from Park City that is lost. [see www.sltrib.com/ci_2812524 ]
James G.

[No, I don't. But I'm really wary of taking boys up there for
campouts anymore... *sigh*]

Thursday, June 16, 2005

A Day in the life...

Visit our Sponsors!

Gophercentral Archives
GopherCentral Archives - the #1 spot for past newsletters from the GopherCentral.com, your #1 source for free newsletters and ezines . From news and hobbies to laughs and sports, we've got the best!

Thursday, June 16, 2005

[Didn’t miss me yesterday, did you? Didn’t think so...]

A Day in the life of...

At work:
He: “Hi”
She: “What’s up?”
He: “Nothing, how about you?”
She: “Oh, just wondering if we’re doing anything tonight?”
He: “I dunno. There’s that church thing.”
She: “Oh, ok… Remember, we’ve got pack meeting tomorrow night.”
He: “Oh yeah. Maybe we can do date night tonight.”
She: “Ok”

At home:
He: “Can you guys make your own dinner?”
#2: “Yeah, I guess”
He: “I’m taking your mom out to dinner.”
#2: “Ok”
He: “Please lock the door behind us so #4 doesn’t escape.”
#1: “Ok”

He: “Where do you want to go to eat?”
She: [always the compassionate and concerned one] “The neighbor had
his knee replaced today, let’s go see his wife and see how he’s
doing first.”

Across the street in the neighbor’s living room:
He/She: “Everything ok?”
Neighbor: “Everything’s fine.”
All: Hears kids yelling and playing across the street.
He: [Thinking to himself] Wow, my kids are loud.
He: Looks out the window. Watches rowdy boys having a water fight.
She: “We were just going out, see ya.”
Neighbor: “Thanks for stopping over.”
He: [Taking credit] “No problem, always thinking of our neighbors.”

The kids are back inside:
She: “So where do you want to go?”
He: “Chinese place down the street?”
She: “Sure”

At Restaurant:
Waiter: “Where are the kids? You never bring them in anymore.”
He: “They’re too expensive to feed. Mac and Cheese at home is
She: “I’ll order this.”
He: “I’ll order that.”

Call #1 from home:
She: “Hello?”
She: “Yes, yes you can. It’s in the cupboard.”
She: “One can of water, or you can use milk if you want it
She: “Ok, love you. Bye.”

He/She: Chit/Chat

Call #2 from home:
She: “uh huh.”
She: “Ok, uh huh. Ok, yes, ok.”
She: 20 seconds of silence
She: Rolling her eyes.
She: “Ok, are you bleeding?”
She: “Is he ok?”
She: “Goodbye”

She to He: “#3 was jumping around and hit the back of #2’s head
with his teeth.”
He: “Wonderful”

Call #3 from home:
She to He: “It’s home again. You answer it this time.”

[It’s #3 wanting to tell his side of the story]

He: “Hello?”
#3: “Is mom there?”
He: “She’s busy. What do you need?”
#3: “I need to talk to mom.”
He: “No you don’t. We’re out to eat. We’ll see you when we get

In the car:
She: [hints] “Do you want to do anything else?”
He: [clueless] “I don’t know. I can’t think of anything.”
[Drives home]

In the car – in the driveway:
She: [again hints] “We don’t have to go inside, do we?”
He: [still clueless, but doesn’t want to go in either] [And acting
compassionate to get browning points] “No I’d rather sit out here
and talk with you.”

He: Brownie points scored = 16.5

More Chit/Chat

20 minutes later the front door opens, #4 comes sneaking out,
slightly hunched over, with a cheesy grin on his face.

He: “SHHH!!”
She: Silent

2 feet before he hits his head on the open car door he stops, he
sees Mom and Dad, gets a very frightened look on his face.

#4: Puts on a huge smile on his face
#4: Realizing he’s been caught – smile turns to a “cat-ate-the-
#4: “MOM! DAD!”
She: “What are you doing sneaking outside little boy?”
#4: Silence
She: “Well?”
#4: More Silence
He: “Tell us what you were doing young man.”
#4: “Just playing”

More Chit/Chat & Teasing #4
3 1/2 minutes later

He: I’ll call inside and ask where #4 is.
#1: “Hi dad”
He: “Hey bud, how’s everything going?”
#1: “Ok”
He: “Has anyone killed anyone yet?”
#1: “No”
He: “Can I talk to #4?”
#1: “Um... Uh... Yeah... Just a minute”

She to #4: “Quick, lie down on the back seat and hide!”

60 seconds later - #1 runs out the front door, looks at the car
with wide WIDE eyes and a confused look on his face.

#1: Walks to the car still confused. Silence

#4 pops his head out from seat in the back. [Perfect timing, scares
his brother to death]
#4: “Hi [#1]!”
#1: [With a ticked off, but relieved look on his face] “Hey!!”
He: “I see you were watching them close tonight ‘eh?”
#1: “DAD! I was looking for him before you called. Really!”

So, how was your day?

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

[Email from Justin today]
FYI... we're going camping this weekend, so I won't be able to do a
Friday JOTD.

[Have a great weekend Justin and the rest of you too!]

Reader Comment Section:

>The best place we could find was right over son #2's old hole. So
>he finally had to fill it, and he was none too happy about
>it. (not about losing the hole, but doing the work...) His pile of
>dirt is gone, so he's had to find other sources to fill it...

You know, I was doing some yardwork at my parents' next door to
your place the other day, and I found a big hole in their yard...
Just where did he get his dirt?

[Shhh... Your dad won’t notice, will he?]

Your story about your son reminded me a story a man told me when I
was serving my mission in Oklahoma. This fellow was being raised by
foster parents and he had gotten into some trouble. The father took
him a side and told him that his wife wanted a swimming pool and to
start digging. He dug and dug for weeks, until he had a perfect
hole for a swimming pool. The father then took him a side and told
him that they had changed their minds about the pool and that he
had to fill the hole in. So see you could have been using this
(digging a hole and filling it in) as punishment. Your a good Dad!
Take care, and Happy Fathers Day to you.
Doug L.

[Ouch, that’s cruel...]

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Digging a swimming pool

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

For the first official week of summer, it’s been hard trying to get
the boys on a schedule other than play computer games all the time.
But, I think we’ve got a good start. I think it was two summers ago
that the boys were really into the movie ‘holes’. Son #2 was so
into it that he wanted to dig himself a hole, just like in the
movie. It had to be the length of the shovel, and as deep as he
could make it. I let him dig on the back part of our lot (with the
weeds) and he dug a pretty big hole about a foot deep.

Fast forward 2 summers ahead; after the boys put a lot of their
allowance into a large swimming pool, they’re motivated in getting
it set up. The best place we could find was right over son #2’s old
hole. So he finally had to fill it, and he was none too happy about
it. (not about losing the hole, but doing the work...) His pile of
dirt is gone, so he’s had to find other sources to fill it, then
make a 15 foot circle as flat as can be. He’s complained a little,
but at least it gets him outside.

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

None today...

Monday, June 13, 2005

Ompa Lumpa Blue Berry Gum

Monday, June 13, 2005

Technology is so cool, and sometimes it really stinks. Case in
point; Last Saturday was son #2’s Saturday. We went out for lunch
at Subway (mostly because I have a 2 for 1 card that’s good all
year) and then we went to the dollar store to ‘shop’ then ended up
at Wal-Mart to exchange some stuff. On the way out, we stopped by a
little table with a lady handing out Double Bubble Bubble gum. They
were having a bubble blowing contest for kids 12 and under, so son
#2 said, “Hey dad, let me try!” So I did. Since it was his
Saturday, and we didn’t have much else to do, we stood there for
over an hour trying to blow big bubbles. (I couldn’t get anything
over 9”). But son #2 was doing really well. The record was a 12”
bubble, and he really wanted to beat it. Finally after 30 minutes,
he blew a 14” whopper and took the lead. Not 30 seconds after it
popped, a snotty little girl, (who reminded me of Veronica on
Willie Wonka) came back and wanted to know who broke her record.
For the final 30 minutes, they both blew bubbles as fast as they
could. Son #2 got back up to 13”, but couldn’t beat his 14” one.
Then, just 3 minutes before the time ran out, ‘Veronica’ blew a 14”
one. (In ~MY~ humble opinion, it looked not bigger than a 13”, but
hey, what do I know about bubble blowing contests?) After the time
ran out, and sparring with ‘Veronica’ for 15 minutes, they decided
to split the prizes this way; She got the certificate and the
backpack, and son #2 got 5 balloons, a bag of gum, and the Double
Bubble Bubble meter. (see
www.wal-martfacts.com/newsdesk/PhotoGallery.aspx?CategoryID=78 for
pictures of what the meter looks like.) The lady said she would
enter them both into the national contest, so we’ll see what
happens with there.

Anyway, back to technology. I took a bunch of pictures of both of
them and their biggest bubbles with my cell phone camera. Then I
sent them to my email address, and deleted the pics. Guess what,
they never made it to my email. *sigh*

Oh well. We’ll get pictures when he wins the nationals and gets 10

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

About 20 years ago our dog needed one of those strange collars to
keep from chewing on a dressing after surgery. Back then you didn't
buy them.. you made them.. from cardboard and duct tape (Red Green
wouldn't loved it!) He looked a little strange wearing it.. but
then they do anyway in those weird contraptions! Hope that buddy
heals up quickly and without any problems.
Kathy A.

[I hope it never rained!]

Thursday, June 09, 2005

5 Bucks to get out of school? You Bet!

Try Netflix for Free!

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Oh, boy. Today was the last day of school for son #1, and boy was
he in a good mood! Sons #2 and #3 go for a half day tomorrow. I
guess there goes the grocery bill for the summer...

Way back at the beginning of school, son #1 brought home a math
book that was pretty hashed. The front cover was falling off. My
sweet wife took the book and said she would fix it. Son #1 said,
“Mom, don’t tape that. The teacher said he’ll charge $5 at the end
of the year for taping books.” My sweet wife taped it anyway and
said, “They won’t charge you. The cover is falling off! And even if
they do, I’ll pay for it.”

Guess what?

They charged us. How dumb is that?

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Want to know how long you’ll live? Check out

Reader Comment Section:

None today!

Try Netflix for Free!

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Piddle and Chew

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Buddy has been chewing on his dressing a little bit. It’s not chewed off, but we wanted to make sure everything was ok. So he went to the Vet today to get the rods sticking out of his leg “re-dressed”. The Vet said he was doing fine, and that chewing off the dressing wouldn’t hurt much anyway. But he’d get us a “satellite dish” collar if we wanted, but didn’t think he needed it. It was funny; Buddy knew exactly where he was. He went into the same O.R. room to get his wound dressed, where he got leg fixed and his other parts ‘fixed’ last week. Buddy wasn’t too happy about going in again today. 30 seconds after the Vet took him in for his redressing, he came out and got the mop and bucket.

That’s my dog! Piddle and Chew, piddle and chew.

Reader Comment Section:

Wow! Mr. Marty you must have been sleeping in your message last
night. There was a few missed statements. Sure appreciate them
anyway. Have a great day.
~Sandra H.

[*yawn* What, me goof? (And, there ~was~ was there? Bigger Grin)]

That's awful that you don't have a pet store that carries those
collars Marty. Our PetSmart actually carries different colors and
we've joked about getting them for our dogs. Good luck keeping him
from chewing!

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Can I buy a sattelite dish at the grocery store?

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Since there are not too many little ‘little’ kids in the
neighborhood, my wife is willing to try anything to get son #4 to
go and play with other kids. There’s a family a couple of blocks
away that has a little girl who just turned three. My sweet wife
decided to see how they got alone together. We know the mom really
well, so my sweet wife dropped off son #4. The other mom said they
played together very well. Except for the first 30 minutes where
she said her (very shy) daughter was a little a little scared of
son #4. (Oh, really? I can’t imagine that...)

Anyway, after my sweet wife dropped off son #3, she went to school
to help son #3 with some stuff. The cell signal is really bad
there, so when my wife got a 15 minute old message notification on
her phone, and fearing the worst, she quickly called the other mom.

The other mom said, “They’re playing together so well, I think I’m
going to take them to the store and buy them a treat.” My sweet
wife thought... “Nooooooo!!! NOT the store! Don’t take him there!!”
That’s the one place in the world that he acts up the worst. She
quickly called the other mom to warn her about the havoc that son
#4 can do in the grocery store. Unfortunately the other mom had
already left.

When she got home and called my sweet wife, my sweet wife was
expecting the worst. The other mom said, “Oh, he was really great.
He’s such a sweet little boy, and has the best manners.”

My kid? Yeah, uh huh. Sure he is. It’s like the drug dealers. The
first couple are free, then BAM! You don’t know what hit you.


Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Buddy is doing ok, but he’s starting to chew his dressing off.
(What else does he have to do) I can see some of the rods sticking
out of his broken leg. The Vet said to get him one of the
‘satellite dish’ type of collars so he won’t chew on it. Funny
thing, the pet stores don’t carry them. So we have to go back to
the vet to get one. Wonder how much he’ll soak us for, for another
trip back in?

Reader Comment Section:

Hi Marty

I enjoy your newsletter. Your little dog might benefit from Aloe
Vera - it's a natural anti-inflammatory and acts like a steriod but
without the side effects. I'm in the UK, but I can tell you how to
get it in the US if you email me back...
All the best
Carol H.

[grin – We used to tease my mom about Aloe Vera. Every time we had
any kind of ache or pain, cut or bruise, she’d say, “get the Aloe
Vera out and use it!”]

Monday, June 06, 2005

I'm looking over, my dead dog rover, that I over ran with the Mower...

Monday, June 06, 2005

Ok, it’s not May 9th again. I bought a calendar. Our ‘Grand’ four
and a half month old puppy Buddy got home from the Vet on Friday.
He seemed a little sore, but that’s to be expected. Not only did we
get his leg fixed, but we got all of his shots, and got him ‘fixed’
at the same time. Talk about adding insult to injury.

It’s interesting; I guess they didn’t put him all the way under for
his surgery. They gave him an epidural. So his whole left leg is
shaved, and he’s got a 3 inch square patch on his back that’s
shaved too. Buddy got the works; he got pins, rods, and screws in
his leg. Plus he’s got some hardware on his inside left leg that’s
taped up.

He’s walking on his leg a little, but very tenderly. Now giving him
anti-inflammatory and pain killing meds is ok, but the vet’s
instructions won’t be as easy. He’s to stay dry, he can’t run,
can’t go up/down stairs, and must remain calm. For FOUR WEEKS!
Yeah, right. With four little boys that’s not going to be easy.
They said we could get tranquilizers. I’m wondering if they’re for
the dog or for us?

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

p.s. Had a great time at the annual church campout on Friday night
near one of the ski resorts. Gobs of snow up at the top, but not
much where we were. We saw a pretty good sized moose walk through
our camp.

Then on Saturday, I took my sweet wife to a comedy play. “Legally
Brunette”. Pretty funny. All in all, good weekend!

How about you?

Reader Comment Section:

Have the vet amputate the leg. In 3 months Buddy will never know
the difference.
Norman O.

[Hmm...] grin

I just had to tell you that I think it's wonderful that you chose
the expensive option. Two years ago my husband and I adopted a dog
(Annie) for $70 from a local shelter. The shelter told us she had a
limp because of an infected toenail… …Of course then we found out
she had a dislocated hip that the shelter had missed and that's why
she limped. In that first week we spent over $200.00 for the vet to
try to put the hip back into place but that didn't work. We were
told she would need hip surgery or we could put her down. I'd only
known her for less than a week and I knew putting her down was NOT
an option. Here's the problem though, the hip surgery was going to
be $2000.00. Yes, that's right - TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS… … I called
the shelter to see if they could recommend a vet that might help us
some on the cost and the Lord sent a miracle. After waiting for
them to call back the shelter said that they would pay for the
surgery because they had let us adopt her in that condition and
that we just needed to bring Annie to their vet. She had major hip
surgery but now two years later she rarely limps. It's hard when
you're faced with having to pay for something like that but I can
definitely see that pets are worth it. Best of luck and I'll say
prayers for your puppy!


When I read abut your puppy's injury, I said "Ouch!" Oh boy, do I
ever know about surgery, screws and rods. I have them (big time) in
my back and I know what that dog is going to go through during
cold, rainy weather!! Maybe Buddy is young enough to get through
it with flying colors! Hope so! Maybe your puppy's injury and
having to put the pool off 'til a later date is a 'blessing in
disguise' -- Not because son #4 likes to swim naked, but b/c he
might decide to swim when no one is around OR knows he's in the
pool!! …When you do get a pool, I wish for you many sunny, warm
days to have fun with your family. Until then, good luck with the
care of Buddy, son # 5? :-)
Have a beautiful day -- Cathy M.

[The boys ‘pooled’ their money, and are paying for over half of it
now, so I picked it up today. Loads of yard work for family night
tonight. But, not I’ve got to find 6 foot fencing so #4 doesn’t go
swimming alone. The joys of having boys...]

I thought Buddy was a member of your family! You work for a Health
Care provider and don't they have a good plan for employees and
members of their "families"? Also, if they give you difficulty,
aren't you their programmer and you could fix it couldn't you?
(haha just kidding)

[If only I had gotten doggie insurance for a couple of months. I’m
sure it would have been cheaper!]

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Broken Legs and Bobbing for Toddlers

Try Netflix for Free!

Thursday, June 02, 2005

First a funny;
We’ve been talking about buying another above ground swimming pool.
The boys have agreed to put some money in, and we’re negotiating
with a lady at work to buy her unused one. So, talk around the
house has been all about swimming pools this week. Today my sweet
wife was looking for son #4. After several minutes she found him
out in the back yard, standing in 5 gallon tub we use for bobbing
apples at Halloween. It was full of water, his clothes were strewn
all around the tub, and he was jumping up and down having a great

“WHAT on EARTH are you doing running around with no clothes on
boy?!” my sweet wife yelled at him.

He looked at her and said, “I’m NOT ...running around... mom!”


So, anyway, life is so full of ups and downs. One of my sisters in
law who has been sick for years finally was diagnosed with a
treatable rare disease that affects less than 1/10 of 1% of the
population. Good news!

Now the not so good news. Last night my sweet wife was at a church
meeting (some meeting, they were getting their toe and finger nails
done, massages and other beauty pampering stuff). Anyway, while I
was typing last night’s JOTD issue, I heard Buddy, our 4 1/2 month
old pup yelping outside. It sounded bad. As I ran upstairs, all
four boys followed.

As near as we can figure Buddy was running and stepped his left
hind leg in a hole. He twisted and spiral fractured his leg, badly.
When the vet told us how bad it was, we asked how much. I couldn’t
believe it. He said it was a thousand bucks for surgery, pins,
rods, etc. etc. Man, it hurts just typing that. We only had 2
options, and we chose expensive one. A thousand bucks is more than
when son #2 broke his arm several months ago.

Hmm... We’ve put the pool on hold for now.

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

None today

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Of course they know me!

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

The other day my sweet wife took son #4 to the park to play. There
was another group of kids having a birthday party of 4 and 5-year-
olds. My sweet wife said that she had the toughest time keeping him
away from the party. He kept going over and asking if he join them.
He kept saying, “But mom, I want to go over and play with my
friends.” My sweet wife said, “They may be your friends, but they
don’t know you.” In an arrogant attitude he said, “But mom, I’m
[first name]!!”

Hmm... Nothing like ~expecting~ the world to revolve around you...

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:

...thanks for all the little stories about your family and all
the good jokes as well. Those kids of yours must be growing up
fast. Enjoy them while you can - before you know it, they'll be
leaving the nest.. We have friends who just had their 5th. child
and they changed their e-mail address to 'fullhouse'. I answered
her back and said, "We could change our address to either
'emptynest' or twooldies'.
Have a good one –
Catherine M.