Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

2/28 - Parent Teacher Ref

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Tonight was Parent Teacher conference. I got home late from work,
and I wanted to go play racquet ball with son #1 and his Scouts
tonight, so my sweet wife and I ran to school the second I got
home from work. Both son #1 and #2 got so/so reports. One teacher
said that my son was very smart, but... um... and I said, “lazy?”
she smiled and said, well, yes. I said, Hmm... the apple doesn’t
fall far from the tree. I think I’ve got that syndrome too.

Anyway, when we got home, my sweet wife and I sat each of them
down after dinner and talked to them about their school work. I
think we kind of balance each other out; she being the mom in the
stands type, yelling, “You can do it, go, go!” and me more of the
referee on the court blowing the whistle every time there’s a
foul. It’s not that easy, but I think dad needs to get in the
stands a little more often and do some cheering.

But, a week or so ago son #1 did finally get his grades up enough
that he was allowed to play on his computer. I know the exact date
and time too; with my Vonage phone service, I can go online and
see every call that was made from my house. The second son #1 was
ungrounded, he loaded up a video game and called his cousin. And
in the next 7 days he called him 55 times. For 200+ minutes. He
used up 40% of my monthly minutes in a week. I didn’t give him a
really hard time, because it’s been so long since he got to use
his computer.

Anyway, son #1 and I had a good time playing racquet ball tonight,
but I’ll be sore tomorrow.

Enjoy today’s Jokes
(I really like the first one today)



There's no doubt history is in the making with the 2008
presidential race. We may have either the first Black president,
the first Woman president, or the first Mormon president. Why not
kill three birds with one stone - elect Gladys Knight president
and call it a day."


I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was
resisting a rest.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number
on it.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on
shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

The optometrist fell into his lens grinder and made a spectacle of
himself. [That's a story that lens itself.]

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your
Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in
Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done
~Ruby C.


"I love those signs along the highway that say, 'Litter Removal
Next 2 Miles.' That's when I start chucking my trash out the
~Scott Wood

"The sure way to tell if a man is a bachelor is to check his
silverware. If it's chewed up from going through the garbage
disposal a few times, he's for real."
~Nick Arnette

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