Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Monday, March 19, 2007

3/19 - Dinosaurs and School and Voodoo Dolls Oh My!

Monday, March 19, 2007

“Grandpa, do you have a copy of Jurassic Park?” Son #1 turned and
asked his Grandpa at Fazolis tonight. “The book or the DVD?”
Grandpa replied. “The book.” Son #1 said. “Nope, I don’t have
either.” Grandpa said with a smile. Grandpa has a deadpan sense of
humor that we’ve all grown up with... we’re used to it, and it’s
even rubbed off on us. But we still smile just to make him think
we’re amused. (grin)

Anyway, because I’m starting back to school tomorrow night; [BTW,
on a side note, I had one of my readers sit down next to me in
Sunday school yesterday. As the instructor was teaching from
Matthew 13 about Parables, my reader leaned over and she whispered
“By the way, I hate that you’re going back to school.” A little
taken aback I said, “Why?” She said, “Because you don’t write as
often!” Ok, yeah, I guess I see your point...]

Anyway, as I was saying, I’m starting back to school on Tuesday
after spring break. Son #4’s birthday just happens to be schedule
that same day. So, for his birthday dinner he decided he wanted to
have us all go out to Fazolis tonight so dad could come with. At
Fazolis they had a family night special where you could get a free
kids meal with every adult entrée. Son #1 said, “Dad, I’ll get a
kids meal, since it’s free and I’m not that hungry.” Now there’s a
change. (The not being hungry part, not the being nice part...) We
all had plenty of food, and I again got to feed the whole crew for
less than $19. Always a good deal.

On the way home, Son #1 said, “Um, I have to have a lot of the
book Jurassic Park read by tomorrow.” Oops... nothing like waiting
until the very last moment to say something. So, when we got home,
my sweet wife grabbed a Barnes and Noble card that we have, and
dashed off to the store with son #1. As they were leaving, son #4
ran out of the door yelling, “I want to go too!” I got a call on
my cell phone 30 seconds later; “I’ve got 1 and 4” “Thanks” I
said. ~click~ Its a little code we use. We’ve been writing and
reading the Joke of the day so long, that it’s often easier to
call our boys by their numbers, rather than their names. (For some
reason numbers aren’t as easy to mix up...) Often in the mall or
somewhere I’ll hear, “Incoming, #3!” Although other’s look at us
strange, I know exactly what that means. ‘Son #3 is running to
you, and you’re now responsible for him. Do you have him?’ “OK!”
is the reply.

At B&N sons #1 and #4 are perusing the aisles. They easily find
Jurassic Park. Of course, you can get a used copy on eBay for $2,
but you’re going to pay through the nose for a new one at B&N. $8!
Son #4 wanted some action too. He saw a voodoo book & doll combo.
“Mom, what’s a voodoo doll?” My sweet wife replied, “It’s a doll
that you pretend is someone else, and you beat it up.” “Mom, I
want a voodoo doll. Paahleease...” he begged. “Nope.” Than, all
through the store he was saying, “Please mom, I want a voodoo
doll!!” She was getting a little embarrassed, but held her ground.
(My sweet wife rocks!) She told me later that there’s no way that
she was going to spend $8 for a little stuffed toy, and a dumb
voodoo doll at that! But, I think it hurried her out of the store
a little quicker!

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

p.s. Skiing with son #4 tomorrow!

p.p.s. Oh yeah, the “Compliment Game”
Here’s a couple of words that were sent back...


Thanks gang!


Enter to win a 58" HDTV from Xerox

Readers - This is a quick link, not an endless information gathering site.
I've tired it. Name, Address, email. That's it. Official Xerox site.
Try it! - Marty


I'm only sending this to my brilliant friends. Passing requires
only 4 correct answers....a measly 40%.

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get catgut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific is named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

All done? Check your answers at the bottom.


Years ago I came across a poem entitled "The Man in the Glass" by
Dale Wimbrow. I looked it up on the Internet and discovered a
website maintained by his children: http://www.theguyintheglass.com
It contains the original version written in 1934 and published in
The American Magazine as "The Guy in the Glass." Here is that
Version containing timeless truths about integrity.

When you get what you want in your struggle for self,
And the world makes you King for a day,
Then go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that guy has to say.

For it isn't your Father or Mother or Wife
Who judgment upon you must pass.
The feller whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the guy staring back from the glass.

He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,
For he's with you clear up to the end,
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the guy in the glass is your friend.

You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum
And think you're a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you've cheated the guy in the glass.

Judging from the devoted words of his children, Mr. Wimbrow never
cheated the guy in his glass.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
© 2007 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with permission.
Michael Josephson, one of the nation's leading ethicists, is the
founder of the Josephson Institute of Ethics and the premier youth
character education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit http://www.charactercounts.org

Source: Weekend Encounter, by Dick Innes, Copyright (c) ACTS
International, 2004, http://www.actsweb.org/subscribe.php
~Ruby C.


HEART ATTACK IN WOMEN and how it feels......

I've meant to send this to my women friends to warn them that it's
true that women rarely have the same dramatic symptoms that men
have when experiencing a heart attack...you know, the sudden
stabbing pain in the chest, the cold sweat, grabbing the chest &
dropping to the floor that we see in the movies.

Having had a completely unexpected heart attack about 10:30 p.m.
with NO prior exertion, NO prior emotional trauma that one would
suspect might have brought it on, it was this past April 2006,
about 1-1/2 hours after I'd spent a pleasant 2 hrs. rehearsing
with the Note-a-Belles.

I was sitting all snuggly & warm on a cold evening, with my
purring cat in my lap, reading an interesting story my friend had
sent me, and actually thinking, "A-A-h, this is the life, all
cozy and warm in my soft, cushy Lazy Boy with my feet propped up."
A moment later, I felt that awful sensation of indigestion, when
you've been in a hurry and grabbed a bite of sandwich and washed
it down with a dash of water, and that hurried bite seems to feel
like you've swallowed a golf ball going down the esophagus in slow
motion and it is most uncomfortable. You realize you shouldn't
have gulped it down so fast and needed to chew it more thoroughly
and this time drink a glass of water to hasten its progress down
to the stomach, which doesn't do much good, as your esophagus and
throat muscles are in spasm and it hurts to swallow.

This was my initial sensation---the only trouble was that I hadn't
taken a bite of anything since about 5:00 p.m. After that had
seemed to subside, the next sensation was like little squeezing
motions that seemed to be racing up my SPINE (hind-sight, it was
probably my aorta spasming), gaining speed as they continued
racing up and under my sternum (breast bone, where one presses
rhythmically when administering CPR). This fascinating process
continued on into my throat and branched out into both jaws.

AHA!! NOW I stopped puzzling about what was happening. We all have
read and/or heard about pain in the jaws being one of the signals
of a heart attack happening, haven't we?

I said aloud to myself and the cat, "Dear God, I think I'm having
a heart attack!" I lowered the footrest, dumping the cat from my
lap, started to take a step and fell on the floor instead. I
thought to myself, "If this is a heart attack, I shouldn't be
walking into the next room where the phone is or anywhere
else....... but, on the other hand, if I don't, nobody will know
that I need help. And if I wait any longer, I may not be able to
get up in a moment."

I pulled myself up with the arms of the chair, walked slowly into
the next room and dialed the paramedics. I guess when one reaches
them, your address automatically flashes on a screen, as the
operator verified my address immediately and asked my symptoms.

I told her I thought I was having a heart attack due to the
pressure building under the sternum and radiating into my jaws. I
didn't feel hysterical or afraid, just stating the facts, ma'am.
She said she was sending the paramedics over immediately, asked if
the front door was near to me, and if so, to unbolt the door and
then lie down on the floor where they could see me when they came
in. No, I didn't take an aspirin, as I'm allergic to it, but I did
take a 100 mg magnesium oxide capsule...which bottle I keep
handily in reach on the kitchen counter...which is a small detour
on my way to the front door...with about a 3/4 glass of water to
get it dissolving ASAP into my bloodstream.

Magnesium relaxes blood vessels as it dissolves to get them
expanded to let blood get through the constriction of the vessels.
I then laid down on the floor as instructed and lost
consciousness, as I don't remember the medics coming in...their
examination...lifting me onto a gurney or getting me into their
ambulance...or hearing the call they made to St. Jude ER on the
way. But I did briefly awaken when we arrived and saw that the
cardiologist was already there in his surgical blues and cap,
helping the medics pull my stretcher out of the ambulance.

He was bending over me asking questions (probably something like
"Have you taken any medications?") but I couldn't make my mind
interpret what he was saying, or form an answer, and nodded off
again.. not waking up until the cardiologist and partner had
already threaded the teeny angiogram balloon up my femoral artery
into the aorta and into my heart where they installed two side-by-
side stents to hold open my right coronary artery and now was
being taken into the CCU, and looking up at the three anxious
faces of Karen, Mark, and Wendy. Since I'd been a patient at St.
Jude in 2002 for my TIA treatment, they had my emergency info in
their system and had called my kids. I spent two days in CCU and
two in general ward, then was discharged.

I know it sounds like all my thinking and actions at home must
have taken at least 20-30 minutes before calling the paramedics,
but actually it took perhaps 4-5 minutes before the call, and both
the fire station and St. Jude are only minutes away from my home,
and my Cardiologist was already to go to the OR in his scrubs and
get going on restarting my heart (which had stopped somewhere
between my arrival and the procedure) and installing the stents.

Why have I written all of this to you with so much detail?

Because I want all of you who are so important in my life to know
what I learned firsthand, as a Certified Medical Back-Office
Assistant in Internal Medicine Clinics, and as one who has lived
through a heart attack due to:

1. Being aware that something very different was happening in my
body - not the usual men's symptoms, but inexplicable things
happening (until my sternum and jaws got into the act ). It is
said that many more women than men die of their first (and last!)
heart attack because they didn't know they were having one, and
commonly mistake it as indigestion, take some Maalox or other
anti-"heartburn" preparation...and go to bed...hoping they'll feel
better in the morning when they wake up....which doesn't happen.

My female friends, your symptoms might not be exactly like mine,
so I advise you to call the paramedics if ANYTHING is unpleasantly
happening that you've not felt before. It is better to have a
"false alarm" visitation than to risk your life guessing what it
might be!

2. Note that I said "Call the Paramedics," Ladies. TIME IS OF THE
ESSENCE! Do NOT try to drive yourself to the ER. You're a hazard
to others on the road, and so is your panicked husband/friend who
will be speeding and looking anxiously at what's happening with
you instead of the road, and so are your kids or friends a hazard
as well. As sure as I sit here, they will get the attention of a
cop who will pull you over for speeding--more wasted time. Do NOT
call your doctor--he doesn't know where you live and if it's at
night you won't reach him anyway, and if it's daytime, his
assistants (or answering service) will tell you to call the

He doesn't carry the equipment in his car that you need to be
saved! The Paramedics do--principally OXYGEN that you need
ASAP. Your Dr. will be notified later.

3. Don't assume it couldn't be a heart attack because you have a
normal cholesterol count -- I did, and do, too. Research has
discovered that an elevated cholesterol reading is rarely the
cause of a heart attack (unless it's unbelievably high, and/or
accompanied by high blood pressure). heart attacks are usually
caused by long-term stress and inflammation in the body, which
dumps all sorts of deadly hormones into your system to sludge
things up in there (and, of course, family genetics can be a
factor. I qualify for the latter, and the years 2005 and 2006 have
been the most stressful of my life since Jack died in 1981.)

A serious note about heart attacks: Women should know that not
every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting.
Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line, or even pressure there
and under the sternum, or "indigestion" symptoms, especially if
you haven't eaten in several hours. You may never have the first
chest pain during the course of a heart attack, but heaviness
/pressure under the sternum is common.

Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms, but not
necessarily in women. 60% of people who have heart attacks while
they are asleep do not wake up.

Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful
and be aware. The more we know, the better chance we can survive.

A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this email sends it to
ten people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life.

**Please be a true friend, and send this article to all the
friends you care about.**
~#1 Mom


Answers to today quiz


1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get catgut?
Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific is named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
Orange , of course.

~Daria B.

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