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Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

7/24 - A few short stories

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Tuesday, July 24, 2007
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Yes, we’re still around and Its Christmas! (even though it’s
Pioneer day in Utah.)

Ok, it’s not really Christmas, but this month seems like a
December. Not because it’s cold. (We’ve had record days above 100º
this month) But, because this month is so darn busy!

Here are some updates, and some stories I can remember;

My Father’s estate; The antique auctioneer guy came and hauled all
of the antiques out of dad’s house. The auction is August 12th in
Ogden Utah, if anyone is interested.

We got my sweet wife’s little brother married off in Manti Utah.
It was on 07-07-07. I don’t think that Manti Temple has ever been
busier. They had something like 36 weddings there that day. On the
Friday before the wedding, we came down early and went fishing. I
caught 3 fish, but grandpa said I only caught 2 (and tied with
him). Probably because I let son #4 reel in one of my catches. But
I know I still out fished him! – At the reception when the groom
threw his new wife’s garter to the single males there, son #1
caught it. Now he just needs a girlfriend and a driver license!

Let’s see, what else? We’re getting a simple bath room remodel
done. But, our handy dude has gone missing for 3 days, and we’ve
got two huge holes in our basement floor, all the way to the dirt.
Looks like this is going to be a long job. [Huge update on this in
my next issue...]

A Funny; Son #4 said to my sweet wife today, “Mom this eye,”
(pointing to his “good” eye) “is for seeing. And this eye,”
(pointing to his totally blind eye) “is just for decoration.”

One last thing I can remember; Last night we took the Scout troop
up past Alta ski resort (at about 9200 feet) and had a quick camp
out. There were 6 Scouts sleeping in a large tent. There was a lot
of wile life around. We saw a full sized male moose wandering
through our camp, and heard several coyotes the next morning. But
that night, at 10:00 pm, I went over and told the boys to be
quiet. At 10:30 I did the same thing. Still no luck. At 11:00 I
had had enough. I quietly went over to the tent, started
‘sniffing’ and snorting. I moved the gravel around with my foot to
make them think something was out there. Then I scratched their
tent and made more noise. They kept on chatting. But, one boy
finally said, “What’s that? Be quiet! What was that?” After about
15 seconds they were all listening to me. Finally one boy stood
up, started to undue the window, and I growled really loud,
scaring all 6 of the boys, pretty good. They screamed and yelled,
and I finally said, “Now get to bed and be quiet this time!”



But, unfortunately, it was one of those, “Boy, that was a dumb
thing I did” moments. Those 6 boys were so scared, that they
stayed up most of the night scared to death of what was out there.
I even got a call from son #2 at 4:00 AM saying, “There’s a Moose
or an Elk sniffing outside my tent and I don’t know what to do!”
Yeah, right. At 4 AM while it’s pouring rain. Mr. Moose is bedded
down somewhere. Anyway, it was one of those nights.

I’ll tell you more about our Pioneer Trek adventure and “what’s
the worst thing that could happen to your house when you’re out
for a week” in my next issue.

Marty

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Monday, February 05, 2007

2/5 - Happy Tax day to you...

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Monday, February 05, 2007
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I’ve got a big test tomorrow. Not only in Biology, but at the
state tax commission. After 13 months of letters and pleadings
with the IRS, they finally took pity on my dad’s estate, and took
off a lot of penalties for the 5 years of taxes he didn’t pay
before he died. Yes, it was a huge mess. So, the IRS is done, but
now we have to plead our case to the state tax commission. There’s
a big hearing tomorrow. Ok, our tax guy says it’s just a
formality, but maybe I ought to wear a tie...

Anyway, with that and my first biology test tomorrow, that makes
for a big day ‘eh?

Oh, and happy birthday dad...

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty

p.s. And how was your super bowl? I loved the first play of the
game, and gave up by half time. I’m sure the Bears’ quarterback
will do better next year, once he gets out of high school. What,
is he 17? He sure looks like it.


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Reader Comment Section;

Marty..
Why not let your mom write the funnies for awhile? We all
understand how busy life gets and yours definately is full right
now. She could tell us about you growing up, etc... plus she could
keep us informed about the family too.. Jokes are easy to find and
send out.. OR Drop it down to Mon, Weds, Fri and let different
people write up a column and send it to you and bingo.. you have
that nights edition?
~Debi D.

[hmm... very intriguing. I did forward your email to my #1 mom,
but, no reply yet. Maybe she’s cook’n up something.]

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David and Bernice had just given their teenage daughter family-car
privileges. One night she returned home very late from a party.
The next morning her father went out to the driveway to her the
newspaper and came back into the house frowning. At 11:30 am the
girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her,
“Sweetheart, what time did you get in last night?” “Not too late,
Dad.” she replied nervously. Dead-panned, her father said, “Then
precious one, I’ll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my
paper under the front tire of the car.”
~Jeremiah G.

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"Just 24 hours after golfer John Daly said he had a gambling
problem, Charles Barkley revealed he lost $10 million in Las
Vegas. And that was just at the buffet table."
~Jay Leno

"If you enjoy your alcohol, remember this: If you put your old,
rotten liver under your pillow, the Beer Fairy will leave you a
keg."
~Paul Tomkins

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A woman was at home with her children when the telephone rang. In
going to answer it, she tripped on a rug, grabbed for something to
hold on to and seized the telephone table. It fell over with a
crash, jarring the receiver off the hook. As it fell, it hit the
family dog, which leaped up, howling and barking. The woman's
three-year-old son, startled by this noise, broke into loud
screams. The woman mumbled some colorful words. She finally
managed to pick up the receiver and lift it to her ear, just in
time to hear her husband's voice on the other end say, "Nobody's
said hello yet, but it certainly sounds as if I have the right
number."

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