Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

3/21 - Free Lunch & Skiing Pictures!

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Not much time to talk tonight. It’s late and I gotta format some
pictures. Yup, my legs are pretty sore from skiing yesterday with
a blind 6 year old. Who’da thunk it? We had a great time (see all
of the pictures on the web site...) They said that son #4 and I
probably made the Utah School for the Blind kindergarten class
record for amount of runs in a 2 hour period. We did 7 or 8 runs
without stopping more than 5 minutes at a time. Son #4 said he had
a great time, and promptly fell asleep on my lap in the bus on the
way home. (I now know that it was excess lactate acid, produced by
my cells, and lack of sufficient oxygen to carry away the waste
that makes my leg muscles sore. Stupid Biology class...)

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

p.s. Come to a Big Party! I’m inviting YOU to come have lunch with
ME, and my SWEET wife!! I put my business card in at Sizzler, and
I won a lunch for me, and 15 of my friends. It’s scheduled for
Friday, April 6th at 12:30 PM. Each of you will get up to $12 for
lunch. So come see the guy behind the keyboard. Ok, here’s the
caveat; actually it’s a financial guy who said he would talk to
us, as a group, about investing retirement funds with American
Express Financial. He promised he would only talk to us after we
ordered our lunch, and before the food arrived. And he’d be gone
before we started eating. (No more than 10-15 minutes) SO, come
have lunch on me! (Well, sort of anyway). Please RSVP to me ASAP
so I can reserve your spot. (Of course, you have to provide your
own transportation...

Reader Comments;

Compliments game:
~Connie H.

[Did you two copy papers? Uh huh...]

>HEART ATTACK IN WOMEN and how it feels......
Thank You SO Much for this info...sent it to all my friends!
~Linda S.
[My pleasure...]

Enter to win a 58" HDTV from Xerox

It was son #4's birthday!

McDonalds Rocks! They gave son #4 a FREE breakfast, and an ice
cream with M&M's... Yum!

The 4 Amigos!

Enter to win a 58" HDTV from Xerox

Ready To Ski!

Son #4 and Johnnie

On the Lift

Coming down the hill

Enter to win a 58" HDTV from Xerox

Long Coat + Long Boots = Short Legs!
You can tell I am NOT a slave to fashion!


A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory, and once all
the mess has been cleared up, an inquiry begins. One of the few
survivors is pulled up to make a statement. "Okay Simpson," says
the investigator, "you were near the scene - what happened ?"
"Well, it's like this. Old Charley was in the mixing room, and I
saw him take a cigarette out of his pocket and light up." "He was
smoking in the mixing room?" the investigator said in stunned
horror, "How long had he been with the company?" "About 20 years,
sir" "20 years in the company, then he goes and strikes a match in
the mixing room, I'd have thought that would have been the ~last~
thing he would of done!" "It was, sir."


The Best Living Will I've Seen

I, [INSERT NAME HERE], being of sound mind and body, do not wish
to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no
circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead
politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives
depended on it, or lawyers / doctors interested in simply running
up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to
ask for at least one of the following:

Glass of wine
Cold Beer
Chicken fried steak
cream gravy
Mexican food
French fries
ice cream
cup of tea

It should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a
determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person
and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and
call it a day.
~#1 Mom


Some of you may know that our 14 year old dog, Abbey, died last
month (8/23). The day after she died, my 4 year old daughter
Meredith was crying and talking about how much she missed Abbey.
She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when Abbey got
to heaven, God would recognize her.

She dictated and I wrote:

Dear God,
Will you please take special care of our dog, Abbey? She died
yesterday and is heaven. We miss her very much. We are happy that
you let us have her as our dog even though she got sick. I hope
that you will play with her. She likes to play with balls and swim
before she got sick. I am sending some pictures of her so that
when you see her in heaven you will know she is our special dog.
But I really do miss her.
Meredith Claire

P.S.: Mommy wrote the words after Mer told them to her.

We put that in an envelope with 2 pictures of Abbey, and addressed
it to God/Heaven. We put our return address on it. Then Mer stuck
some stamps on the front (because, as she said, it may take lots
of stamps to get a letter all the way to heaven) and that
afternoon I let her drop it into the letter box at the post

For a few days, she would ask if God had gotten the letter yet. I
told her that I thought He had. Yesterday, for Labor Day, we took
the kids to Austin to a natural history museum. When we got back,
there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch.
Curious, I went to look at it. It had a gold star card on the
front and said "To: Mer" in an unfamiliar hand.

Meredith took it in and opened it. Inside was a book by Mr.
Rogers, When a Pet Dies. Taped to the inside front cover was the
letter we had written to God, in its opened envelope (which was
marked 'Return to Sender: Insufficient address'). On the opposite
page, one of the pictures of Abbey was taped under the words "For
Meredith." We turned to the back cover, and there was the other
picture of Abbey, and this handwritten note on pink paper:

Dear Mer,
I know that you will be happy to know that Abbey arrived safely
and soundly in Heaven! Having the pictures you sent to me was such
a big help. I recognized Abbey right away.

You know, Meredith, she isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here
with me — just like she stays in your heart — young and running
and playing. Abbey loved being your dog, you know. Since we don't
need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets! — so I can't
keep your beautiful letter. I am sending it to you with the
pictures so that you will have this book to keep and remember

One of my angels is taking care of this for me. I hope the little
book helps.

Thank you for the beautiful letter. Thank your mother for sending
it. What a wonderful mother you have! I picked her especially for

I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very
much. By the way, I am in heaven and wherever there is love.

God and the special angel who wrote this after God told her the
words. As a parent and a pet lover, this is one of the kindest
things that I've ever experienced. I have no way to know who sent
it, but there is some very kind soul working in the dead letter
office. Just wanted to share this act of compassion :) dear friend
— hope you enjoy it as much as I did
~Sonya S.

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