Memorial Day Humor?

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Tuesday, May 31, 2005
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Wow, is this the last day of May already? Boy does time fly! We had
a great Memorial Day weekend. Sunday night sons #1 and #2 were
staying at their cousin’s house, so Monday morning we picked them
up, plus their cousin, and visited some graves downtown. It rained
and rained while we were there, so we made a quick trip of it.
After we got back in the van to go home, someone said, “I need to
go to the bathroom!” Of course, everyone else said the same thing.
We were just a few blocks from my work, and I’ve got a 24 hour key
to get in, so we headed over to the office. My sweet wife stayed in
the van and I took 5 little boys into the bathroom. It was really
weird going through with no one there. Anyway, I told the boys that
there was a security camera at the door as we left. Each one of
them turned and waved at the camera, (son #1 stuck his tongue out)
as we left. Today the phone operators watched it and laughed and
laughed.

If they think that’s funny, they ought to come to dinner at my
house some night!

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty

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Reader Comment Section:

Oh, ByTheWay, I've got a concert tonight

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Thursday, May 26, 2005
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I’ve been out of the choral scene since our concert last Christmas,
which was a farewell concert for our director who died. But a
couple of week ago I got an email from a former choral member who
is in a new choral with 5 or 6 people I knew from our old choir. He
invited me to their debut concert tonight. The Choral he’s in is
called the “Sally Bytheway Choral”. (A weird, but semi-famous name
in this area – Her brother is a youth comedian and motivational
speaker.)

Anyway, back to my story. My sweet wife has had a pretty miserable
cold for the last 3 or 4 days, and she doesn’t seem to be getting
any better. Plus she says that son #4 has been a real handful
lately. So, when I got home, I reminded her that I was going to the
concert tonight. I thought I was being nice and to give her a break
I said I’d bring two or three of the boys. All of sudden she perked
up and said, “Oh, I’ll go!” So, I didn’t argue. She later said, “I
figured I’d get more rest to a concert with you!”

Hmm... so does that make me a boring date?

But, we had a great time. The choral was only 35 strong, but
sounded really good on their debut concert. And, I got a middle of
the week date, with the prettiest girl in town. I’m such a lucky
guy!

Have a great weekend, and I’ll see you next week. Maybe even on
Monday. (Or, Maybe I should ‘guilt’ Justin into filling in for me,
since he’s gunna chicken out tomorrow, but no, that would be
mean... hehehe)

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty


=-=-=-
Reader Comment Section:

>Besides, we played capture the flag with 7 adults and 2 leaders at
>Scouts tonight...

What were the boys doing while the "7 adults and 2 leaders" were
playing the steal the flag game??
~LaMonte

[Oh Hush LaMonte. Just because you’re my neighbor doesn’t give you
the right to give me a hard time... Oh, um, on the other hand, with
all the noise generated over here, maybe it does! (grin)]

Chubby & Ice Cream. A possible correlation?

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Tuesday, May 24, 2005
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Ok, I was going to tell you this last night, but I came up with the
story about our campout. Tonight I’m not so lucky thinking
something else up. (Besides, we played capture the flag with 7
adults and 2 leaders at Scouts tonight, and I’m too tired to think
of something else. Short chubby guys have less advantage in that
game, compared to British Bulldog.)

Anyway, last night for family night, we had dinner, had a family
lesson, and wrote some letters to a missionary of ours. Then I
decided to let the kids have some treats at our local Dairy Queen.
It was pretty crowded, even for Monday. We usually just drive
through and get dilly and buster bars, but this time we went inside
and got some sundaes. After I ordered they gave me the total and I
reached for my wallet; “Oh shoot! Honey, I left my wallet at home.
Can I borrow your credit card?” I’m thinking, oh, wonderful, she’s
going to give me a hard time about bait and switch on our ‘date’.
But, I had no such luck. She said, “Um, sorry. I left my purse at
home.” I now know that it takes exactly 4 minutes to drive home, 10
seconds to pick up my wallet, and another 4 minutes to drive back
to DQ.” At least it didn’t take them long to make our order after I
paid.

D’oh!

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty


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Reader Comment Section:

>The next day the sheriff's office said they couldn't do anything
>but increase patrols, because we didn't actually "see" them drink
>or shoot. So I guess if you ever have a situation like that, be
>brave and confront them. Hmm..."

Let's see... Confront a bunch of drunks who are armed with a loaded
rifle? Not me!
Lester >^,,^<

[My thoughts exactly Lester! However, there was a time in my
younger days I would have gone over... Because my tent was the one
closest to their camp site, I moved my mini van between them and my
tent. Better to fix a hole in my car, then my head.]

Scouts and Guns

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Monday, May 23, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think I’m just catching back up on my sleep. Friday after work
the Scout troop went on a camp out. We went to this really cool
campground called White Rocks. It was quite a ways away, and out in
the middle of nowhere. We got settled in, and after dinner the boys
and some leaders climbed up the mountain. (about 300’ in a quarter
mile). I stayed behind and cleaned up a little, but did climb it
the next morning. That night we had a great campfire but about
11:45 PM, 4 cars drove up loaded with teenagers, and started to
party. They had beer, fireworks, a 30/30 (rifle) and worst of all,
loud country music. They finally shut down about 3:00 AM so I got
some sleep. Of course, the Scouts were up at 6 goofing around. I
went over and got some license plate numbers of our drunk shooters,
and actually talked to one of the kids when they left. He said his
buddies were shooting rifles, “it wasn’t me.”

The next day the sheriff’s office said they couldn’t do anything
but increase patrols, because we didn’t actually “see” them drink
or shoot. So I guess if you ever have a situation like that, be
brave and confront them. Hmm...

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty

Darth Pee

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Thursday, May 19, 2005
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Wow, what a movie. I think I’ll give Star Wars III a 3½ out of 4
boys rating. It was kinda cool to have watched the first two, then
see episode 3. (If you are going to see the movie I suggest doing
it that way). And, it tied into the 1977 Star Wars episode IV very
nicely. (Although seeing how Darth Vader gets all mangled up, was a
little visually disturbing... but son #3 said it was ‘cool’...)

Anyway, while we went to the movie, son #4 got to stay with some
neighbors (as I only had 5 tickets) and they went to a church
social. He came back with a different, larger kids’ shirt on. When
my sweet wife came back to the car, carrying his other shirt, I
asked what happened. Son #4 piped up from the back seat and said,
“Zack jus’ pee on my shirt.” (Zack is another 4 year old)

Now, how would you feel if you were Zack’s mom. (hehehe) Glad it
wasn’t the other way around!

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-
Reader Comment Section:

None today

Revenge of the Clean room

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Wednesday, May 18, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, last week I got an email from my company saying that they had
bought a bunch of Star Wars III tickets. They had a limit of 5, but
it worked out to our advantage, because I’ve heard this one is a
pretty violent, so son #4 will get a baby sitter. But... I didn’t
tell the other 3 boys that. I told them that I only had 5 tickets,
and one of the boys would have to stay home. I said we’d have to
see who was nicest to whom, and whose room was the cleanest. It
seemed to work pretty well.

Just to catch up, we’ve watched episode I and II this week, so now
we’re really ready to see how III ties into IV.

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty


=-=-=-
Reader Comment Section:

Gday
Your story of the rooster and hen reminded me of the 5 (or 6 ?)
year old daughter of a friend. She came up with the idea all by
herself : That chicken breasts come from girl chickens and Chicken
nuggets from boy chickens.

Ray
Gold Coast
Australia
[hmmm...]

I just found this website dedicated to computer geeks. Thought you
might like to see how well you know the old computers.
http://www.pbs.org/nerds/game.html
Candace

[I didn’t do too well in the beginning, but with the process of
elimination, I did pretty well.]

Esteemed Mr. Marty,
[Esteemed ‘eh? I kinda like that title...]

RE: Before and After Children.
Although it’s been years (and years) since there was EVER a before,
I agree whole-heartedly with the list. Sigh, those were the days!
Now I am an ‘Empty Nester’, after Campfire, Scouts and Sunday
school, THOSE were the days. SIGH!
John C.

[I forwarded that email to an almost 40 year old friend and his
sweet wife who were married about 2 years ago, and now have their
first baby daughter. Life has to have REALLY changed for them...]

Cool Frosty Guilt

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Tuesday, May 17, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How many of you took advantage of last weekend’s Free Frosty from
Wendy’s deal? We certainly did. But my perspective really changed
as the weekend progressed.

On Friday after dinner, we all piled into the minivan and headed to
Wendy’s for their we-didn’t-have-any-thing-to-do-with-the-finger-
in-the-chili-but-we’ve-lost-millions-of-dollars-of-sales-so-we’re-
trying-to-win-you-back campaign. As we were driving there, I asked
anyone if they wanted anything extra from the drive-through, (I
also asked if they brought there own money.) Son #2 asked, “How
much is a small fry?” I told him I thought they were 99¢. He handed
me a five, and said, “Don’t forget to get change dad!”

When we finally got to the window, the guy said, “Hi, welcome to
Wendy’s. Would you like a free Frosty?” I said, “Yeah, and as a
matter of fact, I’d like 6 of them.” He said, “Sure, would you
like anything else?”

Then I felt just about as cheap as you can get. I replied, “Um,
yeah. I’d like one small fry too...”

But, when I made fun of myself at the pay-window saying, “Gee, big
spender, huh?” the gal said, “Oh, don’t worry about that. The car
in front of you (with 2 people in it) just ordered 4. They turned
out to be the Jr. Frosty size, so I didn’t feel too bad.

During our Geocaching trip on Saturday afternoon, son #1 and I
stopped at a different Wendy’s. As I bravely ordered 4 Frostys for
the two of us, I said, “Can you really get all you want?” She said,
“I guess so. We had a guy last hour just order 36 of them!” I
smiled a sly smile and said, “Thanks!”

But, by the time I had the boys all riled up Saturday night saying,
“Let’s see, if we ordered 60 of them and put them in the freezer,
that would make 10 each!”

But then I started feeling too guilty. However, my sweet wife
didn’t carry the same pangs of guilt that I did. She went down
after dinner Saturday night and ordered 12 of the little treats,
along with 2 large (oh boy!) fries. She came back and we all sat
around the table dipping fries and talking about chopped up
fingers. What fun we have!

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-
Reader Comment Section:

None today

Rubber Band Guns

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Monday, May 16, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Son #1 and I find the strangest things to compete with each other
on. Every morning we race to the door and see who’s first to grab
the rubber band around the newspaper and add it to a rubber band
ball. We’re trying to make ours bigger than the other guys. I even
started working on one at work that got pretty big.

Now, think way back. Remember Geocaching? ( www.geocaching.com )
Those of you who have been with us for awhile remember I was pretty
gung ho about it, up until the day I ended up with a double sprain
on my left ankle caching in Southern Utah almost 2 years ago. But
last week son #3 and I were looking for something to do on his
Saturday, and we ended up doing a very easy, walk up cache. He
traded some stuff, and because I had a bigger ball at work, I
traded my smaller rubber band ball for some other trinket.

Last Saturday our Church group of about 120 twelve to seventeen-
year-olds, went out to Antelope Island, in the middle of the Great
Salt Lake, and had a Geocaching hunt. It was really fun, and Son #1
led our group of 12 almost right to one of the caches. He thought
that was pretty cool. So when we got home, he said, “Hey dad, it’s
still my Saturday, let’s do something else together.” He said he
wanted to find some ‘real’ geocaches. So the first cache he
suggested we go to was the cache that son #3 and I went to last
week. He traded for my little rubber band ball. Now I’ve just got
to find more rubber bands!

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty

p.s. I’ve got several guns in the house, and have always been
meaning to put gunlocks on all of them. I’ve got locks on all but
the two smallest guns. Well, at the Scout-o-rama two weeks ago,
they were giving away gun locks. I jumped at the chance to have all
of the guns secure, so I grabbed a couple. Anyway, if you’ve got
kids and guns, you can get free gun locks by going to this site
www.projectchildsafe.org and seeing in your area where you can pick
them up.

=-=-=-
Reader Comment Section:

>Speaking of computers (especially BG's comment about 64K of
>memory), do you still have my TRS80? Remember? It was "upgraded" >to 64k with a 5.25 inch floppy when you got it. It started with 4k
>and "unlimited mass storage" (a cassette tape recorder). Do you
>Remember "playing" with it on the dining room table at our house
>the Christmas you guys stayed with us? It must have started your
>career as a guru.

My first computer was an Atari 800XL. It was nothing but a keyboard
you plugged into the back of a TV. I also used a TRS80. That was
how I learned to program and got me on a computer kick. I now
program, repair, and build computers. I also do websites for kicks
as well.
Rick R

[The ol’ TRS-80 sure started a lot of us on the road to techdom...]

Computer Family History

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Thursday, May 12, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sorry I missed yesterday’s issue. Tuesday I did a family history interview of my 88 year old grand-uncle. And yesterday I got more family history in the mail. With the new stuff and writing up my interview, when I looked at the clock, it was almost 11:00. It was a little late to start the JOTD. But, I’m back today...

So, every day now, when I call my sweet wife from work, son #4 has to get on the phone and talk to me. He always ends with ‘come home now dad’ and ‘I want to have lunch with you now dad’.

In the mornings it gets pretty hectic with 4 of us leaving within 30 minutes of each other. So yesterday I goofed and forgot my cell phone and pager. At about 9:30 I called my sweet wife who knew exactly why I was calling. (my pager had been buzzing off the wall) My commute is about 30 minutes one way, so I thought I did pretty well by scheduling my lunch time to be about half way home. We scheduled the time and place to meet so I could get my pager and cell phone, and I told he I’d take her to lunch.

Then son #4 wanted to talk with me. He ended by saying, ‘I want to have lunch with you now dad’. So I told him I’d take him to lunch today. He said, “YEAH!”

I think that’s how Las Vegas gets you to gamble so much. If you continue to ‘ask’ for something and every 7th or 8th time you get a small jackpot, you’re going to keep playing. Now I just hope I’m not raising a gambling man...

On a more serious note:

Remember the finger in the chili thing at Wendy’s? Well, it wasn’t their fault. The lady got arrested for fraud. Wendy’s is now really sorry for the incident and trying to get back their lost customers so they’re having a “FREE FROSTY” weekend this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I plan to help them out by relieving a few of their stores of their sorrowful burdens. Find out more at www.wendys.com

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty


=-=-=-
Reader Comment Section:

Speaking of computers (especially BG's comment about 64K of
memory), do you still have my TRS80? Remember? It was "upgraded" to
64k with a 5.25 inch floppy when you got it. It started with 4k and
"unlimited mass storage" (a cassette tape recorder). Do you
Remember "playing" with it on the dining room table at our house
the Christmas you guys stayed with us? It must have started your
career as a guru.
~Uncle Butter

[Oh, I remember that computer well. I think we finally sold it to a
guy for a boat anchor. What a great learning computer. I taught
myself how to program in “TRaSh-80” basic, and even wrote a
blackjack simulator. You can find out more than you ever wanted
about the TRS-80 here http://www.kjsl.com/trs80/]

I speak British Bulldawg'ese

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Tuesday, May 10, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today I was in the middle of a 20 minute software install (I hate
Windows ’95 machines. Yes, I still have a bunch of them to baby
sit...) so I decided to call my sweet wife. We talked for a second
and she said, “I think son #4 wants to talk to you.” I’m about 70
to 75% fluent in #4-ese speak, so I catch most of what he says. He
went into this long speech about something that I didn’t
understand. Then all of a sudden he said, “And I want to come up
and have lunch with you now.”

Ahh... that much I understood.

I’m about to get my haircut from my sweet wife, but I’m all sweaty
and stinky from Scouts tonight. After every Scout night, the boys
insist on playing basketball. This week I came up with a few games
that had nothing to do with basketball. HA! Short chubby guys
always win at British Bulldog! (grin)

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-
Reader Comment Section:

I happen to enjoy "Joe vs. the Volcano". Where else would I have
ever found out about a Brain Cloud? It's much more enjoyable if you
watch it as an allegory and not just a story. I'm still learning
about life.
~My #1 mom

[Yeah, I’ll be you like old black and white movies too (Grin)]

Bad movies about dog food...

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Monday, May 09, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just a couple of quick funnies today.

1) My sweet wife is always trying to save money at the grocery store. She stopped at the dollar store and bought a box of ‘carbwell’ low carb cereal. It was really, really bad stuff. It was just nasty. Anyway, that was a about 2 weeks ago. Today I saw it on the counter. “Buddy loves the stuff. I feed it to him as treats when he does something right!” She said. Ahh... that’s what dog food tastes like.

2) Sunday son #4 asked where my sweet wife was. (I made her lay down for a couple of minutes while I fixed dinner for my mom, on mother’s day.) I jokingly said, “She left. I don’t know where she is, but she’s gone.” While I was busy in the kitchen, I heard the front door slam. 3 minutes later, I realized it was him. (Ala my neighbor and his daughter #3 last week...) We ran all over to find him. Son #2 said, “Check the neighbors” That’s where he was. Across the street to the very nice elderly couple who love to have him visit. When we got home, we scolded him and told him he couldn’t go anywhere without telling us where he went. Tonight he ran out the door, and just as it shut he yelled, “I’m going to the neighbors!” We caught him and explained that we meant he had to ‘ask’ to go somewhere, not just tell us.

3) We had a great family night tonight and afterwards decided to watch a movie. My wife got ‘Joe vs. the Volcano’ DVD a couple of weeks ago. (I swear she boys the worst things at the dollar store!) My sweet wife and son #1 laughed and laughed. Son #3 kept asking, “When is it going to get good?” I told him never. I was right. *sigh*

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-
Reader Comment Section:

@ 5:05 yesterday morning it was 05/05/05 @ 05:05 (on 24 Hour Clock)
on the 5th day of the 5th month of the 5th day of the month of the
5th year of the mellinium, on the 5th day of the week
Norman O.

[Yeah, I think I heard that our local channel 5 did a story on the
5 o’clock news on a guy who had his 55th birthday. Weird huh?]

Blackmail is ok if it's teasing, right??

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Thursday, May 05, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My sweet wife said as she drove home today she waved at one of the
neighbors we know. He was busy out doing yard work in the front
yard. His wife just barley had their 4th daughter. (It must be
something in the water. In our neighborhood of about 10 square
blocks, there are now 4 families with just 4 children, all the same
gender.) Anyway, my sweet wife drove another half block or so, and
saw their 3-year old, daughter #3 strapped in a stroller on the
sidewalk, all by herself. It was really windy so my sweet wife
stopped the van and got out to check on her. The daughter was
crying pretty hard. My sweet wife calmed her down, put her shoes
back on and tried to find out what happened. She rolled her back
the half block to her dad and said, “Hi, I’m bringing daughter #3
back. I guess daughter #2 took her out for a stroll and left her
down the street.” My sweet wife said that daughter #2 (who’s about
6) got a terrified look on her face and ran inside. Her dad yelled,
“Daughter #2!!!”

With a day or two old baby, and a wife that’s either still in the
hospital, or just barley back, I know who was supposed to keep an
eye on their kids. I wonder if I could threaten to tell the guys at
church and tease him enough to maybe get a golf game or something
out of him... (I’m so mean...)

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-
Reader Comment Section:

I had to laugh at your son #4 stuffing the Kleenex in his nose. I
do this everytime I have a bad allergy attack or some virus! And
believe it or not, even in my 40's, sometimes the darn stuff gets
stuck in there & you have to pull it out! But usually that's only
if I use the cheaper tissues! Just thought it was funny! But it
helps from getting that raw nose look from blowing your nose
constantly!
From ~?

[I wouldn’t have signed my name either (grin)]

Pizza Whipping

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Wednesday, May 04, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Since its Mother’s day this Sunday, I thought I’d do a little something nice for my sweet wife each day this week. Monday I brought home some flowers and Tuesday was a small gift. I wasn’t quite sure what to do for today, but since we didn’t have much else to do tonight (a rare occasion) I thought a night away from the kitchen for her would be best.

Since we decided to go to the Iowa/Illinois boarder for our summer vacation, we thought a little further east into Chicago to see family, museums, and visit a few choice eating spots might just be possible. The best pizza in Chicago (that I’ve tried) is the original Pizzeria Uno in downtown Chicago. www.pizzeriauno.com (Apparently now a franchise.) So, that got me to thinking about the best pizza in Salt Lake. For years The Pie Pizzeria has been voted Utah’s best. (www.thepie.com) So off we went for dinner.

It’s been quite awhile since my sweet wife and I were there, and I don’t think I’ve taken the entire family out there before. As I looked at the menu, I asked the cashier, “How many does the 16” feed?” He said, “Oh, just 3 or 4 people”. I looked at the kids who said they were starved. “I guess we’ll go with the big one then.” I said. [Their 23” monster pizza].

After I ordered we watched a young 6’ 4” tall guy, and an older 4’ 10” guy make pizza crust behind the window, we were impressed with the tall guy’s pizza dough flipping abilities. But when it came time to flip our huge pie crust, he rolled it out and said something to the older guy. The more experienced guy took the dough and tossed it into the air like he’d been doing it a hundred years. Three full flips and the dough must have been 3 feet across! He dropped it on the pie pan, made a crust, and handed it back to the tall guy to finish it. It was impressive! They boys kept saying, “Wow! That was cool!”

Little did I know how humongous a 23” Pie Pizzeria pie is. We ate just over a third of it and ended up taking 5 styrofoam boxes of pizza home. I think the cashier meant a 16” pizza would feed 4 college athletes.

Before we ate, and as we left our house, we were running on gas fumes. So we gassed up on the way to dinner. My first $40 gas fill up. *sigh* I guess that will have to be tomorrow’s gift for my sweet wife.

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-
Reader Comment Section:

What is going on in your house????!!! I promise not to turn you in
if your sweet wife has whipped #4's nose for the last time. Wiping
it is much more effective.
Love, #1 Mom

>My sweet wife did the prudent thing, blew and whipped his nose and
>sent him on his way.

Whipped? Should we contact DCFS? (grin)
~Justin H.

>"My sweet wife did the prudent thing, blew and whipped his nose
>and sent him on his way."

Marty..marty...marty.. she did WHAT to his nose? Poor whittle
nose..what did it do to deserve a whipping.. and she blew on it
also..bless his heart..hahahaha ok.. I'm a smarty pants.. but that
sentence is hilarious..!!
debi

Hmmm... nose whipping. Son #4 sounds like a character. You have so
much to look forward to. I wonder if he'll return the favor in 50
years or so?
Candi
[Oh, C’mon guys. I was just testing you to see how many of you
actually caught that one! (grin)]

Snot Nose'd little kid

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yesterday son #4 learned a new trick. He’s got a runny nose, and
was tired of wiping and blowing it. He came up to my sweet wife and
told her he couldn’t get it out. “What?” she said. Apparently he
had taken Kleenex, rolled it up, and stuffed it in his nose to stop
it from running. “You put too much in there, that’s why it got
stuck” my sweet wife said.

So today he walked up to her holding part of a Kleenex asking,
“Mom, is this too much or not enough?”

I guess he wanted her to help him decide the optimal amount of
Kleenex you can use to stuff up in your nose, stop it from running,
and still be small enough so that it won’t get stuck.

My sweet wife did the prudent thing, blew and whipped his nose and
sent him on his way.

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty


=-=-=-
Reader Comment Section:

None today.

That's the Risk you take...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, May 02, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you’ve been with us awhile, you know that I’m a fierce
competitor when it comes to Risk, Monopoly, and chess games. No
normal people want to play me because I’m so ruthless and good at
them. (Ok, I can get my sister to play monopoly on-line with me
sometimes, but remember, I said ~normal~ people –grin sis-).

Last Sunday we borrowed Risk from brother in law #2. Last night son
#1 and #2 played me. They’ve heard legends of my ruthless ways, so
they decided to gang up on me, and they beat me in the first 3
turns. It was all part of my strategy. It left them wanting more.
So after family night tonight, they wanted to play again. This time
I told them that we would have the 3 of us, plus on ‘neutral’ army
(to give myself a little more protection). They tried to gang up on
me again, but I made one treaty (to son #2’s advantage) that I
wouldn’t take over any country in Africa, if he didn’t take me out
in South America. He agreed. A few turns later, son #1 had him
convinced that it was time to break the treaty with me. As he
decided if he was going to kill me in South America, I turned on
the ruthlessness...

Now I know son #2. He has a real soft heart, deep deep inside he’s
a teddy bear. (Although he’s getting a pre-teen attitude lately...)
And, like I said, I’m ruthless. So I played on his tender feelings
and said, “You know, I’m ok if you kill me. You just have to live
with yourself after this game, knowing that you and I made a
promise to each other, and you were the one who broke it.” Son #1
went nuts, “NO! Don’t let him do that to you! You know that’s the
only way we can win! If you don’t kill him now, he’ll get us both!”
Then I said things like, “That’s ok, you know, ~I’M~ not going to
break our treaty, but you can. It’s ~your~ choice. You have free
agency.” But I added, “But, I can’t believe you’d sell your good
word for winning one game of Risk.” And finally, “Wow, I can’t
believe you’re going to sell your birthright for a mess of
pottage.” (That one got him...)

For now, I won. He didn’t attack and I survived yet another turn.
I’m so mean.

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-
Reader Comment Section:

No Marty It' clockwise in the SOUTHERN hemisphere. We went through
all that before. Maybe that’s why no one wanted to answer them
again [grin]
Randt, Sacramento

[But, but... my toilet goes clockwise and I’m in the Northern
hemisphere. Grin... let’s drop that one before it gets out of hand,
‘eh?]

>24. On the back of a Canadian $1 coin, what is in the center?
>You'd have to be loonie to know that.
>[I had a very nice young canidian girl send me a loonie AND a
>twonie. So I got that one right!]

Hey Marty,
Thanks for calling my 'a young Canadian girl'. In my heart I'm
still 25, but 'for real'? well ... I'm a little older than that!
Okay, maybe more than a little older. But hey, being called a young
girl will make me smile through my day. Hey, maybe that's what we
all should do ... be a blessing to as many people per day as
possible. A simple smile or a nice comment might go a long way.
Paulette

[Figured I’d rather be safe than sorry!]