Bacon Burps...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thursday, April 28, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think even the little one is getting his comic sense of timing
down. Son #4 was slurping jell-o at dinner tonight. (Ok, I only
encouraged him a little, until I looked at my sweet wife’s
unappreciative look on her face.) After I told him it probably
wasn’t a good idea to slurp his jell-o, he stopped. 3 minutes late
he let out a huge burp. “HEY!” I said, “That will cost you a
quarter little man!” He said, “Huh? How come?” I said, “For burping
at the table!” He swung him arm around the table pointing at all of
us and said, “I didn’t burp at the table, I burped at everyone...”

Um, yeah.

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty

p.s. One? One submission for our quiz? Bill A. must have been right
when he said “My first reaction to the trivia list was: Who cares?
Apparently I do because I am replying.” I guess he was the only
one. And he’s a Canadian to boot! Answers are in our 3rd section
today.

=-=-=-
Reader Comment Section:

Before we leave the margarine/butter discussion forever (I hope),
how about substituting "atom" for "molecule" in all those
discussions?
Chuck, Anaheim

[How about we leave the discussion forever (grin)]

Oh what the Heck!
An OLD (older than Moses, I think) Chemistry joke.
Poor Willie was a Chemist
Poor Willie is no more
What Willie thought was H2O was H2SO4.
(H2O Water, H2SO4 SUlfuric Acid. As previously mentioned.)
John C.

[Wow, let’s see. We get two comments on a week-old butter vs.
margarine, atom vs. molecule, water vs. battery acid/peroxide
submission, and only 1 submission on a stupid quiz begging for
answers. I think maybe we ought to talk animal fat a little more
here. Guess what I found in the refrigerator tonight? A pound of
bacon! We haven’t had any of that for months! I think my sweet wife
is really getting into the “if it’s ok to buy butter, any animal
fat will do” kick. Slurp!]

That's just sick

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Several days ago the boys’ cousin had the flu. Son #4 caught it, and then it was son #2’s turn. Then we had 3 or 4 days with no problems and I thought we were over it... until last night. I’ll spare you all of the gory details, but suffice it to say, I called in sick today. Which doesn’t happen a whole lot. So, last night when it came time to do the JOTD, I was moaning and groaning in bed. When I get sick, I’m such a wimp.

But, that reminded me about the time a few weeks ago when son #4 went over to his cousin’s house to play. My sweet wife ran some errands and came back to pick him up. My sister-in-law was a little embarrassed, but said that son #4 had been mooning the neighbor boys. Of course my sweet wife sat down and wanted to find out the whole story. My sister-in-law told her that the neighbor boys had taught him from across the street how to do it. They showed him how, then egged him on and laughed at him when he did it. He thought it was great fun.

Needless to say, my sister-in-law doesn’t let the kids play there much anymore.

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty

P.S. Check out our 3rd section today. It’s a quick little quiz. I got 21 out of 27 right. How many can you get right?

=-=-=-
Reader Comment Section:

More Buttery topics today;

>DO YOU KNOW...the difference between water and hydrochloric acid
>(battery acid)? Water(H2O) is only one molecule away from being
>battery acid(H2O2). Would you consider taking a drink from your
>car battery? Same comparison. Duane V. Spokane, WA

Now I'm no chemist, but I have taken some chemistry classes. Water
and hydrochloric acid are not similar, chemically. Water is H20, as
he correctly pointed out, but hydrochloric acid is HCl, not H2O2.
H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide, the stuff you use to "bubble out" wounds
or rinse your mouth with to get a little more oxygen to your gum
tissue.
~Justin H.

[You CPA’s are all the same ~grin~]

Margarine is not great for you but you shouldn't be using the one
molecule away rule as water H2O is one molecule away from hydrogen
peroxide H2O2 and many other things I can't imagine anyone of your
readers wanting to drink hydrogen peroxide do you? Just a little
tidbit on the whole one molecule philosophy.
Elya

[I have heard of people drinking the stuff. But only in bars...]

Regarding the controversy about butter versus margarine, the
following contains a number of errors:
> DO YOU KNOW...the difference between water and hydrochloric acid
>(battery acid)? Water(H2O) is only one molecule away from being
>battery acid(H2O2). Would you consider taking a drink from your
>car battery? Same comparison. Duane V. Spokane, WA

First, hydrochloric acid (HCl) is not battery acid. Sulfuric acid
(H2SO4) is used in automotive batteries. Second, "battery acid
H2O2)". H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide, not battery acid.
Lester M.

[You must be a CPA Lester...]

Coupons for Buttery Ice Cream!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, April 25, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tonight for family night, we went to a dinner and a movie. We had coupons for Hometown Buffet. (We call it Hometown Barf-A). I walked up to the counter, looked at the ages for kids, and adults and said, “I need 3 adults, and 3 children”. I set down a 20% off for the adults coupon, and a 99¢ coupon for the kids. The young guy at the register said, “You can only use one of these. Which one do you want to use.” Rather than argue with him and make a scene, I took back the 99¢ coupon and said, “Ok, I’ll just have 3 adult meals.” He rang me up and I paid. Then I handed the 99¢ coupon, along with $5 to son #2 and said, “Here, buy you and your little brothers dinner tonight.” The guy at the register stared at me for a second, then rang son #2 up.

After we ate, the kids headed right for the desert bar. Son #4 grabbed a little ice-cream bowl as my sweet wife said, “Here, I’ll help you.” He looked at her sternly and said, “I CAN DO IT MOM! Barney said so!”

Oh, my. Ok.

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty

p.s. What a pleasant surprise to hear from Justin our part-time
fill-in Joke of the day dude last Friday. Thanks Justin!

=-=-=-
Reader Comment Section:

>Margarine is but one molecule from being PLASTIC..... (This fact
>alone was enough to have me avoiding margarine for life and
>anything else that is hydrogenated, this means hydrogen is added
>changing the molecular structure of the food.)

Marty, did you actually read the Snopes discussion of butter versus
margarine, or did you just read the folk tale? Snopes says that
"one molecule away from being..." phrase has been used
(incorrectly, but for propaganda purposes) in many food related
arguments. Snopes says this argument is "essentially meaningless."
Any oil (fat) product that is solid at room temperature would best
be avoided. We have found that olive oil (liquid at room
temperature and has many beneficial qualities--people in the olive
oil loving Mediterranean part of the world live a year longer than
North Americans, despite their love for tobacco) can be substituted
for any other oil or fat use without harming the flavour. Olive
oil is actually good for the heart, as is red wine.
Did you know that rubber is the main ingredient of chewing gum? If
you want to avoid eating plastic, grow your own veggies, as market
veggies are wrapped in plastic that may not remain as distinct from
the plant matter as we might hope.
Cheers
Bill A.

DO YOU KNOW...the difference between water and hydrochloric
acid(battery acid)? Water(H2O) is only one molecule away from being
battery acid(H2O2). Would you consider taking a drink from your car
battery? Same comparison.
Duane V.
Spokane, WA

[Ok, ok. But at least butter is healthier than margarine. My
Grandfather grew up in Chicago and delivered eggs, cheese, and
butter for my Great-Grandfather’s business. My #1 mom said Grandpa
would eat anything in the world except margarine. He lived 3 days
short of his 88th birthday. So that has to mean butter is good for
you! (grin). My sweet wife actually bought butter this weekend, and
I had forgotten how good it tastes. Oh, and I feel much healthier
now!]

> I think you have to be Jewish, have Jewish family, or know your
> Kosher foods for this joke!

I'm not, I don't, and I don't, but I asked around :
"Go Filter Fish!" = gefilte fish:
This popular Jewish dish consists of ground fish mixed with eggs,
matzo meal, and seasonings that have been formed into balls or
patties then simmered in vegetable or fish stock.
~Harlin S.

[I believe I’ve had gefilte fish twice. Once in Chicago, and once
in San Francisco. Not that much demand for it in Utah (grin) If I
remember correctly, I think I was just being polite the 2nd time I
had it...]

Marty! I've been away from the internet for 3 weeks due to a
computer upgrade. As a result, I just finished reading the March 22
issue of JOTD. I remember when your son #4 was in diapers. I cannot
believe he is 4 years old! Where does the time go? My Daughter#1
is 10 and going into the magnet program at her middle school next
year and Daughter#2 is almost 6! They grow up too fast! I simply
cannot believe he is 4!!! Keep up the good work!
Shannon in Nevada

>I remember when your son #4 was in diapers.
>They grow up too fast!

[Yes, I remember the diaper days. 10 years of diaper days. No, I
have to disagree with you on the 2nd point. They can never outgrow
diapers quick enough! 3 of my sisters-in-law have babies. I don’t
envy the diapers!]

[Ok, enough rambling from me. On with the jokes!]

Grades and Boyfriends

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thursday, April 21, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Son #1 had a tough time last quarter keeping up with his homework.
After getting straight A’s, and all “Honors” in every class the 1st
quarter, his grades went down a little during the 2nd, and we really
had a hard time with his homework during the 3rd quarter. But, I
think we’ve finally come up with an amicable solution for the 4th
quarter. Son #1 saved his money and bought himself a computer back
in January. (Because I wouldn’t buy him one... “but daaaad”)
Anyway, we made a deal that if any of his classes fall below a B-
for any reason, his computer gets taken away until the grade goes
back up. His grades are updated daily on the net so we can check.
It’s hard during the first part of the quarter because any missed
assignment really brings a grade down. That happened yesterday. The
schools computer showed he had missed an algebra assignment. He
protested, “but daaad...” So I emailed his teacher last night and
got a reply this morning. The Teacher said he forgot to mark it
down. Then said he usually gives the student a piece of candy if he
makes a mistake and the student finds it. Then wrote, “I will
reward (son #1) for this error but he may have to remind me. Sincerely, Mr. M.

I hope he doesn’t ‘forget’ anything else…

Anyway, have a great weekend!
Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty

P.S. My sister is flying in from Texas tomorrow, with her
boyfriend. That’s never happened before. (The ‘having a boyfriend’
part.) Let alone having one come to meet the family. Hmm... Maybe
we’ll follow up on this one in the weeks and months ahead.
Atta-Girl sis!

P.P.S. If you always skip the jokes, at least read the last section
in today’s issue!


=-=-=-
Reader Comment Section:

A Cowboy or a Ranch Owner

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today my sweet wife and son #4 had dentist appointments to get
their teeth cleaned. This was son #4’s 2nd trip, but he still got to
dress the part. They gave him a mask and rubber gloves. He even got
to sit next to the chair and squirt water in my sweet wife’s mouth.
After awhile, out of the blue he said, “I don’t want to be a doctor
any more.” My sweet wife said, “So, what do you want to be?” He
said, “A business guy!”

Afterwards, they came over to my office, just a few blocks away,
and I showed them around a little, and introduced them to some of
the people at the office. At one point about 7 or 8 office ladies
were ogling over son #4 saying how cute he was, how he looked like
his dad, what nice eyes he had, etc. etc. Then one of them said
pointing to my sweet wife behind me, “Oh, is this his mom?” She
jokingly said, “Yeah, I’m Marty’s wife. The one he’s not showing
off.”

Oops... A little embarrassed I introduced her and said, “Oh, um,
yeah, sorry. This is my sweet wife.” D’oh...

Anyway, tonight son #4 came downstairs with his mask and gloves on.
My sweet wife said, “Look, it’s Dr.(Son #4)!” He put on a big
smile, pulled off the mask and gloves and said, “No mom, it’s
just me!”

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty


=-=-=-
Reader Comment Section:

Dream'n while you sleep...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, April 18, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It looks like we decided at family night tonight, to head to south
eastern Iowa along the mighty Mississippi for our summer vacation
this year. There are some historical sites there, we’ll have some
family to visit, and we’ll get to drive through some of my old
stomping grounds in Iowa that I grew up in. Of course, it’s been a
LOT of years since I’ve been there. I wonder if things have changed
that much. Does anyone have any interesting sites we could visit
driving along I-80, East to Iowa City, than South? I wonder if we
can plan to drive Wyoming and Nebraska in the dead of night?
(grin)...

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-
Reader Comment Section:

The Microsoft Virus

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thursday, April 14, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Boy, it’s almost the weekend, and boy am I ready!

A week or so ago I had my sweet wife and son #4 come downtown to
meet me for lunch. We ate at Arby’s, with my #1 mom. As we were
leaving, I took son #4 into the restroom. He’s always touching
everything, and I always say, “HEY! Don’t touch that. That’s where
people go to the bathroom. There are germs in there!” I think
finally he’s catching on. After we washed our hands he asked what
germs were, so I gave him a quick 5 second explanation. As we
walked out of the restroom, he pointed at the door, looked at
grandma and said, “There’s germs in there!”

And just the other day he was sitting on the floor crying. My sweet
wife asked what was wrong. He said, “I can’t lay down, people keep
throwing their germs on the floor!”

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty


=-=-=-
Reader Comment Section:

"-- What's another word for thesaurus?"
The answer is lexicon, glossary, phrase book, or vocabulary.
~Jason in Denver~
p.s. These were found out using Microsoft Outlook's thesaurus
function.

[MS has so much extra stuff in their software. Have you ever heard
of an Easter egg? Try these to see what I’m talking about.]

1) Open Microsoft Word.
2) Type this: =rand (200,99)
3) Press enter and wait 3 seconds.

Here’s another one for Word 2000
1: Press the F1 key or click the Office Assistant button.
2: Under the "What would you like to do?", type "Cast".
3: Click Search.
4: Select the "Microsoft Office 2000 user assistance staff" topic.
5: Click the graphic in the Microsoft Word Help screen.

And one more for FrontPage 97, 98, or 2000
Open FrontPage (in FrontPage 98 or 97, open FrontPage Explorer).
Press and hold Shift.
Select About Microsoft FrontPage from the Help menu 3 times. Click
OK the first 2 times.
See the people who brought you FrontPage.

Hurry up and wait...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sometimes I just shake my head. As you know, I have 3 small health
clinics in central Utah that I support. One clinic is going from a
DSL line to a T1 line (a faster network connection) 3 of us went
down last week to hook up a new switch (a main component in the
“phone closet” where all of the computers in the building hook up
to the network). Apparently, the small town telephone company
didn’t have things on their end set up correctly, so we didn’t get
connected last week. This week they finally fixed their stuff, so I
ran down to get our site hooked up (When I say ‘I ran down’, I mean
a 2 hour drive down and 2 hours back). But, when our guy installed
the switch last week, he put in a bad one. So it didn’t work today
either. But the day wasn’t a total loss; they called me on the way
down and said, “As long as you’re down there...” They asked me to
go an hour further to another health clinic to fix a printer
problem. Lots and lots of windshield time today. At least the
scenery was great and it was sunny and 70º!

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-
Reader Comment Section:

Hi Marty, This is in regards to the high school kids wanting to
make April 13 "Talk like a pirate day". That day is actually
September 19th. Here's the link if you'd like to check it out.
Talk Like A Pirate Day - September 19
http://www.talklikeapirate.com/
~Momsmack

> I work in a high school (grades 7 to 11), and the creativity of
> the kids never ceases to astonish me. There are posters all over
> the school this week declaring April 13th "Talk Like a Pirate
> Day." My prediction -- LOTS of truly bad Cap'n Jack Sparrow
> imitations.
> Joanne in Montreal

Actually, Talk Like a Pirate Day is Sept 19
http://www.talklikeapirate.com/
jeff

[Now, why in the world would any of my readers know to correct poor
Joanne on the date? I’ve never heard of “Talk like a Pirate” day,
much less be able to quote the day, 6 months hence. You readers are
sure smart!]

Ross Perot Stole my milk

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, April 11, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ya know, I thought that my new job at the large hospital
conglomerate was probably too good to be true. We were notified on
Friday that Perot-systems (Yeah, that short guy, high voice, big
ears, ran for president a few years back...) is doing due
diligence, and making the hospital conglomerate an offer to
outsource all computer and technical work. Bummer, being laid off
is how I ended up at this place. And these people at my office are
the best people... *sigh*

Anyway...

So I was glad to get home tonight after work. Son #4 ran up to the car and gave me a big hug when I drove up. My sweet wife gave me a
peck on the cheek. “Welcome home honey...” she said, and we all
walked in side. Son #1 and 2 were sitting at the kitchen table and
I turned to put my stuff on the counter. Son #4 headed for the
refrigerator and opened it up. He opened the crisper drawer and
reached in the very back to pull out a quart of chocolate milk.
“Hey, where’d you get that?” I said, thinking in the back of my
mind, ‘mmm... Mom got me some chocolate milk, and hid it from the
boys.” Son #4 replied, “It’s mine!”
I said, “Oh, that’s not yours. Let me see it.” I got it from him
and noticed it was half empty. “Honey!?” I yelled, as I gave son #4
back his milk. “Where’s this chocolate milk from?” She came in and
said, “Oh, it was on sale at the store so I got it for son #4.” I
said, “What about the other boys?” “They get chocolate milk every
day at school.” “Ok...” I said, as son #4 was parading around the
kitchen humming and drinking his milk. As I liked my lips I asked,
“What about me?”.

“Oops...” she said, as son #4 gave me a big grin and ran into the
other room...

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty

p.s. I’ve been having problems posting http://martysjotd.blogspot.com/ I ~believe~ they’ve got their stuff
together now. I’ll let you know if there are further problems.

=-=-=-
Reader Comment Section:

Re: [Oh, and that's supposed to make me feel better too, `eh? Maybe
son #2 will have to walk around for the rest of his life with a
pirate patch on, saying `Argg'.]
Marty,
I work in a high school (grades 7 to 11), and the creativity of the
kids never ceases to astonish me. There are posters all over the
school this week declaring April 13th "Talk Like a Pirate Day." My
prediction -- LOTS of truly bad Cap'n Jack Sparrow imitations.
Joanne in Montreal

Marty, A friend of mine had her two grandkids Monday evening and
they were sitting at the counter in the kitchen eating dinner. She
had the TV on the news and they were showing pictures of the Pope
being carried clothed in his red robe and the white pointy hat.
Suddenly the one little boy who is 4 yelled out, "Oh, no!" My
friend rushed over to him wondering what was wrong and he said, "I
think Santa Claus is dead."
~Justin’s Sister

Cool web site

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thursday, April 07, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was sitting at the computer tonight and surfing. Son #2 came down
and said, “Whatcha doing dad?” I told him I was just looking at
stuff. But, “Hey,” I said, “I found a cool site. Check this out.”
We went to maps.google.com and started looking around. They have a
new section that they’ve opened free to the public. It has actual
satellite pictures of all the United States. We checked out our
house, all the cool places in Salt Lake, then looked at the Sears
tower in Chicago, Meigs field, Midway Airport, O’Hare airport (oh
boy!) Then we moved west and looked at the golden gate bridge,
Alcatraz, then surfed on to Disneyland, and then California
Adventure (You can even see the Mickey Mouse shaped roller
coaster!)

Then I looked at the clock. Oops! “It’s after 10 o’clock pal.” I
said, “And you gotta get to bed!” He complained, but didn’t give me
a hard time about his 20/50 vision, and not taking him to the doc.
So, it was ok. Anyway, I told him I’d tell you about
maps.google.com. Just click on the word ‘satellite’ in the upper
right hand corner, and check it out. Pretty cool stuff.

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-
Reader Comment Section:

As far as being a bad parent, Marty, I can say you are not alone in
waiting on getting help for your kids. When I was 15, I has a
REALLY bad stomach ache for like a week til my mom took me to the
doc. Turns out my appendix ruptured the night b4 we went in. As you
can see from the email, all turned out sort of OK. Except that
belly button thing....
Todd

[Oh, and that’s supposed to make me feel better too, ‘eh? Maybe son
#2 will have to walk around for the rest of his life with a pirate
patch on, saying ‘Argg’.]

Dang you!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The other day son #4 staring saying, “Dang you cawm-pa!” He kept
saying it over and over. Then he’d stop for awhile, and then he’d
pick it up again saying “Dang you cawm-pa!” over and over again. So
last weekend we went over to the in-laws for dinner and my father-
in-law, a #1 big tease, whispered something to Grandma that we
didn’t hear. She grabbed her dish towel and started after him
saying, “Dang you Grandpa!”

Now we know where son #4 got it. I’d better watch what I say. Of
course, “Dang you my sweet wife.” Just doesn’t have the right ring
to it...

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-
Reader Comment Section:

Hi Marty

I just wanted to write in response to your story about Son #2
needing to get his eyes checked.......when I was about 10 alot of
my friends were getting glasses and I started complaining about not
being able to see the blackboard at school.....my parents just
thought that I was trying to get glasses like my friends and never
took me to get my eyes tested until I REALLY started to
complain......turns out I needed glasses. So your not a bad
parent.....and your not alone :)
I also wanted to comment on how much I love getting your Joke of
the Day. I am pregnant with my first child, a boy who is due to
come into this world any day now and I love reading about your
experiences with your sons. Kind of makes me aware of what I am in
for in a couple years :) Keep up the good work and good luck in
all that you do!
~Amanda from Canada

[Good luck! I hope you don’t think Marty’s Joke of the Day as a
~complete~ child guide, because I never seem to run out of
material! (grin)]

I do have a tale like that, only with a twist. I was the sickly
child that no one believed. I constantly had headaches, was sick,
back problems, etc. My parents told me that I was too young to have
back problems, and I couldn't possibly be sick that much. I am now
permanently disabled with bad allergies and asthma. I have a
disease of the central nervous system called Charcot-Marie-Tooth
disorder.
~Rick R.

[*Gulp* I don’t think that made me feel much better...]
[Readers, here some more info on that...]
http://www.charcot-marie-tooth.org/site/content/whatiscmt/index.asp

Peek-a-Boo!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So our Scout troop is working on the physical fitness merit badge.
They do a test the first week, exercise for 12 weeks, then do a
final test to see if they progressed. One of the other requirements
is that the boys have a physical done at the beginning of the merit
badge. Son #1 had his for summer camp last year and didn’t need
one, but son #2 needed to get one. So the merit badge councilor has
been bugging us for the past 2 1/2 weeks to get done. We finally
got him to the doctor today. My sweet wife called me up afterwards
and said,

“Remember how you and I got our eyes checked last December, and we
took son #1?”

“Yes.” I said.

“Remember how the doctor told us that the 3 younger boys didn’t
need checkups until they were 12, unless there was a problem?”

“Yeah...”

“And, remember how son #2 said that he wanted to get his eyes
checked, and we just thought he wanted to get them checked because
‘it would be cool’ and he would feel ‘big’ like his older brother?”
she said.

“Ok...” I said.

“Well, we should have had him checked. He has 20/20 in one eye and
20/50 in the other eye.”

Man... talk about making you feel bad as a parent. When I saw him
tonight, I tried to sooth my feelings by saying, “Hey, sorry about
not taking you to get your eyes checked.”

His reply?

“I told you so dad.”

Oh, thanks a lot. Now I feel tons better.

Does anyone else have a story like that?

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty

=-=-=-
Reader Comment Section:

Hi Marty:

I was just reading your Thursday issue and I had to laugh at the
Star Spangled Banner joke. It reminded me of a letter to Ann
Landers from years ago that I have stuck on my fridge.

Dear Ann Landers: In one of your recent columns, a reader
complained about the lack of respect for the American national
anthem. He said some singers put their own interpretation to the
song and many people don't even know the words. It reminded me of
how we Canadian boys used to sing our variation years ago, making
fun of the Yanks. It went like this:

Oh, say, can they sing
From the start to the end
What so proudly they stand for
When orchestras play it.
How the whole congregation
In voices that blend
Strike up the grand tune
And then torture and slay it.
Hark, how proudly they shout
When they're first starting out
But the rockets red glare
Leaves them floundering about.
"Tis the Star-Spangled Banner
They're trying to sing.
But they don't know the words
Of the blessed old thing!
-- A NATURALIZED AMERICAN WHO KNOWS ALL FOUR VERSES

I just thought you might like to share that with your readers. I
enjoy your stories and your jokes. Thanks for always brightening my
day!
(By the way, I found all four verses here: http://www.law.ou.edu/hist/ssb.html)
Kind regards,
Kathleen G.
Editor
ContestHound.com, http://www.contesthound.com
ContestHound.ca, http://www.contesthound.ca

Now Where did I put that boy?...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, April 04, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Our neighbors are snowbirds. They head south for the winter, and
come back when it gets a warmer. Son #4 loves to go over and visit
these neighbors, and they always give him goodies (that’s why he
likes to go over...) So the other day when we couldn’t find him, I
had a feeling where he might be. Son #4 had been playing in the
water earlier, and we found ~all~ of his wet clothes on the floor
next to the wide open front door. My sweet wife and I have a plan
of action when boys disappear. (With 4 boys, it’s happened now and
then) First we call Grandma down the street. “Nope, he’s not here.”
That tells us where he isn’t, and gets her panicked enough to head
outside and start looking too. Then my sweet wife starts to look
upstairs and downstairs, and I head outside. I looked in the front
yard, down the street, along both sides of the house, and the back
yard. No son #4. Then I see the neighbor’s car in their driveway.
Ahh... They’re home. But then I can just see it, “Um, ‘hi’. Welcome
back. Is my naked 4-year old over here?” I start across the street
and I hear the best 3 words ever; “I found him!” *FWEW*, not so
much that he’s safe, but that I don’t have to ask the neighbors
about my naked boy.

He was in our bedroom, wrapped around the curtains, looking out the
window and laughing. He was probably laughing at all of us.

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty

p.s. We’d like to welcome cousin #9 to Marty’s Joke of the day.
Sometimes I wonder how grandparents (much less Great-Grandparents)
keep track of their descendants. As you can see, I can’t even keep
track of my four!

=-=-=-
Reader Comment Section: