Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Monday, February 26, 2007

2/26 - Is Nine a lot?

Monday, February 26, 2007

Welcome to Marty’s Joke of the Day! Let me introduce myself;
I’m the guy who’s supposed to write funny stories about my
family a couple times a week. I’m supposed to anyway. Last
week was just a wee bit busy. I’d rather have been on a
cruise, or camping, or something like that, but alas, it was
nothing exciting, just life.

One of the big time suckers last week was our rental house.
The 3x3 foot shower stall was toast, so we decided to redo
the entire thing. We had the plumbing ripped out and
replaced, and then decided to tile the inside. Let me tell
you, cutting tile (requires a wet saw), attaching it to the
walls, and then applying grout is a messy messy messy job.
Plus there is waiting time so things can set and dry. (Ok, we
cheated a little on a few parts, but...) More than once, I
shook my head and said, “Is this really worth it?” But, now
that it’s done, it’s a clean, sharp, professional looking job
that I’m happy with.

Last Friday when we were working on the shower, Manual J.
stopped by with a rental application. He spoke little English
as I questioned him about the application. I’ve picked up
some Spanish, so I can almost hold my own. (ok, not
really...) But when I looked at the list of people he wanted
to live in my house, there were 9; 3 kids and 6 adults. When
I questioned him, he replied, “Is 9 people a lot?” I smiled
and said, “Oh, no. Not really.” I lied.

On Wednesday, son #4 had what they call “Brain Tumor Clinic”.
Instead of making a bunch of doctor appointments, we go to a
long appointment where all of the doctors come in to see you.
Son #4 seems to be doing fine in most areas. But one area of
concern is endocrinology. One of his endo lab results that
was up in October and November, is now back to normal. But,
there was one other result that was elevated. (It all has to
do with the radiation treatment he got in Dec ’05) There is
nothing physically wrong indicating precocious puberty, so
the Doc scratched his head and recommended that we WWW (Wait
Watch and Worry) for another 4 months. (After a year of MRI
scans every 3 months, we’ve graduated to the 4 month plan for
a year. Yipee!) Then the Doc did a physical exam on son #4
‘down there’. Son #4 asked me later that day, “Dad, did you
see what the doctor did?” So we talked again about, well...
stuff... and only with Mom, Dad, or Doctors (with Mom or Dad)
present. I told him is ok, even encouraged, to ask questions.
It was another good teaching moment.

Anyway, this doc is the same doc was asked by son #4 at his
physical exam last fall, “Did you wash your hands?” after he
was done, while he was writing in the chart. He hadn’t. This
time, son #4 said the same thing when he was done. “Don’t
forget to wash your hands!” He did this time...

Enjoy Today’s Jokes

p.s. Here’s a funny little video I came across. Things that
make you scratch your head and say, hmm...

Reader Comment Section:

Hey Marty,
In our case, it was love, lust, engagement, baby and the
marriage moved up 3 months. TWenty-eight years later we still
have the love, lust, marriage and 2 adult daughters.
Television and those highly liberal shows are partly to blame
for the changed values in today's youth. Many come from
divorced parents and think that is the norm. A lack of
responsibilities and discipline is also to blame.
~Jim in Indiana

[28? Awesome! I can’t believe my 20 was last year. Seems like
just 19 years ago...]

Marty, I really [get] on the "soap box" about those
commitment issues... I am old fashioned and believe in love,
commitment and marriage before children. People today do not
share the same values that we were raised with. I love people
but I do not love their actions. The only way to protect your
investment is to charge non-refundable pet deposits, security
deposits, collect first and last months rent and do
background checks and check reference and "pray".
This seems drastic but it is not cost effective to spend
$4000.00 in repairs after each rental. In the absense of
commitments that can be trusted; this is your only recourse.
It is a sad state of affairs as to what we have come to. I
still believe that there are good honest people out there but
the few people that cannot be trusted has made it hard for
everyone else. This is still too long but I've never been a
person of few words. Lol This is my opinion and I'm sure that
most will not agree with me. For the record; I am a renter
and do not own property but I've always left my places in
better condition than what they were when I rented them. I'm
so happy that son #4 is stable. I do enjoy the window into
your family that you give us with your blog and updates. Keep
up the good work. We all love it.
~Joni D. Houston, Tx.

[‘always left my places in better condition...’ Hey, you’re
not moving to Utah in the next week or so, are you??]


Words that aren’t in the dictionary, but should be.

Abracadabbler: an amateur magician.

Badaptation: a bad movie version of a good book.

Carbage: the trash found in your automobile.

Dadicated: being the best father you can be.

Ecrastinate: checking your e-mail just one more time.

Faddict: someone who has to try every new trend that comes

Gabberflasted: the state of being speechless due to someone
else talking too much.

Hackchoo: when you sneeze and cough at the same time.

Iceburg: an uppity, snobbish neighborhood.

Jobsolete: a position within a company that no longer

Knewlyweds: second marriage for both.

Lamplify: turning on (or up) the lights within a room.

Mandals: sandals for men.

Nagivator: someone who constantly assists with driving
directions in an overly critical manner.

Obliment: an obligatory compliment.

Pestariffic: adjective describing a particularly pesty

Qcumbersome: a salad that contains too many cucumbers.

Ramdumbtious: a rowdy, energetic person who's not too

Sanktuary: a graveyard for ships.

Testimoney: fees paid to expert witnesses.

Unbrella: an umbrella that the wind has turned inside-out.

Vehiculized: you own a vehicle.

Wackajacky: very messed up.

Xerocks: two identical pieces of stone.

Yawnese: the language of someone trying to speak while

Zingle: a single person with a lot of pep in his or her


My wife clipped a job listing out of the paper for me. She
said it wasn't much to start out... but a huge pay raise. It
read, "Salary: 23k to start. 401k after 1 yr."


While watching a movie recently, I couldn't hear the dialogue
over the chatter of the two women sitting in front of me.
Unable to bear it any longer, I tapped one of them on the
shoulder. "Excuse me," I said, "I can't hear." "I should hope
not," she replied sharply. "This is a private conversation."

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