Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Monday, August 28, 2006

8/28 - Lazy River Ducky Droppings

Monday, August 28, 2006

We had a great weekend! We went to Raging Waters on Saturday for
the Rubber Ducky Derby. Although we didn’t win the car, we had a
lot of fun. The lady who won the car was from Moroni Utah. That’s
one of the little towns I pass through when I go to support my
clinics in central Utah. It’s the turkey producing capital of the
world, and where I buy cheep turkey stuff.

Anyway, again son #4 found what he liked and stuck with it. After
the duckys raced in the lazy river, they opened it up and let
float around in it. Son #4 kept saying he wanted to stay and float
in it. He must have gone around that thing 15 times. Then we drug
him over to the kiddy section, but he didn’t seem to like that
much. He did go in to the wave pool pretty deep, but when the
waves started, he ran to the shallow end and stayed in about a
foot of water. Not one for adventure I’d guess.

At the pool they had a lot of media coverage. A few people said
they saw son #4 waving to the cameras on channel 13, but we missed
it. (Anyone got connections?) I did capture channel 5’s 30 second
story though. I’ve posted it on the web site. Son #4 is the
dancing pirate between seconds 11 and 14. When they dressed him up
as a pirate, they kept trying to put the patch over his good eye,
but he changed it around quickly. (You can also see my sweet wife
just a bit, in a tie dyed shirt.)

Check it out.

And, as promised, quiz answers at the very bottom.

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment sections

Okay, neighbor, what are the answers to the quiz?! Enjoy your blog
immensely-- first time visiting. We were at the Troop meeting this
evening too. The bee thing was horrible. I won't forget the panic
and the pain in their voices for a long time. Quidditch was a
blast and my kids are still sticky from the watermelon. By the
way, son #2 was wonderful in "The Sound of Music".

[So Neighbor, you have me at a disadvantage. Do I know you? Have
we met? How did you find us? Do tell...]

Hi Marty,
I've done some really dumb things in my 20+ years as a baker; the
best being when I was asked to "string ice" a rack of cookies with
chocolate icing. This entailed thinning out the chocolate icing
with water, dipping my five fingers into the icing and basically
flinging the icing over the cookies to make it look like chocolate
strings across the cookies. Anyway, thinning the icing to a proper
consistency was not a job that I did well at that point in my
career. I happened to find a bucket of chocolate icing in the
bakery....and it WAS a MIRACLE; some kind soul had decided to take
pity on me and help me with my job....a bucket of chocolate
icing at the proper "flinging" consistency. The next morning my
boss made a point to compliment me on doing a great job on
finishing the cookies and getting them packaged and onto the sales
floor. Wanting to bask in the glory but feeling guilty because
someone made the icing for me, I explained that I'd found a bucket
of chocolate icing and was just doing my job. 2 hours later my
boss pulled a bucket of chocolate icing from the cooler and asked,
"Is this the chocolate that you used for the cookies?". I admitted
that it was and proceeded to thank the person that helped me by
making my job easier.....It turned out that the chocolate icing
was actually chocolate cake batter. Needless to say, all of the
remaining cookies had to be thrown away and I'm lucky to still
have a job with the same company! Thanks for a great newsletter
and making me laugh.

[Oh, bummer! I was hoping that your stringy icing was actually
axel grease or something!]


I'd just lobbied a Congressman in his Washington, D.C., office
when I stopped to use the rest room. After washing my hands, I
stepped up to the hand dryer and noticed a note pasted to it. The
note said, "Push button for message from Congress."


I was at our town's Onion Festival and saw a guy in bad circus
makeup doing intricate balloon animals. He was twisting something
together when a little girl asked, "What are you making?" Without
looking up he muttered, "Minimum wage."


Please join us in this FLY THE FLAG campaign and PLEASE forward
this email immediately to everyone in your address book asking
them to also forward it. We have a little less than two week and
counting to get the word out all across this great land and into
every community in the United States of America. If you forward
this email to least 11 people and each of those people do the
same...you get the idea.

On Monday, September 11th, 2006, an American flag should be
displayed outside every home, apartment, office, and store in the
United States. Every individual should make it his or her duty to
display an American flag on this fifth anniversary of our
country's worst tragedy. We do this in honor of those who lost
their lives on 9/11, their families, friends and loved ones who
continue to endure the pain, and those who today are fighting
at home and abroad to preserve our cherished freedoms. In the
days, weeks and months following 9/11, our country was bathed in
American flags as citizens mourned the incredible losses and stood
shoulder-to-shoulder against terrorism. Sadly, those flags have
all but disappeared. Our patriotism pulled us through some tough
times and it shouldn't take another attack to galvanize us in
solidarity. Our American flag is the fabric of our country and
together we can prevail over terrorism of all kinds. Action Plan:
So, here's what we need you to do...

(1) Forward this email to everyone you know (at least 11 people).
Take a moment to think back to how you felt on 9/11 and let those
sentiments guide you.

(2) Fly an American flag of any size on 9/11. Honestly, Americans
should fly the flag year-round, but if you don't, then at least
make it a priority on this day.

Thank you for your participation.


Answers to Thursday’s Quiz


1. On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom? BOTTOM

2. How many states are there in the USA? (Don't laugh, some people don't know) 50

3. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch? RIGHT

4. What six colors are on the classic Campbell's soup label? BLUE, RED,

5. What two numbers on the telephone dial don't have letters by
them? 1, 0

6. When you walk does your left arm swing with your right or left
leg? RIGHT

7. How many matches are in a standard pack? 20

8. On the United States flag is the top stripe red or white?

9. What is the lowest number on the FM dial? 88

10. Which way does water go down the drain, counter or clockwise?

11. Which way does a "no smoking" sign's slash run?

12. How many channels on a VHF TV dial? 12 (no #1)

13 On which side of a women's blouse are the buttons? LEFT

14. Which way do fans rotate? CLOCKWISE AS YOU LOOK AT IT

15 How many sides does a stop sign have? 8

16. Do books have even-numbered pages on the right or left
side? LEFT

17 How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel? 5

18. How many sides are there on a standard pencil? 6

19. Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc. Who's missing?

20. How many hot dog buns are in a standard package? 8

21 On which playing card is the card maker's trademark? ACE OF

22 On which side of a Venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the
opening between the slats? LEFT

23. There are 12 buttons on a touch tone phone. What 2 symbols
bear no digits? *, #

24. How many curves are there in the standard paper clip? 3

25. Does a merry-go-round turn counter or clockwise? COUNTER


Son #4 on TV


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