Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Monday, August 21, 2006

8/11 - Christmas Roller Coaster Nausea

Monday, August 21, 2006

Just a quick anecdote today; it’s late, and I’m pooped! I went
straight from work to Lagoon to meet
the family tonight. When we went to Florida for son #4’s Make-a-
wish trip, they gave us a passport to over 300 parks nationwide
that we can go to once eac for the next 12 months. A few weeks ago
we went to Lagoon free, and today the family went on a ‘bounce
back’ pass.

Anyway, I get sick on rides. Not just sick, really sick. So, today
as I was leaving the clinic I ask the pharmacist what I should
take to help out. He said, “Meclizine.” I bought it and took the
bigger dose. It did what it was supposed to do; It helped the
nausea, but it didn’t do much for the enjoyment of the roller
coasters. But, I guess it made them more... tolerable.

At one point the 3 older boys and I we were on a big ride, and my
sweet wife and son #4 were waiting for the kiddy airplanes. She
said she was just minding her own business looking around. All of
a sudden son #4 sang out at the top of his lungs, “Mary did you
know, that your baby boy was born in Beverly Hills?... C’mon,
mom, sing it with me!” No one said anything, and obviously he’s got a couple different songs mixed together... But...

It could have been worse.

Enjoy today’s Jokes!


[Heya Marty- I really like this joke, it makes me smile every time
I see it, so I thought I'd share it with you. Keep up the fine
jokes and anecdotes! Shannon]

My grandson, Chris, has worn glasses since the age of three. When
he was in the first grade he came home one day very distressed.
Wanting to find out what was the matter, his mother asked, "Chris,
what happened today to upset you so much?" He answered, "It's not
fair -- I'm not allowed to go to the library." His mother became
very concerned and asked, "Why aren't you allowed to go to the
library?" With a tearful reply he said, "Because, in order to go
to the library you have to have supervision, and I wear glasses."

[This took me a second, but I got it... Marty]


I'm a middle school band teacher, and I match students to
instruments by testing them on various mouthpieces. While most
children demonstrate aptitude on more than a single instrument,
there was one boy who was having difficulty on every one he tried,
and he was becoming disheartened. Finally, he found success on a
tuba mouthpiece. He was so happy that he asked to call his mother.
"Mom, guess what!" I overheard him exclaim. "I tested positive for


Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a
conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip
greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general
direction of "yonder."

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is,... as in:
"Going to town, be back directly."

Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request
for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty
little bowl in the middle of the table.

All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not
use the term, but they know the concept well.

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of
solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried
chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's
trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right
near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the
road" can be 1 mile or 20.

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the
flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or
an adverb.

In the South, y'all is singular.... all y'all is plural

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and
coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a
breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you
know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea
indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our
tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little
old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless
her heart"... and go your own way.

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding
all this Southern stuff ... bless your hearts, I hear they are
fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!

And for those who are not from the South but have lived here for a
long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch
that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I

Bless your hearts ... y'all have a blessed day.

~Ruby C.


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