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Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

8/24 - Sting me back to School!

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Thursday, August 24, 2006
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Tonight we did the family splits. There was a cub scout pack meeting scheduled the same night as Jr. High back to school night. I opted for the back to school night with sons #1 and #2 and sent my sweet wife to the pack meeting. Some of the classes the older boys are going to sound kind of interesting. In son #1’s geography class, they’re going to be using GPS devices. In biology class they get to dissect sharks and pigs. I ~almost~ had the inkling to go back to Jr. High. Almost. Son #1 went up to a lot of girls and said hi, and he acted like I expected him to. But when two giggly girls ran up to son #2 and said, “HEY THERE’S SON #2!” and gave him a big hug. He looked nervously at me and acted like he didn’t know what to do. He just stood there with that cheesy grin of his. After they left I said, “Hey, it’s ok to hug your friends.” He said, “Oh... ok...” (oops?)

On the other side of the split tonight, son #3 and #4 went to the pack meeting with my sweet wife. A couple of little kids (about 5 and 7 years old) where playing on the hill and must have stepped in a bee hive or something. They came running down the hill with bees chasing them. They got nailed 6 or 7 times each. My sweet wife ran over and started to brush the bees off of the boys. (A pretty brave thing to do, since she’s very allergic to bee stings. I think it started when I raised bees as a Scout fund raiser.) Anyway, my sweet wife has been carrying an Epi-pen for the last couple of years because of it. Unfortunately she locked it in the van in her purse.



So, when got home and heard her epi-pen was still in the van, I got pretty worried. “But,” she said, there IS a difference between bee stings and wasp bites. Apparently she’s allergic to wasps, not bees. Last time she got bit by a wasp her arm blew up within an hour. As I type, it’s now been 2 1/2 hours and she only has
a small red spot where the bee stung her. No excitement tonight.

Knock on wood.

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty

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Reader Comment sections



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A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of
him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him
at the park. As he was nearing home, the cat was walking up the
driveway. The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away
and try the same thing. As he was driving back into his driveway,
there was the cat! He kept taking the cat farther and farther
away, but the darn cat would always beat him home. At last, he
decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past
the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he
reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and he
left the cat there. Hours later, the man calls home to his wife:
"Jen, is the cat there?" "Yes," the wife answers. "Why do you
ask?" Frustrated, the man answers: "Put that lousy cat on the
phone. I'm lost and I need directions!"

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Margie received a bill from the hospital for her recent surgery,
and was astonished to see a $900 fee for the anesthesiologist.
She called his office to demand an explanation. "Is this some kind
of mistake?" Margie asked when she got the doctor on the phone.
"No, not at all," the doctor said calmly. "Well," said Margie,
"that's awfully costly for knocking someone out." "Not at all,"
replied the doctor. "I knock you out for free. The 900 dollars is
for bringing you back around."

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Approaching eighty-five years of age, Mrs. Lipkowitz finally
decided it was time to give up her apartment in New York and move
to Miami. She was given the name of a Florida realtor, who
enthusiastically drove her all over Miami, extolling the virtues
of every apartment they looked at. "And this one, what a steal,"
he rhapsodized, "the investment of a lifetime. Why, in ten years
it's gonna be worth three times..." "Sonny," interrupted Mrs.
Lipkowitz, "at my age I don't even buy green bananas."

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[Here’s a little quiz for ya... answers on Monday. No cheating! I
got 15 and 5/6ths correct. (Darn Campbell’s soup!) And, when you
get to number 10, I know, I know, it’s an old wives tale. Just
play along.]


The average person only gets 7 correct.
This is based on U.S. info, so use all lobes of your brain. This
can be more difficult than it looks - it just shows how little
most of us really see!

There are 25 questions about things we see every day or have known
about all our lives. How many can you get right? These little
simple questions are harder than you think-- it just shows you how
little we pay attention to the commonplace things of life.

Put your thinking caps on. No cheating! No looking around! No
getting out of your chair! No using anything on or in your desk
or computer!

Can you beat 23?? (The average is 7) Write down your answers as
you go. Check answers (on the bottom), AFTER completing all the
questions.

REMEMBER - NO CHEATING!!! BE HONEST!!! That means no looking at
your phone or anything on your desk...

Then, before you pass this on to your friends, change the number
on the subject line to show how many you got correct. Forward to
your friends and also back to the one who sent it to you.

LET'S JUST SEE HOW OBSERVANT YOU REALLY ARE.
Here we go!

1. On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom?

2. How many states are there in the USA? (Don't laugh, some people
don't know)

3. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch?

4. What six colors are on the classic Campbell's soup label?

5. What two numbers on the telephone dial don't have letters by
them?

6. When you walk does your left arm swing with your right or left
leg? (Don't you dare get up to see!)

7. How many matches are in a standard pack?

8. On the United States flag is the top stripe red or white?

9. What is the lowest number on the FM dial?

10. Which way does water go down the drain, counter or clockwise?

11. Which way does a "no smoking" sign's slash run?

12. How many channels on a VHF TV dial?

13 On which side of a women's blouse are the buttons?

14. Which way do fans rotate?

15 How many sides does a stop sign have?

16. Do books have even-numbered pages on the right or left side?

17 How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel?

18. How many sides are there on a standard pencil?

19. Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc. Who's missing?

20. How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?

21 On which playing card is the card maker's trademark?

22 On which side of a Venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the
opening between the slats?

23. There are 12 buttons on a touch tone phone. What 2 symbols
bear no digits?

24. How many curves are there in the standard paper clip?

25. Does a merry-go-round turn counter or clockwise?

1 Comments:

  • At 12:40 AM, Blogger Caitlin said…

    Okay, neighbor, what are the answers to the quiz?! Enjoy your blog immensely-- first time visiting. We were at the Troop meeting this evening too. The bee thing was horrible. I won't forget the panic and the pain in their voices for a long time. Quidditch was a blast and my kids are still sticky from the watermelon. By the way, son #2 was wonderful in "The Sound of Music".

     

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