Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

8/23 - Don't let the summer end, Por Favor!

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

At the dinner table tonight the mood was somber. Son #2 is the
first victim in the end of summer ritual known as school. He has a
half day orientation at his new school tomorrow, and then the real
deal starts on Monday. But he’ll get out a half day early at the
beginning of next summer.

As we were eating I asked Son #1, “Who do you have for Spanish
this year?”

“Same as last year, Mrs. Nielsen”, he replied.

Son #4 interrupted, “How do you say ‘water’ in Spanish?”

Son #1 and I in unison said, “agua”

Son #4 said, “Agua before before”

“Huh?” we said.

He replied, “before before is how you say ‘thank you in Spanish’”

Hmm... I think he meant “Por Favor”

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Hey, anyone using Skype? It’s kinda like Vonage, but it’s PC
based, and it’s free. Anyone want to skype me? ( mr.martyman )

Reader Comment section

Even though I'm not from the South, I really enjoyed the
"Southernisms"! Apparently a lot of them have drifted over the
years to the wild west, because I understood every one of them.
Thank y'all.
James in California

[But... California isn’t really the ‘west’ is it? The west stops
at the Nevada/California border, then it’s... just... California.
I guess here we just kind of think of California as... the left
coast. (hehehe)]


Amazingly Simple Home Remedies

1. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent
you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the
snooze button.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by
getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by
simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and
bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
Remember to use a timer.

5. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic! Simply pour a
cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage
will be almost instantly removed.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, after
which you'll be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you
will forget all about that toothache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life
really are: You only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it
doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and
does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
~Clay G.


A waitress became violently ill while at work and was rushed by
ambulance to the emergency room. In typical hospital fashion, she
was placed on an examining table and then all but ignored for the
next half-hour. Finally, she noticed a doctor out in the hall and
yelled, "Please help me!" "Sorry," he replied, "it's not my


Our supervisor recently made a casual comment about my shaggy mane
of hair. He then went on to extol the virtues of a good haircut,
which, he insisted, makes an elderly man look younger and a
younger man seem more mature. "How would a haircut make a middle-
aged man like me appear?" I asked. "Still employed," he answered.


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