Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Monday, June 05, 2006

6/5 - Ha'Cha'Cha Baaaby!

Monday, June 05, 2006

This weekend we had a 2-year-old cousin’s birthday party to go to.
All night long we tried to get son #4 to eat his hamburger. He was
just too busy playing with cousins to be bothered. So, what else
did we expect when we got in the car to leave? “Mom, I’m hungry.”

Oh, too bad...

And then, it’s just about the last day of school for son’s #1, #2,
and #3. (Son #4 is already done.) Today we got a call from the
school. ‘Um, we just wanted to call you and let you know that
there’s been a little incident on the playground with son #2.’
[Oh, I think we’ve had this call before. here; and here; ]
The message went on to say, ‘some boys found a packet of hot
sauce, and one of them jumped on it.’ (No, you just can’t make
this stuff up...) ‘and (although son #2 was 40 feet away) the hot
sauce squirted into his eyes. We’re washing them out now, but he
says he’s ok. We just wanted to call and let you know.’ Even
though son #2’s eye and side of his face were red, swollen, and
irritated, he demanded to go to the year-end dance scheduled 10
minutes after the incident.

Uh huh...

“So, how many girls did you dance with at the dance son #2?”


Uh huh... “Neither rain, nor sleet nor snow nor dark of night nor
packet of hot sauce, shall stay this Casanova from his appointed

For those of you who get this as email...
Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment Section:


The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his
driveway. After a fruitless search, he went inside and told his
mother the lens was nowhere to be found.

Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes, returned with
the lens in her hand.

"How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked.

"We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were
looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."


Walking home one night, this guy hears a, "Psst! Psst!-give me a
hand with this pig would you?"

Looking into the shadows the guy sees his neighbor holding onto a
restless and aggitated pig. "What the heck are you planning to do
with that?" he asks.

"I'm carrying it indoors and putting in the bath tub."

"Why do you wanna do a crazy thing like that?"

"Well, you see, it's my wife. She is one of those women who knows
EVERYTHING! I tell her that the price of petrol has shot up
again...she says I know! I tell her there is more trouble in the
East again ... she says I know! I tell her Francis down the street
is getting a divorce and she knows that, too. Well, tomorrow
morning, since she always gets up before me, I'll wait for her to
come running to me screaming 'THERE'S A PIG IN THE BATH! THERE'S A

And I'll just turn to her and say, "Yeah, I know!"


Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in this country
lately. Illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, and wild animals
attacking humans in Florida.

Not me. I concentrate on solutions to problems.

The result is a win-win-win situation:

+ Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border

+ Use the dirt to raise the levies in New Orleans

+ Put the Florida alligators in the moat.

Any other problems you would like for me to solve today?
~Submitted by several readers


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