6/19 - You're crazy Minuteman!

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Monday, June 19, 2006
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I had kind of an interesting day yesterday on Father’s day. In our
church we believe in an unpaid ministry. So the leader of our ward
(the Bishop) has a regular daytime job, and doesn’t get paid to
preach. Nor does anyone one else in the congregation get paid for
what they do. We all share in the responsibilities of running the
church. During the Sacrament meeting, there are usually 2 or 3
speakers who teach on a given subject for the week. Sometimes the
speaker is from the High Council, with a newly returned
missionary. Other times it will just be regular people from the
ward speaking. We all get our turn every year or so, and are
usually given a week or so to prepare a talk give over the pulpit.
I’m guessing there can be anywhere from 100 to 300 or more people
in the congregation, depending on the weather, holidays, or any
number of variables. (Or my poor math. I guess I’ve never counted
how many people are usually there...) Anyway, the subjects can
range anywhere from tithing, to service for others, to... you
know, anything churchy.

Anyway, I woke up Sunday and got a surprise father’s day breakfast
in bed. (It really was a surprise, because I forgot it was
father’s day!) Then the kids woke up and gave me some father’s day
cards, and a few treats from the dollar store. Then I headed off
to the computer to try and figure out how to transfer the videos
from our trip to the hard drive to make snippets for the blog
site, and save everything on DVD. About 30 minutes later, I got a
call from one of the Bishop’s assistants. “Hey Marty, how’s it
going?” We chit chatted for a minute or two, then he said, “Say,
Sister So-n-So called me last night and is really sick. Do you
think you could throw a few thoughts together and speak in
Sacrament meeting this morning?” ~Gulp~

Now, public speaking is ranked by some people as a bigger fear
than even death. I’m not that bad, but my fear of public speaking
is right up there with walking down the street with a ripped pair
of pants that you don’t know about. So, I was surprised that out
of my mouth came, “Um, sure. I’ll do it.” I hung up and thought,
‘What in the world did I just do?’

After getting on my knees and asking for some guidance, and with
only 2 hours before church, I got busy. I quickly looked up
something about the history of father’s day, listed all the types
of fathers that father’s day could be about; (Your own father,
grandpa, father-in-law, father of our country, father in heaven,
etc. etc.) and then listed ideas how we could honor each of these
fathers. It was a pretty quick, basic, but substantive talk. I
thought I would be a little more nervous giving it, but I actually
felt ok. (I think I was too rushed to get nervous.)

The best part was when the Bishop’s assistant called that morning
and said he probably wouldn’t call me to speak again, “for a
couple of years”. So, I printed up a Monopoly style card that
said, “Get out of ‘talk’ Free Card” and had him sign it...

HA! I’ll be sure and keep that in my wallet!

For those of you who get this as email...
Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty

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"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my
pajamas I'll never know."
-Groucho Marx


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The phone rang as I was sitting down to my evening meal. When I
answered it, I was greeted with "Is this James Silhavy?" Not
sounding anything like my name, I asked who is calling. The
telemarketer said he was with The Rubber Band Powered Freezer
Company or something like that. Then I asked him if he knew James
personally and why was he calling this number.

I said off to the side (holding the phone slightly away), "Get
some pictures of the body at various angles and the blood smears".
I then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had
entered a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had
already traced this call and he would be receiving a summons to
testify in this murder case.

I questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address,
phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the
dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour
before he made this call.

The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers were
in a shaky voice. I then told him we had located his position and
the police were entering the building to take him into custody.
At that point I heard the phone fall and the scurrying footsteps
of him running away.

My wife asked me as I returned to our table why I had tears
streaming down my face and so help me, I couldn't tell her for
about fifteen minutes. My meal was cold, but it was the best meal
in a long, long time.
~Betty H.

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After long months of cold & winter, we are finally coming up to
summer & BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your
memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking as it's
the only type of cooking a real man will do, probably because
there is an element of danger involved. When a man volunteers to
do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine...
1) The woman buys the food.
2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables & makes
dessert.
3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray
along with the necessary cooking utensils & sauces, & takes it to
the man who is lounging beside the grill - soda in hand.

(Here comes the important part)
4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine....
5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates & cutlery.
6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
He thanks her & asks if she will bring another soda while he deals
with the situation.

(Important again)
7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL & HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine.....
8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins,
sauces & brings them to the table.
9) After eating, the woman clears the table & does the dishes.

(And most important of all)
10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN & THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And,
upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no
pleasing some women!