9/11 - That Broccoli is Fair...

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Monday, September 11, 2006
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We went to the state fair on Saturday. There was too much going on
for the first fair day on Thursday. That’s the day that they have
the cracker stacking contest. We performed well as a family last
year, but because we missed it, no such luck this year. We had
back to school night and aquarium tickets.

When I got to work today, I told a friend we went to the fair
Saturday. “Did you enter your shoes in the stinky shoe contest?”
she said. Darn, if I had only known...

One last funny... My sweet wife brought down an advertisement to
show me from the mail today. It’s a newspaper type insert. On the
front they have pictures of Hash Browns, Frozen Waffles,
Cantaloupe, Peaches and Nectarines advertised. In the same section
there’s a big, “What’s for breakfast?” and right under the caption
is broccoli. Yum. Broccoli for breakfast...

Maybe I’ll send that into Jay Leno...

Have a great day!

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty

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Have you ever watched The Simpsons? Have you ever read the
Constitution? Chances are you've had a lot more exposure to The
Simpsons than you have the supreme law of our land. So it's no
great surprise to me that more U.S. citizens are knowledgeable
about the cast of "The Simpsons" than they are about their First
Amendment Freedoms. The McCormick Tribune Freedom Museum in
Chicago found 28 percent of people are able to name more than one
of the five fundamental freedoms granted to them by the First
Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. But 52 percent were able to
name at least two members of the cartoon family. More jarring is
that 22 percent of those polled can name all five main characters
– Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie - but just 1-in-1,000 people
surveyed - 0.01 percent - were able to name all five freedoms. The
freedoms are of speech, religion, the press, of assembly and
petition for redress of grievances.


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At the start of every Mass, the priest would make the sign of the
cross, followed as usual by the entrance song and the blessing,
after which the congregation responded, "And also with you." One
Sunday, after making the sign of the cross, our priest appeared to
be having difficulty with the sound system during the singing of
the entrance hymn. At the conclusion of the song, the priest said,
"There seems to be something wrong with the mike." The
congregation automatically responded, "And also with you."

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[I don’t like ‘list’ jokes, but this one is fair...]

The following 15 police comments were taken off of actual police
car videos around the country.

#15. "Relax; the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll
stretch out after you wear them awhile."

#14. "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth
certificate a worthless document."

#13. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you
didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from
my gun."

#11. "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that
means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

#10. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't
think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift
supervisor

#9. "Warning? You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do
that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you
are drunk or not: Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where
you go to ride on rides, and eat cotton candy.

#6. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a
toaster oven."

#5. "No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have
quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we
want."

#4. "Just how big were those two beers?"

#3. "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#2. "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal
friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your
bail."

And............ THE BEST ONE!!!!!!! Drum Roll Please!!!!!!!

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right,
we don't."