Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

8/31 - Traveling Babysitter Troubles

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Ok, ok... I know there are some of you out there who wouldn’t say
anything, but miss me when I skip a day. (#1 mom...) but, I have a
kind of good (lame?) excuse. I was out of town and... um... just
plain forgot.

Oh well.

Yesterday I took my sweet wife with me to Richfield. It was kind
of a nice little work/get away trip. At least it was nice after
working hours. During the day I had to install 8 brand new PCs and
one clinic, and pick up and haul away 7 more PCs at another
clinic. Not to mention the 4 hour drive each way. So, it was
pretty busy. But after I clocked out, we had a nice dinner, took a
dip in the pool and hot tub and went back to the room to watch TV.
I brought my GPS with me this trip and thought it might be cool to
see if there were any Geocaches around. There was. Just a quarter
mile south of the hotel we were at. But, to make a long story
short, we crossed over a large irrigation ditch and walked into a
clover field. It was so muddy and I fell and got covered in mud.
We decided not to finish that geocache.

Anyway, when I told my sweet wife when this month’s trip was
planned, she really wanted to go with, and spend some time with
me. (Go figure, to tell you the truth, I think I’d be board with
myself if I were me...) so she scrambled to arrange for Grandma’s
to take the kids here, there and everywhere, and then pick them
after that. She found everything except for one last thing. She
needed to find what to do with son #4 during the day today. So we
called my #1 mom and asked if she could watch him. Done! We
trotted off and had a good time.

On the way back from Richfield today, we decided to call my mom
just before lunch to see how things were going. I left the speaker
on so my sweet wife could see that everything was ok.

My mom answered up the phone, “Yeah?” That’s not a normal
greeting. I could tell right away that something wasn’t right. She
would never answer the phone with ‘Yeah?’ I had a bad feeling...

“What’s wrong?” I said.

“I just called 911...”

Gulp. Oh no. For about 1/30th of a second 12 zillion things ran
through my head. I thought of everything from rat poison to a
broken arm to brain tumor-causing seizures. And we were still 75
miles from home. What was I going to do?

“What happened?!” I replied on the 1/31st of a second.

“Oh,” she said a little more calmly. “We were playing hide and
seek and son #4 was hiding in the closet. He hid there twice, but
on the 3rd time he locked the closet door from the inside and now
he can’t open it. I don’t have the key so he’s stuck. The police
are on their way right now.”

Oh, now that’s a fine how-do-you-do.

With out me saying anything else, she worked her mom magic, “He’s
fine. I’m right here at the door and we’re singing songs waiting
for the police to come.”

“Has he tried to open the door?” I said (dumb question). I could
see my wife’s head in her hands worried sick.

After my mom gave son #4 some instructions (I’m sure for the 10th
time), I could hear him try then he said, “Nope Grandma. I still
can’t get it open.” He didn’t sound worried at all.

There was nothing else I could do, so I told her to call us if she
needed us. We drove in silence for about 15 minutes until I called
my mom back.

“He’s out now. We just got back inside from seeing the policeman’s
car. Everything’s fine. It was probably a good thing it didn’t
happen any later; The President is leaving Salt Lake in about 30
minutes and I don’t know if they would have been available.”

Then I talked with son #4 and asked him if he was scared. “Yeah,
but that’s ok. Grandma sang, ‘Alice, where are you going?’ with
me, and it was ok.”

Fwew. I’m certainly glad it wasn’t rat poison.


Enjoy today’s Jokes!

p.s. Oh, BTW, I figured out how to post a You Tube video on the
web site. Check it out...

p.p.s. Oh, and I forgot to give you an update on my sweet wife’s
bee sting. Her arm puffed up pretty big, and lasted until Sunday.
It started going down after that. “Oh, I’m ok” was all she’d say
when I asked if she needed to go to the Doctor’s, or use her Epi
Pen. I can see her grave stone now... “Oh, I’m ok”

Reader Comment sections


Mr. Smith was a traveling salesman and frequent flyer, so he was
always very, VERY careful to mark his luggage so that no one would
mistakenly take his bags. He always did this with bright ribbons
and tape, so he was quite surprised to see his bags grabbed by a
well dressed man when he got to the luggage carousel. Mr. Smith
walked over to the fellow and pointed out the colored ribbons tied
to the handle, and the fluorescent tape on the sides. "I believe
that luggage is mine. Were your bags marked like this?" he
asked. "Actually," the man replied, "I was wondering who did this
to my luggage."


One of our clients brought in his massive Doberman pinscher to be
spayed. As a veterinary assistant, I escort the patient into the
doctor's office. Before taking this dog's leash, I glimpsed those
large teeth of hers and asked the owner, "Is she friendly?"
"Friendly?" said the man. "Friendly? She's had five litters! How
much 'friendlier' than that can she get?"


Although I knew our commanding officer hated doling out weekend
passes, I thought I had a good reason. "My wife is pregnant and I
want to be with her," I told the C.O. Much to my surprise he said,
"Permission granted." Inspired by my success, a fellow soldier
also requested a weekend pass. His wife wasn't pregnant, so when
the C.O. asked why he should grant him permission, my friend
responded, "My wife is getting pregnant this weekend and I want to
be with her."


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