Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

8/2 - Raiding of the Pizza Jar

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Gotta make this a quick issue tonight. I need to leave early for
work tomorrow, and drive to Manti for my rural east clinic visits.
It looks like they may be putting another clinic in my area down
there, so I’ve got a meeting at 10AM... *yawn* I think I need a

Tonight my sweet wife went to a Relief Society dinner. It was an
auction of sorts, where they auctioned off acts of service for
‘points’ they earned for doing good deeds. (IE: There’s a sheet
you fill out and you get points for some of the following; if
you’ve planted a vegetable this summer. If you’ve been camping
this summer. If you did 7 or more loads of laundry in the last
week. If you’ve tended children other than your children or
grandchildren this week. If you’ve read a book to a child this
week, Etc. etc.) There’s a whole list of things to get points for,
and then you bid on things others brought, made, or service they
will do. My sweet wife brought one of her cool paintings, and she
won ‘one loaf of home baked bread each week in September’ and a
cooked enchilada dinner brought to your home. Yum!

Anyway, as she was leaving for the auction, she told me where the
burgers were. (I think she thought I was going to cook tonight.) I
sat the boys down and asked what they wanted. We ended up raiding
the fart jar, and ordered pizza. It wasn’t near as what my sweet
wife feeds us, but it got us by...

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment sections

Marty, I have the same problem with my 12 year old daughter in
regards to saying "crap". It is amazing to me how much swearing
goes on in middle school, and what really shocks me is how they
change the middle letters in some of these words and think it's
okay to say them because they aren't the swear words but you know
they are and the kids know they are. I get on her about "crap" but
the few times she's slipped and said the Lord's name in vain, I
get really upset because that's not allowed in my house and she
used not to do it at all until she hit middle school. I cannot
understand why kids think it's cool to do that, but then, I am
sure I did things my folks thought were bad too. Keep up the jokes
and stories. I wish I could slow the growing up a bit, mine are
getting too big too fast and I cannot stand it. :)
Where is the little girl I carried? ...
Shannon in Nevada

[Yeah, and how come they didn’t have liquid soap when I started my
cuss’n era??]


When I worked for the security department of a large retail store,
my duties included responding to fire and burglar alarms. A side
door of the building was wired with a security alarm, because it
was not supposed to be used by customers. Nevertheless they found
the convenience of the exit tempting. Even a sign with large red
letters, warning "Alarm will sound if opened," failed to deter
people from using it. One day, after attending to a number of
shrieking alarms, I placed a small handmade sign on the door that
totally eliminated the problem: "Wet paint."


"Here is an odd story. A dentist in Britain has been banned from
practicing dentistry after she allowed her unlicensed and
untrained boyfriend to perform dental work on patients. How
amazing is that? They have dentists in Britain? Who knew?"
~Jay Leno


A guy and a girl are having a drink together in a bar. The man
raises his glass and says, "Here's hoping you're in Heaven ten
minutes before the devil knows you're dead!" "What's that mean?"
asks the girl. "That," answers her date, "is an authentic Irish
toast." "Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon." "Bread,
eggs and cinnamon? What's that?" The girl says, "That's French


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