Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

10/3 - Train Delays and Bloody Noses

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

So yesterday, I found my driving to work for the 7 millionth time
in my life. It seemed that everyone was driving like an idiot, I
had to fill up the tank, there was nothing on the radio but
commercials, and I got ticked off at a guy who wouldn’t let me
merge at the construction zone. In short, I was getting really
tired of the daily commute. After getting ticked off, I decided to
go into a self-imposed driving restriction. I figured the Trax
train might be the way to go. I have to drive about 10 blocks to
the station, and I get off at a stop that’s a block away from the

If I drive, it’s about 18 miles one way, I get almost 20 miles a
gallon, and gas is still at $2.50 a gallon. So I figured I could
save almost $2 a day by taking the train. But, if today is any
indication of what riding Trax is going to be like, It might not
be worth it.

I sat near the back of the train on the way to work. There were
these two, um, well, really rough looking guys who got on, and had
never met each other before. They started to talk rather loudly
about their drug usage, how many times they had been thrown in
jail, how one of them lost his 8 week old child to child
protective services because of meath usage. I just sat there
playing a game on my (just got it yesterday from eBay) palm. Then
they started talking about the ills of society, and who to blame
all of their problems on. They talked about why this group was to
blame, or that group, or any group they could think of to blame
their sorrows in life on. At one point they louder and in my
direction and blamed their problems on the ‘Fat, White, Mormon,
Males’ of the world, and proceeded to give several (rather poor)
examples of how their troubles were cause by us. I think they were
trying to egg me into the conversation, and they almost did. But
then I remembered a talk given in conference Sunday by David
Bednar, talking about how people take offense too easily, and it
isn’t good. So I just played my palm and didn’t even look up. It’s
a good thing; the things I was contemplating on saying probably
would have left me with a bloody nose, or worse, by the time I got
off of the train.

Then, on the commute home, there was a crash on our track in front
of the train, and we had to sit there for 15 minutes while they
cleared the other track for us to use. Then, after we got to the
transfer station, the train was doubly crowded, with no seats,
because the crash had caused a huge backup. So, I had to stand up
most of the way home.

So, bottom line; I saved $2. But I’m not sure it was worth it.
We’ll see if I venture out again this week.

Here are a couple of train jokes for today...

Enjoy today’s Jokes!


Five Englishmen boarded a train just behind five Scots, who, as a
group had only purchased one ticket. Just before the conductor
came through, all the Scots piled into the toilet stall at the
back of the car. As the conductor passed the stall, he knocked and
called "Tickets, please!" and one of the Scots slid a ticket under
the door. It was punched, pushed back under the door, and when it
was safe all the Scots came out and took their seats. The
Englishmen were tremendously impressed by the Scots' ingenuity.
On the trip back, the five Englishmen decided to try this
themselves and purchased only one ticket. They noticed that,
oddly, the Scots had not purchased any tickets this time. Anyway,
again, just before the conductor came through, the Scots piled
into one of the toilet stalls, the Englishmen into the other. Then
one of the Scots leaned out, knocked on the Englishmen's stall and
called "Ticket, Please!" When the ticket slid out under the door,
he grabbed it up and quickly closed his door.


In a terrible accident at a railroad crossing, a train smashed
into a car and pushed it nearly four hundred yards down the track.
Though no one was killed, the driver took the train company to
court. At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the
driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for
nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how
he'd done it. The court believed his story, and the suit was
dismissed. “Congratulations,” the lawyer said to the engineer when
it was over. “You did superbly under cross-examination.” “Thanks,”
he said, “but he sure had me worried.” “How's that?” the lawyer
asked. “I was afraid he was going to ask if the lantern was lit!”


A man is at Grand Central Station waiting for his train that
leaves at 6 p.m., but he has forgotten his watch. So he looks for
someone to ask the time. He spots a guy carrying two suitcases and
sporting this fabulous hi-tech watch, so he asks him for the time.
The guy replies "Sure, which country?" The fella asks, "How many
countries have you got?" to which the man replies, "All the
countries in the world!" "Wow! That's a pretty cool watch you've
got there." "That's nothing," the man says. "This watch also has a
GPS facility, fax, e-mail and can even receive NTSC television
channels and display them on its miniature active color pixel LCD
screen!" "Boy, that's incredible. I wish I had a watch like that
one. You wouldn't consider selling it by any chance?" "Well,
actually the novelty has worn off for me, so for $900, if you want
it, it's yours." The watchless traveler can hardly whip out his
checkbook fast enough to hand over a check for $900. The seller
takes off the watch and gives it to him. "Congratulations, here is
you new hi-tech watch." Then, handing the two suitcases over as
well, he says, "And here are the batteries."

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