Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

9/13 - Statisticly Speaking...

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Did you know that 53% of all statistics are made up?

I was surfing at work (Ok, I have a touch of the short timers
disease, but not much, it was a busy day!) and ran across a kind
of cool site. It’s called statemaster. (www.statemaster.com) there
are tons of statistics about your state.

Check out what I found today...

After my lengthy research, I contend that Restaurants are contributing to the breakup of the American family. How do I know? Check out these statistics.

Utah is dead last in restaurants per capita (at 0.19 per 100

The District of Columbia is first in restaurants per capita (at .4
per 100)

Utah is first in the nation for the following
Percent of Households that are Married-Couple Families (63%)
Children Living in Supportive Neighborhoods (90.5%)
Percent of Households that are Married-Couple Families with their
own Children (34.4%)
Average Household size (3.01)

The District is dead last in the country for the following;
Percent of Women Who Never Married (46.2%)
Percent of Men Who Never Married (50.4%)
Percent of Households that are Married-Couple Families (21.8%)
Percent of Households that are Married-Couple Families with their
own Children 7.2%
Average Household Size 2.08
Children Living In Supportive Neighborhoods 69.4%

So, again my contention is that existence of restaurants is
contributing to the decline of society.

But, I’m sure you can find a few flaws in my logic. (Grin)

So, remember in the next 60 days before Election Day, don’t
believe all of the statistics that you read...

Remember what George Carlin said;
Think about how stupid the average person is; now realize half of them are dumber than that.

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comment sections

[About ethics...]

Hi Marty.
This question is so simple for me and involves no thought
whatsoever. I'd tell my third great grandson this: "Don't design
your baby with the traits you want or what you can accept. Let God
do it, just like He's designed me and those before me, (and
hopefully those after.)" By letting God do it, you might get a kid
who isn't as bright, or who has a brain tumor, or who can't see,
or who has DownSyndrome or who's very autistic, but perfection
regarding genes isn't the best thing in life. Your exceptionally
bright kid won't give you [the parent] a smile from ear to ear
that will last weeks when she spells her first word at 7 like a
kid who has Down Syndrom will. [daughter#2, "on"]. You won't get
that same thrill from a perfect kid like you will when your blind
child reads you the bedtime story from her own Braille book when
you weren't sure she would be able to because of your own
embarrassment about blindness or lack of knowledge. [my family]
Sure maybe the kid who's disease free will have no pain and no
suffering, and we parents won't have to sit by while our God-
designed kid has brain or heart surgery, but the child learns from
adversity too, can gain friends because of hospital stays or
doctor appointments, can educate others even if they don't know
they are, about faith and self-worth and all that good stuff.
[Your own #4 has done this very thing.] Being "disabled" myself
and having a "disabled" daughter whom I would not trade for all
the gold in Fort Knox, I can't understand why so many people want
certain kids and won't give God, and their God-designed kid, the
chance to be right for them. Sorry this is so long winded, but
this is a subject I could write volumes on. Hugs to you and family
and congrats on the new job!
Shannon in Nevada

[Wow, thanks!]

Funny thing. I was thinking about just this issue the other day.
I missed the program on being able to chose what characteristics
our children will have, but I was mulling over why we fall in love
and choose who we do. The two specific instances I "mulled" were,
why I chose your father and why [your sweet wife] chose you.

[Oh, now that’s an easy one!]

It may come as a surprise to you, but neither you nor your father were (are) perfect physical specimens...

[hey now...]

...When I consider the men I think look interesting, they often
are the same physical type as your father (who reminded me
physically of my father...) If (your father) had been tall, would
he have caught my eye? I can't be sure, but I rather doubt it. If
he had had squinty little eyes, I probably wouldn't even have
noticed him. So, do we love what we get, or do we get what we
love? If you had been a basketball player, you may have given your
Sweet Wife a pain in the neck. (You may have been one anyway

In conclusion, the thoughts I have on your question lead me to
say, don't choose what you think is best, because usually you
really don't know what is best. We're on this earth to learn, not
because we already know it all.
~#1 Mom
[Spoken like a true mom!]

Hey Marty,

With regard to your ethical question... The technology is proceeding much too fast to wait for your *great grandson*. Those
questions are going to be faced by the next generation! I think it
would be wonderful to have children that would never catch a cold,
pneumonia, cancer, parkinson's disease, etc. Some say we have no
right to make such a choice, but we make the choice every day to
fight these things. People question the ethicality of using
genetics like this because Hitler wanted to make a perfect race, a
race of perfect warriors, but technology will have rendered that
choice obsolete anyway...
James in California


My 2 1/2-year-old niece, Kelly, went with a neighbor girl to a
Catholic church for First Communion practice. The pastor has the
children cup their hands, and when he gives them the "Host," in
this case, a piece of bread, he says, "God be with you."

Apparently this made quite an impression on my niece. She came
home and told her mother to cup her hands and bend down. Kelly
took a piece of bread from her sandwich, placed it in her mother's
hands, and whispered, in her most angelic voice, "God will get


"Here is a very odd story. A woman in Tennessee is now suing a
local pharmacy after buying what she thought were birth control
patches. They turned out to be nicotine patches. The good news,
her new baby is now down to a half a pack a day."
~Jay Leno


My friend wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept
refusing, but he bought one anyway. "I'll tell you what," he told
her. "In the spirit of compromise, why don't you name the boat?" Being a good sport, she accepted. When her husband went to
the dock for his maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on
the side: "For Sale."


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