Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

6/27 - Fish Poop - (Bass Turds)

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Ok, so the other ward has a new Scout Master. And since there are
only 2 boys in our troop, we’ve combined with them several months
ago. The other SM is a really nice guy. Tonight we took hatchets,
saws, and knives on about a 2 mile hike. We were going to cut some
small logs and show the Scouts the proper way to sharpen the

We did everything very proper and by the book. Someone has to ask
for the hatchet and the person handing the hatchet says, “here you
go”. Then the other guy has to say “thank you” before the first
guy will let go. (All rules to get your Totin' Chip card) The
other SM told me that when he had a patrol meeting earlier in the
week, he met with the patrol leaders and senior patrol leader.
(son #2 is a patrol leader) He said things were kind of funny. He
told me he was stern and said, “We’re going to do everything by
the book. We’re going to learn the proper names of these tools.”
He proceeded to tell the boys that they were going to sharpen the
hatchet with a ‘hand bastard file’. He said that son #2 refused to
say the word bastard. Even with a little egging.

Tonight when we got to the top of the trail, we broke out the
gear, and son #2 was to set up and teach his patrol how to sharpen
the hatchet. The other SM got out the tools and explained the
names of each of the tools to the troop and what they were there
for. Of course, there were a few snickers from the 12 year old
boys when he told them about the hand bastard file.

We split into patrols and son #2 got down on his knees next to his
block of wood and 4 stakes. He asked for the gloves and the
hatchet properly, but then he said, “May I have the hand file
please?” the other SM paused a second winked at me, and said,
“Sure. But what’s the proper name?”

Son #2 said, “I’m NOT going to say that!” I laughed and told him
it was ok.

The other SM jokingly said, “That’s ok. There are only a few free
times that you can say it, this is one of them.”

Son #2 still refused.

I was both proud and a little embarrassed for him. But when some
of the other boys refused to say it too, I thought that was cool.

Just an interesting observation.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!



"Is this a bad idea? The folks at Sprint announced it is
developing a TV cell phone. It will let you watch TV on your cell
phone. They have the perfect name for it: 'Nine Dead in Interstate
~Jay Leno


As explained by Cliff Clavin of "Cheers"..... One afternoon Cliff
was explaining the 'Buffalo Theory' to his buddy, Norm. Here's how
it went:

"Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this.....A herd of buffalo can only
move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted,
it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed
first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole,
because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps
improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much
the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the
slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know,
kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and
weakest brain cells, making a faster and more efficient machine.
And...so, that's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."


An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to
the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."

The next question, intended for people who had answered in the
affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"

The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
~Wanda D.


Mike Hill and his new wife, Diane, were vacationing in Europe, as
it happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car
along a rather deserted highway. It was late, and raining very
hard. Mike could barely see 10 feet in front of the car. Suddenly
the car skids out of control! Mike attempts to control the car,
but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree. Moments
later, Mike shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over
at the passenger seat and sees his new wife unconscious, with her
head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Mike
knows he has to carry her to the nearest phone. Mike carefully
picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road, After a short
while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is
coming from an old, large house. He approaches the door and
knocks. A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Mike
immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Mike Hill, and this is my
wife Diane. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has
been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?? "I'm sorry,"
replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a
doctor; come in and I will get him." Mike brings his wife in. An
elegant man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may
have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist.
However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic and I have had a
basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them
down to the laboratory." With that, Igor picks up Diane and
carries her downstairs, with Mike following closely. Igor places
Diane on a table in the lab. Mike collapses from exhaustion and
his own injuries, so Igor places Mike on an adjoining table. After
a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "things are
serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work
feverishly, but to no avail. Mike and Diane Hill are no more.
The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs
the steps to his conservatory, which houses his pipe organ. For it
is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a
stirring, almost haunting, melody fills the house. Meanwhile, Igor
is still in the lab tidying up. As the music fills the lab, his
eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Diane Hill's
hand twitch. Stunned, he watches as Mike's arm begins to rise! He
is further amazed, as Diane sits straight up! Unable to contain
himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory. He bursts in
and shouts to his master: "Master, Master!.......The Hills are
alive with the sound of music!"

~Wanda D.
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