12/19 - Spoiler

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Tuesday, December 19, 2006
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Today, everyone was talking about Christmas gifts. My sweet wife
teased son #4 and said, “Do you know what you’re getting for
Christmas from me? A whole bunch of love!” Son #4 got mad and
said, “Mom! Don’t tell me, now you’re going to spoil the
surprise!”

Right...

Last night about 2AM, son #3 came running in our room and said
that son #4 had thrown up all over his new hammock. It was the
hammock he had bought in Mexico, and he was letting son #4 try it
for the night. Anyway, son #4 was spewing for a good long time,
and finally fell asleep on the bathroom floor, refusing to go back
to bed for fear of throwing up again. So, between 2 and 4AM I felt
guilty for getting him sick, and figured I probably shouldn’t risk
getting anyone at work sick, so I decided to stay and work from
home today. We made son #4 stay home from school, but he is just
an amazing kid. He bounced back so quickly, he was up running
around like his usual self by 9:00.

Enjoy today’s Jokes!
Marty

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Reader Comments;

So sorry you had that awful stomach virus. My Mom had it a few
days before you got it.....so, one question.....what were you
doing with my Mom for her to get you sick?
~Justin’s Sister

[Good question, she must have sneezed over the fence. Thanks
Justin’s mom!]

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Christmas Carols For All My Friends


1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented
Are

3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and
Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and
Trucks and Trees and.....

6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an
Open Fire

8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry,
I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at
the froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ....
~Shelly R.

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I was testing the children in my Sunday school class to see if
they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them,
"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all
my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?"

"NO!" the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept
everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"

Again, the answer was, "NO!"

By now I was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun! "Well, then,
if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and
loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?"

Again, they all answered, "NO!"

I was just bursting with pride for them. "Well," I continued,
"then how can I get into Heaven?"

A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."

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What, may you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on as these marvelous
stories unfold of what children think about and you'll discover
the joy in it!

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby
sister. After awhile he asked: "Mom, Is one for hot and one for
cold milk?"

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied
she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you
don't remember you look in the back of your panties. Mine say five
to six."

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight. "I love you so
much, that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom

window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried
in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration,
her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open
it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How
does it know it's me?"

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please
don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth
cough."

D.I. (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much
do I cost?"

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and
kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he
asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom
asked what was troubling him, he replied, I don't know what'll
happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The
man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the
city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt."
Concerned, little James asked: "What happened to the flea?"

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather
wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and
then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"

The Sermon this Mom will never forget...This particular Sunday
sermon... "Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended
toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without
you, we are but dust." He would have continued but at that moment
my very obedient daughter (who was listening!)asked quite audibly
in her shrill little girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"