Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Monday, October 30, 2006

10/30 - Classical Crown Burger

Monday, October 30, 2006

One night last week was son #1 and #2’s orchestra concert. All of
the grandparents were there too, and we all had a good time. Son
#1 dressed up as a pirate, complete with a mustache, aye liner (al
la Jack Sparrow?) and a dark hairy rug as chest hair. Son #2
grabbed his lederhosen outfit from the Sound of Music play and
wore those. They both looked pretty cool. The concert was about an
hour and a half, and was pretty good. They had 4 different groups;
the beginning orchestra, advanced orchestra, jazz band, and full
orchestra (woodwinds, brass and strings). Although I didn’t think
the band did a terrific job, (of course, none of my boys were in
it) I think the best number of the night was the band doing ‘Mars’
from Holst’s The Planets. After the concert, we all went out to
Wendy’s for a night cap, and I treated everyone to a Frosty.

It’s funny, I never used to like classical music, but over the
years I think I’ve grown into it. I can almost tell the difference
between Bach and Beethoven. (But don’t quiz me on it...) My
maternal Grandmother said something one time that I never forgot.
She said, “Everyone loves classical music, but not everyone
realizes it.”

I’m composing this issue while riding the train to work Friday
morning. My office is close to the University which is just 2
stops away, and right now I’m sitting next to a person who is
looking at medical body parts on flash cards. Her cards remind me
of something my sweet wife said the other day while we were
talking about one of the JOTD issues; she said she was reading the
blog about son #4’s hospital visit, and her eyes glanced down to
the picture of the Crown Burger. She said for a second she thought
it was a picture of some one’s medical operation. She thought all
of the pastrami was someone’s meat hanging out of their body.
Yuck. I don’t think I’ll ever look at a crown burger in the same
way again!

Enjoy today’s Jokes!

Reader Comments

Marty - hi,
Re the huge dilemma - my belief is laugh if off, it's your good
deed for the day and I live by; Give and you will get in return.
Conn W.

Since you are "taking the train home", you should only charge for
the mileage from the train station to the other clinic, and back
to the train station. Just my opinion.
James in California

dilemma solved-just charge for wear and tear on your shoes, then
deduct from that the fresh air and excercise you enjoyed!

As a professor at Texas A & M, I taught during the day and did
research at night. I would usually take a break around nine,
however, calling up the strategy game Warcraft on the Internet and
playing with an on-line team. One night I was paired with a
veteran of the game who was a master strategist. With him at the
helm, our troops crushed opponent after opponent, and after six
games we were undefeated. Suddenly my fearless leader informed me
his mom wanted him to go to bed. "How old are you?" I typed.
"Twelve," he replied. "How old are you?" Feeling my face redden, I
answered, "Eight."
~Ruby C.


A woman visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and
gloomy room, gazing at the Tarot cards laid out before her, the
Tarot reader delivered the bad news: "There is no easy way to say
this so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your
husband will die a violent death this year." Visibly shaken, the
woman stared at the psychic's lined face, then at the single
flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep
breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the
Tarot reader's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, "Will I get
away with it?"


One day Count Dracula is walking down the street when suddenly 10
tons of smoked salmon sandwiches, sausage rolls, chicken wings,
chipolatas, tomato salad, pizza slices and crisps fall on him from
a great height and crush him to the ground. "Oh no!" he gasps with
his dying breath, "It's Buffet the Vampire Slayer!"


The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings. Perhaps it's
the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or
maybe it's the unbounded joy of not having to be at work. Either
way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable.
A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the garage with a steaming
cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What
began as a typical Saturday morning turned into one of those
lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time. Let me tell
you about it: I turned the dial up into the phone portion of the
band on my ham radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning swap
net. Along the way, I came across an older sounding chap, with a
tremendous signal and a golden voice. You know the kind; he
sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business. He was
telling whom-ever he was talking with something about "a thousand
marbles." I was intrigued and stopped to listen to what he had to
say. "Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you're busy with your job.
I'm sure they pay you well but it's a shame you have to be away
from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow
should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends
meet. It's too bad you missed your daughter's "dance recital" he
continued. "Let me tell you something that has helped me keep my
own priorities." And that's when he began to explain his theory of
a "thousand marbles." "You see, I sat down one day and did a
little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five
years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average,
folks live about seventy-five years. "Now then, I multiplied 75
times 52 and I came up with 3900, which is the number of Saturdays
that the average person has in their entire lifetime. Now, stick
with me, Tom, I'm getting to the important part. It took me until
I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail",
he went on, "and by that time I had lived through over twenty-
eight hundred Saturdays." "I got to thinking that if I lived to
be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to
enjoy. So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble
they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to round up
1000 marbles. I took them home and put them inside a large, clear
plastic container right here in the shack next to my gear." "Every
Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it
away. I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused
more on the really important things in life. There is nothing like
watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your
priorities straight." "Now let me tell you one last thing before I
sign-off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast. This
morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I
figure that if I make it until next Saturday then I have been
given a little extra time. And the one thing we can all use is a
little more time." "It was nice to meet you Tom, I hope you spend
more time with your family, and I hope to meet you again here on
the band. This is a 75 Year old Man, K9NZQ, clear and going QRT,
good morning!" You could have heard a pin drop on the band when
this fellow signed off. I guess he gave us all a lot to think
about, I had planned to work on the antenna that morning, and then
I was going to meet up with a few hams to work on the next club
newsletter.. Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a
kiss. "C'mon honey, I'm taking you and the kids to breakfast."
"What brought this on?" she asked with a smile. "Oh, nothing
special, it's just been a long time since we spent a Saturday
together with the kids. ! And hey, can we stop at a toy store
while we're out? I need to buy some marbles...
~#1 Mom


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