Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Monday, January 21, 2008

1/21 - More Fun

Monday, January 21, 2008

At one of the last Scout campouts, the other 2 leaders and I were talking about technology. One of the guys usually gets the latest and greatest stuff. I, on the other hand, like to use old stuff. (Case in point, everyone else was walking about in space-age snow gear, and I was walking around in gators that I bought in high school.)

Anyway, I finally upgraded the Palm Pilot that I’ve had for at least 4 years. I bought a brand spank’n new PalmOne Treo 600. Ok, it wasn’t brand new. I think they are on the 750s or 800 series by now, but this is just like buying a car or a computer. If you buy older stuff (year old car, year old computer technology, 2 or 3 year old phones) and they are WAY less expensive. Good thing, because the market is going to crap out this week. <-- predictions by Marty. So, my phone/palm is pretty cool, even though it was someone else’s, and it’s old and scratched. It works great!

Did I tell you I started school again? I’m taking Anatomy and Physiology. (Not a fun class. The teacher is poor, and the subject matter dry. But, hey, its more education right?) And, I decided to take something that interests me; Business. So, I found a class that a friend of mine, who’s in my Bishopric, is teaching. He’s really a great teacher, and I really like the class. If I hadn’t seen dollar signs, and a quick easy way to make a buck in computers, I think I’d have gone into Business or Finance as a career. But, learning is a life long process, no?

This weekend, my mom (who has been singing barbershop music for almost 40 years) told me about the Utah Youth in Harmony festival. It’s where youth get together as a choir and learn barbershop music. Then, they put on a performance that night. Sons #2 and #3 went with me. I wasn’t a member of either of the men’s groups represented there, but I asked if I could sing along just as “a dad”. They said “absolutely”. Most of the youth were High School age, some were Jr. High, and a handful were from elementary school. Son #3 was the youngest in the choir. After almost 8 hours of rehearsal time, we could all sing barbershop, and put on a pretty good performance. Both boys complained during that day that they didn’t want to stay, but by the end, they said they had a great time. So afterwards, I took them to a KFC buffet dinner that night. (Which is just wrong... all that bad food, and a lot of it...) We at the at the “World first KFC” in Salt Lake. It was great.

This week we also got son #4 measured for his new hair piece. They decided they were going to shave off some of the thin hair around his bald spot, and make one hairpiece about 1/4 the size of his head. I’ll let you know how that goes.

So, it’s been a good week.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes

Reader Comments



The human body is a machine that is full of wonder.
This collection of human body facts will leave you wondering why in
the heck we were designed the way we were.

-Scientists say the higher your I.Q. The more you dream.

-The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.

-You use 200 muscles to take one step.

-The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.

-Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.

-A pair of human feet contains 250,000 sweat glands.

-A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.

-The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.

-The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica.

-It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

-The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.

-Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.

-At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell.

-There is about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

-Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil.

-The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.

-Your teeth start growing 6 months before you are born

-When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, and they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.

-Your thumb is the same length of your nose.

At this very moment I know full well you are putting this last fact to the test...now remove your thumb from your nose and pass this on to the friends you think might be interested in comparing their thumbs to their noses as well ......

#1 Mom



[better known as a tagline...]
[I like #12]

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

2. Money will buy a fine dog but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

3. If you don't have a sense of humor , you probably don't have any sense at all.

4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

9. Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.

10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.

11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.

12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. Like this: It could be a right number.

13. No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

14. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.

15. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.

16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)

18. Money can't buy happiness - but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.

19. After 50 if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.


Politicians have a constant need to be diplomatic. Witness this candidate for the Senate who traveled to a small town community to address the single church there. Unfortunately, he had forgotten to ask which denomination so that when it was time for his speech, he inquired in this way:

My brethren, all. I must tell you that my great Grandfather was Presbyterian (absolute silence); but my Grandmother was an Episcopalian (more silence); I must tell you that my other Grandfather was a Catholic (deep silence); while my other Grandmother was Methodist (continued silence).

But I must tell you that I had an aunt who was a Baptist (loud cheers!) ...and I have always considered my aunt's path to be the right one!"

~Wanda D.


Post a Comment

<< Home