Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Monday, January 14, 2008

1/14 - Like Mild Manner Clark Kent, only not...

Monday, January 14, 2008

The other day I told you that son #1 got Guitar Hero III for
his birthday. Sons #1, #3, #4, and I have all been playing it
a lot. (Son #2 still has some homework issues he’s working
on...) But, I forgot to tell you the other day that we might
be playing it a little too much. When son #4 got on his
school for the blind bus last week, he was singing “Hit me
with your best shot” (Pat Benatar - 1979). The driver looked
at him a little weird, but didn’t say anything.

And, with son #1 it’s kinda funny. We have a rule that he
can’t go over to a girl’s house for movies, party, or
whatever, unless there are other girls and guys in
attendance. Once we gave him the rule, he’s been a real
stickler about it. And even though we’ve now given him the
green light (with rules) to date, he’s still a little
apprehensive. He has two girls picked out for his first date,
but doesn’t want to offend his 2nd choice, so he’s waiting a
month or two until everyone is 16 so he can double date. He’s
very cautious and meticulous about things. So, it’s kinda of
funny that mild-mannered son #1, would be such a wild-boy on
Guitar Hero III.

He just amazes me when he plays this song.

He hasn’t gotten as good as the guy in the video, but he’s almost got the song down. At least he hasn’t grown his hair out long and asked for tattoos!

And speaking of hair...
Since son #4’s radiology treatment back in December of 2005, he’s had two large bald spots on the back/side of his head ever since. Now he balks at getting a haircut, and doesn’t like the bald spots. (He’s got comb-over, but it looks funny if you look closely). Hair Club for kids will donate hair pieces for him until he’s 18. So, we have an appointment on Thursday. My kid gets a hairpiece before I do! (hehehe)

Enjoy Today’s Jokes

Reader Comments

Say, Mr. Osmond---

What you do is, you buy the kid a keyboard and a boom box that hooks together and get him to teach himself how to play anything he hears off the radio, then tape it and play more over that. Then when he gets good on both instruments (and the girls hear him) you can have him make some records. Not a lot. Just enough to pay for your retirement home by the lake. And another one in the Caribbean.
All the best to your family, especially your son with the meidcal problems.

Jeff G., Pittsburgh, PA


Hey Marty --
We have wassail every year at the same Christmas party – Yucky drink as far as I'm concerned!! Maybe if we were people who drank alcohol we'd like it -- but not so! We always ask for the drink w/o anything added. My husband always drinks the wassail - perhaps he's just being polite.. Loved your jokes tonight - I heard the one about the little boy who stole baby Jesus and was giving Him a ride in his new red wagon -- enjoyed reading it again. Thanks #1 Mom I really appreciate the updates on your younger son -- I've prayed for him many times and will continue to do so. Take care and have a great day –
Sincerely - Cathy M~


RE: Look-alikes
I happen to think that you're better looking than all of them. But then, you look like me. I was disappointed that you didn't include the picture of the guy in the Vonage ad. I still think that is you.

BTW my computer is back. (The painter) had just unplugged the power strip and just plugged it in again. So all you will have to do on Saturday is hook up my Wii. BTW the AARP newspaper says Wii sales are high among us old folks. So I was wrong. I have not yet reached my technological acme!!!!!!
Love, Mom

[Yeah, but I still beat you bowling last night! First time!!]


The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married -- for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.

"He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she'd first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and ask her why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go!"
~Jan D.


A photographer for a national news magazine was assigned to get photos of a big forest fire. The smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. It will be waiting for you at the airport. he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, Let's go, Let's go! The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. Fly over the north side of the fire, said the photographer, and make three or four low level passes. Why? asked the pilot. Because I'm going to take pictures. I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures! said the photographer with great exasperation and impatience. After a long pause the pilot said, You mean you're not my instructor?
~Kobus B.

An oldie but goodie;

Actual Analogies and Metaphors Found in High School Essays.

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

28. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.


  • At 11:48 AM, Blogger LACY said…

    CJ has a few bald spots too, I can't decide to grow his hair our or just shave it so it all blends in. That is cool that Hair Club for kids donates it til they are 18what a great idea. I thought #4 looked great!


Post a Comment

<< Home