Marty's Joke of the Day

Marty's Joke of the day is an internet column that I've written for more than 5 years.
I tell humorous stories about my "sweet wife" and raising our 4 young sons, named #1, #2, #3, and #4.
After 5 years of story telling, in August of 2005, doctors found a brain tumor in son #4.
Our focus here has changed little as we still try to find humor in our lives.

Friday, October 19, 2007

10/19 - Can I go too?

Friday, October 19, 2007

Ok, let’s get back to a little bit of normalcy here. Yes, there
are jokes at the end Uncle B...

The Candlelighters Childhood cancer foundation “...provides
information and awareness for children and adolescents with cancer
and their families, to advocate for their needs, and to support
research so every child survives and leads a long and healthy
life.” (They also throw cool parties and give away neat stuff!)
Yesterday I got an email that Hale Center Theater had some extra
tickets for a play, and gave a block of them to Candlelighters.
And, they had 6 of them for us.

Tonight we saw a play that I’d never heard of before called, “Once
on this Island
”. An interesting play loosely based on ‘The Little
Mermaid’; After a car crash on the ‘poor’ side of the island, a
girl heals the ‘rich’ car driver. They fall in love, but she’s a
peasant, he’s a rich aristocrat. Yadda Yadda...

My sweet wife really liked it. But, for 4 boys, and a family
outing, I’ll only give it 1½ boys out of 4. For a date night,
probably a 2. It was done in a Caribbean style, and some of the
lines were hard to understand. Twords the end, son #4 fell asleep on
my sweet wife’s lap. Son’s #1, 2, and 3 sat in front of us. Son’s
#2 and 3 (as usual) were poking and aggravating each other. I said to
son #2, “Do you want to go and sit in the van for the rest of the
play?” Son #4 perked up and said, “Can I go too?”

I think we’ll wait for a comedy next time.

Enjoy Today’s Jokes!

p.s. My Chicago Cousin is in town for the weekend. Wendy is the
CEO and founder of eMomsAtHome.com and is speaking at a conference
in Salt Lake. I haven’t seen her in years. Lots of catching up to
do this weekend!

Reader Comments;

Lots and LOTS of well wishers and comments. Too many to mention,
and way to many to respond to each one. Let me just say “Thanks!”
to everyone who wrote in with support.


A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot.
One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much
every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried,
except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting
on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them.
Generally the people would respond negatively and she would wander
off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick
exchange of money and something she carried in her bag.
The couple assumed she was selling drugs, and debated calling the
cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to
watch her. After a couple of weeks the wife said, "Honey, have you
ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and
other electronic devices?"
He hadn't, and said so.
Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big
radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's
really doing."
Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost
hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk
to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and
met his wife at the road.
Well, is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly.
"No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more than he
should have.
"Well, what is it, then? What does she do?" his wife fairly
The man grinned and said, "Her name is Sally, and she's a
battery salesperson"
"Batteries?" cried the wife.
"Yes," he replied.
She sells C cells by the seashore.


A man who just died is delivered to the mortuary wearing an
expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the
deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out
that the man does look good in the black suit he is already
wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her
husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a
blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, "I
don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue
suit for the viewing." The woman returns the next day for the
wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous
blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very
satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How
much did you spend?" To her astonishment, the mortician presents
her with the blank check. He says, "There's no charge." "No,
really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite
blue suit!" she says. "Honestly, ma'am," the mortician says, "It
cost nothing". You see, a deceased gentleman of about your
husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday,
and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if
she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead,
and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.
"So I switched the heads"


I must send my thanks to whomever sent me the one about rat poop
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel
with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same

I am still waiting to receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates is
sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels
Looking out for me.

I no longer eat KFC because the chickens they use are actually
horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like
a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to numerous emails, I have learned that my prayers only get
answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends within five

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch
the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm
pumping gas.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the
microwave anymore, because it will blow up in my face...
disfiguring me for life.

I will never check the coin return on pay phones because I could
be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with
a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since the delivery
guys are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will hack into my
phone line for which I will get a phone bill with calls to
Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African
spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it
bites my butt.

And thanks to all the great advice, I can't ever pick up the five-
dollar bill I find in the parking lot because it probably was
placed there by a predator waiting underneath a car to grab my

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 100,000 people in the
next 60 minutes, you will have 10 years of bad luck and go
straight to hell when you die.

I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next-
door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's

~My #1 mom


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